a day off, a progress report

Since it has been raining here in Manila ever since I returned from my Mindanao trips yesterday, I decided to hole in my condo today and just rest. I think the tiredness of the trip just hit me today, even though the whole trip wasn't exactly all work and no fun. But such is what happens when one travels, I guess. Sometimes you just need to park yourself where you're at home for the moment, before embarking on the next journey.

but i really love riding planes
(about to land on gensan / aug2011)

I also wanted to park myself at home today because I was hoping to catch a good friend online earlier today, which didn't happen since my landline and internet got cut off, as I discovered, upon my return. But thanks to better services, this much-needed lifeline utility of ours in this day and age is back and raring to connect me to the wired world once again.

And so, here we are. Raincheck on the chat, my friend, but always keep in mind that your welfare is always on my mind.

Hay... sometimes don't you just wish that you didn't need a visa or a contraption to travel to a place in an instant? Like if I wanted to visit my grandfather in Canada in an instant, I'd just snap my fingers and I'll be in Mississauga in a jif. Or snap my fingers and I'll be in another part of the world where my kindred spirits live, who miss me as much as I miss them, and talk to them and give them insights during these certain times of their lives when they need them. How I also wish they could also travel that fast, in a snap, and they could be beside me whenever I need a hug from trusted friends who keep me sane and who keep me balanced.

Hay, I miss you friends and kindred spirits on the other side of the world. We guys should chat more!

Anyway, as a token for some of them, I wrote this article on POC Pinoy LGBT channel about teaching Filipino gay lingo to foreigners. I hope you guys like it :) Another article related to that is also out na, about how we queer the Filipino language and make it into gayspeak. Read that here.

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The past week was tiring but it was also fun and exciting. A project I've been working on jumpstarted already so that means traveling to five different locations for a documentary shoot. Three of the five are out-of-Manila locations so that's why I was in Manny Pacquiao-land last Satuday, also known as General Santos City or GenSan, the place that tuna made famous. We then rode a van to Davao City after three days and that's where we came from flying back to Manila yesterday. This weekend, we fly to Cebu for the last leg of this project shoot but thank goodness for my Smartbro internet stick (or the hotel wifi), I could still take a peek at what's happening with my kindred spirits and loved ones online, before dozing off after a day's work (and the subsequent nightcap).

smile for children's rights
(somewhere in Davao / aug2011 photo by superfriend Marnie)

I am really having a good time with this project. It made me realize that I should really work with people I truly trust more, people I've known for a long time, who could deliver professionally as well as personally. I made the mistake of getting people with problematic work ethics last summer for a project, which ended up in me drinking Peptobismol for the first time in my life. So I won't make that mistake again now. Life is short to gamble on crucial life deadlines, you know. I could be friends with these people but I don't want to work with them. That's my point. Well, unless they change their work style but hey, life's too short to wait for that, either.


Yes, I am happy certain things are falling into place in some aspects of my life. Now if only the same thing would happen in my other aspects, then life would be so grand.

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One aspect that made me stop and stare at the clouds earlier today--upon realizing that the rains will obliterate any chance of seeing a sunset--is the aspect that reminded me of what happened a year ago this month, upon seeing the change in months. My, time flies really fast. Remember remember that date in September... but the good thing is, I really don't remember much anymore. Really. I don't remember. It's a good feeling but it's a scary one as well. And it has been a year now. Only a year yet I have forgotten majority of what transpired within the past two years of a life I once knew. Wow. Now that is what I call a good progress report. I don't remember.

If you've been following this space -- and if you know me offline -- you'd know what I'm talking about. September last year was the time I became allergic to sunsets. But surprise of all surprises, as I was lamenting the destruction of a relationship, I never realized that that September, someone arrived in my sphere who will eventually enter my soul and penetrate my heart once again, introducing sunshine and starshine into my life once again. The universe works in funny ways like that sometimes.

I believe people arrive in your life for a reason, and once that reason has been transformed into something useful, then they depart. There's no such thing as wrong timing, only wrong placement, I guess. Sometimes we think we loved the wrong person or we wasted our time with them when we could have been doing other things in life. Maybe meeting them, falling for them, and having them crush our hearts and souls were just the thing we needed at that time, and the feelings we gather from that experience would be the seeds for something better and more worthwhile lined up in our future. Now the wrong placement is when we still try and try and try to make things work even if we know that it should have ended a long time ago. But the universe still keeps tabs on us, and thus it conspires with all elements to give us a swift kick in the butt that will eventually make us wake up, get up, and move on -- even if we resist it.

And that's what happened to me. I can't remember much the past two years of a life with an ex but how I vividly remember the past seven months with a girl who eventually became a kindred spirit, one of my superfriends in the whole wide world, who knew me and saw me in ways I never knew and saw myself before. And for that, I am forever grateful to her, for showing me that even if I missed the sunrise and became disappointed in sunsets, there will always be starshine, with thanks to my ever-favorite moon, to still show me the way.

Now, even if this latest kindred spirit of mine was just here in my sphere for several months, the dent she left in my being was such a ginormous one that I have been missing her ever so terribly since she left a few months ago. I guess sometimes people really affect you that way, and it's also to prepare you for other kinds of people who will affect you in a different way.

Since the start of this year, I have also been witnessing a friendship that eventually waned and eventually ended, for me. Literally, it's like losing a best friend, a friend you have known for ages, who have seen you cry and celebrate, who was with you when you were broken and were healed. Never did I realize that this friendship will eventually demise but again, life's too short to lament on things that stress you out. Plus it's a sad thing that this fallout has happened before in our sphere, so I guess the universe is telling me something about that -- to finally abandon this sphere, and move on to rotating with others in my other spheres -- which is what I'm doing.

like lola alanis sang, you live, you learn/ you lose, you learn.
hear hear teh (aug2011 / somewhere in ateneo de manila u)

I guess missing someone you love so terribly and missing the company of kindred spirits so much mask the pain that this fallout has been causing me for a couple of weeks now. Plus I derive energy from the excitement of the projects I'm doing and from the positivity of the people involved in the projects.

It's really a hodgepodge of emotions for me, this past month, and also this new one. And after talking with a few good friends, I don't really know what's going to happen in the next coming months, up until the year ends. Wow, another year, another queer, readying her gear... hm. Well, let's see. Whatever happens, happens.

And as always, we don't really regret. We ponder.