channeling carrie: my book reviews on Mega Magazine's feb ish

eto naman bilhin niyo hehe. yet another article already out.


this time, it's about books. a writer friend of mine, who turned out to be on the editorial team, recruited me to be their regular book reviewer. new year, new gig, so i said what the hey, taraley!

and here it is na nga. my first attempt at reviewing books for them started in this month's issue, which is accidentally their 16th anniversary issue pala. great timing. bakit kaya tuwing naju-join ako sa isang endeavor e tumatapat ako sa anniv nito? strangeness lang.

sorry hindi pa updated ang website nila kaya i don't think you can see all articles online.

don't be fooled by the covers. i almost was. when i was at the grocery a few days ago, i saw an issue and thought of buying one na, kasi ang tagal dumating nung compli copy ko. but when i saw who was on the cover, lo and behold, buti na lang di ko binili. ayoko ng souvenir na yun noh, kahit pang-folio ko siya. ay basta.

this feb ish kasi came out in 10 different covers but one content lang, featuring 16 fashionable ladies chenelyn daw or something. take turns sa each cover baga. when i saw the compli copy, keri ko yung nasa cover somewhat: si bianca gonzalez. although mas bet ko yung ibang covers. sana yung si iza calzado na lang, or si bea alonzo. these two photograph well. i also like what they did to ruffa gutierrez and tweety de leon, although sobrang overexposed na kasi sila for my taste. at saka si tweety reminds me of a dear friend's ex, na naging slight ex from hell hehe. ching! so wa na. oks din yung kay anne curtis. ang senswal ng batang ire ay, pero sa media lang. nakita ko to minsan sa personal, parang anorexic. ang weird. sana kumain siya ng husto.

wait for next month's ish. mas exciting. ching! :P


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it's just funny because i just did a semi-semi-marathon of SEX AND THE CITY last weekend (para ma-distract sa kabagotan sa waiting for globe chenes) and nag-swak siya sa season kung saan carrie was starting a new life. actually, all women were starting new lives at that point, at isa sa changes ni carrie ay ang pagsusulat sa -- tanaaan -- vogue magazine hehe. kaya relate ang lola mo hane? in experience lang naman. may parallelisms hehe.

nakakatawa rin kasi when she was undergoing these changes, she was 35. i'm turning 35 this year and i have been muni-muni-ing the same things she's been thinking about. again, parallelisms.

overload minsan manood ng show na to. after one ep kasi, i'd like to ruminate on the things that happened and all. saka relate ako sa writing mode ever niya hehe. we share a lot of writing habits. di ko na lang idi-divulge kung ano hehe pero tuwing makikita ko siya, natatawa ako hehehe. la lang.

man, i can't wait to see what they did with the movie version of this. now that i have to watch! sino sasama? taralets.

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feedbacking.

tama chard, maling akala nga. grabe super high kami ni ellen ongkeko when we met aparna sen live in the flesh sa india. fangirl mode kami hahaha ang cheap! parang nung nakita ko yung si BEAUTIFUL BOXER na um-attend din dun. ang pretty niya pero afraid baka sikuhin niya ako ng muay thai style hahaha chos.

thanks for the comment misanthrope. yeah, i remember one of your profs (ruth) discussing how she didn't like dogeaters as well. pero binigyan naman niya ko ng related hagedorn materyales to help me with my book report hehehe. well, go figure...

salamat din sa pagbabasa joyjoy. hm, i look 10percent italian, eh? hehe sige explore natin ang ideyang yan. sabi nga ng gf ko, tama daw si mommy, mukha akong fil-am sa inquirer photo hahaha.

arrivederci!

deal breakers

attention university of the philippines diliman smokers!!!!

my former teacher who works at the registrar's office just told me that peyups is about to unleash a new university-wide ordinance that will again signify that the university is taking a few dozen steps back into the dark ages.

after banning alcohol in the campus (the one that comes in bottles as hard or soft), they are now going to enforce daw the no smoking ordinance chenes anytime soon. which means no more yosi breaks anywhere in the campus. in effect na naman ito in several areas, like bawal na sa loob ng enclosed airconditioned rooms and such places. pero now, even in the freaking parking lot iba-ban na daw. pati daw mga kotseng napapadaan lang sa campus that happened to have a smoker smoking inside the moving vehicle will be banned. what the fuck di ba? labo kaya nun. imagine being stopped by security like this : "bos, bawal pasok UP kung di mo patayin sigarilyo." labo.

again, when i heard this, like when i first heard that alcohol is banned on campus, napabulalas ako ng "huwaaat? kelan pa tayo naging ateneo?" not to offend our jesuit-trained friends but hey, at least doon kasi may grounds kung bakit may such bans sa mga vice products like alcohol and yosi. even miriam already did that and it was quite a struggle there as narrated before by ms gigi francisco. the truly feminist ones of that school indeed put up a fight! pero wala rin, the "cleaner" people won and when we were in miriam for a meeting before, we had to walk more than a hundred steps towards a small patch of land with a small tent thing near the creek place designated as the only smoking area of that campus. ang labo. i asked if peyups will implement the same thing, put up tents and designated smoking areas and such, and my teacher is not yet knowledgeable about the details of the fine print. shit hits the fan itish!!!

well, let me tell you, that just sucks. i mean, thanks for being concerned about people's health and all, but the point of being people is just that: we are free to choose whatever the hell we want to do, buy, eat, drink and all so long as we are not directly harming people in any way. but outright banning? man, that's just the pits. para siyang censorship during the time of the dictatorship. bawal kahit ano, lalo na kritisismo. labo.

sa upfi na lang where i work, deds na kapag may ganyang chorva. like our meetings and even thesis defense comes to a halt when majority of the faculty decides to have a yosi break, and of course we allow ourselves that, as a release and break from the work and all. hey, it's not like we're smoking marijuana or anything like that di ba? ewan. labo. sabi ko nga kay mam heidi who told me, malaking away itoooooooo. tignan na lang natin how cao will handle this one! faculty una niyang kaaway dito patay siya hahahahahah! tabako pa naman tinitira ng iba riyan. hay nakuh.. hm man, speaking of that, i miss my panatelas... makabili nga.

this smoking thing came to my mind because i was watching the season2 rerun of sex and the city earlier and the ep was the one where carrie first meets aidan and she tries to switch off smoking just because he hates smokers. something like that. sabi nga niya, how much was she willing to trade off or sacrifice for a cigarette. pero tama rin naman siya e. dapat people will accept you no matter who you are, and you just do minor alterations to fit each other's lives in a relationship. to demand for a wardrobe overhaul would be criminal. that means you went into a relationship and wanted to control your partner's everything to suit your own thing. now that is just not sound, just and correct.

sabi nga ni billy joel "don't go changing to try to please me...i love you just the way you are." now if some person told you that, how much of that is true kaya? i've seen friends do 180 degree turns just to please their mates. i, for one, used to do that in the past but thank goddess i snapped out of it. if you meet somebody whom you think you could be with but they demand so many changes from you that you won't even recognize your own self once they are done with you, man, better get the hell outta there. some friends naman were just so dying to be changed that they welcome this kind of overhaul 100 percent. again, to each their own, man. to each their own.

sometimes in order to fit into a beloved's beliefs, you change your own to suit his or hers. perhaps we could chalk it up to symbiosis, but if it becomes too much that you lose your identity, now that's just plain weird. are you willing to do that? if you ask me, after 4 major relationships in this lifetime, no. clarification: not anymore. yes, folks, i was once a sap. too much of a sap, to be exact, that's why i am doing my own overhaul. i owe my intelligence that.

i've always gone by the rent credo of "i'm looking for baggage that goes with mine" because you really cannot separate people from their past, let alone their baggage, no matter how hard they pose the opposite. but if you seek to help your partner with their baggage and attack you for it, man, that's just weird, di ba? labo nun pero i've seen many friends attacked by their mates because of that. same here.

my friends and i have been talking before about this, na ano nga ba ang deal breakers namin when it comes to relationships. iba iba ang sagot diyan, siyempre depende sa mga current nilang kasama o mga nakasama na nila before. i know jealousy is one, lack of honesty and trust is another, and of course who could ever forget non-attentiveness of the other's concerns? or downplaying other's concerns as if theirs is more important than yours. like i had this ex whom i wanted to make damay sa akin regarding a family problem, concerning my mom pa no less, and all she did was dismiss me needlessly and said that more destitute and poorer people in the philippines have bigger problems than me because these people don't have their own houses and their lands are being snatched away from under their noses blah. which got me thinking, na hey, wala rin naman akong sariling bahay a (at that time) so what the fuck? but hey, you know what happened to that relationship. i was really glad i got out of that zombie mode.

so if i find myself treading on familiar grounds again, perhaps it's time to just up and leave, right? maybe. well, let's see how much of a deal breaker this is, because it is sounding to be like one...

sad.

that's why i never believe in soulmates. my friend teta once asked us that before, what we think of that concept. i said i believed no one person has one soulmate, for i believe people have chunks of one soul embedded in them, and it's just about finding the biggest chunk of the same soul in a person. kaya it's possible they could relate to more than one person because more than one came from the same soul, or they share the same soul fragments. something like that. kaya wala yung concept na "she's the one" blah for me. if you find someone sharing the same chunk of soul with you, no matter how big or small the chunk is, it's up to you two to work things out if you belong to each other for a long time or a short time only. then you move on. kaya dapat open tayo lagi sa moving on phase and we shouldn't be stuck with the "waaah it didn't work" stage, whether moving on means finding another person or enhancing your own persona -- but i prefer the latter, actually.

pessimist as it may sound but there will always be more people who will break the deal for you rather than make the deal. that's why we shouldn't be so closeminded about meeting new people or being with other people. dapat bukas tayo sa ganung posibilidad. saka dapat lagi ang bottomline dito e improvement of one's self, kasi yan naman talaga ang tunay na bottomline, kahit ano pa man ang deal na ma-break ninuman.

7am thoughts

some thoughts at seven in the friggin' morning...

"are we dating the same person?"

- from sex and the city, the episode where carrie reveals she has a fuck buddy and she tries to have a relationship with him outside the bedroom, to no avail.i like this ep because this is also where charlotte thinks of changing her dating habits as suggested by her friends, so she double-books two guys at magkakalintikan, and she concludes that she should not listen to her friends. hehehehe nakakatawa talaga yun.

but this is a good thought. it's a curious question to ask, because it forces you to re-examine the choices you have made over the years regarding your romantic partners.

i'm still re-examining. will keep you posted... but this time, i think the cycle is breaking. so i'm glad about that. i'm glad about a lot of things lately, and maybe that has something to do with the cycle... among other things.

yes, that's what you call a cyclical discussion with your self.

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short clip on a film i saw last week...

PAN'S LABYRINTH

galing talaga ng mga mexicans mag-ilaw. di ko alam kung bakit may ganoong sensitivity. CSI Miami could actually use their services because to tell you the truth, i'm tired of their heavy-coated gradated yellow-amber tone filtering to achieve that sun-hot atmospheric sizzle. puwede kayang iba naman? just like i'm getting tired of the polarized cyan/high neutral density look of CSI New York, just to have that icey metallic detached nooyawk feel of sorts. da best pa rin mag-ilaw ang CSI Vegas, but i digress...

this mexican film is just plain excellent. storyline, acting (although the child protagonist could have used more oomph in terms of her acting projection -- kulang pa ng konti sa workshop, at sa guidance in directing). the vision is good, and to have that fairy tale thingie juxtaposed with the franco dictatorship chenes, ay caramba! perfecto. galeng! reminded me of LA VITA E BELLA (LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL) where the father told his kid a game/tale to hide the atrocities of the holocaust. tangina. yan ang konsepto! multi-layered, very textured plot, and good execution helped a lot din. pero to begin with, brilliant ang mga konsepto.

may ilang portions lang na parang slow ang dating, pero may payoff din ang style ng pagbabagal. the oveall effect was okay naman.

hm, can't wait for harry potter. the trailers are good. and we see more (well, more or less) of ralph fiennes in this one. yey.

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pero nami-miss ko ang panonood sa teatro these months. tagal ko nang di nakakanood ng stage play. want to tonight, as two of my friends' plays are being restaged, kaya lang mga ati, hanlayoh kase ng ccp e. for a qc gal na nawalan na ng awto, e mahirap na lumipad sa maynila anytime my heart has whims of all sorts. argh. sorry ate liza, job, next time na lang... and sigrid, too. hm. sayang. kainizzz. kung wala lang lakad kinabukasan...

kaya lang gawad plaridel awarding kasi bukas e, at ang aawardan ay si ms cheche lazaro (broadcast kasi, tv, this year). so siyempre i have to be there, being cmc faculty and all, and also siyempre dahil sa nakasalamuha ko ang mga Probe-sters at si ms cheche sa bangkok before. so pay respects lang kumbaga. wanna watch? libre to. sa cine adarna gaganapin, pasok ka lang.

pero naboborlogs lang ako kanina why the peeps in charge want to set up the cams na bukas ng tanghali pa lang. i mean, hello, coverage lang ito ati, at saka video lang yan. and they won't require a whole deal of patching and laying cables and stuff for a freaking non-moving event! tapos 24-hour ahead set-up??????? e gagamitin ng lecturers namin sa class yung cam e...hay kakaibah. weird lang talaga yun. even if they're shooting using film, hindi ito magfa-fly. masyadong OC-ness lang yung early tech set-up na yun i swear. so no go.

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and for more pictures, wala lang, share ko lang. sabi kasi ng isa diyan, hindi daw nagbago ang smile ko over the years. totoo ba? ngiti pa lang, libay na! hehe. hindi mapapagkaila...



29 years ago... (rite of passage, meaning no more red and blue crayons as writing thingies and moving on to mongol pencils! but more excitement for chinese garter games and monkey monkey anabel running games -- kasi tumatangkad na at humahaba na legs!)




and 9 months ago. (passage to righteousness, meaning starting the rebooting of grounded systems to pursue no-brainer payoffs but also let that go because of others' unmotivated hypocritical righteousness)

hm. you do the math. eh? hehe. la lang. that's called coded discombobulations hehehe. decode.

more vanity fair/fare at my multiply. link to your left.

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and to wrap this up, yeah ly, mami-miss mo talaga ang penguin! nano-nostalgic ako doon when i think of the good ol' days of just hanging out natin nina pam. oh hey check out that digifilm nga pala ROME AND JULIET, she makes a cameo there hehe (she comes on to mylene dizon in her flowershop garden). plus a host of our other dykey friends make a cameo din dun hehe (spot the g-spotters! hahaha). watch it if only for that. forget the storyline tho.

thanks for that comment justwomyn. yeah, been accused of being a head-person din. tama ka. years of exposure will tame one down to take it easy na lang, hence my tagline sa profile.

ponpkpn, we at UP Sappho used to do a "connect the dots" game much like what alice on the l word did with her chart. mas organized nga lang sa kanya hehe. that was a fun pastime for us. at isa sa amin nga ang sinasabi mong hub hehe. pag nagsiuwian kayo ng sabay-sabay dito, ipapakilala ko kayo sa isa't isa hehehe. ay, yung isang kabanda ko, may pagka-hub ang lola hehe. kakaiba nga ang kabataan ngayon hane... hehe. at hindi ako hub. hehe. wala ko balak. i'm a private person chenes when it comes to my love life. a la jodie foster mode hahahahaha chos.

more comments! keep 'em coming.

function vs. feeling + loathing the l word

question: do you need to feel first before you could function, or do you need to function first before you could actually feel something?

just a thought. what are yours on this? comment tag below or message board to your left. or leaflens at gmail. write on...

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i don't know whose brilliant idea it was to show THE L WORD on cable tv in the philippines. but if SEX AND THE CITY gets bloody beeped because they say penis, vagina, and yes, even sex(!), imagine what more they would chop off the l word. no more than its essence lang naman. tangina.

just caught that big scene near the end of season 1, the opening of the provocations art exhibit and all the girlies and the boylets were there, of course. intense-filled episode this is, for this is the ep where all of the characters receive a major turning point: shane the playgirl exposes her heart on her sleeve and gets shot down for it bigtime; kit the hetero is getting swayed by the wooing of a drag king; bette the married one resists the call of temptation yet again from her carpenter mistress; tina who's married to bette discovers the affair and bursts; marina loonily plays the field to play her loony object of desire; loony jenny enters the scene with a boy date but meets her girl date and receives a call from sorry loony marina and ends up staring at her room with her girl date and boy date both in there -- dressed and asleep; dana gets torn between her crazy fiancee and an old-time friend who frenches her; and alice frenches long-time friend dana whom she has been pining for secretly all this time of bad plant and pay-off storyarcing.

yeah, talk about dyke drama. all of this happens in just one sequence! sankapa!

but three brilliant moments also happen in this episode, especially after this dyke drama sequence.

one -- bette goes home and finds tina. no words are exchanged much, only dagger looks from the aggrieved party that could be more aptly termed as longsword looks, and begging forgiveness looks from the guilty one. etc2ndave channel had the tenacity to edit out the most crucial part of this scene: the sex. yes, when tina finally let it all out and started hitting bette, bette retaliated by pinning tina down on the bed and, yeah, fucking her. just plain fucked her. but it was not for pleasure. no, it wasn't a pity fuck, either. it was an appease-forgive fuck. understand? if you ever experienced being in such an emotional state of rage/anger/frustration and had your lover-fighter pacify you with sex but not for both of your enjoyment but for something else, you will understand the poignancy of this scene. to those who cannot relate...lucky you.

two -- best friends dana and alice share a kiss but again, this gets chopped off. we only see alice hesitating a lot, trying to convince dana that the latter cannot marry because because because, and then *poof* and then we see a shell-shocked dana left on the porch while a flushed alice rushes off. the kiss between friends is not a new storyline but for those who were in this situation before, the scene will get to you, i'm sure.

three -- tina wanted to tell alice about bette's affair with candance. but instead of saying it out bluntly, she just cries, grabs a pen, goes to the board where the chart of lesbian lives are connected/linked together (who slept with whom and so on and so forth), draws a line from bette's name and tries to write "candace" at the other end of that line, but she breaks down crying even more after writing just "c" and "a", and alice consoles her. brilliant brilliant execution this is. now this is the perfect example of the "show, don't tell" tip. good good good.

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is it this complicated to be a dyke? not really. well, okay, yes, but the complication is not solely owned by the gay world. it is this complicated to be a human being in love, in lust, in like and living life. it's that simple.

i guess that's why i asked if feeling comes first or function comes first. function, meaning we go about our daily routines or daily lives as individuals without feeling much for other people. feeling, meaning we go by how we feel for all things around us, especially the people we care for and nurture, or want to care for and nurture. what should come first, feeling or functioning? or do they go together? or should they even be together? hm.

i ask this because some people say they could function better if they could feel first, meaning they should feel something about their actions, work and whatnot before they could execute it or something like that. and then there are some people who say that in order for a person to function, they need to feel first in order to be functional. magkaiba yun e. and yes, some people say i belong to the second category of feel-function but i don't really know about that...

i don't know if i'm making sense here, but in my mind, what i want to say is clear. not sure if it's translating well...oh well...

i dunno. am i really trying to explore feeling and functioning, or am i talking about being fair game? well, maybe that's also within the periphery of my thoughts. but that might be another discussion altogether.

ahhh. ewan. haywire na rin yata ako from watching this episode earlier and being frustrated because of the cuts. it gives an awfully different narrative when they did that, sa totoo lang. hay...

but i could feel for these girls, really, especially now. that's what's great about this show as i watch it again and again. it gets better and it gets personal that i could actually forgive the bad writing in it and the contrived plotlines of some characters. i never knew these three moments would resonate with me better these days. maybe it's because i've also had similar moments, regardless of which character i could relate to. maybe relate ako sa lahat sa kanila. kakaiba talaga... kaya sometimes i hate this show, because it feels true, and it appears true, and i could relate to most of the plotlines and characters. kakainiz.

it doesn't help that one of my favorite songs in the soundtrack is the soundtrack of the final sequences of this particular ep...

In The Sun
(by Joseph Arthur)

I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you

I know i would apologize if i could see your eyes
'Cause when you showed me myself i became someone else
But i was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comes
You can't keep awake

May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you

'Cause if i find
If i find my own way
How much will i find
If i find
If i find my own way
How much will i find
You

I don't know anymore
What it's for
I'm not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand
'Cause i been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe you're not even sure what it's for
Any more than me

May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you

kasi sa totoo lang, i am indeed caught in between all i wished for and all i need. kaya i love this song now more than ever, even if it makes the tear ducts function a bit.

but the thing is, i also need this thing that i wished for. this thing that i wish for, i feel for it, have always felt for it, before and up to now. this thing that i need is what i have and have been having in order to function for the past two years or so.

now only if i could have both. but the world doesn't really work that way. so i will always be caught in between. sometimes i mind, sometimes i don't mind. most times, i just try not to think about it.

hay naku, may god's love be with me talaga...

'til the next ep.

realize, execute and other verbs that need to be in action, maintenant

NOW IS THE TIME ika nga ng isang album ni...ewan, nalimutan ko na kung sino'ng pop star ang may album na ganito (yea, sometimes my mind is just full of junk trivia na di ko alam bakit napunta doon at di ko alam kung paano itaktak palabas, like alam niyo ba ang ibig sabihin ng tv show acronym na T.O.D.A.S.???). wala lang. now is the time to execute a few things based on certain realizations.

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salamat sa sagot sa mediocrity blah survey. i've gotten over my mediocrity blues after talking to a film director lately who also works sometimes sa tv. sabi nga niya, to wit "television breeds a culture of mediocrity, e. you don't have the time to pour out your mind and soul when the pressure of the deadline is there. minsan, basta lang ma-stage yung eksena, gagawin mo para tapos na, hindi na masyadong pinag-iisipan."

amen to that, brotha! 

parang yung sabi ng isa ko pang friend. kapag nagtatrabaho talaga sa tv, hindi daw ako dapat nagbibigay ng todo-todo, hindi tulad sa pelikula. mas may buhos sa pelikula. dapat daw i leave something for myself and not give it my all when it comes to working in tv.

amen to that, sistah!

kaya okay na ko. :)

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may mga naiwan akong bagay na ngayon ko lang pini-pick up ulit, at nagpapasalamat ako sa mga diyosa sa patuloy na paggabay dahil sa masaya itong pag-pick up lately. i'm glad.

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minsan iniisip ko kung ano ang mga deal breakers sa akin when it comes to professional and personal relationships. naalala ko lang itong term kasi ewan ko kung bakit pero may resurgence of a one-time favorite show lately, yung SEX AND THE CITY. nakakatawa lang kasi when i caught an ep sa channel9, practically walang natira sa dialogue ni samantha when she said "oh shit motherfucker i have a something something..." hehe. puro delete. and then there was this dude in masscomm who made a content analysis of the first two seasons with dangerous conclusions... i really hope he sees the rest of the show para naman mas malawak yung conclusions niya next time. at sana di siya naasar sa comment ko. pikon talo, remember...

 siguro eto ang mga sitwasyon o bagay na deal-breaker sa akin:

1. BEING LIED TO, TO MY FACE, AND TELLING A LIE TO MAKE ME SINK. sukdulan na nga na magsinungaling ang isang tao, pero mas sukdulan kung sinasabi niya ito sa harap mo at obvious na siya. that's just the pits.  

2. BEING LIED TO, AND BEING BACKSTABBED AT THE SAME TIME. self-explanatory.

iisip pa ko ng idadagdag.

pero kung mag-iisip ako ng deal breakers, siyempre kasama na rin doon ang mga klase ng tao na gumawa ng deal na yun. siguro mas maganda at madaling ilista iyon. here's mine:

1.  liars

2.  backstabbers

3.  oportunistas

4.  user-friendly people (they befriend you to use you)

5.  arrogant pa-self-important bastards

6.  matalinong tamad

7.  bobong mayabang

8.  mga taong super-galing humingi ng favor pero super-malilimutin sa pag-return ng favor

9.  mga manunulsol

10. poseurs

11. poseurs who think/act like they're not poseurs

12. mga feeling close kahit di naman kayo close (sabay beso pa, yuck)

13. mga manyak na wala sa lugar (iba to dun sa sinabi ni dj alvaro na "maginoo pero medyo bastos" kind)

14. credit-grabbers

15. mga losers na naninira ng mga taong wala namang ginagawa sa kanila

16. mga know-it-all people

17. mga taong nagsasabing advocates daw sila pero di naman naaarok ng husto ang lahat ng lebel ng adbokasiya nila

18. mga nakiki-adbokasiyang tao pero obvious faker naman

19. mga punyetang intrigera na wala talaga sa lugar (o iintrigahin ka kahit di ka kilala! sukdulan!)

20. mga activists na nag-cross na ng line ng pagiging zealot instead of advocates

21. mga matapobreng tao, lalo na yung walang k (kasi di naman sila rich in the first place!)

22. mga dupang at buwakaw sa opportunities, ideas and knowledge

23. mga pasosyal ng sobra, lalo na't out of context

24. mga pasosyal na di naman sosyal at wala silang k magpasosyal ever

tamo, mas marami nga pag character-based kesa plotpoint-based. [teacher mode]

sabi nga sa sex and the city, deal breaker yung pag may ginawa sa yo, talagang di ka na magdadalawang-isip sa pagkalas ng relasyon. of course they're talking about men, as always. pero here in my case, relasyon can mean professional or personal nga, personal na puwedeng friendship lang at hindi necessary lover.

last december, na-disappoint kasi ako ng husto sa ilang kaibigang matagal ko nang tinuturing na kaibigan. mabuti na lang at nagising ako sa katotohanang hindi ko pala sila talaga kaibigan. kaya nga mas nasasala ko na ang mga taong umaaligid sa akin ngayon.

sorry about this post. talagang kelangan lang ng purging.

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mukhang magiging masaya at aktibo ang aking summer, lalo na ang abril, my birthmonth. ngayon pa lang e marami nang plano. sana nga. sana naman diyamante na imbis na tanso ang maipon para in line with my birthstone.

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natatawa ako sa mga taong di naniniwala sa karma. tulad ng kapag nanira sila at nanadyang mag-powertrip ng husto, di ba nila nare-realize na ang mga maliliit na abala o disgrasya sa kanila na nagaganap matapos nilang gawin ang mga di kanais-nais ay balik ng karma iyon??? it works dude, it works.

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talaga yatang di ako makakatakas sa showbiz o showbiz-minded people and situations. kasi lahat pala ng larangang pasukan ko ay pulos showbizzzzzz ang mga utaw... kaya kelangang sakyan ng kapares na sasakyan para makaandar ako sa kanilang race track (kahit wala namang karera).

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the thing with people is that they don't know one thing about me, or they haven't realized it yet: kung gago ka, mas gago ako. kaya magtago ka na sa pinanggalingan mo. apat sungay ko, ati. taurus in the year of the ox. suwag ever. let the buyer beware. chos.

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i just realized that i also hate pathetic people. pathetic liars, to be exact. yes, talagang iba-iba ang level ng pagsisinungaling. 

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on the lighter side of things, i'm going to india next month wahoooooooooooooooo. for free! yey. to attend this . sosyal! ipapalabas ang maximo at pusang gala din doon. ewan kung sino sa production ang dadalo. ayuz. can't wait! 

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right now, i'm missing the company of my real friends. thanks for the new testi, ki. 

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salamat sa mga nagko-comment sa board at sa page mismo. winterdoll, gusto mo buhay mo unahin nating isapelikula? hihihihi joke. hmmm kay dre na lang kaya para abutin ng episode 6 a la star wars, anesh mare? hehe. ipa-aprub sa producer! hehe. tatlong lapad, go! chos.

salamat sa pagpaparamdam sa iba riyan. ipagpatuloy lang!

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dudes, i just realized that yesterday marked the 2-year birthday of this blog! ayuz. and where was i before that? look at my link sa left na lang. anjan lahat, yakang-yakang i-trace ninuman, kahit ng cia hehe. hapibertdeyblog!

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sabi ng co-faculty kong si edlej , magsulat na daw ako! pressure! oo nah ati! eto na! eto na! lesbian vampire story naman daw kaya para maiba? ati, ayoko! kasi life story ko yon! di niya ata alam na ako ay isang lesbian vampire! hweheheheheheh. chos.

INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE mode na naman akesh. kapapanood na naman for the umpteenth time sa cable the other day.

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sabi rin ng isa pang co-faculty na si roland, tapusin na ang MA! oo nah oo nah! eto na nga ati, dedefend na ko sa mayo! 

teka, bat ba ko pine-pressure ng mga vaklerz? hm...

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trying to write contemporary lesbian stories here but for the life of me, i dunno why my mind conjures up lesbian stories situated in the medieval times, starring angelina jolie and michelle rodriguez to boot. hanlaboh. there must be a scientific explanation for this!

channeling carrie

decided to surf the cable for the night for a nightcap earlier but failed in the csi double mission. replay ang csi vegas but saw something else: SEX AND THE CITY reruns preceded by a docu on it. the show ended sometime ago and i think they're rerunning the final season on hbo.

after about season 4, i think, i stopped watching this show because it stopped being witty and it just became...melodramatically fashionable. the wit took a vacation, the humor took a leave of absence and man, the shwe-shwes started claiming the show for the fashion element eklat. major turn off. for me, it has always been the story, witty dialogues and great characterization. c'est tout.

seeing the double-show tonight was great. it reminded me of the first seasons. i loved the book; kia lent it to me when she found it in their booksale warehouse "raid." season 1 and 2 reflected the book superbly but well, hollywood took over later on. and the fashion industry. dun na namatay ang interes ko. and besides, QUEER AS FOLK just came to my attention at that time so goodbye straight women, hello gay guys and token lesbian couple. then THE L WORD came and wow, wala na talaga ako sa het scene; traded manhattan maidens for los angeles lesbianics.

but the eps tonight were great. bumalik yung humor. and i didn't know na ang dami na palang nangyari sa girls. charlotte got married again to a sensitive bald guy, carrie's dating a russian artist but that fucker mister big's still leaving an imprint (i hate him to death and i hated her for hurting aidan the furniture maker -- the storyline was very close to home at the time of airing kasi nyeheheh), miranda got married to steve din pala after having his baby, and my idol samantha had stage one cancer removed. breast c siguro. she's in chemo now.

wow. talk about growing up. the show did just that. an ep just caught my attention one cable-surfing time years ago during the first season because that was the time i was being a siryus en dedikeyted writer and i was like making love to my computer na every night and writing the hell out of me. kaya relate ako dun kay carrie the writer in a sense. the grouping reminded me of my 2 high school friends na ka-chika ko during my het days when we used to meet like every tuesday night yata and talk about sexual encounters chuva. yea, just like what they were doing in the show. i was in my early twenties then and it was fun. the manhattan girls were in their thirties but the talk sounded the same. it was a blast.

so now i'm channeling carrie bradshaw and just typing away. and like a typical (filipino?) writer, there's a computer in front of me and an alcoholic drink by my side hehe. ching.

but i'm amazed. the good writing is back. i guess they really went overtime in brainstorming and tried to produce a memorable last season. pero ganun pa rin; the reasons why i fell in love with this show before were back, and more -- and updated. i mean, hey, samantha had cancer. shit, i can relate to that scare. it was just early this year when i went voluntarily for an ultrasound because i thought i felt something in my breasts. false alarm, thank goddesses (ang official finding: malaki lang ang suso mo hija, normal nodules lang yan. nyeta). but having women near my age getting breast cancer was just freaky. truly freaky. it reminds us that we're all creatures with indefinite but upcoming deadlines. that was a scary time, man. well, buti na lang nireimburse ng isis yung part ng medical expense.

and then there's charlotte and marriage, again, and having a baby. well, i gave up on having a baby a long time ago. college pa lang kami, tambay sa lobby ng masscomm e nadesisyunan ko na ito, na ayaw kong magbuntis. pero natatapat naman ako sa mga babaeng nais magbuntis... life is funny in a non-haha type of way sometimes, y'know.

tapos miranda and steve got married and looking for a house in brooklyn. i can just imagine my good friend in new york who underwent the same househunting scheme years ago with her partner. siguro she had the same picture there. i can imagine them like that, complete with the ket and the doggiedog. it made me nostalgic for her and i missed her company upon seeing that scene. i miss having conversations with good, decent, smart and funny people lately, and she's one of a kind in this sense.

interesting turn of events. now i'm curious how it ended. yea, i avoided the hullaballo when it ended kasi nga because of the shwe shwe rockwell fashionista crowd claiming. i just received constant updates from my sister in california who was texting me about the details. well, now i'm watching again. in the end, it's still the writing that matters. i already know these women. i want to know how it ends, and how they leave us. they left an imprint in me, at a time when i was looking for originality that spoke to me -- and it did. wow. i'm looking for the same thing now, but with the exlusive women flavor na. sadly, even TLW can't live up to that.

i need to write that show myself, i guess. wish me luck.

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well, i had a nice day overall gastronomically speaking. had a meeting with a warner music exec while having prime rib steak and a nice lady client while having eggplant parmigiana. yum. it was a nice day. sayang hindi pa ready ang 16mm works ng students ko so we're seeing that next week. on friday, i deal with screenplays. argh. wish me luck. need betacarotene loading.

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hey, a kyoto-based australian acquaintance of mine (the one who looks a lot like nicole kidman, no kidding) just emailed saying they'll be here in november. kewl! sayang hindi october, abutan sana nila yung feminista series sa bistro. yea darating din yung jap friend niyang kasama, the one who showed me her cellphone with a tv! as in tv! well, it would be nice to hang out with them again! looking forward to that.

and as we say goodnight...

Steven Soderbergh Your film will be 56% romantic, 27% comedy, 40% complex plot, and a $ 30 million budget.

Filmography: Sex Lies and Videotape, Traffic, Ocean's Eleven, Ocean's Twelve, Erin Brockovich, and various other homemade independent films. He may just want to follow you around for a few months and construct a film out of that. Your humor is either dry or non-existant, but your life is somewhat exciting romantically because you're "bad." At least you'll be surrounded by the best-looking people who will be cast as your friends, who in real life are probably just as good-looking. Then when he wins the Academy Award for your film, he won't have to make anymore "Ocean's" films.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 66% on action-romance You scored higher than 22% on humor You scored higher than 54% on complexity You scored higher than 29% on budget

Link: The Director Who Films Your Life Test written by bingomosquito on Ok Cupid

ganoooooon? i hated FULL FRONTAL ha utang na loob! i demand a recount! hello garci...

mowdel+myusik bidyo

sa lahat naman ng characters...nyeta.

Star Wars Horoscope for Taurus

You are a dependable creature, but you do tend to be stubborn. You like material possessions and love to win at games. You hate being bossed around or losing. You may succumb to your physical strength when upset. Star wars character you are most like: Chewbacca

What is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

wala na bang ibang karakter? jedi man lang? nyeta.

hm.

it's 5a na pala pero got hooked checking emails here. nakatulog na kasi ko from 11ishp to 1.30a.was awakened accidentally, and had a hard time going back to bed...and so, here we are. sinus also acted up that's why i can't sleep. shet. ayan. still acting up. nyeta.

while i'm up, might as well post a few.

photothoughts...

it's not everyday that raymund isaac (seated) takes your photo, right? sabi nga nung isang dude na sinundan ko "yay! may pang-friendster photo na ko!" kalokah.

but i did it for icon. a last-minute addition/replacement for aida santos yata ako hehe. maita alerted them bout me. therefore. read the latest issue. the one with borgy manotoc. they photographed him in drag. yes, a Marcos descendant in drag, ladies and gents. mana sa lola nya. haha! ewan.

NOTICE TO THE PUBLIC
sakaling makita niyong naglalakad sa buendia ang babaeng ito,
mangyari po lamang na ihatid siya sa kamuning,
hugasan ang mok-ap sa fez nya,
at itanong niyo sa kanya kung bakit siya um-oo sa gig na ito.
paki-sampal ng dalawang beses para matauhan
at di na niya muling ulitin ito.

haha surely i jest. i had fun. good while supplies last. this issue, where i am included, comes out in july daw. dun nyo na lang ako tignan. bet ko di nyo ko makikilala. bet?


jigs (facing) of (the now defunct) OUT! fame did the 'do while his assistant did the face. quote of the day: "Curl?" "No question!" leave it talaga to the badings to make lait your hair in such a fabulous fashion. i forgive them. that's melo (with the black dress) standing, producer something yata nung OUT! lgbt tv show sa ch7before. fabulous siya.



i felt like such a dork before the shoot. fidgety chuva and all that. i really really hate being in front of the camera. but thanks to years and years and years and yearsssssssss of impromptu photo shoots and modeling kuno chuvaness with my film chums the conconistas (and stacks of contact prints of outrageous shots), i was ready for my close-up that day. i kinda felt like what carrie bradshaw was feeling nung na-invite siya sa new york fashion week to model sa SEX AND THE CITY. "look, stanley, i'm a mo-del!" ako naman "luk meyn, i'm a mow-del!" ngyak.

but i still prefer working behind the camera.

which led us to yesterday.

"butanding" song pose

just finished shooting 2 music videos for pinikpikan (directed one, camwork for the other). masaya siya. cooperative yung band. and everyone else.

the percs of the job...

handheld moi is back. was surprised to find out that, after all these years of absence, my right arm still functions as the greatest human tripod this side of my mind. ngawit nga lang. meaning i need to work out na. again. as in. now na. now na!

use the force, luke, este libay...

na-delay ng 2+hours ang shoot because of the tech dudes sa rcbc theater. pero smooth sailing na yun afterwards. short glitch, is all...


datu butanding?

the anino shadowplay collective are plain creative geniuses. i loves them so beri much. katuwa.


kilawing butanding

and they're such crazies. kaya cool sila ka-work. super.


this shoot made me think of how it still amazes me that i can command such a platoon of people in a calm way as a director. tine-tense ko lang minsan si teta, our lighting designer, sa impromptu lighting design requirements ko hehe pero other than that, ayos naman kinalabasan. masaya sila lahat. saka ako. i can't complain much. i had fun.

this is really where i belong. film world. pero as much as possible, gusto ko camera work talaga. in the tradition of the rebel without a crew ni robert rodriguez, direct-shoot-edit-write. kaya nga ideal ang docu sa akin. pero these kinds of shoot i don't mind doing once in a while. there's some advocacy in it somewhere din naman kaya i like it. and camaraderie. yeah, i had fun.

sige ayan na araw. tulog na ko.