love never knows when the time is right

I was a film major in my undergraduate university days and thus, my thesis was a film. Specifically, I made a short film -- shot on celluloid no less, and damn proud of it -- and had my sister act in it, and my other relatives as well, plus of course friends helped on-cam and off. That was one heck of a shoot and we had a great time doing that.

still shots from my thesis, filming the snatching scene
where one of the things snatched from the protagonist
is her watch (photo taken from my thesis hard bound copy circa 1995)

My film is entitled Gabay and, due to the lack of proper archiving facilities in UP, it could still be seen as a 16mm celluloid film but a VHS copy is still in the MassComm library. The film is about searching for some kind of inner peace and all that jazz. People who knew me in my latter days (meaning post-college post-heterosexual epoch) wouldn't think that I made this film. One even told me "wow ang deep mo pala Libay" because she knew me as this happy lezzie beki who could give Vice Ganda a run for her stand-up comedy money.

Stating my thesis objective; kelangan mo pala maghukay sa lalim? Chos.

But those who really got to know me would really know who I am and how I am. These were the times when I was starting to reject Catholicism on a grand scale and trying to have an eclectic faith based mostly on Buddhist thoughts. And it was during these times when I started to reject a lot of things that was part of my daily living. One of them was rejecting the hold of time on me, literally. In short, I stopped wearing watches.

Watches for me symbolized just that. Maaaring maarte tignan pero may ganun talagang simbolismo siya para sa akin, na hawak ako ng oras na hindi ko malalabanan dahil lagi siyang ipinapaalala sa akin dahil nakakabit ito sa aking pulso. O di ba tumbling naman sa philosophical chenes. And that philosophy was reflected in that thesis film of mine.

But this is funny because, all my life, I've always liked wearing watches, specially watches given to me by people I love who love me. Like when I first started learning how to tell time, it was my lola's Mickey Mouse watch gift I was using to learn. How I loved that watch simply because I love lola, not so much a fan of Mickey actually. Disney-ism was just ingrained to me by my relatives but I never fully embraced it. Oh, but how I loved that watch. I think it's pink, if I remember it right. Queer pink. Foreshadowing at age 5, who would have thought? Chos.

calling this "retro" really hurts me now (photo from here)

High school was a different era. Remember this was the time of the Swatch watch made famous by local teen celebrities and of course the Gift Gate spokesperson at that time, a pre-showbiz-ified Kris Aquino, back when she was still tolerable a personality. In fact, my high school classmates thought I was so sosyal because I had several Swatch watches, all gifts by my fashionista titas and my mum. I actually couldn't care less about brands but the designs I liked. That's what I was always after -- the aesthetics. Never mind the brand, really, although of course that is an afterthought later on, but not a burden -- unless the price comes to mind.

But I guess the Philippines was still economically okay back then, so price wasn't much of a burden. Aside from Swatch watches, I also had other branded watches. A Gucci watch is very prominent in my recollection, with its red and green strap that reminded me of Italy, and then syncing that with learning Italian language back in fourth year high school. Va bene indeed. I think I had a few others but that's all I remember now.

Had I known who Keith Haring was during the 80s,
I would have bought this Swatch watch designed by him!
But of course, queer realizations come later in life. (photo from here)

And actually stumbling upon his studio in New York
couple of years ago gave me such a high!
(March 2010 photo by superfriend K)

So then, jump to my post-college life, when I started working at 22 years old after graduation, and it was during those early 20s when I realized I should reject more things that bind me to some oppressive thought. Time was number one, since I was always running out of it, or never had enough to spend with my loved ones, or having it snatched underneath me while I am having fun, or falling in love, or being fallen because of love, all that crap. So thus, before I turned a quarter of a century old, I stopped wearing watches altogether. Who needs a watch when I can whip up another gadget that will figuratively enslave humankind eventually -- the cellphone, burgeoning that time as well -- that can tell me the time and connect me with people from a distance. Same same.

The watch just prominently figures in my life again sometime after that, during my late 20s, when I was heavily into my second monogamous relationship with a woman, one of my longest (to quote Corky in BOUND, five years is a long time). Her birthday was coming up so I decided to surprise her with a watch. And since I wasn't updated anymore on watch trends that time, I decided to browse shops and look at aesthetics again. And I found a good one under Kenneth Cole.

It's funny that I would buy her a KC watch that time. I think it was too small (or too big? Memory eludes me.) for her so we had it altered after. But because she went to the US to visit her sister before that, she was introduced to a Fossil watch and that became her benchmark. So poor KC wasn't much appreciated after. Hm. Story of that relationship...

And yet again, it's funny because aside from watches, I have always appreciated the KC brand. I actually had a KC backpack before, cool design and make, which was "borrowed" by another ex and never returned. What's with these women, eh. Hm.

And yet yet again, I developed another level of respect for KC when this billboard of theirs came out in the US a while back:

KC in support of gay marriage, photo from here

Cool, eh? More brands outing themselves in support of the LGBTQ community. I heart them. And of course, KC is one of them. Perhaps that's my inner gaydar detecting early on that this brand speaks to people like me, and so I want to support it.

And yet again, KC surprises me anew.

Look at what I'm wearing.

From Jakarta with love, much love. Thanks mahal. (February 2012)

This came in the mail early this week, a lovely surprise from a lovely being who noticed that I wasn't wearing a watch, so she decided to give me one as a gift. Just because. I am such a lucky bastard that way, I guess. You know. :)

I told her my philosophy of not wearing a watch but of course, like with all other philosophies, things could be renegotiated somewhat. I told her how I was actually contemplating on wearing one again, and she said that perhaps her timing is right hehe. It is, actually, in more ways than one. :)

Actually, I was just looking at watches late last year, on a whim, to see the latest designs and trends, because my fashionista cousins made it a big deal that they're giving away an Ice watch as prize during our family yuletide reunion. So I got curious and thought hmmm, should I, again? And then the thought passed.

my Tita Coring, mum's older sis, won it (December 2011)

It's actually cool, those Ice watches, as I saw them displayed in Rustan's, because they're so rainbow-y hehe. But not for me. My taste in watches hasn't changed, as I discovered -- I want something simple that will still rock. And apparently, that was given to me this week, by someone who rocks my world, who says that I rock her world as well. :) Yes, I guess we both rock, eh.

And how funny is that that she will choose a KC watch for me. Initially, I thought it was a bit big or I have a small wrist. But seeing that photo, she says it's just right. Guwapo daw sa akin hehe. I dunno, a masculine adjective actually applies to the situation, and anyway I am not bothered if any-gendered adjectives are used on me -- as long as they're positive ha! Hehe. So yeah, guapa or guapo, check! :P

Forgive the cheesiness of this post. I guess when I'm totally happy and when I have someone in my life who cares and loves me so much, I couldn't help but spill it, as I cannot contain the positivity just for myself. So yeah, I think it's also time to renegotiate that. Time to come out of the closet of cynicism, and just declare to the world that you're in love. Bakit ba? Ano ba ang masama doon? Nothing wrong with being in this state. I just wish that those who envy this or tease me about it would someday find this kind of support in their own lives as well. Everyone deserves to be happy, after all.

define bayli (February 2012 at peyups)

Like that song said, it's a matter of time and tide, I guess. Just enjoy the ride, because it's time to choose happiness by choosing love.

So yeah, after about 15 years or so, we add a watch to our daily collection of accessories to wear with pride. Yeah, it's about time we went back to reexamine our philosophies and how we deal with things now that we are a bit "older and wiser." And it's time to take more chances with sporting things that will benefit our being -- namely happiness, and love.

Time is gold. Go for gold. Always.

Perhaps when the time is right, KC. Who knows?
In the meantime, thanks for the support.