01 April 2005


hm. was resting my feet a while ago (was thinking of showering) and caught someone i knew on boy abunda's cable talk show. so it turns out that brian's shoe business took off well. i remember receiving this email from him years back saying he just went into designing shoes with some yulo girl. glad for him. he would have been the uber-cool dude for me if not for the 200 bucks (yes, i mean in US$) he still owes me for a previous video gig i helped him with for his colors stint years back. i already confronted him about this before and he promised to pay up. it's actually 300 but he wasn't able to finish the commitment. sad.

i'm not recalling this for the money. but i have to admit, it's just a shocker to me to discover that his shoes sell for like 5k php a pop or something. well, you do the math. anyway, not about the numbers anyway. it's just the commitment to see things through. i just felt bad that when it comes to agreements, he doesn't live up his end of it. it's a pity; i used to like him pa naman. oh well... brought out the chalk.

i guess that's the problem with people who are comfortable with being comfortable already. from the beginning, or even somewhere in the middle of their lives, they never really experience this kind of shortness of funds or resources because they simply have reserves. or better yet, their families have reserves. like there's no need to move out of the house or live life paying rent or something like that. some people are just born lucky that way. sometimes they don't get to think about the amount of time and effort some of us here in the universe has to spend to earn simply because it's not their reality. well, i guess you can't blame them. any amount of school exposure trips won't really substitute for understanding, i guess. that's why maybe for some people, it's hard to just say to others how hard-up these others are without batting an eyelash. and even to say that if they find a lover, they hope they find one who will not be intimidated by the amount of money they make simply because they make lots of it. kakaibang requirement of finding a lover, di ba? well, people have requested stranger things for love or lust...

did you ever wonder what the love stories of these guys are, much less how much kaya they earn a day doing what they do?


minsan, mahirap lang matanggap na may mga taong mahirap makaintindi ng kalagayan ng iba. either supermanhid na sila or ang galing ng coping mechanism nila. kaya minsan, refreshing din makakilala ng taong medyo nakakarangya pero at the same time nakakaintindi kahit papaano. like when this dancer i know said na ano ba ang relevance ng phd in comparative lit sa presyo ng patatas? far out di ba, pero may point siya doon somewhere. these days, i find myself asking parallel questions, like...ano ba ang relevance ng adbokasya sa presyo ng papaya? not that i eat the darned fruit. maybe papaya soap, sige, i use that. aaah leche. kahit iyon, mahal na. tumaas kasi presyo ng de-lata.


i think i like his job.


hm, why am i saying these things? maybe because i myself am frustrated over my own financial status. ewan ko ba. with promises and disclaimers and other things, sometimes i don't know if i should continue to rally behind words or to just step back and deeply feel what my heart and guts say. right now, the guts are winning. the heart, well, i guess it won a long time ago but it was just too stubborn to admit it (or maybe that's the brain being arrogant). but the pockets are really on strike about these things. hay. ewan.

sometimes, we find ourselves at crossroads, forks in the road and all that crap. i'm just luckier that i am in more than a fork. i dunno - 6 point-stellar path? whatever. lucky to have choices. the next thing to deal with is, where to go and to what extent should the back-breaking stunts be executed?

ah, don't mind me. my life is in black and white lately, and if it ain't clear, then it's definitely dark. don't you just wish that sometimes, color made the world go round, instead of money? or love? just a thought...


perseverance and creativity. we all got it. it just depends on how these things are interpreted and handed out to us by fate, by circumstance, and by chance, and how the universe conspires to take it away from us or to give us doses while we sleep.

well, some vodka-lined cranberry thoughts before i hit the sack.


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