blimey second wind wot

second wind na nga ito. my stomach is grumbling hours ago but i was trying to ignore it. in trying to ignore it, nagbasa ako ng HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX pero nagiging exciting na siya (may libog na si harry! haha) kaya i read on and on and on... until i thought i got sleepy na, and now, here we are. second wind na pala, been surfing on it kanina pa. hay. oh well.

kaya eto tayo. blogging. oh, speaking of which, there's a blogging summit on may 7. lenski and i are checking it out. punta kayo. libre naman e pero you need to register online. it's at UP, and on a saturday, so that would be cool.

well, we'll be missing on attending an office research training thingie. too bad, for the saturday slot seems like the most interesting bit of that lot. anyway, why am i talking in british english? ah, must be that the potter series i'm reading is the brit version. d'you reckon?

well, halu-halo na ito. di bale.

i had some sort of calm descend upon me this morning. it's so zen, i swear. siddharta would be proud of me. it's like, i came to realize that there are limitations on all our engagements, and to think that we are superhumans would be defeatist. i thought it would be best to just live minimally to sustain longevity. while sustaining longevity, more freedom will come, freedom from time, and from want. creative juices can flow and run like a wild river, and i won't stand on its path. so there. makes one less depressed, actually. as a friend said kanina, nakikita na daw niya ang tunay na ako. well, i hope so.

well, did that make sense? i hope so. well, sometimes, you know, i have difficulty expressing my thoughts into words. i made a whole thesis film about this already, mind. (punyetang brit ito, ayaw mawala sa 'kin). sabi ko nga sa isang taong kausap ko, better to plug a microphone directly into my brain and listen to what it's saying, kasi 'pag dumaan na sa bibig, minsan iba ang dating. ewan ko ba kung bakit. kaya relate ako dun minsan sa THE PIANO na film when holly hunter's character said "the voice you hear is not my speaking voice; it's my mind's voice." when i heard that, i was like "duuuuude! that's me!" ayun. kaya siguro minsan, better for me to write than to speak. at least that way, wala masyadong interference or white noise or whatever na nadadaanan ang thoughts. iba kasi 'pag sa bibig na dumaan e. basta, ganun.

o kaya, padaanin sa mata.

photothoughts...


women's march against poverty and globalization. last wednesday. it was so exhausting. very educational, though.



the theme of the lot is "sad na sagala" which is a pasaway asntacruzan. this ale was the atsay ng mundo. tama nga naman. DH.



ofw angst.



this i really really really love. ratzinger, este, benedict xxxxxxwhatever, mahibang ka!



what's the WAZZUP WAZZUP girl doing interviewing the beautiful jean enriquez there? i swear, these networks ha... it's like having marc logan report on the LGBT pride parade. sarap sila sapakin.



need she say more? visual aid ang katawan, o, kaya mo yan?



ang lagay e, di na naman ako kasama sa piktyur?


it was indeed educational, but more tiring.

ay, ayan na ang araw, sumikat na. shall i sleep? pang-graveyard call center talaga 'ata ang time clock ko hane? hay...

puyatera pix

tutal puyatera na rin ako tonight, idiretso ko na nga... heto na pix nung a-veinte quatro...


libay and eggs
yah, it's da real deal. it exists! 'ika nga ni marnie, "sky and eggs???"



new waiter, with wings!
gusto ko hiramin nga eh.



libay saw eggs...
ay hindi, waiter with wings lang.



steak and syrup
kadaming pancake syrup choices hane? , ay oo, there was a pancake order with this.



replicant!
looks BLADE RUNNER-ish, no? strange night in a cab.



ang tonay na dahondahon
dude, leaf within a leaf! what plant is this?? (i forgot to ask da owner, stupid me)



futile moon
hay, why do i even bother? where's my minolta-vivitar tandem when you need it???

sige, gudnyt.

bet day

wala. wala akong bet. wala akong bet gawin nung a-veinte quatro. wala akong bet gawin nung a-veinte quatro kundi maglagi sa bahay at magbabad sa kompyuter. wala akong bet gawin nung a-veinte quatro kundi maglagi sa bahay at magbabad sa kompyuter habang umiinom ng tubig na maraming yelo. wala akong bet gawin nung a-veinte quatro kundi maglagi sa bahay at magbabad sa kompyuter habang umiinom ng tubig na maraming yelo makaraang kumain ng dalawang choc-nut. wala akong bet gawin nung a-veinte quatro kundi maglagi sa bahay at magbabad sa kompyuter habang umiinom ng tubig na maraming yelo makaraang kumain ng dalawang choc-nut pagtapos suminga sa tisyu...

teka tama na nga 'to. i'm beginning to sound like lourd. oh lourd won't you buy me a mercedes benz. i've benz around da world ay-ay-ay i can't find my babyyyyy...

ayan, it's official. i am insane. insane in the membrane (second voice: insane in the brain!")

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

there was a full moon that night but i wasn't able to catch it well. those are the times when i wish i had my trusty film slr cam with my vivitar zoom. well... iba pa rin ang kemikal sa elektronik...

but it's true. i didn't feel like doing anything, especially when i am kinda cash-strapped to throw a party, a drinking spree, or anything. i just wanted to throw the day away. day away. away with you, day! but the day remained... ah, day. so i waited for the night na lang. wel, quite uneventful, save for the episode where c and i got locked out of the house. she tried to pry it open but nah, leave it to me to think like ... uh, sino nga ba ... well anyway, i had a spare set of keys in the office so we took a taxi and got it and went back and opened it and paid the cabbie. wowee. aside from that, i have a new cat bed given by dré given by kia. how non-sequitur is that. kaya mo yon? hehehe.

if there's one thing i like in this world, it's a good grilled medium rare sirloin steak. yummyy! thumbs up (and all fingers na rin) to bok da cook for suggesting a strangely named place along morato. ingglisin mo ang "langit at itlog" at ayan ang restorang kinainan namin. shwangit sa taglog noh? langit at itlog, pare.

pero before that, i had quite a row with the dulcinea people across the street. the freaking waiters were so rude. palibhasa we were just wearing shirts and simple pants. the one day na di ako mukhang dugyut, i am treated as one. punyeta. i was plainly asking this waiter for the kinds of steak they had, ilang grams, ano'ng klaseng preparation, the usual foodie questions. ang puta, pa-asshole ang lahaaaat ng sagot niya, with a smirk as if to say "can you afford to order that?" punyetaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. if there's one thing i hate in this world, it's a waiter/server who's matapobre and underunderunderestimates customers. i checked and double-checked our attire, our countenance, our faces, our hair, but there's nothing there to instigate the assholic service we got. as in, wit! wa! waers! when c called the manager, some assistant manager came to us. i dished out my reklamos to assistant about the shabby treatment i got from bobowaiter, his lack of demeanor, the way he took our orders etcetcetc. you know what he does? he fucking takes out his order sheet and pencil, looks at me and says "pero nag-order na ba kayo? anong order niyo?" aaaarrrghhh!!! my mouth just fell open. fazed by the initial shock, i was rendered speechless by this act. c repeated our initial order of churros and then the waiter took the menus, made tuktuk our table with it (as in, he kinda hit our table with the menu as if to punctuate his presence or action, you know what i mean?), and walked to the kitchen. the second act of stupidity rendered me speechless again. c and i stared at each other and automatically said the same thought: "cancel order. batsi."

we told the stupid dudes na aalis na lang kami. on our way out, c said out loud "bad service!" and then this guy suddenly came running after us. it's the manager pala. una, tinanong namin siya kung bakit di siya yung lumapit. tapos he was so apologetic chuchu ekek blabla yaddayadda yakyak yakyak. parang lahat ng customer service charisma he sucked from all the zombiestaff and hogged for himself and dished it all out on us. punyeta. too late da hero. gagu. he ends it by giving me a calling card (and i threw him the most taray look ever as if to say "aanhin ko yan????") and starts to usher us back in. usher us back in??? sa tingin mo, may gana pa ko kumain jan after that???? potah. sabi ko sa kanya "mag-iingat kayo kasi di niyo kilala ang tinatrato nyo ng ganito. alam mo ba ang trabaho ko? nagre-review ako ng restaurant." bigla siyang nag-stand attention, pare. hahaha. well, it is partly true. i reviewed restos pero before pa yon. nakakatamad na eh. almost all the restos i reviewed nagsara na yata, ganun kabilis ang turnaround dito...but i digress. wala, i just said that because the fucker won't let us leave the vicinity. tawid na tawid nako sa langit at itlog potah.

kakaiba. kaya kayong mga jologs friends ko, kung mukha kayong jologs, WAG KAYO KAKAIN SA DULCINEA TOMAS MORATO. enuf sed.

hay, ang wrinkles, ang wrinkles...

i remember tuloy this episode years and years ago when i was het and used to hang out with ortigas officemates at hard rock on friday nights. we were dressed smart casually naman, may mok-ap pa lola nyo (oo ha, stockholder ako ng revlon matte lipstick ay clinique eyeshadow noon kung ayaw nyo maniwala). hech was with me then. alam mo rin naman ang lolo mong yon pag napikon... anyway, the fucking waiters were ignoring us at mapuputol na kamay namin sa kaka-wave ng waiter. that was like 20-30 minutes ha. semi-packed pa lang naman ang place kasi we were there early. then a bunch of american teenagers wearing sloppy luwag shorts and some surf shirts lang (dugyut equivalent natin) came in and occupied the table near us. punyeta hindi sila magkanda-ugaga sa pagsilbi sa mga puti. at ilan silang lumapit doon!!!! punyetera talaga yun o. aba, what does my good ol' hechfriend do? hehehe nagtatatalak siya doon about bigotry and prejudice and racism hahahahaha. sinabayan ko at pati ng kasama namin. i can't remember kung sino pa kasama namin that time. i can't remember din the way that night ended, but that was the night my tongue first tasted...

cranberry kurant. bastus ka. ano akala mo? since then, this was the poison of my choice, ever. learned the ingredients and made it myself na lang, from then on.

wow ang dami nang napuntahan nun a. hehe. o sya saka na piktyurs.

p.s. salamat sa mga bumati ha. sa text, sa tawag, sa tumabi, sa pag-aabang sa kin sa opisina para tambangan ako at umorder ng yellow cab shrimp pizza (weeehehe naka-leave ako!), sa friendster, sa email, sa blog nila. :) luv ya guys!

lesbosympo+wto+demoooooooooooooooooooo

wowee! i think i just saw a meteor pass! as in, dun sa bintana sa tapat ng kompyuter ko! wowee! sign of good things to come my way? sana nga? wowee!

anyway, came from this event by wedpro, at masaya kasi mga tibamers gather and meet. the knowing stares were ever-present, especially when a tune entered the room... ah lezzies, i lab yu gels. chismz galore kayo. haha. but i don't mind. galing ako showbiz e. sanay ako sa ganyan. pero hapi kasi parang...hapi ang reactment baga. hehe. ewan. or maybe it's just my nervous energy continuing from... this morning's teaching demo!!! oo, tapus na sha. at abangan ang susunod na kabanata ang drama ng lola nyo. felt good naman pero felt so weird din. dean tiongson was there! kaba of all kabas... tangina yung puso ko dumadagundong sa may tenga ko nah. yah, ganun ako kakabah. ewan ko kung bakit, e alam ko naman yung ginagawa ko... well anyway, i was able to singit that lav diaz movie length crack i wanted to make teehee. they bought it. good sign? let's hope so.

at hindi ako hinimatay na jologs, take note. hihi. i am evil. :P pero sobrang halakhak ko sa call for papers na ito hahahahaha. dude, isa lang masasabi ko. rejections niya? itatambak ko sa yo lahat! as in LAHAT!

hay punyemas... anyways, had a good day overall. i'm happy with my usual trinkets souvenir. yipii! new bangles na koh. sa bangkok lang kasi ko nakakakita ng mga ganitong pride stuff eh, kaya tuwa ako pag may mga ganyang purchases. bukas ko na bilhin yung kewl shirts, kulang pera kanina e. tina promised to hold on to my orders naman eh. dapat lang no, order pala yun ng nagpapatinda! aheheh aceh! lola, ingat ka dyan sa aceh. aceh-ceh! hahahaha nababaliw na ko. gudang ko ha! yehei...ay, shet , i forgot, i quit na nga pala. mierda... oh well.

ei, masarap yung salsa ni bok, ha. yummy. ano bang tawag dun sa isinasawsaw dun na parang chips thing, lola? puwede ba umorder lang ng sandamakmak na ganun with salsa? without basil sana, may isang allergic sa basil dito eh.

order kayo kay bok. she caters when she doesn't paint. affordable gourmet chuvalu. now nah!


photothoughts...

nakisawsaw sumali kami sa rally last week ng stopthenewround coalition. hay, i-google nyo na la-ang kuno ano yun. as usual shutterbug ang lola nyo dun. eto sampling...


guess what kind of rally this is. yeh.



octo-pushy. shigeh, tulaaaaak! hehe. joke. may trak yan.



go, sister, rice to da occasion!



yeh, itaas mo pa boy!



bored ka na ba at wala pang riot?



aba, ang lagay e, di ako kasali sa piktyur!

if there's a sensible advocacy to follow, i think this is it. it encompasses all, as in ALL, sectors, mapa-women labor farmers fishers etc etc etc kasi lahat tayo sa earth sakop ng hayop na wto na yan. no, it ain't just a far building in another country. this is where they decide on our daily fates without consulting us. presyo ng gasolina, gasul, tubig, kuryente, isda, dvds, you name it bebeh! while globalisation might be an occasionally okay thang (insert samples of ayam salmon spread from thailand and south african choco cereal here), trade liberalization sometimes kills -- our industries, those industries' workers, and those workers are our fellow pinoys in the provinces harvesting tabako and kamatis, or in the cities' factories making parts of electric fans we buy. ganun. sabi nga ng isang magsasaka dati, "kami ang nagtatanim ng pagkain niyo, pero kami ang nagugutom." ano ang isasagot mo doon? for that, i wrote a short short story right there and then nang narinig ko sha... sad. ka rene, mabuhay ka.

kaya di na talaga biro when they say "buy pinoy products." kasi this is not about patriotism lang. in fact, i won't even buy stuff for patriotism's sake lang no pwede ba, parang pitch lang yan ng mga punyetang arroyo at sinu-sino pang corrupt sa gubyerno. this is about helping those workers and their wives and their children and their children's children. kaya mag-isip-isip na tayo, hane? dahil sa totoo lang...

yeh!ayun...

omg omg omg omg

teaching demooooooooooooooooooooooo!



yaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggg!!!!

wil update u wen its ovr. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

wish me luck!!!

dream a little tiny itty bitty miniscule dream...of it

maikli lang 'to.

lest i forget lang, i had a clear and vivid dream earlier. woke up at 5.30a only to fall back to sleep and get awakend by my 6.30 alarm. within that time, this vivid dream...

i was in a house, two-storey type, one of those square block thing houses we see in bucolic parts of europe in art films like LUCIA EN EL SEXO (SEX AND LUCIA) but it's not well-maintained. or rather, it still has to be maintained kasi semento pa lang siya. there's this guy, ruggedly handsome artfilm-european type din, living there yata. he's like the older brother of someone i know pero i'm not sure who that someone is. i alerted that someone to wake me up in the morning because i have appointments. pero i wasn't able to wake up yata. when i got up, it was 12.30 ng tanghali na. i bolted up and thought about lots of things (my sked for the day, like i missed teaching an english class, about to miss taking my spanish class, and i still have one class to attend that day). ganun ang mindframe. i don't really know if i am both a teacher and a student, pero parang ganun ang dating. the ruggedly handsome dude was laughing at me as i rushed about. gusto ko siya batukan. but anyway, as i rushed outside of the house, the old ambience of my lola's proj.4 house appeared in front of me. my ninang ofel, who is now in canada, was there, living with me pala. (hmm , sila kaya ni ruggedly handsome? mukhang.) anyway, she was telling me somethng about traveling naman from gateway daw to antipolo or something. apparently, the university i have to go to is located somewhere in the middle of those two places, kahit parang ang layo dapat nila sa isa't isa, pero the impression that it's closer to antipolo reigned. anyway, basta ganun, rush rush lola nyo, tapos eto, biglang may mga flashback flashback ako within the dream, yes!, na something about me being in a bed and breakfast with i don't know who, some pretty girl, i think, pero parang kilala yata siya e. ewan ko kung bakit nag-flashback ito sa scene, kasi yata yun ang kinukuwento ng ninang ko habang nagsasampay siya at nagpapainit ako ng tubig sa kettle na pampaligo. hay. and then parang may rooftop scene din, pero di malinaw kung near sunset na pero ganun ang feeling. hay. ayun.

so that's it. and then i woke up na. for real. strange no? like a scene from a movie in my mind. marahil... ewan.

hibernate muna ko guys. see you after the palanca deadline is over. let's hope. :)

nopix noblues nowhere notime

no pictures to upload this time, just words. and quick ones at that. i'm about to rest my weary eyes and launch on a walking spree in peyups in a while, but i decided to jot down some notes first.

i think i'm tired that a day only has 24 hours. yes, i know, i've complained about this before. so many things to do, so little time. work gets in the way of things but things will not be on their way if there is no work. aye, there's the rub, 'ika nga ni hamlet. i'm halfway pa lang sa script na ipapasok ko sana sa palanca, pero kung di inabutan, the short story will do. at least one entry this year is the goal. why? wala lang. i have a feeling i should start writing new things and join contests again this year. maybe i'll get somewhere a bit, i dunno. strange feeling in the gut lang. kaya lang, yun na nga, kelangang magtrabaho kasi para may pera. sana may distant rich relative na lang ako na magpamana ng pera or something, para i can just sit it out, write and produce stuff. or maybe get a supplementary sugar momma? hehe, feeling joe gillis sa SUNSET BOULEVARD ang dating nun... yargs. no way men. "no one ever leaves a star..... i'm ready for my close-up, mr. demille....."

i am at that stage when the writing bug bit hard, FUCKING HARD, pero if i don't tone down my info overload thingofawork, then this bite will not turn up anything substantial, i know that already frm experience... so what to do, what to do... hay.
well, one thing's for sure, i decided this morning not to be mentally tied down by monetary stuff. yeah i know, easier said than done. pero mind over matter works sometimes. and producing those things that make you happy so you won't kill people (accdg to LEGALLY BLONDE) is a good idea to start with. not much sa gym, just walking will do. did wonders for me earlier this week, so i'll repeat it.

how about you guys? how do you treat/cure/avoid information overload? especially when it's related to work? ayudame please, help help help... here or at dahondahon at gmail dot com. i tried time management na. so far, it ain't working! hayy....

vanity unfair

a sincere goddess's beacon of light descended upon me a thought that has been long overdue:

--- !!!!!!!analysis paralysis!!!!!!! ---

such is the disease i am afflicted with now. for the past year. past two years. or more. i cannot recall. boredom information overload memory loss is a sure symptom of it. ay-ay-ay....

gosh...

drew, i think i was trying to be a model in the picture below hwehwehwehwehwe. this was in baguio, my film production company's boss' baguio vacation house, circa 1996. we just bought that top thingie i was wearing for 25 pesos (or rather, my friend made pilit na bilhin ko at isuot para mag-pictorial kami hahaha). kaya ayan. a camera and imagination with beer produces such records of posterity. punyeta, 27 pa ang waistline ko niyan!!!

eto pa isa:
this was then...

ehehe byaning na ko nito eh. look closely at the earrings, kung di kayo madokleng. :) upwritersworkshopwork.

this is now

wondering whether drinking a second cup of coffee is better than reading words full of surface tension sans grounding...

anyway, not to be totally incapacitated, read my analysis of THE L WORD put in an asian/pinoy context na lang. thanks to the L word meet-up group manila for your insights, gals. will show up in the next meet-up na, promise. :)

hmm, i like what my reading today implies:
"The last few weeks have been a time to rethink old ideas, reconsider plans and to travel mental territory already covered. Now, however, we are ready to apply what we've been thinking. Details will begin to take care of themselves and we'll be free to focus on the future."

methinks the stars are correct! winner! hay. as a friend used to say to me, everything will fall into place. i think they already are. i'm glad the universe has an ear pressed on the wall of my world to listen in, and actually did some shaking up to rock my world when it heard my pleas... thanks cosmos. may the force be with me talaga...

phvwuuung!!!

blastpastpresentfuture

i had half a mind to follow the girls in marinduque last night. however, i also changed my mind after not feeling so well after eating dinner. hay... also, the thought of going it alone on a 3-hour roro trip ain't fun to think about. i feel safer travelling alone on the road or a plane than on a boat. i dunno why. i'd rather fly, i guess. :) yeah, even on the road, i tend to fly hehe. good thing i don't like driving anymore! (and good thing i don't have a car anymore din.)

anyway, back to my writing na lang ako this weekend, which is the real intention of staying. a great seed germinated here and i didn't want to let it go. this is such a novel project i'm super mega hyper excited about it. kaya i need time to write it!!! write write write! anyway, will pick it up again tonight after running some errands today. bumawi rin lang ako ng tulog kaya i was out the whole morning talaga, 'til noon. wowee. ang init lang kaya nagising ako. kagabi naman, nanood kami ng SIDEWAYS hahaha kakatawa. writer-novelist ang bida kaya haha relate ako. maganda sha. simple lang pero maganda. haha. slice of life-ish baga. hmm...

heniwey...

photothoughts...

may naninilip sa bintana koh! kita nyo kung sino? hihi.







and can you guess who this is? hehehehe. back in the days when heterosexuality is compulsory and lesbian existence is not within my peripheral vision (and adrienne rich would frown...)...



hahahaahah. blast from da past, pare.

book marks the spots

it's 3a and they must be in a roro by now, right off dalahican in lucena. some of the isis gang are on their way to len's at marinduque for the KKB RnR trip. opted not to go, for reasons i cannot say online. :P so bear with me. will miss the tourist spotting in southern tagalog, though. well, some other time.

anyways, spent the early wee hours shifting the contents of my diaryland.com palh online workshop entries into one of my earlier test blogs. glad it was successful. it's that link to your left that says 'my kalkalan kuwento." check it out if you wanna see current fiction by me. well, not all. all are works in progress but most are sudden fiction types kaya they appear finished already na rin.

and then i also listed that 43 things wish list of sorts for life. pinatulan ko yun hehe , nabasa ko sa blog ng former MA classmate ko. it's a very interesting idea. i thought it was easy to fill up 43 things because i just want to do so many things in my life while i'm alive and conscious. but somehow, you can't fill it up that easily pala. kayo try it. i think out of the 43 things, i only listed 28, and 2 i already accomplished yehei! yes, it also allows you to map out your progress or something. ah, how i wish i can fulfill my entry number 6 hihihihihihi... :) hehe tignan niyo na lang kung ano iyon :P

photothoughts...


bagong fast food sa vicinity ng opis... yehei chicken! kaya lang, nasawa agad ako. hmmm... kelan ba may magtatayo ng zagu or something sa matalino st? or go nuts donuts!!!!!



dahondahong pula! ganda sha noh?



another nice yellow flower thingie. ganda ng bagsak ng sunlight sa kanya, ano? kewl.



flower power, pare! cool arrangement. simple lang. parang gusto ko maghilamos sa kanya actually...



you know, there's just something phallic about these fruits, i swear... can you see something? hihi bastus!

peace in a pod

poonyemaaaaaaaaaas nauubos oras ko gabi-gabi sa kakabalik-balik sa site na ito (okay, exaj, every other night lang). ewan ko kung bakit. di naman nagbabago ang laman ng site, ano? 'nyemassssssssssss. gadget freak/gadget dyke is on a rampage and she wants a silver mini one!!! ngyarrrrrrrr!

bakit bah???

"i can't quite fathom the depths of my insatiable need to fill this questionable void with bloody electronic trinkets and whatnots, blimey..."

ay, sinapian ako ni veronica peydrowsah of cnn hehehee...

'nyetah. must be my birthday. it's coming up na eh. eh nabili ko na ng gift sarili ko eh. hm anubatoh. well, tignan natin sa a-kinse kung ano na ang kalagayan ng kabuhayan... pero kung may pupunta sa inyo sa isteyts, papabili na lang ako dun kasi mas cheaper eh nang di hamak. tutal i will pay in dollars naman e (para di masakit pag i-convert). hm sino punta isteyts jan???

photothoughts...

today was a good day to take pictures of plant things, since we were in a place where the plant things were nice.



this is my favorite of all the leafy shots i had today. some kinda lotusy thingie but not really. i love this kind of green in leaves.



don'tcha just love frut-bearing plants? i want my own calamansi plant at home!



and of course, purty purty flawas!

i love having a digicam! :) :) :) :) :) i love this technology!

*

haaay...marinduque beckons. actually, opismeyts beckon... hm... ipodmini o marinduque? mini o marin? mini o marin...? kundangan naman kasi e, ang aga ng kkb rnr na toh. hm... esep esep. kung kaya ng aking frame of mind siguro... bahala na. dami ring di sasama e, saka dami na rin nag-backout. mali lang talaga timing eh... shyet.

bahala na.

hacking thoughts or as they spell it in komiks, 'guwaaark'

hmmm, i think i'm growing an adam's apple.

<insert macaulay homealone photo here, or edvard munch's scream painting>

aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's my throat. kinda smarting i dunno why. been hacking hacking hacking this whole week! hacking cough galore. my phlegm is already stained with some blood. i think nagasgas na ang linings... hay. kainis.

don't panic, folks. this usually happens to me. ako pa, eh beteranang hikain lola nyo. di na nga lang sanay kasi naman 10 years nang wala ang ganitong coughing fits and then now it's here again. i think it's the heat. i'm refusing to think that it's also the stress (tama na ang isang contact dermatitis finger ang i-blame sa stress) pero i have a funny feeling it is also stress-induced, but of course the worst is the weather. the heat. pag drastic weather changes, this happens to me. madalas, on the brink of an attack lang, like now. pero full-blown hacking na nga ito lately. thank goodness wala lang yung shortness of breath na para kang nalulunod at anytime feeling mo mawawalan ka na ng hininga. i don't wnt to go back to those kinds of days. i've had my fill of that in this lifetime. sa next lifetime na lang ulit. sana.

well, thanks (or no thanks, take your pick) to this coughing fits, i spent most of my days this week here at home. which is nice. which is not if you have tons of work. which is nice if you don't like hanging out at the office for a reason or other. which is not if you don't have fast net access at home. which is nice if i want more sleeping time. basta! masama din yung tama ng aircon sa kin sa opis kaya nakalala minsan. hay. eto, tumutungga na naman ng cough syrup lola nyo (certified adik hehe). ran out of peipakua e. san ba may malapit na bilihan nun dito sa kamuning area? i think i wanna treat this the 'natural' way...

ei thanks pala sa mga nagco-comment dito ha. salamat sa mga banyagang pananalitang paalala ng isang tumbuy dyan ng cybersfeyz, sa mga gritings ng isang pw, at sa aha pedopilyang komento ng isang kaibigan hahahaha. pedopilya! haha :) literal na cradle snatcher ka 'day ha. pagbalik mo rine, pakilala kita kay misha hihihi. :) pero hmm, bakit kaya mas konti ang nagkokomento dito kesa sa luma kong blog? mas madali ba dun o mas mahirap dito or what? digame.


photo thoughts...


hm, nasan ba ko nung women's day? ah ayun, nakisawsaw kami sa rally ng gabriela sa rotonda. nasunog mukha ko konti eeeyoweee.



my opismeyts...halata bang madalas lang ako mag-patronize ng mcdo kapag trip ko yung toys hihihi



whatamithinkingwhatamisayingwhatamidoing


news flush...

i swear inq7.net changed their headline! when i clicked kanina, it said 'pope dying' or something to that effect. now it says 'world's faithful praying' chuva or whatever. binigyan ng sympathetic slant! haha. oh well...

am i moved about this piece? erehe ako kung sasabihin kong hindi, pero hindi e. here's the most prominent icon of homophobia i know, and he's dying. naaawa ako kasi he's dying, and i'm sure my grade six immaculate concepcion parish school alumna persona would be touched and all... but not this current persona here who would rather believe in an eclectic type of supreme being worship than getting my soul tied down by judgmentally hurtful dogmas. i'd rather practice my own religion than be a catholic even if it says so on my baptismal certificate.

hindi ko kasi maintindihan kung bakit these catholic leaders are disobeying the very rules that they should be following, especially jesus's golden rules. eh dalawa lang naman iyon. kung nahihirapan silang sundin ang ten commandments, e di yung dalawa na lang. e kaya lang sila pa ang unang naghe-hate sa kapwa neighbor... don't even start with that 'love the sinner hate the sin' crap because i never did understand that shit. how will one do that? it's like saying 'don't watch porn, cover your eyes' pero your ears naman are wide open and you can hear every moan and gasp and ejaculation of ecstacy. ewan.

diba?

well, i guess ganyan talaga ang mundo...contrasts, dichotomies, opposites. laging may slash slash. good/evil. heaven/hell. virgin/vamp. madonna/whore. it's like what those language theorists said before, na the definition of one thing is described by what it is not rather than what it is. eh? tama ba inggles ko? basta, something to that effect. kaya kung ang dalawang babae ay magsama sa isang bahay, hindi yun pamilya kasi walang titi sa pagitan na magtatanim ng binhi at maglalabas ng anak. e kahit mag-anak isa sa kanila at may aso at pusa sila at kotse at trabaho, hindi pa rin sila pamilya. kasi walang titi nga. kahit ikaw ay isang solong ina na nagpapalaki ng anak, kahit lalaki pa ang anak mo, hindi pa rin daw yun pamilya, kahit kaaama mo ang nanay mo at yaya ni baby mo at goldfish at mayna bird niyo at bmw mo, hindi pa rin kayo pamilya kasi walang head of the family titi. di ba? pathetic. it all boils down to titi. hm, e reverse naman sa mga bading. hahanapan naman sila ng puki. kahit may butas silang pinapasukan ng titi, hindi pa rin sila puwedeng tawaging pamilya daw, kasi walang puki sa pagitan. hay ang hirap. bakit kaya nakatali sa sex organs (or in tagalog, ari) ang depinisyon ng pamilya?

mismo!

well, the true power of the force is within us anyway, not outside of our body temple. kaya let's meditate to our heart's delight na lang and keep the faith that humanity will bring us better leaders tomorrow.

crossforks

hm. was resting my feet a while ago (was thinking of showering) and caught someone i knew on boy abunda's cable talk show. so it turns out that brian's shoe business took off well. i remember receiving this email from him years back saying he just went into designing shoes with some yulo girl. glad for him. he would have been the uber-cool dude for me if not for the 200 bucks (yes, i mean in US$) he still owes me for a previous video gig i helped him with for his colors stint years back. i already confronted him about this before and he promised to pay up. it's actually 300 but he wasn't able to finish the commitment. sad.

i'm not recalling this for the money. but i have to admit, it's just a shocker to me to discover that his shoes sell for like 5k php a pop or something. well, you do the math. anyway, not about the numbers anyway. it's just the commitment to see things through. i just felt bad that when it comes to agreements, he doesn't live up his end of it. it's a pity; i used to like him pa naman. oh well... brought out the chalk.

i guess that's the problem with people who are comfortable with being comfortable already. from the beginning, or even somewhere in the middle of their lives, they never really experience this kind of shortness of funds or resources because they simply have reserves. or better yet, their families have reserves. like there's no need to move out of the house or live life paying rent or something like that. some people are just born lucky that way. sometimes they don't get to think about the amount of time and effort some of us here in the universe has to spend to earn simply because it's not their reality. well, i guess you can't blame them. any amount of school exposure trips won't really substitute for understanding, i guess. that's why maybe for some people, it's hard to just say to others how hard-up these others are without batting an eyelash. and even to say that if they find a lover, they hope they find one who will not be intimidated by the amount of money they make simply because they make lots of it. kakaibang requirement of finding a lover, di ba? well, people have requested stranger things for love or lust...

did you ever wonder what the love stories of these guys are, much less how much kaya they earn a day doing what they do?

 

minsan, mahirap lang matanggap na may mga taong mahirap makaintindi ng kalagayan ng iba. either supermanhid na sila or ang galing ng coping mechanism nila. kaya minsan, refreshing din makakilala ng taong medyo nakakarangya pero at the same time nakakaintindi kahit papaano. like when this dancer i know said na ano ba ang relevance ng phd in comparative lit sa presyo ng patatas? far out di ba, pero may point siya doon somewhere. these days, i find myself asking parallel questions, like...ano ba ang relevance ng adbokasya sa presyo ng papaya? not that i eat the darned fruit. maybe papaya soap, sige, i use that. aaah leche. kahit iyon, mahal na. tumaas kasi presyo ng de-lata.

 

i think i like his job.

 

hm, why am i saying these things? maybe because i myself am frustrated over my own financial status. ewan ko ba. with promises and disclaimers and other things, sometimes i don't know if i should continue to rally behind words or to just step back and deeply feel what my heart and guts say. right now, the guts are winning. the heart, well, i guess it won a long time ago but it was just too stubborn to admit it (or maybe that's the brain being arrogant). but the pockets are really on strike about these things. hay. ewan.

sometimes, we find ourselves at crossroads, forks in the road and all that crap. i'm just luckier that i am in more than a fork. i dunno - 6 point-stellar path? whatever. lucky to have choices. the next thing to deal with is, where to go and to what extent should the back-breaking stunts be executed?

ah, don't mind me. my life is in black and white lately, and if it ain't clear, then it's definitely dark. don't you just wish that sometimes, color made the world go round, instead of money? or love? just a thought...

 

perseverance and creativity. we all got it. it just depends on how these things are interpreted and handed out to us by fate, by circumstance, and by chance, and how the universe conspires to take it away from us or to give us doses while we sleep.

well, some vodka-lined cranberry thoughts before i hit the sack.

'nyt.