When the world comes in

I've been hearing one of my favorite songs on heavy rotation this week. I'm always in a café, alone, when this Crowded House original suddenly plays, when I'm right in the middle of heavy muni-muni mode about my life:

Hey now, hey now

Don't dream it's over

Hey now, hey now

When the world comes in

They come, they come

To build a wall between us

You know that they won't win

Sunny out, dark in.
Story of my life sometimes.
 [March 2018 Marikina]

I don't know if newer singers revived this lately. Maybe someone did. But to me, I think it's a not-so-secret message in a bottle for me from the universe.

There is freedom within, there is freedom without

Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup

I'm feeling that indeed, the world comes in heavily these past few weeks. I don't exactly know what bad juju showered upon me during the new years, the regular or the Chinese one. It's a feeling of unease. A feeling of instability. Of course superficially and technically, I know why. But spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and metaphorically, I have no clue.

Now I'm towing my car, there's a hole in the roof

My possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof

The world gets tiring once in a while. I feel like pausing and taking a break from it again. I get this from time to time, but it has been a while since I felt like this again. And again, I don't exactly know why.

Only shadows ahead barely clearing the roof
Get to know the feeling of liberation and release

Luck of the draw, I guess. I got an overload of graces for a few years already, so maybe it's the opposite lately. But when you're down, it's not always true that there's nowhere else to go but up. Sometimes when you're down, it's possible to sink even lower. Trust me on this.

I think I need more sleep.

Or air.

I don't know.

Soundtrip na lang muna.

posted from Bloggeroid

Do you have to let it linger?

The '90s wouldn't be the '90s without that unmistakable angsty voice-with-a-yodel of Dolores O'Riordan. And it wouldn't be *my* '90s if their cassette tape wasn't inside the radio of my box-type car, driving around the traffic-less streets of Metro Manila, my heart heavy with some thought or other, my head rocking to their guitars and drums, my soul busy with processing whatever it is that needs processing at that time. The Cranberries were a good background soundtrack for that stage in my life back then. 

It was 1993, 1994, 1995. The years when I traded my original college (Fine Arts) for another (Mass Comm) inside the same campus (UP Diliman). I traded my techpens, pencils, paintbrushes for an SLR camera and a video camera. It wasn't an easy transition, because it wasn't 100% sanctioned. New friends, new knowledge, and new music soothed me that time. Dolores became one of my anonymous best friends. And as a frustrated drummer, Fergal rocked for me.



I finished my 16mm film thesis back in '94-'95 with her singing in the background, started facing life after college in '95-'96 still with her in the background, and I even dragged one of my film school buddies to watch them live in concert when they came here in '96. 



It was the first mosh pit of my life, that Cranberries Live in Manila concert. We were literally a spit away from her, her mic stand full of attached guitar picks which she plucked out like she was plucking petals from a flower. And some of those she picked she threw or handed to us in the front rows. Until later, I can't recall if it was her or the other guitarist who came out with a small box of those guitar picks, and threw them to us like we were children hungry for candy. Magaling akong sumalo sa ganyan beh! So ang dami kong nakuha at naiuwi. Pero mas precious yung inabot sa akin mismo ni Dolores that time. Transferring rental apartments in 10 years made me lose those mementos lang, which is sad. 

But of course, this is sadder. To hear that she is gone. Playing When You're Gone now, because I just want to feel so fucking meta right now. This is actually one of my favorite songs of theirs. And Salvation, too.



Nakakalungkot. When you're in a stage of your life where you want to just let go of it all, here comes some pop culture snippets that will make you hang on, will make you want to hang on for a bit more, until you let go of wanting to let go, and just go on and move forward, wherever forward may lead you.

Their music was that to me back then. Isa sa mga kinapitan ko. Matinding kapit. At kapag ganoon kalalim ang kapit mo, tatatak sa iyo iyon hanggang sa pagtanda mo.

And here I am, manghang-mangha pa rin na nakaabot ako sa 44, dahil nga hindi ako bumitaw. Ilang tumbling na lang ngayong taon, 45 na ako. Siya, namatay kanina, 46 siya. Hindi pala kami nagkakalayo ng edad. 

Salamat, little girl from Limerick. Your music will linger in me, within me, until letting go is not an option anymore, but a finality.

a time to cast away stones

Soundtripping in between work duties this afternoon since my head has been feeling woozy, lightheaded but heavy at the same time. Have you had days like that? I have. Hashtag story of my life. And now, blogging while waiting for a Skype ka-meeting to go online.

I'm quoting one of my favorite songs there in the title, by the Byrds.






I grew up listening to many types of music, thanks to the musical tastes of my relatives -- from my Mom's love for Abba and the like, my Papa's love for the Beatles, their love for Elvis Presley, my own discovery of Motown, my titas' varying pop culture tastes, even my Lola's kundiman classics. I guess I'm a well-rounded child growing up.

But this Vietnam war protest era song stuck to me when I heard it when I was a teen, moreso when I was becoming a young adult, as I heard it again in the soundtrack for Forrest Gump. 

"Turn! Turn! Turn!"

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late!

I grew up with that quote in our house, actually. The chorus is from a Bible quote, and that quote was engraved in my mind ever since I saw it displayed atop our turntable in our living room. Nope, my parents aren't that religious, so someone must've given that as a gift to the couple, some Christmas token of sorts, maybe, or an office exchange gift. No harm in displaying it.

Still rings true today, its messaging. To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven. And last night was, I suppose, the beginning of a new season of reawakening for me. 

I've had varying thoughts flurrying around my brain after I met up with my father-side cousins and aunts, where my Mom was present but my Papa was absent. I spent the night recollecting a few issues, thoughts, and incidents to my sweetheart, those connected to/with the people she just met during that afternoon (I brought her with me during the family hangout in my new niece's baptism of sorts).  

I guess waking up today with some of those flurries hanging above my head gave me the woozy feeling. It's quite hard to retell, these stories, but what I want to share is, perhaps, the aftermath of the reflections. And here they are: That I should be able to shake off some cobwebs in my soul more, those that have been sticking to me since time immemorial, which sometimes hamper my inner growth of sorts. I suppose the new year also brings you this timing of reevaluation, and they couldn't have come at a better time.

Sometimes it's hard to face the music about certain truths that still pain you in your life. But we really have to be stronger, and we really have to evolve more. We are, after all, still works-in-progress of this vast universe, and we have to be more open to reassess every project we find ourselves in. 

And sometimes, it really is time to gather stones together, but not to throw them at someone, but to throw them away rather. For the backpack of your life could only carry so much weight. And yes, the project has always been one and the same: travel light.

How long 'til my soul gets it right, as another singing group croons. I guess in a lifetime, one would never know. But one could always try trying. Always try. 

Happy Monday, folks. Have an enlightened week ahead. I know I will. 

guard me guarding you

OMG OMG OMG nabuhay na naman ang lola alanis koh!!! 





Siya na!

And that video pays tribute to one of my favorite films of all time, Wim Wender's WINGS OF DESIRE. Ampotch! 

Harks me back to old times when the 90s rocked and I rocked with lola alanis ever lang. Hay... those were the days. 

Fangirl mode lang on a rainy Sunday.

Can't wait to hear more from this new album.  

At maganda ang words ha infair. As usual.

Masarap ialay sa mga nilalang na mahal mo. At mahal ka. :)

Di ba?

#akona #alamna #yown! :)

see that girl, watch that scene

Bonding time with my mom.

Sumi-CCP kami! Ano'ng 'bawal ang camera' ha? Click! Heheh.

It's the best!

Treated her to some theater today. She's into movies more (as we all are in the family; haller why d'ya think I became a filmmaker?) so I think this is the first time in, like, decades, that she watched something onstage again. At natuwa naman siya. CCP is a long way from her comfort zone and I'm glad I'm with her in this place that is familiar to me and my arts to share our love for this certain artwork. She was hesitant at first because the tickets are expensive daw etc. etc. lam mu na, nanay woes, but money's no object when it comes to treating the people you love. At least that's how I see it. Pera lang 'yan, kikitain ko ulit 'yan sa future rakets. What's more important is that I could use it to buy something that will make me and my loved ones happy. And there you go. (Ganansya naman ng pagiging "Artist II" ko ito e heheh so put it to good use and see some art. Odevah! Wahaha! Chos.)

Mamma Mia is really a generational bonding thing for us in the family. I dunno, we Pinoys, we heart Abba, especially my parents. Read my review of the 2008 film version and you'll see how we bond the Abba way. Sayang lang at di sumama 'yung isa kong tita, nag-back out 'yung cousin ko rin. Oh well. Keri lang naman kahit kaming dalawa lang. I just wish my sister were here with us, too. Wagi sana ito, bonding kaming tatlo ulit. Just like old times.

Saya lang teh!

more kulitan hehe

just for this moment...as long as you're mine

Because sometimes, it's not enough to be faster than a speeding bullet or to be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Or even walk on water.

Sometimes, we have to defy gravity.


So I did just that.

And she did, too.

And, to quote Elphaba, "For the first time, I feel...wicked."

May tama ka teh. Ikaw na.

goldfish in the privacy of bowls do it

It's hard to leave one month and welcome another if you're not feeling too fine.

Been battling this nasty cough since last weekend and it was a struggle to get through classes this week because of it. Kamusta naman ang kumahol-kahol sa gitna ng lecture, hane. And to top it off, I can't seem to find a rest period for it! That was supposed to be today, but I opted to help out a friend and grant a TV interview which will air this Saturday (hah, welcome to the world of super-rushed deadlines!). And then that's that. Will take it easy for now until the weekend. I hope this really lets up.

But in the meantime, I've also been feeling great, in other aspects. And since someone reminded me that this is, after all, the month of hearts -- something I've been cynical about these past years (decades?) -- let's just get back to the loving mode since, after all, life is short to be negative all the time.

As Alanis waltzed in De-Lovely, let's just fucking do it.

Alright then, let's.

And Cole Porter, you da man! Ever!

buma-ballad of the sad cafe-ish mode

I was watching some showbiz news show earlier in a local channel when they showed what was up next in tonight's episode of Glee. I was never hooked to this show and never got interested, even when one of my college friends went gaga one time when he showed me how one episode revolved around Madonna songs. "It's just like our college barkada" he said. Well okay admittedly, that was okay. The Madonna ep actually reminded me of our own fresh-out-of-college days life in our Reality Bites mode of an apartment in QC. Yeah, that was okay. But still, Madonna wasn't enough to move me to become a regular viewer of this musically-oriented show.

Until tonight's ep.

Tonight, the lesbian plight of the cheerleader named Santana was the subject of the ep. Apparently, she just came out or something, or she made a video for the It Gets Better project or something to that effect, and since she's not yet out to everyone -- especially her family -- the story worked up on her outing.

Her storyline had a good pacing. Not too jampacked with a lot of emotional drama stuff, story handling was quite reserved in a good way, meaning not too heavy-handed in treatment. Boy, if this was Philippine TV, I tell you, it would not be this mellow! Geez, we Pinoys put the melo in melodrama, that's why. How I envy US writers who can write freely like this.

Anyway, I think what made me change my mind about the show was its handling of this issue. Now I am curious as to how they handled her whole lesbian story arc. I get bits here and there, reading posts of my friends in the lezzieverse, and of course seeing clips of the other gay-themed storyline with the boy kissing another boy and all that, which also led to this lesbian storyline. But since this is a girl-to-girl interaction, I want to watch it and see how they present such storylines.

But to connect this with reality, I also felt sad when Santana's abuela (Spanish for lola or grandma) rejected her outing, saying something like "You put me to shame" or something, meaning the lola's reaction is that this secret should have remained a secret, and that secret now burdened her lola. I can't help but compare how we Pinoys deal with such things. It's the don't ask, don't tell policy in Pinoy families when it comes to sexual orientation and gender identity things. A recent article I wrote centered on that. Read more here.

But I guess more than the lesbian storyline, it was the songs that got me. I mean, I never heard some of my favorite female-penned/female-sung songs sung by male bodies before. But somehow, it was still a kind of gender-bending treatment, I dunno. It felt that way. Like when one boy sang Melissa Etheridge's "I'm The Only One" but it still had that lesbian vibe to it. Man, I love that song, and the whole album where that came from! You kidding me? No self-respecting woman-loving-woman should be caught dead without a copy of Yes I Am heheh (or maybe that's just my generation? Bleh, ageism.) And then that lead boy sang "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by one of my '80s favorite Cyndi Lauper; equally good treatment, since it was melodramatic and acoustic. Well, I guess for lack of a better pop hook, they also had to sing Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" but craftily avoided the discriminatory portions towards the end. Smart. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, I dissected some "seemingly gay-friendly" songs before in an article. Read it here.)

But what got me was when they sang one of my favorite favorite favorite songs of all time, kd lang's "Constant Craving." Oh man, that did it for me! And to use it for what it truly is -- a song of empowerment about who you are and what you want to attain, whether it's love or ambition (or both, or the ambition for love, actually) -- and arrange it so that multiple voices sing it but it somehow applies to their own existence, I mean wow, simple yet cool. Subtle, but loaded. I like it.

The song's lyrics are just simple, but how kd sings it is really striking:

Even through the darkest phase
Be it thick or thin
Always someone marches brave
Here beneath my skin

Constant craving
Has always been

Maybe a great magnet pulls
All souls towards truth
Or maybe it is life itself
That feeds wisdom
To its youth

Constant craving
Has always been

Funny, I just remembered one of the very first short stories I wrote that was published in the late '90s had something to do with songs, about a woman hesitatingly falling in love with a woman, and I ended it with them quoting that kd lang song. The story's title is "The Ballad of Tisha Gail" and it's actually one of my favorite stories in my treasure trove. Fiction writer Butch Dalisay, in our grad class, termed it as "the search for princess charming" heheh.

My very bad attempt at videoke, peer-pressured by my lesbian friends
in Baguio heheh. I tell ya, I can dance bad-ass like Ellen but I can't sing a song
to save my life. So un-Filipino, di ba? To be a bad singer?
And my last name means "soloist in a choir" pa naman haha!
(City Tavern, Baguio / April 2011 photo by superfriend L)

You can't find that story online so here's part of it. The pitch is, it's about this Pinay lesbian named Gina who has a huge crush on her officemate Trish, a Fil-Canadian. Sharing the ending here:

“You know, you’re really nice, Gina. You’d make some woman very happy some day, you know, when you decide to settle down.”

“Geez, Trish!”

“What? It’s true. You’re a hard-working woman, very talented, nice, kind, a good confidante, and domesticated. Am I embarrassing you enough or do you want more?”

“Ha! Yeah, right! More! Geez!”

“And you’re also sweet, thoughtful--”

“Geez, Trish! Stop it!”

“Ha-ha!”

“And what’s that ‘domesticated’ thing? How can you say that?”

“You fix up your bed and the room every morning. You even fix my own bed without me asking you to. And you like doing the dishes, you help in preparing the food. You know, wife stuff.”

“Wife stuff? Hasn’t it occurred to you that maybe I’m just doing that because I have to, because that’s my only contribution to this trip since everything’s provided for free by your Tita?”

“No, Gina. It’s more than that. You’re also like that in the office. I know, because you always fix up our cubicle. And I’m always embarrassed, because I can be such a slob!”

“Yeah, that or I’m just super obsessive-compulsive.”

“That never bothered me.”

“You’re such a flake, Trish. Did you know that? Miss Nicety-Nice is a flake!”

“Yes! I am! Ha-ha! Only you guys don’t know it!”

“He-he! Great! So what else don’t we know about you that you feel like sharing, huh?”

“Well...”

“W-ell... what?”

“Well, I’d like to know why, Gina.”

“Why? Why what?”

“Why you never made a pass at me? During all those times that we’re out of town?”

“WHAT?”

“Um, you know...”

“Uh, geez, now I’m uh, speechless...”

“I’ve been thinking about it, Gina. I’ve had more fun with you than with anybody else I’ve met and had relationships with all my life. I was toying with the idea of kissing you, you know, just to know how it feels to kiss a woman. A Filipino woman.”

“What—you mean—“

“I mean… I had some lesbian suitors back in Vancouver, but I never found them interesting. Through them, I found out that I can be open, but not with them. Perhaps I’m looking for something else in them. I’m not sure what exactly, but, um, I guess I found that in you.”

“Alright, stop with the jokes before I get really really embarrassed here!”

“No, Gina, no jokes, honest! These past three days, I keep on thinking ‘what if I lie beside you and just hug you?’ You’re so caring, so nice, that I’m wondering why you don’t have a girlfriend.”

“W-ell... I dunno. He-he… Kinda hard to find the good girls.”

“Um, I’m here, am I not? I’m good. You guys always say so yourselves.”

“Wh-- uhh, you, uh, mean...”

“You want to give it a shot?”

“Uhh...”

“Chicken!”

“No, I’m not!”

“Prove it then!”

I guess I have Freddie and Jill to thank for not showing up that night at the bar. No, I retract. I have my boss to thank for trapping them in that charades game. I have to thank her for making nepotism a priority and putting Patricia in our office as my supervisor. Or do I have to thank Vancouver for exposing Patricia to the proper gay and lesbian awareness? Whoever and whatever it is that I should thank, I thank them all. If not for them, then I won’t be receiving this wonderful feeling called love from this wonderful woman named Patricia. She taught me a new song about myself, about giving people a chance to show their true selves to me. And I’m grateful. I guess I’m also teaching her a new song, the one that says being loved by her is the most wonderful thing on earth. She then persuaded me to take a much-needed vacation. So I guess next month, we’ll be jamming in a videoke bar somewhere on the outskirts of Vancouver.

“Your Tita Myra will miss me at the office, you know. Are you sure it’s alright?”

“Gina, let nepotism work to your advantage for once.”

“But she will suspect, because I’m going with you! And you’ll be in trouble.”

“Gina, why do you think she’s still called Miss Myra and lives alone in her house with her adopted daughter at the prime age of 42? It’s just one of those family things that the family doesn’t really discuss, you know what I mean?”

“You mean…”

“Yes, I mean.”

“Oh. OH! Oh. Wow. WOW!”

We were both wondering if Freddie and Jill noticed the special closeness Patricia and I had after the Burnham Park walk. I guess they did, because I saw the two wink at me when I said goodnight. Sleeping early Patricia, Jill said. Well, the walk back here was tiring, she said. Besides, Gina’s teaching me the lyric to this new song I liked, this k.d. lang song the bar band sang. O-kayyy... So, goodnight, you two. Wink, smile, courtesy of Freddie. Wink, smile, courtesy of Jill. Smile, thumbs up, courtesy of yours truly.

“So, how does it go again, Gina? And constant craving is -- is what?”

“Has, Trish, has always been.”

("The Ballad of Tisha Gail" ©1999, this revision ©2008)

Yeah, it's really interesting to note that the good kicks I get from pop culture stuff still have something to do with women-loving-women-themed stuff. And I like it. So sige, will put this show on my backlog of things to watch for the holidays and see how the storyline goes.

a funny kind of sad

And the soundtrack of this post is brought to you by the lyrically poignant duo from our favorite '80s musicians called Tears For Fears.

...welcome to your life/ there's no turning back...

Sometimes, the only way to cope with a stressful situation is to engage it full on, collide with it head on, like bungee jumping to conquer your fear of heights, in a manner of speaking.

So with the dreaded uber-commercial holiday that is Christmas, it's either integrate or isolate for me. Both tactics work every year, for the past decade (and more). Imagine being in a country where Christmas countdowns are done as early as September, and listening to Christmas songs extend up to January. I kid you not, folks. Try coming here in Manila to experience it. We put the jeez! in "Happy Birthday Jesus." Promise.

...acting on your best behavior/ turn your back on mother nature...

So yesterday, I was preparing myself to do the second "i" -- isolate, to just hibernate here in my cocoon I call home, but I remembered I have to see this movie sequel of a movie I so loved in my youth (review later). Plus I remembered I had to buy a few items at the mall. So the two-in-one mission pulled me out of the second "i" mode and engaged me totally with the first "i" mode - integration.

And what better way to integrate one's self in this stressful yuletide time than to go to a freaking mall. Stupid me did that - headed to the nearest SM mall here in Marikina where I was hoping to catch Tron Legacy in 3D. Alas, I came a little late so I decided to first check the department store for the items I wanted to get. And next thing you know, I gave in to getting more stuff that seemed to accumulate in my to-do list. And since I have this itch to tick off things in my to-do list immediately, haaaay... I ended up spending like 3 hours or so roaming around the mall buying the stuff I needed. Yes, perfect timing, huh. Amidst mommies running around getting gifts for their spoiled kiddies and daddies trying to convince mommies for unnecessary purchases, this queer girl was just walking around like a zombie, walking like she just didn't care, since she had her Ipod with her. And that's the trick with me, my coping -- music. Yes, I can see you, Christmas, but I can't hear youuuuuuu.

...into that void of silence / where we cry without sound...

And when I sat down to eat and journal in one of my favorite cafe corners at this mall, this music suddenly played:

and i find it kind of funny
i find it kind of sad
the dreams in which i'm dying
are the best i've ever had

Yes, indeed, Roland and Curt, it's definitely a mad, mad, mad, mad world here in Manila during yuletide. Funny. A funny kind of sad, to rework your lyrics.

... high time we made a stand / and shook up the views / of the common man...

This was my view when I was sitting and journaling while waiting for my dinner to while away time before the next movie screening:



Lovely. Lights aren't uber-kill this year here. Not that I have a point of comparison. Or maybe my view obliterates the other tacky decor. Whatever. And from the photo, you would think that the mall is quiet and has less people. Wrong!

... these are the things i can do without / come on / i'm talking to you...

But one ever-reliable coping mechanism I have to combat this yuletide stress is channeling the downtown syndrome as I call it. I guess this is why I like living in a cosmopolitan place; this downtown syndrome works best in such places.

Petula Clark has this '60s hit or something, a song I really like since I was small. In a way, you can say that this is my own personal anthem:

When you're alone
And life is making you lonely,
You can always go downtown
When you've got worries,
All the noise and the hurry
Seems to help, I know, downtown

Just listen to the music
of the traffic in the city
Linger on the sidewalk
where the neon signs are pretty
How can you lose?
The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all your troubles,
forget all your cares and go

Downtown, things'll be great when you're
Downtown, no finer place for sure
Downtown, everything's waiting for you

Don't hang around
And let your problems surround you
There are movie shows downtown
Maybe you know
Some little places to go to
Where they never close downtown

Just listen to the rhythm of a gentle bossanova
You'll be dancing with 'em too before the night is over
Happy again
The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all your troubles,
forget all your cares and go

Downtown where all the lights are bright,
Downtown, waiting for you tonight,
Downtown, you're gonna be alright now

And you may find somebody kind to help and understand you,
Someone who is just like you and needs a gentle hand to
Guide them along
So, maybe I'll see you there
We can forget all our troubles,
forget all our cares and go

Downtown, things'll be great when you're
Downtown, don't wait a minute more
Downtown, everything's waiting for you

And it was ever so poignant when Winona Ryder my love and Angelina Jolie my lust (yes, I am polyamorous that way, chos! :P) sang this in one of my favorite films of all time, Girl, Interrupted in a cute off-key tone hehe. Lavet!

they were singing to this other "inmate" friend
who was locked in isolation. man i love this scene!
photo from here.

Downtown. That's a good way of coping, especially if you're doing the integration mode thing. Listen to the rhythm of that gentle bossa nova indeed. Or in my case, the angst-ridden male singers of the '80s and '90s on my Ipod. Yes, TFF.

...you don't give me love / you give me pale shelter / you don't give me love / you give me cold hands / and i can't operate on this failure / when all i wanna be is / completely in command...

Don't ask me why I don't like Christmas so much. That is a long one. But aside from the obvious reasons -- crass commercialism and the forced-togetherness-rammed-down-your-throat-media-messages -- it's also about one ritual I don't give a damn about already. Sure, celebrate the birth of Christ but then, not everybody does, so why do we all have to celebrate it? Respect for those who don't follow this organized religion, please. I just want this season to pass without being reminded that He will come to Save Me and Redeem Me and all that jazz. Sorry agnostic girl speaking. Catholic school girl angst flashback mode.

... my features form with a change in the weather...

Hay, I can go on and on about this. But really, I just want a quiet space to be in, at this time of the year. So I guess I'll go into that isolation mode now, here in my cocoon I call home. Yes, I bah humbug, but I don't limit those who want to celebrate this season in full bloom. So I still accept gifts and greetings from well-meaning friends, acquaintances and relatives nonetheless. I could be a scrooge but I'm not totally cynically cold-hearted that way.

And that was one thing I like this year. Maybe some friends, as we all grow old gracefully, come to terms with lots of things in their lives, in our intertwined and tangential lives, that they send messages and feelers that, after all these years, they care, and they're there. For you. With you. This took me by surprise this year. A pleasant surprise at that, though.

... soon we will be older / when we gonna make it work?...

I was so touched with this small, simple yet touching gift this college friend of mine gave me. It had this personal touch of a letter only to me, and it was full of thoughts I never knew she thought of about our friendship. But I am so glad to hear it still, of course. After all these years, you never know how you affect other people, you never know how you are valued as a friend. So touched, grabe. I heart my friends so much.

Of course, the feeling is mutual. I value them as much as they value me. I am fiercely loyal like that. Taurean trait. Like my tagline in this blog says, I'm just one of two things in people's lives: either I'm your best friend or your worst enemy. And people know, and have experienced, being on both sides. I still abide by this tag, even if I've lost a few good friends along the way. Sans regret. No day but today, as they sang in Rent. People come and people go.

...kick out the style / bring back the jam / sowing the seeds of love...

And even if they know that I am not such a gift-giver this season, they still give me gifts. Universe bless them. Two friends gave me books this year. One has been doing that ever since anyway, and I value it so much. Also, I received lots of chocolates, mostly from colleagues. Hm. Will give that away to kids maybe, as I'm beginning to dislike chocolate this year. Yes, that's another story. I don't know. Maybe some other time.

... we've got the whole wide world in our hands...

Well, I don't know where this post is heading now, but I guess it's my own weird way of greeting all of you. Regardless. Yeah, I'm weird that way. Anyway, signing off now. Back after the big shebang. You can listen to us later at our Cine Chichirya radio show at 6pm, all about Christmas movies and why they are crafted the way they are. And hehe I love it that two out of three of your radio hosts dislike Christmas hahaha. Just listen to discover who, aside from me. That's on DZUP 1602am band if you're in Manila and via dzup.org / dilc.upd.edu.ph live streaming if you're out of town or the country.

Anyway, HOP-PY HOLEY DAZE folks. Don't get heartburn. Eat/drink moderately.