10 August 2017

booyah for brekkie

Cheers for cheerios!

Good for the heart! 

I'm not such a breakfast person, more like brunch, but there are times when you gotta eat in the morn to jumpstart your work mode. So here we are.

Though I also love all-day breakfast places, probably because I like eating breakfast, well, anytime nga! The concept is a good one, a novel one. Pero hindi pala siya novelty na bigla na lang nawawala. May sisipot at sisipot diyan sa tabi-tabi na ganyang place, and that's somehow comforting.

I still remember the very first all-day breakfast concept place na nakainan ko sa buhay ko. Sa Ortigas 'yun, mid-to-late '90s, a place like that opened sa El Pueblo Real, walking distance near my film office. Comforting siya, ewan ko kung bakit, or probably nadala din ako sa design ng blue and yellow, the usual decor for day-and-night type of places. Then a similarly sunny-decor place also opened dun sa Brick Road area sa likod ng Sta. Lucia Mall sa Marcos Hi-way. I tried it once lang, because if you're a commuter, hella place to commute to, during the '90s and early 2000s that area. Kaya luz.

But it's good that, thanks to these ride apps like GrabCar and Uber, I can now go to places where usually mahirap mag-commute papunta, lalo na kung di mo feel sumakay ng jeep kahit malapit lang dahil haggard ang mga biyahe sa rutang 'yun. Like this one we saw along Mayor Gil Fernando Ave, or formerly A. Tuazon Ave., dito sa Marikina.

That's my sweetie entering the place excitedly.
She had danggit in her silog minus the egg
while I sampled their eggs benedict on a pandesal.
OMG sarap siya bes! [June 2017]

Matteo's is a good place to eat, chika a bit, then run. The decor ain't much, and it doesn't make you wanna linger for longer. Other brekkie-style places are like that kasi, but this one, no. But it serves its purpose well, and more importantly, the food is great!

Lucky to have a partner who loves discovering eateries with me, and who loves all-day brekkie places, too. Not much of a morning person kami pareho, but all-day brekkie places are patok sa amin. So yeah, good match, eh? :)

And all is well in the universe.

Sige lafang na muna kesh. Kape later. And dive to work. 

Good morning, folks. Be well.

09 August 2017

missing windows

I missed my window for coffee today.

Over ice, near sunset.

So that's this chocolate drink I tried once, but they came out with a product that's part coffee, part chocolate milk, and part guarana. And I'm guessing it may not be as strong as the coffee I wanted to drink, but it's okay enough to consume as I work the night.

Sometimes it takes a while for me to work up the energy to work. I don't think this is about age (maybe partly) but it's like being prepared for the headspace for working on something. Especially if you're dealing with heavy development work here where your brain is the real weapon of (critical) mass emancipation, then you'll need to prep the body that houses it, and the surroundings that envelop it. So after running some errands outside, the body was kinda pooped on the inside. Rest, a bit of house cleaning, another shower, a late meal, and  then we're going back to the grind. But sometimes, the mind is still not up to it. I dunno. Sometimes, it's just like that.

There's always the option to work on other lighter things, with "lighter" being a relative term here. So maybe I'll just do that. And see where the night takes me, work-wise. Staring out at the window for a while helps, always. So I'll just do that for a while.

And blog a bit. So here we are.

It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Palubog na si juliet beks.
Magtrabaho ka na!

Have a good evening to all. Time for me to hit the salt mines. Night shift si bakla today, so gorabels.

21 July 2017

A sunny afternoon back to my almost-over childhood

Currently riding a GrabCar Innova, and putting down my book, I notice how sunny the sun is, the kind of sunny that's familiar to me since childhood. I know it's scorching, but sunny afternoons like this one become bearable due to the trees in our yard. And under the shadows of the leaves, I find myself cooling off with a book borrowed from the university library. Somewhere else inside the house, the radio is playing a song by Julio Iglesias, a parental favorite, and it seem it's this driver's favorite as well.

And that was when I snapped this photo, to freeze a moment that reminded me of that moment when I was younger, perhaps a freshman at the university or a sophomore, before I turned 18, when my best friend was the library card, and the shade and books took me to imagined worlds I would one day reach in reality or duplicate in my own efforts of being creative.

Funny how a moment could take you back in time, at a time when the world seemed simpler, from the outside looking sunny, even if dark clouds hung over your insides. It makes me glad that I survived, I lived, and now have the capacity to enjoy sunshine the way it should be enjoyed -- with a smile.

It has been one heck of a ride, so far, universe. Thank you.
posted from Bloggeroid

11 July 2017


I've been meaning to archive my Philippine Online Chronicles articles (under the Pinoy LGBT channel) in one of my blogs, and also adding up to what was naudlot in that space, for I think writing about LGBT issues is still needed from a certain perspective. With so many issues still coming up around me and within my spheres, perhaps it's time to pick up the rainbow pen again and allot a few days of the month for new material.

I'm thinking of this title for the new blog sana: QUEERLIGHTENMENT. Queer enlightenment, whether from the most babaw banal issues to the most deeply rooted, personal and philosophical. I'm thinking of remaking my Medium blog space for this, or maybe link it up with my Culture Popper as another sub-page/section, we'll see.  

There's just too much online noise lately, especially here in this country since last year, and frankly, sometimes I'm getting tired of it. If it were not for this monthly POC gig, I would have retired the rainbow pen muna, kasi nakakapagod. Sakto lang yata yung pasok ng 2016 sa paghinto nito, June kami nagsimula 2010 so a good 6 years in 2016 was a good turning point to stop. We weren't appraised of why this revolutionary section was ground to a halt, all of a sudden, but hey, nasanay na yata ako sa occasional marginalization kaya di ko masyadong dinibdib ito, kahit dinibdib ito ng editor ko. Siyempre, advocacy namin ito eh, sabi nga niya hindi kami yayaman sa pagsusulat dito given the payment (as a writer, yeah nasanay na rin yata ako sa publishing woes dito sa Pinas like this) pero adbokasya kasi namin ito. Pero may panahon talaga na ang ibang rainbow flag ay kailangan nang tiklupin, tapos iawawagaywag na lang ulit sa ibang pagkakataon at espasyo.

Kaya ito ang naisip kong espasyo: sa sarili ko nang bakuran, as usual. Tutal may following naman kahit papaano, puwede na ulit lumarga. Saka iba naman ang audience na kausap ko sa mga artikulo ko, at alam kong matagal na nila (NINYO!) akong hinahanap. Eto na, sige, magpaparamdam na lola niyo. K! K!

Sige, abangan na lang saan ito uusbong muli. In the meantime, frap time!


And with that, I also decided to fix the layout and header image of this blog. To reflect this newer enlightenment I've been having since this year.

You like this ^ image? I love this image. I took it las April 2017, when I was loitering around Wat Arun, I think, or is it Wat Pho? One of those Buddhist temples I visited with my sweetheart, when we went there in Bangkok last April -- a post-birthday celebration for me, her first out of the country trip (since naroon na for a work trip, sumunod ako), and our post-third year anniv trip na rin. So there. I loved that trip, and I'll write about these musings soon. Pramis.

Like the reboot? Looks good, so far. 

Sige later.

06 July 2017

their morning rush

I call it the Ten to Ten crowd. Every morning, as I sit inside my neighborhood Starbucks, a crowd of eager senior citizens patiently wait for the adjacent mall to open. The mall opens at 10 in the morning, but as early as 9.30, a small crowd is already gathered outside, excited to do their daily rituals here, maybe twice-thrice a week or maybe weekly, but whatever the frequency, they're here. They're always here. And it never fails. Their presence never fails.

I wonder what parallel faith awaits me and my partner when we reach that twilight of our lives. Will we be mall rats, too, looking for quotidian ways to spend our breaths? Will we be cooped up in our home, shying away from such crowds? Will we nitpick on each other, lovingly or annoyingly? We don't know what kind of development awaits us. But if we'll base it on how we interact now, then it's going to be a fun time. As always.

Before we parted ways earlier to head on to our respective job duties, she was talking about feeling old already. Adulting never prepares one for such stages when you have to make huge decisions for your own self or your loved ones. No one said adulting is easy. No one also said the difficulty won't pass. In the end, it wil aways be your kind, your kind of adulting, that will enhance your growth as a human being, or will make you devolve back to the dark ages.

In my own adulting journey, I've learned one important lesson for myself: that there's no such thing as unconditional. All things have their limits, their breaking points, their tipping points. Things we consume have expiration dates. So do feelings we afford some humans. You can only have such finite amounts of patience for a situation. You can only shower a being with enough love for a relationship to grow. Some smother, and they think smothering is the same as loving. Love can get suffocating at times, too, when applied carelessly, or selfishly. Plants wither if they don't get watered the proper way. They die, too, if watered too much.

I think life teaches you to balance, to know how much is too much, and when enough is enough. I've also learned that during my adulting years, sometimes the hard way. It's a lesson I'll cherish bringing with me during my twilight years. I will share my stories of recklessness to whoever cares to listen then. I'll share my life lessons with whoever has the patience to be with me and listen to them. And I'll welcome their thoughts about my thoughts, for that is also an important adulting lesson I've learned in my life so far: having a fair exchange. Walang overspending, walang nalulugi. Win-win situation, as suggested for those who want a habit of being effective. Fair exchange: It's the humane way of being.

But if you really insist on betting one way, you can also bet on losing something the other way. That's how fair exchange works. You win some, you lose some. You can't have your cake and eat it, too. You can't put all your eggs in one basket. Insert the next lines of cliché here. You get the drift.

Like these lolos and lolas who have already undergone so much in their lives, as evident in their eyes, in the lines on their faces, I'm positive they've already had their fair share of exchanges. Like a dead star's last glimmers reaching the earth too late, some of the sparks in their eyes might have been hints of pain in their past, losses already grieved over, but they just blink it away now. Because they've already done their part, their duty. The rest is up to the rest of them folks they deal with.

You cannot pour from an empty cup, as that Buddhist thought goes. That's also one thing I learned growing up: you can stir in stuff in your cup, but you have to be ready for what your concoction will taste like. And before you help others, you have to help your own self first. For what will you pour if you've already dried up?

And lastly, one thing people taught me about people in this life holds water to this day: You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. I think this is the most difficult lesson I had to swallow in this life. Of course you want to always help those in need, especially the ones you love. But sometimes, the best way to help them is to *not* help them, for some people need to learn their lessons the way they need to be learned: in their own way, in their own time, in their own pace. No, you can't hurry anything in this life; not love, not epiphanies, and certainly not growth. Unless we humans learn how to make GMO feelings, then let's amplify all that needs jazzing up. But until then, we have to accept the fact that learning takes time. Like aging properly. And adulting.

Take a hint from these Ten to Ten seniors, the ones "rushing" to get inside the closed mall. For in their appearance of rushing, they're actually patiently waiting, waiting for what they know will come (i.e. for the mall to open at 10am) but they don't stress about something they know they have no control over (i.e. the mall still remaining closed before 10am). Another adulting lesson I picked up in life: You can't stress over all things beyond your control. You learn to pick your battles, conserve your energy, pour it where it's more needed, in the process refilling your cup repeatedly, until it's time to pour.

Have a happy coffee morning, folks. Easy on the sugar. ☕❤

posted from Bloggeroid

20 June 2017

Global village isolation

Sitting near a table where an elderly couple just concluded their meal, maybe minutes or half an hour ago, I can't tell. They had ramen, that I can tell. What I can also tell is the state of their relationship at the moment. Looks like they're in an emotional plateau, as they've been sitting there for a good 20 minutes already, not talking with each other, instead staring at their respective smartphones, scrolling away, adjusting their eyeglasses from time to time, eyebrows arched for better vision or maybe a stupid Facebook post reaction, not sure.

Why do I side stare? Because I can't help but compare us to them. We always have our smartphones with us, too. But we don't go for five, ten, twenty minutes of staring without interacting with the other, to share a thought about a stupid Facebook post, an interesting email, or just about anything under the sun. Three years and counting, and we never run out of thoughts to share with the other. More importantly, we don't run out of interest to connect with the other.

So no, relationship plateaus don't happen here. Not in our household. For in the trips we make together in life, we know how to stop, pause, and camp out when there are inclines. And then we continue, traveling, moving forward.

Forward, always.

And PS yea I ❤ salmon sashimi hihi. Missed me?

13 February 2017

timing (is) of the essence(s)

Just a quick one before I turn in. Yes, it's already 2.04am in my universe, and I just ate a fourth of a wedge of camembert cheese, washed down with water, followed by my cough meds and my trusty pei pa koa syrup. I think I'm ready to face the world again, universe. At least the three-day lecture facing me come Tuesday in faraway south again. Like south of Manila, that is. Things are slowly falling into place, and I'm finding myself in the thick of things again, but this time, being careful not to be too engulfed or swamped. Trying being the operative word here. 

Typing this as my sweetheart slumbers away in her bed, and I type in my desk here in her place. I've forgotten how quiet it can get, these private gated subdivisions, that I find myself amused at the sound of crickets reverberating outside the window. There's a different kind of quiet when I'm in my place at night, same time as this, but more than five floors up. It's a quiet that's more spacious, whereas this type of quiet here is more, shall I say, earthy. Perhaps it's because of my proximity to the earth, yes, but it's also about feeling the quiet as it envelops us from the ground up. Yes, it's that kind of quiet.

My soul is also being quieted lately, save for a few shakes of the mind here and there. As I age, I learn how to control them more, these shakes, but there are just times when the ground feels like opening up and wanting to swallow you. The operative word here being "feels like." But before it gets monumental like that, I find myself getting a hold on things, quickly, even before I realize I am already in control. And I think that is a good thing, so I just let that be.

What I need to stop is this penchant of mine to have conversations in my mind, conversations that I wish I could have had or I wish I could have in the future with certain people or certain populations, something like that. Perhaps it's the literary writer in me that does that, forming fictitious scenarios where there is none, or perhaps it's the scriptwriter in me, the one who they say is good at crafting cinematic dialogues for delivery. Maybe, perhaps, but seriously, I'd really want to stop formulating these conversations in my head, these would-be talks or could-have-been thoughts relayed to a soul living or dead. I wonder why it's strong these past few weeks since the start of the year, these mind convos that I have. Maybe it's time to once again sit myself down and talk to myself sincerely, to sort a few things out. Maybe open-ended severed strings are making me do this. Maybe a few wishful thinking points engage them as well. Or maybe it's just time for me to accept certain limitations in certain parts of me or my life. Maybe it's just that. Knowing is one thing, but enacting is another. And that's the next step that needs to be done.

I'm in a good place right now, honestly speaking. It's getting better, actually. And I'm ever so grateful to the universe about this. So I listen anew for new clues. Maybe there are a few tunes I need to revisit, or new tunes I need to hum. Let's see. And feel.

Time to join my sweetie. Goodnight world. Don't let the thought bugs bite. Hard.

Find your balance. Always.

07 February 2017

jumpstart my art

And I'm quoting-paraphrasing another song there in the title. Natalie Cole, pare. Batang '80s din ako eh bakit ba.

Ayan. Handa, awit.

Heniweys, I needed to jumpstart my brain today before working, especially since I came from a semi-sick weekend. Been trying to fight off this nasty nasty cough that developed last week, during the time I had an urgent lecture gig pa naman. Fine timing, beks. Fine timing. But since the show must go on, on we went pa rin sa lectures, last week and even kahapon. Pero dahil recovering pa rin yesterday, napagod yata ang lungs ko kaya knockout ako agad kahapon. Not to mention na darating din pala today si monthly curse, kaya ayan, double KO lola mo. Leche.

Loving these travel lecture gigs courtesy of the DepEd-attached agency
called National Council for Children's TV. I love it that I get to
teach my media literacy advocacy to kids who need it.
Getting paid to do what you love is just great.
This here is for the NCR leg, Marikina chapter last week.

Ito yung biglaang sked last week, at sa Muntinlupa pa talaga.
Biglaan, as in, mam puwede ka bukas?
Hahaha kaloka, pero isa pala ito sa pinakamasayang division.
Sa traffic pauwi nawala ang boses ko, bad aircon
ng ride exacerbated the sore throat I've been
feeling days before. Kaya na-double whammy lola mo.

And yesterday's show that must go on, at the heart of Manila pa naman.
Sarap sanang maglayag doon if not for feeling sick
and the public transport strike pa.
Kaya uwi agad after lecture, pahinga fatale.
At muling nanumbalik ang magic antidote sa cough
na nadiskubre ko noong nagtatrabaho ako
fulltime sa feminist NGO noon:
 si Pei Pa Koa. Works like a charm, mga bes.
At available na siya sa Mercury yipeee!

Buti na lang at wala ulit skeds this week for lectures. But I'm bracing myself in the next 2-3 weeks kasi sunod-sunod ang peg. Kaya kelangang mag-ipon ng lakas at boses. Beat this fucking energy gap, beks. Huhubelles.

But I have to face my other gigs din naman kaya tuloy pa rin ang life. Ito nga lang ginagawa kong documentary film, masyado siyang kumakain sa headspace nang bongz, lalo na't I have to digest many concepts and jargon of a sector and make it palatable to all. At alam naman natin minsan ang development sector, bongga sa concepts na hinahagis-hagis lang left and right, mga concepts na hindi normally available sa mga garden variety conversations in life pero sine-sepak takraw lang nila like that. You know, mga terms like development justice, my fave capacity building,  or institutional architecture,  saka international collective advocacy, mga ganyan. Haha grabe I lurv my life: one end of the spectrum is kababawan showbiz pop culture and the other is palaliman sa konsepto development sector-United Nations level workload while ang midpoint is queer and academic tapos halo-halo na ang gitna hahaha. Brain, kaya mo pa??? 

Kaya yeah, kailangan ng bonggang bonggang buwelo kapag ito na ang haharapin kong trabaho pare. All the time. Para kang nagma-master's degree each time magha-handle ako ng feminist movement work hahaha. Trulagen collagen, 'yan ang feeling -- and I love it naman. Yun nga lang, kailangan ng extra bongz na preps ni headspace. Despite having coughs pa and this freaking dysmenorrhea.

Kaya ayan, kawayan mo na ang kape, beks.

Hellow phow. Geseng.

I love how all of a sudden, life could become quite busy. I was prepared to take it easy this month of Feb actually, which is what I did last January. I was even going back to my literary writings and personal projects I put on hold like decades ago. But no, gigs beckon, so sige na rin. Hindi tayo tumatanggi sa grasya, ever. Kaya tanggap lang ng tanggap hangga't kaya ng powers. 

Kaya lang, puwede bang mag-function nang walang monthly curse? Leche din kasi ito eh. Timing. Oh well papel. It's hard being a gurl.

Siya, sige na nga. Work na. Nagising na konti ang utak, so tipa na ulit.

Kape pa.