like it's the last night of the world

Sometimes when you sit alone at home and stare out into the world, you can't help but wonder where it will actually end, all of it, and when. The Mayans weren't able to predict it correctly. Perhaps nobody can.

Can you?

Sometimes I stare out into the world and try to feel where I should go. Sometimes I wonder where I should be. But most times, I just question why am I here, in this spot, at this certain point in time. Yes, sometimes overthinking kills the hell out of me.

But that's not why I'm writing here. I'm writing here to get a grip of myself. I want to see if the mixture of emotions I've been having this whole month is still here. Sometimes the mix is good, sometimes it's not. It all depends on what I use to contain it. Shaken, not stirred, as James Bond always says. Yes, they leave me shaken up a bit, even if I don't give a stir. Crazy that.

Life is just one big bar. What's your poison of choice? As for the bartender, it's a dash of melancholia, on the rocks.

Sometimes I wish that deleting bad feelings is 

as easy as deleting finished appointments 

in your smartphone. For cleaner internal 

hard drive storage. But no.

*

Akala ko, all this time, ako lang ang nakakaramdam ng ganito, nakakaranas ng alaala kung kailan masaya ang Pasko, at kung kelan ito huminto sa pagiging masaya. Maraming tao ang nag-aakalang Scrooge lang ako. Di nila alam na malalim ang back story nito. 

At nagulat ako noong isang araw nang madiskubre kong di lang pala ako ang nag-iisip ng back story na ito.

Ang pinsan kong bagong kasal, noong reception nila, nang nagbibigay na silang mag-asawa ng pasasalamat, nagulat ako nang banggitin niyang "may Pasko ulit sa Project 4." Muli kasing umuwi ang kapatid kong nasa America na at ang Tita kong nasa Canada na, para sa kasal niya. Grabe, nagulat ako sa komento. Doon kasi talaga nakaangkla lahat para sa akin. Sa side ng tatay ko, ako ang unang apo, paborito daw ni Lola, sa bahay niya kung saan ako lumaki. Maliit pa lang ako nang ipanganak itong pinsan kong ito. Ang nanay niya ang pinakabatang kapatid ng tatay kong panganay. Parang nakatatandang kapatid ko lang ang nanay niya. Kaya laging ang Pasko, sa bahay ng Lola ko, sa Project 4.

Masamang magkumpara, oo, pero mas masaya lagi ang Pasko dito sa bahay ng Lola ko. Ewan ko ba kung bakit. Siguro kasi halos mga kabatak ko ang mga pinsan ko dito na mas bata sa akin lahat. Di tulad sa pamilya ng nanay ko na ikalawa sa bunso na walong magkakapatid. Kaya lahat halos ng pinsan ko sa kabila, matanda na rin. May mangilan-ngilan akong kabatak dito pero ewan ko ba kung bakit parang mas feel ko ang Pasko sa kabila. Dahil na rin siguro iyon kay Lola, saka kay Lolo.

Nang ipetisyon ni Ninang ko sina Lolo at Lola noong kolehiyo ako, doon na huminto ang Pasko sa Project 4. Kanya-kanyahan na lang minsan. Dalawa sa tita ko, nasa Canada na. Di naman kami close sa pamilya ng tito ko. Ang pinakabata kong tita, na nanay ng kinasal nga, paminsan-minsan din ay nagsasama-sama kami. Pero mula nang nawala na sina Lola, parang wala na rin ang Pasko.

Nang magsarili na rin ako, lalong tumingkad ang kalungkutan ng Pasko. Nasa "reality bites" household ako noon nakatira kung saan mga kabarkada ko noong kolehiyo ang kasama ko nang matanggap ko ang balitang namatay na daw si Lola. Mahigit 10 years ago na ito. Hanggang ngayon, di ko pa nadadalaw ang puntod niya sa Toronto. Last year naman, si Lolo din. Dalawa na silang dadalawin ko kapag nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataong pumunta doon. Hay, ang daming closure na kelangan pa rin sa buhay. Sa tanda kong ito...

 Sneak peek of kulit, Cantor style.

Pasko sa Project 4... 'Yan ang back story ng Scrooge mode ko. Well, medyo. Siyempre may ilan pang plot points na kelangang idagdag, pero gets na naman ang esensya kahit papaano. Ganyan lang naman 'yan. Di totoong di ako maka-Diyos o di ako naniniwala sa kapanganakan ni Jesus. Naniniwala ako. Iba lang ang napapaalala sa akin nito sa panahong iyon kasi. Sensya na kung parang damay-damay ang dating. Hay melankolya nga naman...

*

Speaking of God, at the family reunion of the other family the other day, my tita handed me a rainbow-colored rosary as a gift and said "Libay, do you know that I'm praying for you everyday?" The cousin I'm close to in age -- and in thinking -- stared at me as I registered bewilderment. I thought I misread my reaction but I asked a lesbian friend later that night about the situation. "Ay, di ka tanggap bilang lesbiyana?" Wala na namang ibang reading iyon, di ba? And all this time, I thought this side of the family has already gotten over themselves and "accepted" me for being a queer/lesbian. I thought wrong. 

I don't know why but for the life of me, I felt part of my universe crash. I really don't know why. 

So I decided to leave the shindig early and hang out with a couple of lesbian friends. After all these years, you'd think I'd be immune and callous enough not to mind such a comment. But I still cried in the taxi. Fuck it. Fuck it fuck it fuck it. Why this crash?

That's the last time I'm attending that thing. 

Wait. Come to think of it, that's exactly the same reason why I stopped attending that thing during the earlier days of my being a lez. My unenlightened older cousins were intriguing my mom about my "coming out." Leche sila. I told them that if they have questions, address it to me. Deja vu pala ito. Leche. Leche leche leche.

One for the books, man. One for the books. 

*

Maraming salamat at pinagdarasal niyo ako. Marami rin naman taong nagdarasal para sa akin. Ang kaibigan kong pastora, na lesbiyana nga pala kaya may hotline siya kay God, isa iyon. Siyempre lalo na ang girlfriend kong ministry singer, lagi iyon, pinagdarasal niya ako. Mga lesbiyana ito, po. At marami pang iba. 

Sana lang tita, hindi mo ako pinagdarasal dahil sa lesbiyana ako. Sana ipinagdarasal mo ako dahil gusto mo akong magkaroon ng good health, ng success pa sa career ko, more awards pang matatamasa pandagdag sa meron na ko, mga ganun baga. Huwag lang dahil sa gusto mo akong kantutin ng lalaki.

Maraming salamat po. 

* 

It's a good thing my girlfriend is in town. Her presence makes me feel comforted during such crazy times. I just wish I could freely come to their house and ask for a hug. But of course that's not very possible, given certain circumstances. But I am still comforted by the thought that she's just there, sharing the same space as I am, somewhat. No timezone difference. Reachable, almost but not quite, yet in touch. And I love our bonding moments, so far, however few and far between they seem to be this season. It's the holidays, so I don't mind. Duties first before anything else. And I respect that.

The couple that inks together... 

oh I don't know. Make something up. 

Masakit pa eh lech.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to write more to wrap up this one heck of a year. Yeah, heck is an understatement. These past years since the new decade began, things have been a myriad of crazy and cool things. Sometimes they get mixed up as well, in my head and within my surroundings. 

Anyway, I'm just thankful for whatever graces the heavens showered unto me, all the things I got because the universe conspired. Glad to have met the people I did, and to reforge bonds with some of the mainstay cast of my so-called cinematic life. Life is but a stage, as Shakespeare said anyway, so hey, perform like there's no tomorrow! But then again, be glad there is -- a tomorrow.

The sun will come up...tomorrow. Yes, Annie, still hanging on. Come what may.

After all, tomorrow, like happiness, or a chance of a new life, or the choice to continue on with the challenges of life, is always a day away.

Yep. Come what may indeed.

 When life makes you frown, just blink.

(en)rage(d) against the dying of the light(bulb)

Apologies to Dylan Thomas for re-appropriating that poetic line of his, but there's no other feeling to feel, really, but rage (so be enraged!) against the dying (or already dead?) open-mindedness of, um, academic freedom (?) in my beloved University of the Philippines, in this case the Diliman flagship campus. Snuff the lightbulb there Dylan, especially the French kind, for bigotry was, once again, proven to exist in my alma mater.

Insert sob here. Sing with me now: where have all the open-minded-yoopee-peeps-gone? Sorry, no flowers this time, folks.

photo by me, taken during the
Dec 2010 UP Diliman lantern parade

To know what I'm talking about, this link at the UP Babaylan blog explains it all. Babaylan is the first university-based LGBT organization in the campus, in the country, and in Asia. And the discriminated one was one of them -- Ms. Hender. The gist of the case is, Hender identifies as a woman and she requested her French teacher to utilize feminine French pronouns in addressing her. But this was not approved by the teacher who said that part of this prof's reason was that "she is a Christian" and then the chair of their department agreed with this Christian prof and denied Hender's request as well, because this chair said Hender is still legally male regardless of her gender identity.

Insert tumbling flashback here! Like now na!

A good gay friend of mine, an ex-UP prof I should say (he had his own reasons for leaving), messaged me on FB to say that he also flashbacked to three-four years ago upon hearing of Hender's incident. And why is that? Because one UP prof also told me -- yes, moi! -- during that time that he cannot continue as my MA thesis adviser because I was writing about lesbian erotica fiction for my thesis and that "he is a Christian" as well. Read about my account of that in this POC article. Opo, pinagkakitaan ko na ang homophobia niya, bakit ba. Hmp!

Tell me why this incident is so wrong in so many levels. S'il vous plait.

Okay let me count the ways. Un, deux, trois...

1. It happened in UP? Where the society is supposed to be "godless" as they say? And where liberal thought is the highlight of each minute. Supposedly. Hm.

2. Professors, supposed purveyors of knowledge, purport bigotry, prejudice and homophobia instead. I wonder how one can teach with so much negativity? What kind of lessons are they imparting? Hm.

3. It's 2011, not 1911, not 2001, and definitely not 1986. Society should have since progressed. Even just a tad bit. Especially about dealing with often marginalized sectors like the LGBTQ community. Or maybe not. In the Philippines. Yet. Hm.

4. And Ms. French teacher, you know that what you did is not right. Ce n'est pas juste. Pramis, beki ka. Hm.

Sing with me now: Things that make you go hmmmmm...

Ewan.

To share my own thoughts about this, I have to cite a recent example -- a parallel one -- that happened in my class this semester. I have a student who looks, acts and is so like a girl, so I thought she was biologically a girl. Let's hide her using the name "Christian Santos." I made a booboo at the start of the semester with Christian when I was doing the roll call. Upon calling the obviously masculine-originated name of Christian, I looked up to see the face behind the name. When I saw a pretty girl raise her hand upon being called Christian, I did a double-take and said "Oh, you're Christian?" And she answered with a smile and answered demurely, "Yes ma'am." And I don't know why but I said "Oh, so a girl with a boy's name, huh. Cool." And then continued to call the roll.

A few meetings after, when Christian became active in the class discussions, it was only then that I realized that she was transgender. So siyempre, tumbing ang lola mo! How could have I missed that? I felt massively horrified that I made that first day of class mistake of cracking that name comment. So after that third class meeting, I called her outside the room and talked to her. I first apologized to her for saying that bit about the name double-take I did during our first day, and clarified if she identified as transpinay. She said she actually identifies more as a girl, really, and that's what she is comfortable with. Again, I apologized for not recognizing her gender identity immediately and she said it's okay and smiled. I then asked if she was a member of any org, and she said she is with UP Babaylan. We had some small talk about the upcoming Pride March then before parting. So that was cool. I was appeased and I was glad that I was able to correct that booboo of mine.

How I wish that French prof could have just done the same for Hender. Or if she needs some pointers, I could gladly sit with her and chat about this, prof to prof. That is, if her Christianity is not offended by my queerness. Which I highly doubt. Hm. Okay scrap that. Let her read the Bible na lang. For more enlightenment. Chos.

Imagine if this kind of I'm-a-Christian-and-you're-queer-so-you're-eeew bigotry in UP can happen to me before, a graduate student and a professor in the university as well, I could just imagine how queer undergrads are silenced by such prejudice on a daily basis. Oh my.

What do we do, then?

Its funny that I write this today, during the 25th anniversary of the EDSA 1 People Power revolution. Twenty-five years ago today, Filipinos got collectively tired of the suppression of a lot of freedoms one usually enjoys on this earth. Twenty-five years ago today, Filipinos got collectively courageous and stood for days in the middle of a highway and peacefully demanded to reclaim their rightful place in this country, their country, our country. Twenty-five years ago today, the world respected and recognized our move to be silent no more, to speak up against oppression openly, without fear or prejudice, without giving a damn to what will happen at that certain instant but only giving a damn about what future the country and the people would have if nothing was done back then. Like the anti-dictatorship slogan said: NEVER AGAIN!

So nuns and priests prayed on the sidewalks, mothers packed food to share with other rallyists they didn't know on the streets, children looked at tora-tora planes flying in the skies and the army tanks on the streets in awe, like they were in the middle of a live diorama of war, teenagers wore yellow shirts and head bands, musicians sang folk protest songs, and everyone else chimed in. And a few days later, the country underwent a drastic paradigm shift. And the rest, as they say, is l'histoire.

Twenty-five years ago, Miss Hender may not have been born yet. Twenty-five years ago, I was a twelve year old looking at the skies in awe of those tora-tora planes. Twenty-five years later, Hender is a student in UP Diliman learning the French language. Twenty-five years later, I have obtained my BA and MA and am currently teaching in UP Diliman. But twenty-five years later, for Hender and me, it still feels like an earlier 1986 for us -- before the rallies, before the prayers, before the fight against oppression.

Twenty-five years after 1986, people like Hender and I, we feel like we are still in a dictatorship, as powers that be tell us that we cannot freely and openly declare who we really are, laws and religious guidelines are crafted to curtail our human rights, and some people around us don't give a flying fuck as long as they could enjoy the daily privileges that are denied us in the first place -- the privilege to live freely and openly, the privilege to love who we want to love, the privilege to be with people we love, the privilege to be who we are.

What do we do, then?

photo taken by me during the
June 2009 LGBT Pride March in Baguio

To ask Dylan Thomas to wrap this up, we should continue doing what we did, and still do -- live, love, speak up, act up, work together, FIGHT! To all queer people out there who are continually being suppressed and oppressed, please, do not go gentle into that good night. And always rage against the dying of the light. Or better yet, do not let our torches of freedom be snuffed, for we do not want to be in the dark with these people from the Dark Ages.

Rage! And fight! Speak up! But as always -- while being fabulous. Because that's what we have and they don't have. Itsura lang teh!

Stop homophobia in UP. Prejudice against queers? I say NEVER AGAIN.

Teachers, learn your lessons, please. For real.

I -- thank you. Bow.

tanging ina niyo rin!

dahil tinyaga ko siyang panoorin, tinyaga ko ring sine chichiryahin. itey:



ANG TANGING INA NIYONG LAHAT
(2008)

d. wenn deramas
p. star cinema
s. a bunch of star cinema suki writers
c. aiai delas alas and a bunch of star cinema celebs of non-voting age (or pretending to be of non-voting age)

pitch:

another sequel about that single mom who has 12 children and has to cope with life, this time the coping stems from her need to "be important" in the lives of her kids, going as far as becoming the president of the philippines to achieve this goal. (hey, i am not making this up, pramis)

catch:

pang-ilang sequel na nga ba to? baka kelangan nang i-retire. nagte-threading na ang gulong ng katatatawanan, mga chong, sa pagka-pudpod...



when a film lists a lot of people in the credits for scripting, you know there'll be a problem in the final product of the film. pero hindi rin. minsan it works, especially in assembly-line filmmaking industries like hollywood and france.

pero sa pinas, lalo na sa star, parang hindi. parang pass the message ang pagsusulat nila ng storya. isang major konsepto mula sa isang utak na ibang kamay ang susulat, na pag dumaan na ulit sa original na may utak at dadagdagan niya ng sulat ng kamay na nya, haller na ang labas, puwera na lang siguro kung genius yung utak at kamay.

but this is an MMFF film, so should i be surprised at my disappointment? the answer is, yes, kasi i expect more from this group this time of the year, na minsan naman i-suspend ko ang disbelief ko na they are just making hair-brained screwball comedies just for the money. of course, the content is another thing.

i particularly hated one scene there where the gay son of the ina was in love with a hunky actor, and he wanted to ask his ina, who became the president of the philippines (i am not inventing this stuff!) to pass a law so the gay son and the hunky actor could get married. ang sagot ng ina "huwag naman anak, baka pareho tayong makulong diyan." homophobic. even if it was used in a candycoated comedy way, IT'S NOT FUNNY. HOMOPHOBIA IS NEVER FUNNY. and i am disappointed because some of the people behind this film are gay. gay to the max, gay to the core. saklap.

at a time when the world is reeling in fundamentalist backlash (giyera sa gaza, proposition 8 passed in california), the LGBT community doesn't need to laugh at the fact that they/we are not allowed this basic human right of getting married to the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with. and no, it cannot be dismissed as "it's just a joke" because jokes -- and comedy, in general -- has its deep, deep roots at the realities of our lives, na pinapakita lang in a humorous way, kaya matatawa tayo, pero pagkatapos matawa, dapat mapapaisip din tayo kung ano nga ba yung tinatawanan natin.but the joke on gay marriage here didn't make the audience think; and that was not the intention of the joke, actually. the intention was to make the gay son appear silly in his wants and needs. since when was equality a silly want and need? homophobic.

i'm disappointed, because these kinds of jokes i associate with the likes of ISKUL BUKOL, kaya di ko pinanood iyon at ito ang pinanood ko. kainis lang.

the only consolation in watching this film is the fact na sinubukan nilang saksakan ng women's rights discussion chenelyn, especially family code rules on the single mother's employment rights, and the occasional funny moments delivered by ai-ai and eugene domingo. other than that, ipangkain niyo na lang ang 130 pesos ticket price niyo, or ipamalengke at magluto ng ulam. may ganansya pa.

but wait! there's more. i also can't let go one shot there, yung nag-dolly in ang cam from close-up to semi-extreme close up ng mata ni ai-ai nung malaman niyang nakidnap ang kambal niya. teng, nag-defocus. kamusta naman ang pag-rack focus ng cam movement na toh! and worse, nilagay pa rin nila sa final edit!!! taena ang unprofessional. ginagago nyo ba kami, ha, kala niyo forgivable ang techncal flaws na ganun ka-obvious? my god, hindi ito TV na puwede siyang palampasin! actually, kahit sa TV, di dapat ito pinalalampas, but that's another discourse altogether.

and the thing about star cinema comedies lately, at least in the past 5 years, is that it has a habit of referencing to scenes in past star cinema movies, making it full of "inside jokes." the problem with this is, hindi lahat ng tao napanood lahat ng star cinema movies in the past! writers, please go out of the conference room and breathe fresh air and see the world outside ELJ building, so you could write in more universal jokes and scenes there. ha? i'm just saying. payong kaibigan lang.

hay. next!

of signs, homophobia, and women with planetary names

share ko lang manila times column ko for today. original post here.

THE SCRIBE VIBE
By Libay Linsangan, Cantor
Signs of these trying times

Why is it that we only tend to forget our differences during the yuletide holidays, with that classic line “peace on earth, goodwill to all” strung all over the metro along with twinkling lights? But I wonder more about who wrote that line in the first place. He or she must be smiling every Christmas, seeing how this line seemingly blurs negativity, at least during one time of the year. It’s the season of rejoicing, after all, for the holidays signify the birth of Jesus.

But the signs were different some three weeks ago, during the annual lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) pride march in Malate. Some followers of Jesus didn’t believe in goodwill to all as they preached on the sidelines of the festive parade. They carried signs and lines on placards that read hatred rather than peace. Samples were “Turn to Jesus or burn in hell” and “It’s not OK to be gay; it’s sin” (sic), among others.

It’s funny, but the signs imply that the marchers turned away from religion—which we did not, really. There was even a religious congregation marching that day. “Anti-homosexuality” quotes from the Bible were also used as signs. I just pity that book because, as much as it is an interesting and inspirational read, it is the most misinterpreted tome of our times. I’ll discuss that in a separate column next time.

The Malate scene was reminiscent of LGBT pride marches in the USA, a common happening there. But for the Manila Pride March 2008 participants, this is brand new. In the 10-plus years of the history of the LGBT pride march in the country, it was only this year that this kind of counter-protest was seen. It’s also strange that the protest was led by non-Filipino/Asian preachers.

But the LGBT community was unfazed. In the spirit of joy, pride and celebrations, people carried LGBT-positive signs of projecting equality, upholding solidarity, and ending discrimination. Perhaps in reply to the anti-gay religious group, this sign was my favorite: “God made us this way . . . so why question it?”

In a few days, it will be another year. Let’s hope that negative signs of our times will be left behind—along with people’s homophobia, racial biases, and other discriminatory prejudices—as we face the challenges of the new year with more open hearts, minds, and sensitivities. And let’s write about that more.

Comments? Suggestions? E-mail libay.scribevibe@gmail.com.

and on another note, we mourn the passing of the sexiest catwoman ever -- another truly glam gay icon.



imagine being named "eartha." kakaiba no? e kung neptuna? haggard. dapat glam. venusa?


US singer Eartha Kitt dies at 81
Agence France-Presse
First Posted 06:39:00 12/26/2008

NEW YORK -- (UPDATE) Eartha Kitt, the versatile US singer and actress whose sultry voice and sensuality made her an international star with a career spanning six decades, died Thursday at age 81, her friend and publicist said.

Kitt, who won two Emmy television awards and was nominated for two Tony awards and two Grammy awards, died at 2:15 pm (1915 GMT) of colon cancer, Andrew Freedman told AFP. She was being treated at New York Presbyterian Hospital and resided in the state of Connecticut.

"She was certainly a legendary performer and while I think there may have been many imitations, she was an original," Freedman said. She was one of the few artists who have been nominated for Tony, Grammy and Emmy awards.

"I Want to Be Evil" and "Santa Baby," still a Christmas favorite today, were among her best-selling songs.

A self-described "sex kitten," Kitt famously played the role of Catwoman in the US hit TV series "Batman" in the 1960s. Her catlike purr and uncanny persona won her many fans, among them Orson Welles, who called her "the most exciting woman in the world."

She acted in movies as well, starring with Nat King Cole in "St. Louis Blues" (1958).

a moment of serious reflection...

...let's pray TO GOD for those who need guidance and enlightenment the most -- his earth representative.

Pope attacks blurring of gender

Story from BBC NEWS:
Published: 2008/12/23 10:21:36 GMT

Pope Benedict XVI has said that saving humanity from homosexual or transsexual behaviour is just as important as saving the rainforest from destruction.

He explained that defending God's creation was not limited to saving the environment, but also about protecting man from self-destruction.

The Pope was delivering his end-of-year address to senior Vatican staff.

His words, later released to the media, emphasised his rejection of gender theory.

Speaking on Monday, Pope Benedict XVI warned that gender theory blurred the distinction between male and female and could thus lead to the "self-destruction" of the human race.

Gender theory

Gender theory explores sexual orientation, the roles assigned by society to individuals according to their gender, and how people perceive their biological identity.

Gay and transsexual groups, particularly in the United States, promote it as a key to understanding and tolerance, but the Pope disagreed.

When the Roman Catholic Church defends God's Creation, "it does not only defend the earth, water and the air... but (it) also protects man from his own destruction," he said.

"Rainforests deserve, yes, our protection, but the human being ... does not deserve it less," the pontiff said.

It is not "out-of-date metaphysics" to "speak of human nature as 'man' or woman'", he told scores of prelates gathered in the Vatican's sumptuous Clementine Hall.

"We need something like human ecology, meant in the right way."

The Catholic Church opposes gay marriage. It teaches that while homosexuality is not sinful, homosexual acts are.

Rev Sharon Ferguson, chief executive of Britain's Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement, described the Pope's remarks as "totally irresponsible and unacceptable".

"When you have religious leaders like that making that sort of statement then followers feel they are justified in behaving in an aggressive and violent way," she said.

The pope uses his traditional end-of-year speech to offer his Christmas greetings and say a few words about what he considers the important issues of the day.

© BBC MMVIII

HOPPY HOLEYDAZE peeps!

iwas impatso!

today is officially "play hooky day" + dealing with phobic fundies

pakinggan ang sinasabi ng stars para sa ikaluluwag ng utak at ikagiginhawa ng damdamin...


Your horoscopes for Sunday December 14, 2008

General Daily Horoscope for everyone Today's security-conscious Cancer Moon can remind us of our emotional, physical or economic vulnerability. We may attempt to retreat into a safe space that is within our control; however, we may also realize that we don't have the luxury of such a place. With assertive Mars still tracking the Sun, it's hard to let go of anger. We must guard against our tendency to be passively aggressive as Mars pushes us out and the Cancer Moon pulls us in.

Taurus Horoscopes

(Apr 20 - May 20)

Sunday, Dec 14th, 2008 -- You might try to take on too much today because everything seems as if it will be simpler than it actually is. Part of the problem is that you are not willing to let go of a project until it feels right, so you may go back over what you already did. Although others may not notice the difference, it's important that you honor your own need for quality. Instead of rushing through your tasks, postpone some chores for another day.

dibala? go. relak lang today.

kaya ayan, games games lang. upload upload pics, online-online.

nga lang, naha-haggard ako dito sa multiply since this madaling araw. nakikita ko kasi sa imprint ng bottom of page kung sinu-sino ang dumadalaw sa site ko.

there's two particular visitors i'm wary about: one with the username djpray and one is gomitch. they only visited the pride march photo album page, and nothing else. when i visited their sites, i found out that djpray is a member of some religious congregation in cavite while this mitch is an american caucasian who travels to parts of the world to preach or something.

na-bother talaga ako. i saw in this amerkano's site some invite calling on his readers to join him in some protest rally dito sa pinas, during our pride march here. haggard. tapos he used one of the pride march teaser posters (yung "walk with pride") and some photos from the manila pride 2008 site sa article niya, along with other photos of pride celebrations somewhere else. haggard.

i'm sure he's trawling the web to find more material to use in his propaganda of hate. i just don't get it why these people don't just mind their own businesses and get a life. ito ba ang tinatawag na "other side of advocacy" na advocacy ring matatawag ang ginagawa niya? haggard.

for the first time in the history of the lgbt pride march in the philippines, ngayon lang ako nakakita ng ganitong klaseng hate protest directed towards the lgbt community, and during pride march at that. mula pa noong una akong nakanood ng pride march noong 1997 (tanda ko nah), small smiling hecklers lang sa crowd ang nakikita ko, pero nothing that serious and organized. this is something else. na-haggard talaga ako when i saw them lined up sa adriatico street, waiting for the march to begin sa remedios circle last last saturday. ngayon-ngayon lang ako nakampante actually when i saw some of my co-marchers' photos na nagpapa-picture sila with their/our own lgbt pride placards side by side with their jesus-laden anti-gay placards.

still, i can't get myself to laugh that long. i don't know why i am truly bothered by this. maybe sa kakapanood ko ng maraming pelikula na may ganito kaya ako affected. i can't forget the episodes of THE L WORD when bette's character was hounded by anti-gay religious fundamentalists sa harap ng bahay niya, nagpukpok pa ng placards of hate sa may garden niya! the nerve! and then that TV debate episode, which earned jennifer beals an acting award nomination (you should see her say the word "monster" grabe, great acting!). and then of course, there's THE LARAMIE PROJECT, where the likes of real-life anti-gay american preacher fred phelps was featured briefly. horrifying indeed.

ewan ko ba. sometimes i feel like these religious fundies will just step out of the shadows and hit me in the head with a 3-inch thick hardcover bible to knock my lesbianism out of me. dito kasi where i live, tanaw ko ang building ng "church of christ pentecostal missionary fourth watch" mula sa bintana ko. it's a big building and i don't know what it is. it looks like two big buildings na magkadikit, one looks like a school/academy while the other looks like a dormitory/office combined. walang church structure, walang cross-cross whatnot. and then a few weeks ago, a bunch of them pentecostal peeps filled to the rafters the whole marikina sports park (think ULTRA stadium) in a big big big congregation. thus, ang daming pakalat-kalat na mga manang and manong-looking peeps in lampas knee black palda at white uniform-like blouses diyan sa may kalye sa baba. harmless naman tignan sila sa mukha, pero pag nakita ko sila collectivel na marami, potah, parang afraid, at gusto kong mag-detour sa ibang kalye.

ewan ko ba. weird lang. i'm still processing why i feel this way, unlike my other friends and my girlfriend na seething anger ang nararamdaman for these anti-gay protesters sa march, nakakapanggigil nga daw kasi, something like that.

i'm a catholic-reared girl who realized in her college years that organized religion, especially of the catholic kind, is not for her. thus, agnostic ang chever ko up to now. di ko naman itinakwil ang existence ng supreme being chenes, pero kanya-kanya na lang tayo ng paraan ng pananampalataya at paniniwala siguro. kaya siguro ako frustrated why thse fundies won't leave me/us alone when i/we leave them alone anyway. lam mo yun?

ewan. siguro mas takot at hindi galit ang namamayani sa akin because i am wary/worried that these hate-filled people will actually have no qual ms about hurting my loved ones directly, for real. never mind me; kaya ko silang tadyakan at sipain (or takbuhan kung meron silang weapons of mass destructions and other automated weapons). pero paano na pag mga mahal ko sa buhay ang sinaktan nila? magkakamatayan talaga kami, and this is no metaphor. this is for real. handa akong pumatay ng tao in that sense. subukan lang nila!

hay naku, ewan ko ba. yes, agit ako. does this mean they have succ eeded in their "mission" to rile us up? sana naman hindi. ibig sabihin lang nito, hanggang sa huling hininga ko, i will work my butt in my own way to keep their homophobia away from me, my family, my work, my home, my community, and my country. never mind if may occasional factioneering and disagreements sa communities; normal yun. pero pag ganito na ang laban, alam naman ng lahat -- as if by instinct -- that it's time to fight.

and that, we will.

it's all about love, nothing less

just want to repost this from a friend in new york who sent it. thanks sa link kia!

i remember weeks ago, i caught out lesbian personality aiza seguerra on QTV's One Proud Mama. jaya asked if aiza's mom is okay with her lesbianism, and she said they passed through a lot of tough times dealing with it but now, she's fine.

but when asked about aiza marrying her girlfriend, biglang kabig si nanay caring at sabing huwag na lang. short of saying, "tama na nga na ganyan, kasal pa!" and no, hindi ito naitago ng bad editing ng show heheh (which it kinda suffers a lot from, perhaps ang hirap kumuha kasi ng matinong soundbytes from the interviewees, ano eva?).

goes to show that the mama ain't that proud of aiza's love life, after all. sad.

a US anchorman and political commentator made this comment on the approved Proposition 8, the law that would repeal the marriage rights of lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders na approved na. sadly, it passed in california. and now, people like me can't marry there anymore.

sad.

i share this guy's sentiment. it's all about love. homosexuality is not a sin, a burden, a disease. it's about another decision to love someone you want to love. what's so freaking wrong about that?

kung mainlab ka sa pangit, puwede kayong magpakasal kahit magalit sa yo magulang mo (anak, ano na ang mangyayari sa lahi natin?). kung mainlab ka sa 30 years older sa yo, puwede kayo magpakasal kahit pandirian ka ng mga kapatid mo (matanda, mayaman, maapit nang mamatay? ate, bili mo ko ipod pag namatay asawa mo ha.). kung babae kang na-rape, pipilitin kang magpakasal kahit ayaw mo, mapanagutan lang ang nasa tiyan mo, at puwede kayong makasal kahit labag sa loob mo (ano na lang ang sasabihin ng mga kapitbahay kapag lumobo ang tiyan mo?). puwede ka pa ngang mainlab sa pari at siya na mismo ang didiborsyo sa kanyang sariling "marriage" kay god para makasal kayo at magkantutan hanggang lumupaypay ang titi niyang tigang (go forth and multiply, father, but learn how to give your wife an orgasm first).

paano naman kami? kung mainlab kami sa kapwa namin na gender, bawal magpakasal? bakit? hindi ba ang kasal ay ritwal ng pagmamahalan?

sige nga. ano ang gagawin mo kung IKAW ang tinanggalan ng karapatan na makasama ang mahal mo sa buhay sa habangbuhay? paano kung sabihin sa yo ng society, ng simbahan na BAWAL KANG MAGPAKASAL. BASTA.

papayag ka?

hindi kami humihingi ng special rights. humihingi kami ng human rights na dapat lahat ng tao ay meron at i-uphold.

hindi namin dinudumihan ang sanctity ng marriage. bagkus, mas pine-preserve pa nga namin ito dahil sa seryoso kami kapag nagmahal. tapat. pangmatagalan. kaya naming i-commit ang "til death do us part."

o, sabi mo, "e kami rin a!"

kaya nga. e bakit ikaw, puwede ikasal, kami hindi?

yun na nga.

this is partly why i turned my back on catholicism and organized religion ages ago. it reeks of injustice in many counts.

think about it.



-----------

original video link here. emphasis mine.


Keith Olbermann delivered a rousing, emotional, 6-minute special comment on Prop 8 Monday night. Olbermann, who has never married, vehemently disagrees with its passage and the ban on gay marriage.

"I am not personal vested this," he said, "yet this vote is horrible. Horrible... This is about the human heart." After going through the history of marriage in the United States, and reminding viewers not only that marriage between black and white people used to be illegal in 1/3 of the country, but illegal between slaves, he made a plea for love and the spread of happiness.

"The world is barren enough... with so much hate in the world, so much meaningless division... this is what your religion tells you to do?... this is what your heart tells you to do?... You are asked to stand now on a question of love."

FULL TEXT:

Finally tonight as promised, a Special Comment on the passage, last week, of Proposition Eight in California, which rescinded the right of same-sex couples to marry, and tilted the balance on this issue, from coast to coast.

Some parameters, as preface. This isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics, and this isn't really just about Prop-8. And I don't have a personal investment in this: I'm not gay, I had to strain to think of one member of even my very extended family who is, I have no personal stories of close friends or colleagues fighting the prejudice that still pervades their lives.

And yet to me this vote is horrible. Horrible. Because this isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics.

This is about the... human heart, and if that sounds corny, so be it.

If you voted for this Proposition or support those who did or the sentiment they expressed, I have some questions, because, truly, I do not... understand. Why does this matter to you? What is it to you? In a time of impermanence and fly-by-night relationships, these people over here want the same chance at permanence and happiness that is your option. They don't want to deny you yours. They don't want to take anything away from you. They want what you want -- a chance to be a little less alone in the world.

Only now you are saying to them -- no. You can't have it on these terms. Maybe something similar. If they behave. If they don't cause too much trouble. You'll even give them all the same legal rights -- even as you're taking away the legal right, which they already had. A world around them, still anchored in love and marriage, and you are saying, no, you can't marry. What if somebody passed a law that said you couldn't marry?

I keep hearing this term "re-defining" marriage.

If this country hadn't re-defined marriage, black people still couldn't marry white people. Sixteen states had laws on the books which made that illegal... in 1967. 1967.

The parents of the President-Elect of the United States couldn't have married in nearly one third of the states of the country their son grew up to lead. But it's worse than that. If this country had not "re-defined" marriage, some black people still couldn't marry...black people. It is one of the most overlooked and cruelest parts of our sad story of slavery. Marriages were not legally recognized, if the people were slaves. Since slaves were property, they could not legally be husband and wife, or mother and child. Their marriage vows were different: not "Until Death, Do You Part," but "Until Death or Distance, Do You Part." Marriages among slaves were not legally recognized.

You know, just like marriages today in California are not legally recognized, if the people are... gay.

And uncountable in our history are the number of men and women, forced by society into marrying the opposite sex, in sham marriages, or marriages of convenience, or just marriages of not knowing -- centuries of men and women who have lived their lives in shame and unhappiness, and who have, through a lie to themselves or others, broken countless other lives, of spouses and children... All because we said a man couldn't marry another man, or a woman couldn't marry another woman. The sanctity of marriage. How many marriages like that have there been and how on earth do they increase the "sanctity" of marriage rather than render the term, meaningless?

What is this, to you? Nobody is asking you to embrace their expression of love. But don't you, as human beings, have to embrace... that love? The world is barren enough.

It is stacked against love, and against hope, and against those very few and precious emotions that enable us to go forward. Your marriage only stands a 50-50 chance of lasting, no matter how much you feel and how hard you work.

And here are people overjoyed at the prospect of just that chance, and that work, just for the hope of having that feeling. With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?

With your knowledge that life, with endless vigor, seems to tilt the playing field on which we all live, in favor of unhappiness and hate... this is what your heart tells you to do? You want to sanctify marriage? You want to honor your God and the universal love you believe he represents? Then Spread happiness -- this tiny, symbolic, semantical grain of happiness -- share it with all those who seek it. Quote me anything from your religious leader or book of choice telling you to stand against this. And then tell me how you can believe both that statement and another statement, another one which reads only "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

---

You are asked now, by your country, and perhaps by your creator, to stand on one side or another. You are asked now to stand, not on a question of politics, not on a question of religion, not on a question of gay or straight. You are asked now to stand, on a question of...love. All you need do is stand, and let the tiny ember of love meet its own fate. You don't have to help it, you don't have it applaud it, you don't have to fight for it. Just don't put it out. Just don't extinguish it. Because while it may at first look like that love is between two people you don't know and you don't understand and maybe you don't even want to know...It is, in fact, the ember of your love, for your fellow **person...

Just because this is the only world we have. And the other guy counts, too.

This is the second time in ten days I find myself concluding by turning to, of all things, the closing plea for mercy by Clarence Darrow in a murder trial.

But what he said, fits what is really at the heart of this:

"I was reading last night of the aspiration of the old Persian poet, Omar-Khayyam," he told the judge.

"It appealed to me as the highest that I can vision. I wish it was in my heart, and I wish it was in the hearts of all:

"So I be written in the Book of Love;

"I do not care about that Book above.

"Erase my name, or write it as you will,

"So I be written in the Book of Love."

---

Good night, and good luck.

spreading sass' scribbles

i wrote about the aforementioned discriminatory incident in my Manila Times column today:

THE SCRIBE VIBE
By Libay Linsangan Cantor

Writing about hatred to write off bigotry

In a hetero-centric patriarchal society, machismo and gender-based discrimination seem to be part of an unwritten logic that everyone in society subconsciously adheres to. No matter how much advocates write about how people should not be violent towards women or how heterosexuals should respect homosexuals as human beings, bigotry and prejudice sadly remain in our society. What’s an oppressed individual to do? Writing always helps—writing about the discriminatory act, writing to let others know and feel the injustice, and writing to say that victims and survivors of such insensitivity aren’t putting up with it anymore.

This is what one marginalized individual did last weekend. In my email box, I found an open letter by Sass Sasot, a founding member of the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP).


complete article is at http://www.manilatimes.net/national/2008/may/30/yehey/life/20080530lif5.html

NO! hindi tayo papagay dito!

the letter, with the latest updates. fight on, sass!

this is a long read, pero kung pilipino kang dinedma sa sarili mong bansa at inuna ang foreigners, punyeta basahin mo ito!

actually, madalas mangyari sa amin itong racism na ito. back when my conconista friends and i were roaming metro manila, di rin kami pinapasok sa isang ayala area bar (giraffe) dahil sa "inappropriately dressed" daw kami, meaning naka-sandals at shirt lang yung iba sa amin. okay, point taken. pero nung dumating ang mga caucasian na naka-sando at shorts lang, punyeta pinapasok! tangina ilang beses nangyari yan, mangyaring tambay kami lagi sa giraffe nun.

tapos isa pa. sa hard rock cafe naman. punyeta mapuputol na kamay namin kaka-wave sa waiter na di kami pinapansin para mag-order ulit. pero nung dumating ang isang bunch ng mga caucasian teenagers, putangina lima-limang waiter ang dagliang tumakbo sa kanila! poootangina talaga. nang-away na nun kami, bilang asar na kami sa ganung tratuhan tangina. KANINO BANG BANSA ITO??? puta.

ito namang kay sass, iba rin. parang yung nangyari kay inday garutay sa aruba bar. pinalabas siya kasi di daw siya appropriately dressed. kasi bilang lalaki siya na naka-dress, bawal daw siya dun. bakit, may gender bias na ba ang pera ngayon? the pink peso is as good -- if not better -- than anybody's peso in this country. how sad that hindi nare-realize iyan ng mga kapitalista sa bansang ito. mga tanga. mga lgbts nga ang malakas ang brand loyalty e. tanga talaga...

anyway, read on.

-----

PEOPLE LIKE US

An Open Letter of a Transgender Woman in the Philippines

[25 May 2008 / Sunday / 6.04 AM to 6.45 AM]

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

- Eleanor Roosevelt

My friends and I have been made to feel inferior approximately five hours before I wrote this letter. I'd like to sweep this incident under the proverbial rug but there is no more space to accommodate it.

On the 24th of May 2008, my friends and I were celebrating the anniversary of our organization the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP), the first transsexual women's support group and transgender rights advocacy organization in the Philippines. We settled to celebrate it in Ice Vodka Bar, located in Greenbelt 3, 3rd level Ayala Center, Makati City, Metro Manila. It was my first time in that bar. Two in our group have been there before and they had nothing bad to say about it.

There were five of us. I was leading the way. The bouncer stopped us. I asked why. His reason was we were dressed "inappropriately". We were rather dressed decently, tastefully, and most importantly just like any other human being who lives her life as female 24 hours a day.

I asked for the manager. The bouncer was nice enough to let me in. The manager,Ms Belle Castro, accommodated me. I don't know if I spelled her name right. I asked for a business card but she had none available. Her telling feature though was her braced teeth.

I complained. Ms Castro listened to me. I found her sympathetic, even respectful as she addressed me all throughout as ma'am. She told me the following:

1. (Referring to my friends, and obviously to me) That "people like them" aren't allowed in our bar every Fridays & Saturdays;

2. That that was an agreement between all the bars in Greenbelt (she

particularly mentioned their bar, Absinthe, and Café Havana) and Ayala

Corporation, the company which owns the Greenbelt Complex;

3. That the reason for this policy is: "Marami kasing foreigner na nag-kocomplain at napepeke daw sila sa mga katulad nila." Loosely translated in English: "There are lots of foreigners complaining because they mistake people like them as real women"; and

4. That they have a "choice" to implement the policy.

I felt terribly hurt and uncontrollably agitated. This transphobic act is not the first time that it happened to me, to my friends, to people like us. To say that this has become almost a routine is an understatement.

I have shouted at Ms Castro several times, asking her why I'm f***ing experiencing racism in my own country and what gave f***ing foreigners the right to demand to block people like us to enter bars in our very own country.

Ms Castro tried to hush me by pulling the "It's our choice card" and asked me to talk decently. I am not proud at all of using the F-word as my intensifier and of letting my emotions ran raw and wild. My warm apologies to Ms Castro for losing my cool. Just like any of us, I know, she was just doing her job.

This may not be the proper forum to raise this concern. But is there any reliable legal forum to address this issue? Reality check: there is no antidiscrimination law in this country. And if you're discriminated, there seems to be a notion that you're supposed to blame yourself for bringing such an unfortunate event to yourself.

So, I'd just stand up through this open letter.

I am standing for myself. I am standing for people like us. I am standing up because I, am, very, tired of this incivility. We have long endured this kind of treatment for far too long. Enough.

I'll not go as far as campaigning for a boycott as it is definitely the simple workers that would suffer from any loss in revenue such an act may cause.

People like us would like to be treated just like any other human being. Just like those foreigners who complained about our existence: With dignity.

You know the civilized and ethical thing to do: Stop discrimination in your

establishments.

Bigotry is never ethical nor a sound business strategy.

Warmly

Ms Sass Rogando Sasot

Sass is one of the founding members of the Society of Transsexual Women of the

Philippines (STRAP) [www.tsphilippines.com], an Associate Member of Transgender ASIA Research Centre, and a member of Ang Ladlad Party.

To have a dialogue with her regarding this incident, you may reach her at srsasot@... or through her mobile at +639276257010.

------


UPDATE:

Ice Vodka Bar apologized to us and is supporting our complaint to the administrators
of Greenbelt Complex

. Attached is the timeline of events.

Ice Vodka Bar is a breath of fresh air. I hope that the civility exercised by Ms Belle Castro
would set as a precedent to all bar managers in the Philippines.

The courageous women of the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP) is standing up and we hope that you support us in confronting this irritatingly recurrent issue once and for all.

We are setting up a meeting with the security administrators of Greenbelt Complex to discuss
their "policy". We are excited about the developments of this case.

We will keep you posted. This is just the beginning.

Thank you.

Warmly
Sass Rogando Sasot

Timeline of Events: The Ice Vodka Bar Incident

25 May 2008 [Sunday] – Between 6:00 am to 12:noon

1. Sass wrote an open letter: People like us: An Open Letter of a Transgender Woman Activist in the Philippines

2. Sass emailed the open letter to her local and international contacts.

25 May 2008 [Sunday] Around 6:30 PM

1. Sass went back to Ice Vodka Bar to give the open letter to Ms Belle Castro.

2. Ms Castro signed-received the letter.

3. Ms Castro apologized to Sass and promised that the incident will never happen again to anyone. Ms Castro admitted that what she did is indeed discriminatory and wrong. Sass accepted the apology. She invited Sass and her friends to dinner in Ice Vodka Bar.

4. Ms Castro advised Sass to speak with the security administrators of Greenbelt regarding the "policy". She promised to show her support to Sass.

25 May 2008 [Sunday] Between 7:00 pm – 9:00 pm

1. Sass went to the security department office located at the parking lot of Greenbelt 3.

2. She was received by Mr Leo Sarian, Acting Detachment Commander.

3. Sass narrated the story and gave the letter to Mr Sarian. Sass also filled up a complaint form. The open letter was attached to the complaint form.

4. Mr Sarian looked for the "policy" which they have. He told Sass that the policy is about profiling prostitutes circling around Greenbelt. They do surveillance for a week and confront them when they have established that they are indeed prostitutes. Mr Sarian emphasized that they don't have any directive to ban any group of people in Greebelt.

5. Sass informed him that Ms Castro, manager of Ice Vodka Bar, has told her of the policy of the security administrators.

6. Sass told them this incident didn't just happen to her, that it happened to her other friends as well and to other people. They are not just complaining. She informed them that Havana is actually notorious about banning people like her in their bar. And that the often cited reason is the policy cited by Ms Catro.

7. Engr. Fritz Tiglau and Engr Patric Andaya came, the administrators (?) of Greenbelt, came. Sass narrated the story to him.

8. Sass told them that banning people like her just because there were those who were using Greenbelt as their prostitution hub is like banning ALL Filipinos in a particular country just because there are few Filipinos who were prostituting themselves.

8. Sass requested these three things:

1. Clarification of the "policy" and its repeal if it's discriminatory.
2. A meeting with the people concerned: the bars in Greenbelt and the security administrators of Greenbelt.
3. A public apology be made.

9. Engr. Tiglau signed-received the open letter and promised that the complaint will be given high priority, that it will be forwarded to higher authorities, and that they will inform Sass about it immediately on Monday.

25 May 2008 [Sunday] Around 9.30 PM

1. Sass met with Nadine and Dee. They had dinner with Ms Belle Castro in Ice Vodka Bar.

2. Ms Castro apologized to Nadine and Dee. They accepted Ms Castro's apology.

3. Sass asked Ms Castro to formalize her apology by writing a letter. Ms Castro complied.

25 May 2008 [Sunday] 10.57 PM

1. Sass received Ms Belle Castro's apology through her email.

Prepared by:

Sass Rogando Sasot

26 May 2008

--------


AND THE VERY LATEST UPDATE:

Dear flowers of the world

I am very happy that Ayala Property Management Corporation is acting expediently on my complaint. The development of this case is just very promising and exciting.

1. On Monday Mr Dennis Galimba, Operations Engineer of Ayala Property Management Corporation and head of the customer service department of all Ayala Malls, called me to inform me that he will be the main contact person for this case. And that they are giving high priority to this case.

He hasn't mentioned any "ordinance". But he mentioned that prostitution activities (of whichever gender) is really not allowed in their malls. I told him that I understand it as prostitution is really against the law; we can't do anything about it but obey the law. I am not even defending prostitution.

He outlined to me their policy regarding monitoring prostitutes in their malls.

a. They "discretely" monitor "suspected" prostitutes
b. After they have established that there's indeed "transactions" going on between their suspects and customers they invite them to their security office.

2. I told Mr Galimba that that is their written policy. But according to Ms Belle Castro, Manager of Ice Vodka Bar, the security administrators of Greenbelt complex advised them to refuse entry to people like me because there are foreigners complaining about our presence. And they refuse us entry on account of "dressing inappropriately".

I told Mr Galimba that Ms Belle Castro has promised to support my complaint.

3. Mr Galimba said that if it's that thing that is happening, that is really discriminatory. I also raised the issue of Cafe Havana. Mr Galimba is oblivious of what's really happening.

4. I also told Mr Galimba that I'm not the only one who experienced this in Greenbelt, that there are lots of us and that they are just being silent about it because they are Ayala Corporation. And that they take action on this issue as soon as possible.

5. I suggested that we are willing to participate to them in making Greenbelt complex discriminatory free as well as help in preserving the decency of the place. Mr Galimba is excited about it.

6. I stressed again that Greenbelt Complex should declare publicly that they are discriminatory free.

7. After our talk, Glen Danugrao, Security Supervisor assigned at Greenbelt Mall, texted me and informed me that there will be a meeting on Thursday (May 29) with Ice vodka Bar, other bars in Greenbelt, and the security administrators regarding the incident. I will attend this meeting. They will also furnish me a copy of the minutes of the meeting.

That's all for now.

Warmly,
-------------------------------------------------------
Sass Rogando Sasot
M - +63 927 6257010
E - srsasot@gmail.com
B - nonethelesfiction.blogspot.com

sanga-sanga sa daan

actually, it's more like baradong daan. i found myself going down the jeep ride home to walk. as in, from provident vill to the bayan area where i live. pramis. but it's just a short walk for me, kasi sanay na ko sa walks lately, thanks to my renewed workout sked sa sports center at sa gym nearby.

trapik kasi ng sobrang hinayupak. as in, nagsalubong na ang mga sasakyan. sanga-sanga na nga ang lanes. ang reason: may shoot daw sa may marikina bridge. not sure lang kung film o tv, pero sabi ng miron andun daw si robin padilla. tangna. kaya lesson here students: ayusing mabuti ang coordination with local authorities kapag may shoot, para walang cause ng traffic. dapat yata ilagay yan sa lessons ng lahat ng production classes. hay... kaninong kasalanan yang trapik? sa PM? hay...

naalala ko tuloy yung isang kwento ni...forgot...about shooting in new york. na sa sobrang sanay na ng mga tao sa film shoots sa kalye dun, all you have to do is go to the nyfilm commission's office to get permits and they will be the ones to reroute traffic lang to follow your shoot sked location at no hassle sa motorists o pedestrians. tapos yung mga tao, lakad lakad lang na dedma kahit mag-roll ka na. panalo di ba? at professional. dito, kanina, ang una atang nanonood e yung taga-trapik dapat. kainis. gusto ko ngang batukan nung dumaan ako, kasi sobrang luwag lang sa bridge paglampas sa location shoot. buset.

*

di lang daan ang sanga-sanga tonight. utak ko rin. in anticipation lang siguro sa paghahalo ng balat sa tatalupan soon. as in, talagang may tatalupan ng buhay somewhere soon... shit hits the fan ito. i can't wait to see when it happens. and of course, i'll make it happen, man. hehe. la vendetta mode ito e bakit ba. ako si jean garcia. chos.

ang warfreak ko. pero kasi, this is war. whatever form of discrimination thrown towards me, be it with a sexist or homophobic venom, kelangang labanan. the antidote of conservative attacks is knowing your rights and wielding them as shields.

basta. abangan. abangan kung sino dapat ang ipinapako sa krus. hindi dapat si kristo kasi e. let him walk, man. let him walk.

like i said, wake up and smell the centennial.

*

kakagaling ko kasi sa preview ng OROSMAN AT ZAFIRA kaya ako ginabi. slight sanga-sanga ang thoughts ko sa play cum musicale na itey. based sa classic text ni balagtas of course, kaya i love the lyricism of the lines. classic talaga magsulat ang lolo mo.

yun nga lang... ewan. gawan ko ba ng review? parang di ko trip e. di ko masyado naging bet yung direction kasi, saka yung story handling. i know the text is difficult, pero bakit si shakespeare nagagawan ng paraan, inggles man o isinalin (mostly ni rolando tinio noon)? i am lost. as in, la-lost ako sa pagsunod ng naratibo. what happened to that dramaturgy team? hm, strange.

pinanood ko lang ito dahil sa colleage namin sa upfi ang gumawa ng original music, si carol. oks naman. neo-ethnic music sabi sa pr. hm, yun na pala ang tawag dun. magaling ang ensemble sa music. reliable naman sa sangay na ito ang lola mong iyon. pero ang nag-standout sa akin dito ay yung nag-portray ng zafira. si cris villongco ba yun? yung apo nina armida ito, right? coincidence, ang tito niya ay magtuturo sa institute next sem hihihi at super happy ako na napapayag namin siyang magturo. pero secret muna itey. kunwari. charot.

grabe i like the way this girl acted out the part. as in, she sings and acts and emotes from the gut, the skin, the heart, and her energy emanates from her center, yung mula sa solar plexus baga. and she releases it and you feel it. galeng, lalo na yung may emote iyak parts chenes tapos okay din siyang mag-movement dance chenes na choreo ni dexter santos. man, she is good! super! kaya dedma na sa ibang uninspired performances, mostly ng ilang menchu sa cast, at sa weird story handling. see it if only for her. bet siya pramis grabe.

hm, mukhang madaming magagaling na actors ang lumalabas lately sa teatro a. that's good naman. kaka-miss din manood ng maraming stage performances. although parang ayoko nang manood ng isang play sa guerrero kapag preview lang. unang dress tech performance pala yun, kaya libre for peyups faculty. next time, we catch the gala or regular runs na lang. i don't mind paying for theater tickets.

last note pala sa orosman. si tuxqs ang nag-pd. i like his attack. post-apocalyptic indigenous neo-ethnic. pramis, ganyan ang feel ng costumes at pd! katsa meets mesh stockings with a lotta bamboo and walis tingting. sankapa! you gotta see it to believe it. ilao battala lights yet again. i always like his work anyway. i like what they both did to the large convex dome thingie na nagiging moon tapos nagiging sun, na movable sa backdrop. da best. gusto ko ng ganun sa bahay hehe.

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tuwa lang ako sa class ko kanina. at least itong batch na ito ay di nawala sa landas sa pagrereport ng topic nila. unlike last sems na biglang itatanong pa sa akin in the middle of their reports "tama ba, mam?" abah, isa lang sagot ko riyan "ewan ko. dapat alam mo yan." kainis lang yung ganun minsan, tatanungin ka kung tama ang report nila. kaya nga sila pinagrereport e. para matuto naman sila sa sarili nila, at ma-share nila ang info sa peers nila.

i remember dati pa, may nag-report tungkol sa censorship at mtrcb sa isang class. kada banggit niya ng data, isusunod niya ang "um, di ko alam bat naging ganyan, basta yun na." buset. gusto kong isigaw, nag-report ka pa! tangna talagang level ng katamaran ng iba minsan. minsan iniisip ko, sayang naman pang-tuition nila. dapat ibigay nila sa mas deserving but poorer student na mas may drive matuto kesa sa kanila. ang dami kong ganitong students kasi lately e. ewan.

wake up and smell the tuition fee increase.

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kakatuwa lang. nagsasanga muli ang daan ng mga former UP Sappho peeps. like last friday, at the lunduyan launch, nagulat ako when i saw charm, our baby dyke before sa sappho circa 1998. as in super baby. pero now, lady of the world na ang lola mo. she bloomed. i'm so happy for her. kala ko asa US siya pero she's here pala now. great to see you, charm.

another future date i'll be having is with another friend, celia, na nag-base sa KL last year. nakasalubong ko sa ym, at chika kami when she gets back here. dami daw kwento ng lola. update update ng life ulit. kia i also bumped into online, although short lang kasi patulog na ko nun.

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may isa pa dapat akong update-an session tonight but my ka-date flaked out on me hehehe. parinig! charot. wala, chichika ko sana ang isang dear friend about some friends na nag-traydor sa amin at one point in our lives or so. kumbaga, reap the la vendetta mode ko na ito, ikukuwento ko lang sa kanya hehehe. la lang...

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for those who think na nag-generalize ako sa inyo when i left the show, it wasn't really so. alam niyo ang common denominator nating lahat, and i'm not mad at you guys. not even remotely. so peace peace tayo, lalo na ngayon na wala na ang source of all evil sa lugar na iyan. dibala?

amen to that.

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dami ba cryptic? ganyan talaga ang life, lalo na pag gusto mong gawing libel-free ang publication. hey, i know my ethics man, unlike some people we know out there...na kelangan pang i-validate ang existence nila by glorifying themselves in minute ways. kawawang mga nilalang...sana makapiling niyo na si lord, soon.


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ayan na, sanga-sanga na rin ang tingin ko. sign off na.

later.