The gospel according to Olivia Pope

I've been watching Scandal slowly during the last quarter of 2018, always in between work breaks (during lunch or dinner breaks actually), but I was able to fully rush it when I got a sprain mid-December, so I was able to watch the show unfold until the second to the last season. Currently on the 7th and final season, and I'm already feeling sepanx with Olivia Pope and the "gladiators in suits" gang.

Love this ensemble. Too bad some of them dropped out one by one.
Ah, showbiz. Thanks to this site for compiling these quotes.

Katukayo ko pa naman si bakla, at naaliw ako nung tumambad sa akin itong characteristic niya:

Excerpt from this site. Hay katukayo, apir!

Hahaha that is SOOOO ME mga more than five years ago or so. Nothing but popcorn and wine for meals. Which horrified a certain someone when she met me, and dropped a quote of her own saying "Popcorn is not a meal" hihihi (she actually messages to check if I ate an actual meal). Nearly five years later, ayan, sweetheart ko pa rin siya, and we're eating much more than popcorn hehe. But I digress.

I love this show because I get many stuff here that makes me go "uh-huh..." and it's well-scripted and well-acted. OA lang 'yung dialoguing minsan pero kinekeri naman nina Kerry Washington kahit papaano. Uneven ang directing pace minsan, depende yata on who's behind the cam per episode. But that's TV life, kaya keri na rin.

Rule of thumb ko ito, bakla. Ever!
Thanks to this site for compiling these quotable quotes. 

But what I like about shows that make me think are the quotes and thoughts I get from them. Bibihira lang yata ang mga ito dumating sa buhay ko, na nagiging parte ng pilosopiya ko sa buhay. Last decade, it was the Warrick Brown philosophy that stuck to me, which is narrated in full here in this post. Warrick is that dude na namatay after some seasons sa original CSI, and the nugget na na-gets kong wisdom sa kanya back then is this simplicity: "Life's too damn short."

Life is too short indeed. Thus, it became a mantra. From the late 2000s to the early 2010s, I found myself doing more courageous things, calculated risks of course, being the Taurus-Ox that I am, but still, things that those around me didn't think I can/will actually do, or things I myself didn't think na I can pull off easily -- but I did! I've been busy taking risks and going into new things, that's why I also had some lag here in my blogging life. But that's totally fine, because we don't exist online only, right? Online is life, but offline is lifer! Chos.

And this is actually the reason why some work circles
tried to ease me out during this risk-taking era.
Bibihira kasi sa kanila ang may bite. Puro bark lang sila.
Alam mo 'yung tunog lata, walang laman sa loob? Yeah, that's them.
So I just up and left. Kebs! I can do many things in my life,
but kiss ass for promotion is not in my list, ever!

Late to the Shonda Rhimes party, I've been hearing/reading about this much-hailed TV exec na showrunner ng How To Get Away With Murder. 'Yun actually ang sinimulan ko sa Netflix na nagandahan din ako sa writing and of course Viola Davis in the lead haller. Pero nauumay ako sa style ng show minsan, also the storylines, kasi to quote one of the characters there named Bonnie, "whiny millennials" ang lagi niyang katrabaho hahaha. I feel ya Bonnie, I feel ya. And then, when they crossed one season with Scandal and saw OP strut her stuff, I was like "Ito muna panonoorin ko!" Kaya ayan, hindi ko na siya mabitawan pa. Later na kita babalikan, Lola Viola, and your whiny millennial law students lol. 

Since she heads a crisis management firm, I like how the show discussed the appearance of things in face of a scandal. It's deeper than branding, and certainly deeper than PR, and I love how they call it: OPTICS.

Optics. How would a certain thing, behavior or action look like to others, to specific target audiences, to the general population? I like it that there's a deeper discussion than mere surface optics, and you get to understand how the picture you see came to be, after the machinations worked to project it. 

Optics. I have been blinded by some people's optics, organizations as well, which projected one thing or another. And during this risk-taking era, I was able to "decode the Matrix" and see what was beyond the surface as well. That's why it was also easier to trade in some hats for other hats, work-wise. 

Love matters were the same. There was actually one instance where I should have trusted my gut more, something Olivia Pope always put forward, something that she swears by. I, too, used to feel this way, act this way even, sensing my gut feel of things, and then decide on walking out or staying put. I met this girl sometime in 2013 who turned out to be a player (neng, wala actually sa hitsura niya, kaya gulantang lola mo sa big reveal!). And I just discovered that she was playing me when another jowa of hers messaged me, saying na sila na daw. And to corroborate, I talked to this girl's circle of friends, mga pinakilala niya sa akin in the flesh pa ha, and this one friend confessed na lima daw pala kami na dine-date niya at the same time! Hahaha lima, motherfucker, lima! What fucking guts this girl has, no? Kakaiba. And the optics? I actually saw early on that this was not a "pang-forever" girl, but I still went out with her and all that shiz. Buti naman at ilang buwan lang naman kami actually, then pumutok na ang scandal. Kakaloka. Five at a time, man. So those kinds of girls really do exist. I thought my bullshit radar was up and running, but she was somehow able to smokescreen it. Pero hindi naman ako bentang-benta din kasi, so I guess my BS detection reserves kicked in pa rin that time. Good going, Taurus-Ox. 

While I admire what Jake was preaching here, sometimes it takes
a "bigger man" to simply step back and walk away. In my case,
a "bigger woman." I know I am owed, but the universe repays
 in great ways. It has happened before, many times,
so I know it can happen again. save myself the agony of tragic plots.

But the very OP nugget I was able to get from this show is this: 

"Change the narrative."

This means, you can change the way people see things, perceive things, interpret the story, scrutinize the narrative at hand. When OP had a client embroiled in a scandal, there are ways of "changing the narrative" that happened. Ano ang reason why, ano ang motivation, bakit ganun ang kinalabasan, ano ang prequel? Those are the narratives that they can change, in  order to change the conversation around the scandalous event at hand. 

And that hit me, hard. Oo nga, change the narrative. Kapag may hindi magandang aspeto, kailangang ibahin mo ang pananaw mo, shift perspectives, kasi mas lilinaw sa kabilang banda kung iibahin mo rin ang pagtingin mo sa ibang bagay, at kung ire-revise mo ang naratibong panghahawakan mo sa buhay. It's a reinterpretation actually of a motto I put in my first and only photo blog, now defunct, where I said "When life's a blur, refocus." This time, when you refocus, the picture gets clearer, but you can also change the picture altogether, and see something better. So in a way, yes, it's a bit deeper, and more insightful. And it works better for me.

Lahat kasi tayo, may dinadalang maraming kuwento sa buhay. Iba-iba ang subplot na dala-dala natin sa maraming sektor ng buhay natin. Merong nakakainis na kuwento sa trabaho, sa mga katrabaho, mga hudas na boss, mga katrabahong kailangan mong pagpasensiyahan. Sa bahay, ganun din, lalo na diyan, kasi book 1-book 2 etc etc ang mga naratibong minsan eh nagsimula bago ka pa ipanganak pero nadadamay ka unnecessarily sa mga dramarama ng ibang karakter sa buhay. Sa buhay pag-ibig ganun din siyempre, kasi may mga kuwento kayong pinanghahawakan nang magkasama, nang indibidwal, at iba pa. 

Kaya allergic din tayo sa stupid people and stupid things.
Stupid stories mostly. Stupid people with stupid stories take the cake.

Kuwento. Maraming kuwento sa buhay, sa bahay, sa labas, sa loob mo. Dala nating lahat ito. Kahit mag-self-evaluate tayo every year at sabihin nating "travel light" at ihahagis natin ang ilang emotional baggage na hindi na kailangan sa buhay, minsan naiiwan ang ilang hibla ng naratibo nito sa utak at puso natin. Paano nga ba alisin iyon?

And that's where OP comes in. Wala, stuck tayo, hindi natin maalis ang mga naratibong ito, ga-hibla man o ga-bungkos ang dami, andiyan sila talaga. Pero puwede mong ibahin ang tingin mo sa naratibo, ibahin mo ang ilang plot points, at puwede mong i-rehash ang ibang karakter. Change the narrative. Ibahin mo lang, kahit konti, ang plotting at blocking, at baka mas mapaayos mo ang problematic story na dala mo lang lagi, o nakikita. Who knows, baka gumaan pa ito, o maging parte ng bagong naratibong mas maganda ang structure, ang delivery, ang characterization, lahat. Nasa sa pagtingin mo ang pinagkaiba. Doon lang nakasalalay ang pagpapagaan mo ng sariling loob mo. Change the narrative. Change the damn narrative.

Goddesses know I carry a lot of narratives right now in my life, some I thought I already closed the chapter and shelved, some keep on rewriting themselves and thus surprising me still. Kuwento. Ano bang kuwento ang gusto kong dalhin pa sa buhay, sa susunod na taon, dekada, parte ng buhay ko? Ano bang kuwento ang gusto kong magtapos na? Ano ang mga gusto ko pang i-rewrite nang i-rewrite hanggang maging publishable na? The first order of business is selecting, the second is deciding. I don't really care right now about my optics, how people see me and my life. At 45, I've passed the point of no return when it comes to giving zero fucks about what people think of me. My work, my work ethics, and my professionalism all speak for themselves. I don't need to hard-sell that. I don't. At this point, I know what I'm worth, and I also know how to balance that worth to do worthy causes of work. It always has to be worthy. Alam ko hindi ko ikayayaman iyon, na inuuna ko ang work na dapat ay may worth. But that is my core, I think, saka nakakabalanse naman ako sa ibang paraan when it comes to monetary compensation. And I've already made peace with that within myself. 

Preach! My professionalism has principles, what can I say. Take it or leave it.

Perhaps a bigger strand of learning here also has to be about how people change their narratives and how the changes affect you. It's inevitable. If you revise, they can also revise. Nariyang may mga kakilala ka, kaibigan even, na umuusad sa ibang direksyon papalayo sa iyo, and that should be okay. Nariyang may mga get-togethers ng mga dati mong kasamahan sa kung saan na hindi ka naiimbita, and that should be fine. May mga proyektong kasama ka sa simula pero iniwanan ka na lang nila o kaya'y kinuha na lang 'yung kontribusyon mo tapos nilaglag ka na, and that should be fine pa rin, kahit nakakainis, but it speaks more about their professionalism (or lack of it) than yours, di ba? Ganun na nga.

Talagang ganun. It's inevitable that you also get rewritten out of other people's narratives, much like how you are rewriting them out of yours. And that should be fine, too. As I near my golden decade, I think it's a new life project to be unlocked: fine-tuning. You whittle down the parts you don't need, polish the parts that need polishing, and dust off what needs to be dusted off. Fine-tuning. It goes hand-in-hand with changing the narrative. And it's the operationalization of the process we call upgrading. Life upgrading. And that is always okay.

Note to self. Since 1995.

My twenties was all about "carpe diem"-ing things. Seize the day! (Shades of Dead Poets Society, I know.) My thirties was more like "No excuses, no apologies" (Hello Brian Kinney fans out there! Thank you QAF.) in tandem with that Warrick Brown philosophy of "Life's too damn short." And now, I think my forties is all about this: "Change the narrative." I am so pop cultured like that heheh. 

But such is life. This life. My life. And I appreciate how it has unfolded, so far. Now, looking forward to how it will still unravel. And maybe we'll discover another nugget na mage-gets natin mula sa iba pang produkto ng kulturang popular. In the meantime, let's just bring out some of that popcorn and red wine, please. 

Cheers, life! Thanks to Buzzfeed for this gif.

Ilang oras na lang, putukan na naman. Goodbye 2018 Hello 2019 ang peg. Ang bilis. Pero okay na rin, na ganito na kumakaripas ang oras, para mas madaling maalpasan ang kailangan nang malagpasan, para din marating na ang mga lugar na kailangan pang puntahan -- sa labas ng bahay mo, at sa loob ng buhay mo. Ikasa na 'yan, beks. Game!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, WORLD! OVER AND OUT -- AND PROUD.

How I met my enlightenment, of sorts

Tonight, I finished watching season 4 of How I Met Your Mother. The season has 24 episodes. So what I watched was 4-24. Season 4 episode 24. 4-24. Also my birthday, April 24. Funny that. 

This season's episode somewhat spoke to me. If you follow the show, you'll know what I'm talking about. This is the episode where Ted the narrator transitions into a practicing architect into a teaching one. He almost got married this season -- the biggest objective of his life, which I found pathetic at first -- and was left at the altar by a single mom who still has issues about her child's father. Interesting mixture. Add to that Robin the TV reporter's bouts of unemployment and getting a new TV anchor job, and also Marshall the wannabe environmental lawyer sucking it up as a corporate lawyer for a bank. And our favorite Doogie Howser turned gay-in-real-life but plays hetero womanizer to a T Barney Stinson finally confesses his vulnerability to love by outing himself as someone in love with Robin. It's a beautiful mess that works for me, far more than what Friends did, actually, which turned out to be disappointing as I marathon watched it sometime ago. HIMYM has better writers, and more formidable characters. And I relate with their situations more. 

If you don't watch the show, don't worry. This is not a review or analysis of that. This is actually a musing, an amusing musing of episode 4-24. This is where Lily the preschool teacher drops words of sage advise to frustrated Ted. That maybe life has other plans for you, and even if you had your own plan, you sometimes have to junk it to listen to what the universe wants you to do. This theme resonated with me, big time.

I was just talking to someone this week about such plans in my own life. This was such a connection for me. To be in a certain point in your life and having many options, or having a feeling of being lost, but in a good way. I never realized that you could "get lost in a good way." But yes, it was pointed out to me this week that indeed, you could. You can. And you just have to embrace it. Like what I've always said, life could have waves but just try riding them. Surf the waves and they will take you to the shores that you aim for, or bring you to a shore totally new yet equally awesome as well. Trust the tide to do that. Trust the tide.

And I guess this applies to everything in life, to each and every sector that exists: career, job, love life, individuality, all those things. Like me, I've written that life rewrites at 40. Indeed, it does. I never imagined that life will provide me with new narratives that are familiar yet alienating at the same time, but still comforting to discover. It's always fascinating to try new things, or to mesh two old things and produce something newer. This is also happening. To not close doors that you once said you will never enter again, yet now that you kept it ajar, things just kept on entering, overflowing and overwhelming sometimes. Interesting. The journey really never ends. Just ride the waves and the waters will decide for you, and the weather will guide you towards the right decision. Or not maybe the right one, but the proper and smarter one, at a given point in time. I guess that's what the universe is sending me now, as a message, in a bottle that is known as season 4 episode 24. Strange, that. But still amusing, and more importantly, useful, at the same time.

Useful. Yes, that, it is. Who woulda thought, eh? Who woulda thought.  

It has always been like this for me. Since I was small, I have always taken some life cues and clues from pop culture. There are songs that speak of those that you cannot speak of, and there are storylines that reflect your outlook, and there are characters that act out bits and pieces of you. I guess that is why, even if I try to steer clear from it, pop culture and media always get me back, reel me in, get me hooked, and "force" me to contemplate on non-narrative things using their idiosyncratic narrative ways. And I guess this is why, no matter how much I say I want to leave this field I've long been in, it keeps drawing me back in, reeling me in, sometimes mercilessly. Oh well. Just where the tide takes me, man, just where the tide takes me. Right?

Right.

It always is... legen--wait for it--dary. 

 

Apir Barney!

Thanks to this episode, and this show, some "new old sparks" of enlightenment happened. Whether it's a reinforcement or a "Good going!" sign on the road, I'm not so sure. But what I'm sure of is that I should just trust the universe, because elements always conspire to bring me to better things -- even if they don't appear that way at the beginning. Trust the process, and have faith in the "lack" of clarity because, later on, when you zoom out, then you'll see the bigger -- and clearer -- picture. Just trust the process. 

Indeed, I am.

 No matter where life takes me, we always suit up. Somewhat. :)

Fostering reality in fiction

I was wondering whether to put this post in my Culture Popper media-pop culture blog or here. But since it's a rainy day and I feel like blogging here, I decided to log it in here, primarily because it's something that tugs on personal heartstrings, that's why. Saka gusto ko eh, bakit ba? Charut!

Because of this forced hibernation due to the current typhoon bashing the country, I was able to focus on the 10-episode season of The Fosters which just concluded airing in the US. It was a bit hyped in gay media since the show features two moms in the story -- lesbian moms, I should add, one a policewoman and one a teacher -- who have one biological son (the cop's), two Latino male-female twins, and another teen girl from juvenile jail or something together with her preteen brother. And families like this exist in "more progressive" (than usual, perhaps) parts of the US, this time California. 

 

Yes, wordplay at its, um, most common: it's about foster kids, 

a house with foster kids, and one of the moms' last name is Foster. 

No, it ain't Jodie. Well, I like the orange motif hehe.  

The show was also a bit hyped because one of their executive producers is Jennifer Lopez. Yes, J to the Lo, can you believe it? She greenlighted this project and I'm glad that gave the show extra buzz. Sabagay gumanap na naman na lesbian ang lola mo dati sa isang flopchina na pelikula, but I digress...

Ay-ay-ay! Muchas gracias por la porgrama muy bonita mwah mwah. 

Me + latina women = himatay, but that's another story lol. Hashtag dykewoes.

And another favorite, Peter Paige, is also part of the producer team and I should add the writing tandem. For those who don't remember Peter Paige, a trip down queer memory lane, you queer kiddies...

Yes, it's Emmett Honeycutt, the flamboyant queer of them all in 

them folks series we all loved back in the early 2000s. 

He writes! He writes! And oh, watch out for a cameo of 

Ted din in the latter eps heehee.

I love the show because it's simple: it's just your typical weekly family drama with your typical family drama tweens/teens/parenting/couple issues, only this time, fiction turns to reality since the reality you're seeing is part of our reality, or a reality that's always sidelined in the media, in mainstream television at that -- lesbian family reality.

Nakakatuwa 'yung show. Diverse din siya, na siyang tunay naman. I mean come on, you have a story set in a part of California that's teeming with diversity so dapat lang may makita kang people of color, right? Like the mom is biracial (black mum white dad), and the twins are of Latino blood. So swak! Inaantay ko na lang may sumaling Pinoy sa cast o kahit sa barkada ng mga bata at patok na tayo. Unlike another LA-set story we know na haller sa dami ba naman ng lesbiyana sa Los Angeles eh maniniwala kang walang of Pinoy descent doon? Pakilala ko kaya kayo sa mga berks ko doon Ilene Chaiken what say you? Anyway that's another queer hang-up we will take on soon.

But back to this show. As a writer, I find the show simple enough to navigate for a 10-episode trial season basis. Just present typical issues any household could relate to (parenting woes to teen son having sex for the first time and unprotected at that) but add on a "modern" twist or up-to-date info (to provide or not to provide the morning after pill to the girl na ka-jugjug ni junior), add some typical outcast storyline (latest foster teen girl came from juvenile detention and everyone thinks she's the bad one) and you get your typical teen angst dose (bad one does a may-I-pagtatakip the overachiever daughter of the family who did a bad thing), add your usual "ampon angst" storyline for all eternity (foster kid twin gets emotionally blackmailed by biological mom na druggie druggie, what else), and of course your usual star-crossed lover plot point pati (biological son crush si foster kid pero bawal kundi ligwak ang parentals et al). 

 

Winner sa tagline: HOW DO YOU DEFINE FAMILY? 

It certainly ain't mainly through biology, honey! 

Alas, some women in my life don't get that. Hashtag hugot! LOL.

Ang dali, di ba? Naku, sinasabi ko sa 'yo, di papatok kay Ma'am Charo ito, sa sobrang simple! Kaya sige, hirapan natin. Ganitech: 'yung struggling parents ay parehong babae (na hindi mukhang lalaki pati) at oo mahal nila ang isa't isa at oo MAY SMACK-SMACK KISS SCENES at MAY ROMANTIC TOUCH-TOUCH SCENES sila na full of lesbian love!!! Not to mention they have romantic terms of endearment at may storylines talagang tackling their lives as true-blooded "ordinary" or "typical" homonormative (read: boring domesticated lolz!) lesbian people. Ito ang sinasabi kong reality: na nakakatuwang makita ang realidad naming mga babaeng nagmamahal ng kapwa babae sa TV show na umeere sa gabi, sa mainstream channels. Grabehhhh! Sa ganung ka-deprived kami sa ganitong mga show teh, nalulurkey na ako sa ganitong expressions of love sa isang simpleng TV show. Kasi mas madalas, mga bekiloublanco at mga bekilynjose lang ang mga nakikitang madalas sa ganito, both foreign and local (harang pa nga sa local eh, di ba mga MHL fan kabataks???). But to see this story, handled this sensitively with utmost writing care and all, patok pare, patok! 

Siyempre what's a queer show without definitive queer issues. Maganda ang handling ng pagtanggap/di pagtanggap ng parents mismo ng mga biyaning sa kani-kanilang pagkatao, tapos tapunan pa ng religion kyeme sa isang ep nung may naka-date ang boylet junakis nilang girl mula sa isang uber-Katoliko sagradong pamilya. Grabeeeeh patong-patong lang ang issues pero swak sa panahon at pati sa adbokasya. Nariyang may talk of marriage equality at kung paano nga tumumbalelong ang queer peeps sa Cali dahil sa Prop8. Tapos meron ding issue/diskurso ng "undocumented immigrants" chuvaness. Wagi lang. Aba sige lahat na teh, budburan! 'Yan ang innovative approach to the familiar -- thinking out of the box but still delivering within the confines of the proverbial box. Take that, execs na takot sa queer issues on primetime kaya napag-iwanan ng MHL lolz! Hugot isdatchu? LOLZ.

I'm glad the show got picked up for another season, or at least another 10 eps daw. I hope they make it soon. In the meantime, will watch another lez-peppered fiction show again, pagkatapos kong pagtiisan pagtripan itong The Real L Word season 3 ngayon naman. Anyway got lots to say about that show as well pero weh, saka na lang.

Basta, panoorin niyo muna ito. Happy naman. Kahit 10 eps lang. 

Gorabelles!

we know that they won't win...

title is from a line of the song "don't dream it's over" which is my fourth favorite song of all time. can you guess the first three? but that's another blog entry...

*

i have a zillion things to say about that cebu rectal surgery fiasco shebang. but i won't muna. mahirap magsulat if you're still infuriated. nawawala ang focus at objectivity. every other line na masusulat ko e mura, if ever. not good. hay.

good thing our peeps at LAGABLAB and ANGLADLAD have been prominent in the media with these issues. go mga kafatid!

at dahil hindi kasi tayo makakasabak ng pare-parehas, minsan sa ibang paraan na lang muna sumusubok tumulong ang ibang tao.

when i got home last april24, i was able to catch the early primetime news telecast ng 24ORAS sa GMA-7. natuwa ako at nakita ko ang coverage nila sa presscon where lagablab and angladlad were speaking about this issue. but i was super-bothered, yet again, when the news reporter called homosexuals as "THIRD SEX." i thought, oh no, here we go again.

since i became a journalist in 2000, talagang natauhan ako how words could have grave implications when broadcast over media talaga. kaya part of my advocacy back then, and even up to now, is to have media correct their own presentation of us. hirap kasi minsan to police the police, y'know what i mean, especially if you find yourself in a sexist and homophobic newsroom or media work environment, which i have found myself in several times already. nakakapagod minsan pero dahil kelangang gawin, kelangang kumilos. kadalasan naman, karamihan sa kanila e bukas pa ring makinig.

bakit mali ang THIRD SEX? usaping biology at sociology ito.

homophobic siya, for one. nilalagay ang mga LGBTs sa ikatlong sex category na hindi naman nag-e-exist. ang lesbiyana ay may puki pa rin tulad ng ibang babae riyan, at ang bakla ay may titi pa rin tulad ng ibang lalaki riyan. so nasaan ang third sex na sinasabi? wala sa biology ito. hindi pa tayo nag-e-evolve muli bilang species.

second, mali dahil sexist siya. sa social construct na ang males ay man at females ay women, napagtuunan ng isang patriarchal society na ang man ang FIRST SEX dahil sila daw ang mas chever sa earth, samantalang ang women ang SECOND SEX lamang dahil sa maraming reasons na mali mula sa patriarchal and sexist society. to relegate lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders sa THIRD SEX label only denotes that we are far below this patriarchally sexist hierarchy of specimens. hindi dapat pumayag ang kababaihan dito at lalong di papayag ang LGBT people.

when i told my friends sa abscbn news dati about this prevalent usage of the term "third sex" sa tv patrol, they all said it was hopeless to correct. why? kahit daw kasi politically correct ang pagsusulat nila, nababago sa delivery, especially noong time na si noli pa ang anchor. sabi nila, talagang everything you learn about good journalism is thrown out the window. nalungkot ako sa mga friends ko dito when i heard that -- at binuyo kong lumipat na sila ng programa hahaha! cheka!

pero 2008 na. wala naman akong prublema sa kapuso dahil di ko naririnig ang term na ito (o dahil bihira ako manood ng tv?) pero nang mataunan ko nga itong report last week, siyempre i had to do something dahil nanggagalaiti talaga ako sa term na yan.

i texted the director of 24oras because he's my colleague. sinabi ko lang na sana maabisuhan ang news writers nila sa tamang usage ng terms. nag-text back naman ang kuya at makakarating daw. after the show, hala, nakarating nga, dahil nagtanong agad siya kung ano daw ang correct terms to use, sabi ng news writers nila. so sinabi ko, okay naman ang "homosexuals" para mas inclusive, o kaya "gays and lesbians" kung talagang kelangang i-spell out. i also told him the LGBT acronym pero nahahabaan ata sila. pati sa tagalog, ano daw ba ang tama. apparently, problemado pala sila sa bading, bakla, tomboy daw ba? sabi ko, bading and bakla okay na, pero sana lesbiyana na lang pag babae kasi sabi ko marami na ring negative baggage sa society natin ang terminong tomboy. okay naman daw. so ayun, solved na sila. at solved na rin ako.

masaya naman dahil sa maliit na mga patumpik-tumpik na chever na ito, kahit papaano ay nakakatulong na rin ako sa lgbt community kahit hindi ako maka-fulltime sa advocacy work with them sometimes. like nung angladlad event na tinext ni danton sa akin last week, padala daw coverage. ayun, tinext brigade ko ulit mga friendships sa abscbn, na tunawag pa dahil they want to be correct in their description daw of angladlad. tama naman ang description, so go na sila sa report hehe.

it pays to have a lot of friends, colleagues and acquaintances in the media kasi. kaya nga over the years, happy ako na solid pa rin ang networks ko sa mga taong ito, and vice versa din naman pala ang turing nila sa akin. nakakataba ng heart itey, sa totoo lang.

so happy ang life.

*

pero sa hindi nga happy, eto yun:

mula sa angladlad egroup ang info na ito. walang mawawala sa inyo kung tutulong kayo. this was also part of my job before in an NGO as campaigns associate, so i'm also doing this here now.

send letters of protest, request and thanks for lgbt support sa mga cast of characters na ito. regarding the cebu scandal pa rin. if you don't think letter-writing works, believe me, IT DOES. nara-rattle sila sa mga nagpapadala. such was the experience we had at isis when we decided to create a letter-writing campaign against destileria limtuaco's infamous kinse anyos ad before. yes, ang inyong lingkod po ang nag-draft ng letter na kina-cut and paste ng mga tao para ipadala sa mga destileria peeps. ako rin ang nag-investigative chever dati to get the contact details of the destileria peeps na pinapadalhan ng letters. nakakatawa nga lang dahil yung initial and original effort namin sa isis nito e ni-lift na lang verbatim ng isang mas kilalang women's org... and passed it on as their campaign. yung sinulat ko ha! nakakatawa talaga minsan ang adbokasya work... oh well...

teka na-segue pa tuloy ako. here are the details. send them letters!


tell this dude that pocha, they need to revamp!

Dr. Gerardo Aquino
Hospital Chief
Vicente Sotto Memorial Medical Center
B. Rodrigues Street, Sambag I, Cebu City, Philippines 6000
vsmmc@cvis.net.ph
www.cvis.net.ph/vsmmc/

tell this dude that pocha, they need to revamp that hospital!

Sec. Francisco Duque III
Department of Health
San Lazaro Compound, Sta. Cruz, Manila
Email: ftduque@co.doh.gov.ph
F: 7431829
M: TEXT DOH: Type doh or dohsec [space] [message] & send to 2960 for
all line
www.doh.gov.ph

tell this dude that pocha, they need to revamp [revoke the licence!] their members na nasa ospital na yun!

Dr. Jose Asa Sabili (outgoing)/Dr. Rey Santos (incoming)
President
Philippine Medical Association
PMA Building, North Avenue, Quezon City
1100
T: (from E Yellow Pages) 928-2132; 929-49-47; (from PMA website) 929-
6366
M: 0917-828-2468
Email: philmedas@yahoo.com
www.pma.com.ph

Philippine Nurses¢ Association
1663 F. T. Benitez Street
Malate, Manila 1004
T: 521-0937; 400-4430
Telefax: 525-1596
Email: philippinenursesassociation@yahoo.com.ph
www.pna-ph.org

Dr. Teresita I. Barcelo
Governor, NCR Zone 1
Philippine Nurses Association
T: 523-1494
Email: tbarcelo2003@yahoo.com

Mr. Roland Fermo
Governor, Region VII
Philippine Nurses Association
Asian College of Technology
Cor. P. Del Rosario & Leon Kilat St., Cebu City 6000
T: (032) 238-230
Email: rl_fermo@yahoo.com

Hon. Cesar D. Buenaflor
Acting Chairperson
Civil Service Commission of Philippines
T: 931-7996
Fax: 931-4145
Email: cdb@csc.gov.ph
www.csc.gov.ph

Director IV Judith D. Chicano
Director III Editha D. Luzano
Civil Service Regional Office 7
Sudlon, Lahug, Cebu City 6000
T: (032) 414-7676; (032) 414-7488
Telefax: (032) 253-9050

Professional Regulatory Commission
T: 741-6061; 735-1535
www.prc.gov.ph

tell this ale that pocha, they need to look at this issue closely as a gross gross gross violation of human rights ng isang tao!

Hon. Purificacion C. Valera Quisumbing
Commission on Human Rights Philippines (CHRP)
T/F: 928-5655;
T: 926-6188; 929-0102
Email: drpvq@yahoo.com
www.chr.gov.ph

Atty. Gilbert Boiser
Comission on Human Rights Philippines (CHRP), NCR
SAAC Building
Commonwealth Avenue
UP Complex, Diliman, Quezon City
T: 928-7098; 925-3881; 928-7099

Atty. Alejandro P. Alonzo
Commission on Human Rights Philippines (CHRP), Region VII
Rosal Apartment, Llorente & Rosal Sts.
Capitol Site 6000
Cebu City
T: (032) 253-5403; (032) 254-6921

Feliciano M. Bautista
Chairperson
Integrated Bar of the Philippines
IBP Building, No. 15 Julia Vargas Avenue
Ortigas Center, Pasig City
T: 631-3018; 631-3014; 634-4697
Fax: 631-3014; 634-4697
Email: sec@ibp.org.ph
www.ibp.org.ph

email would do, guys. go!

puwede bang mag-comment?

as i write this, binibining pilipinas is airing live on tv. strange lang.

ganda ng opening number. so filipino. the colors, the choreo, the obb, very fiesta filipinas ang motif, may northern tribes dancing, may mga maskara-maskara na parang santacruzan na parang ati-atihan. very indigenous ang look at pd, ang music, may kubing, sounds like local instruments, chenelyn...and then the contestants came.

hindi ko alam kung sobra lang sa retokado galore ang contestants or perhaps we should call this binibining pilipinas-hybrids! kasi parang walang mukhang tunay na pinoy sa mga gels! as in, yung isa mukhang half-indian, yung isa parang may european accent and bulas, karamihan parang fil-am (more am than fil), yung iba parang mukhang amerikana talaga o basta caucasian ba. ang weird! ano ba ito, binibining pilipinas-hybrid na talaga ati! dapat hindi na lugar ang intro nila ("i'm chenelyn chuva from legazpi citeeee!") kundi ang kanilang genetic make-up ("i'm chenelyn chuva with the sperm donation of the anglo-saxon northern european chenelyn!")

nakakaloka.

feeling ko dapat may before and after photo session category din dapat dito. yun bang ipapakita sila 2 years ago then cite sa multiple choice kung ano ang influence-slash-sponsor niya: block and white, maxipeel, ponds whitening lotion, calayan, belo, ever bilena whitening...tapos may award sa "most transformed individual" di ba.

ewan. cynical. blah.

obviously i disapprove of such categorization based on beauty but i still find myself attracted to watching the spectacle. i don't know why.

*

nung maliit ako, malikot akong batang babae. lagi akong sumesemplang, nadadapa, at kung anu-ano pang rough play. kapag nagkakagalos ako, laging bukambibig ng mga tita ko sa akin "hala, 'pag marami kang peklat, di ka na namin puwedeng isali sa Miss Universe o sa Bb Pilipinas."

HMMMMMMMMMMMM.

obviously, it didn't work. unless may bagong category: binibining pilipinas-tomboy!


kainis.

*

so to every binibini out there, maligayang araw ng kababaihan!

okay back to work na.

shame!

originally posted at my downelink blog, with additions...

-----

as that 70s disco song goes...

back in your arms
is where i wanna be
wanna be-heeeee [yes, kasama yung birit]
back in your arms
that's my high
hiiiiiiiiigh [birit ulit]

if all we need to know is to not be ashamed to let your loved one know that you want her to be with you and you want to be with her, then what's stopping you to shamelessly admit this?

there just ain't no pride in the name of love, honey. what more in the name of love? listen to bono.

i'm just glad no one stopped me. and her.

no more shame.

*

i didn't know that the title of this song was "Shame" until they featured it on THE SEARCH FOR THE NEXT PUSSYCAT DOLL last season and the contestant girls just performed this better than i imagined those puki-ket dalls would... (yes, guilty pleasure to watch this show)

nakakatuwa. you really learn something new every day.

*

here's the rest of the song:

SHAME
[Written by J.H. Fitch & R. Cross]

(If we lose our love it's a shame)
(If we lose our love it's a shame)
(If we lose our love it's a shame)
(Mever gonna find it again no baby)
(If we lose our love it's a shame)
(Never gonna find it again no no no)

Shame
Burning keep my whole body yearning
You got me so confused it's a shame
Sometimes I think I'm going insane
Still I wanna stay
(Back in your arms that's where I wanna be)
Where I wanna be (Wanna be)
(Back in your arms that's my high)
High

Shame
Ooh my mamma says you're playing a game
And what you do to me is a shame
Ooh wouldn't wanna live through the pain
Mamma just don't understand

(Back in your arms that's where I wanna be)
Where I wanna be
(Wanna be)
(Back in your arms that's my high)
High

I can't get enough
(Ooh) Ooh baby enough of that magic touch
Love is in my heart, tearing the rules apart
So why should I be ashamed

Shame
Only love can beat the pain
And if we lose our love it's a shame
Ooh I wouldn't want to live with the pain
Gonna stay forever

(If we lose our love it's a shame)
Oh no
(If we lose our love it's a shame)
(Never gonna find it again no) no (no) no (no) no

I can't get enough
Ooh baby enough of that magic touch
Love is in my heart, tearing the rules apart

Ooh it's a ooh
(Shame)
Gonna stay forever
(Shame)
Only love can beat the pain
No no no
(Shame)
Mamma says you're playing a game
Mamma just don't understand
(Shame)
What you do to me is a shame!

*

i just have to say this to some colleagues and like-minded people in the west.

come on you guys, let's face it. the president of iran is clueless. is there any doubt? what did you expect? typical of him na e...

for those of you who don't know, he spoke in columbia u in ny and in one open forum declared that "there are no gays in iran." that even made its rounds a late night talk shows like jay leno's. which is funny, and i know for a fact, because not too long ago, i befriended a lesbian iranian, and she was just so amazed at how we here could literally walk the streets in tomas morato and hold hands like that, two girls obviously in love. and we listened to her stories of how inequality still exists in the realities where it hits the most. so to those in the diaspora, maybe it's a bit different for you guys, but back in the homeland, that's another story...

oh well. bilog ang mundo. iikot din yan to our favor.

soon!

so keep calm. and remain fabulous! chos.

7am thoughts

some thoughts at seven in the friggin' morning...

"are we dating the same person?"

- from sex and the city, the episode where carrie reveals she has a fuck buddy and she tries to have a relationship with him outside the bedroom, to no avail.i like this ep because this is also where charlotte thinks of changing her dating habits as suggested by her friends, so she double-books two guys at magkakalintikan, and she concludes that she should not listen to her friends. hehehehe nakakatawa talaga yun.

but this is a good thought. it's a curious question to ask, because it forces you to re-examine the choices you have made over the years regarding your romantic partners.

i'm still re-examining. will keep you posted... but this time, i think the cycle is breaking. so i'm glad about that. i'm glad about a lot of things lately, and maybe that has something to do with the cycle... among other things.

yes, that's what you call a cyclical discussion with your self.

*

short clip on a film i saw last week...

PAN'S LABYRINTH

galing talaga ng mga mexicans mag-ilaw. di ko alam kung bakit may ganoong sensitivity. CSI Miami could actually use their services because to tell you the truth, i'm tired of their heavy-coated gradated yellow-amber tone filtering to achieve that sun-hot atmospheric sizzle. puwede kayang iba naman? just like i'm getting tired of the polarized cyan/high neutral density look of CSI New York, just to have that icey metallic detached nooyawk feel of sorts. da best pa rin mag-ilaw ang CSI Vegas, but i digress...

this mexican film is just plain excellent. storyline, acting (although the child protagonist could have used more oomph in terms of her acting projection -- kulang pa ng konti sa workshop, at sa guidance in directing). the vision is good, and to have that fairy tale thingie juxtaposed with the franco dictatorship chenes, ay caramba! perfecto. galeng! reminded me of LA VITA E BELLA (LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL) where the father told his kid a game/tale to hide the atrocities of the holocaust. tangina. yan ang konsepto! multi-layered, very textured plot, and good execution helped a lot din. pero to begin with, brilliant ang mga konsepto.

may ilang portions lang na parang slow ang dating, pero may payoff din ang style ng pagbabagal. the oveall effect was okay naman.

hm, can't wait for harry potter. the trailers are good. and we see more (well, more or less) of ralph fiennes in this one. yey.

*

pero nami-miss ko ang panonood sa teatro these months. tagal ko nang di nakakanood ng stage play. want to tonight, as two of my friends' plays are being restaged, kaya lang mga ati, hanlayoh kase ng ccp e. for a qc gal na nawalan na ng awto, e mahirap na lumipad sa maynila anytime my heart has whims of all sorts. argh. sorry ate liza, job, next time na lang... and sigrid, too. hm. sayang. kainizzz. kung wala lang lakad kinabukasan...

kaya lang gawad plaridel awarding kasi bukas e, at ang aawardan ay si ms cheche lazaro (broadcast kasi, tv, this year). so siyempre i have to be there, being cmc faculty and all, and also siyempre dahil sa nakasalamuha ko ang mga Probe-sters at si ms cheche sa bangkok before. so pay respects lang kumbaga. wanna watch? libre to. sa cine adarna gaganapin, pasok ka lang.

pero naboborlogs lang ako kanina why the peeps in charge want to set up the cams na bukas ng tanghali pa lang. i mean, hello, coverage lang ito ati, at saka video lang yan. and they won't require a whole deal of patching and laying cables and stuff for a freaking non-moving event! tapos 24-hour ahead set-up??????? e gagamitin ng lecturers namin sa class yung cam e...hay kakaibah. weird lang talaga yun. even if they're shooting using film, hindi ito magfa-fly. masyadong OC-ness lang yung early tech set-up na yun i swear. so no go.

*

and for more pictures, wala lang, share ko lang. sabi kasi ng isa diyan, hindi daw nagbago ang smile ko over the years. totoo ba? ngiti pa lang, libay na! hehe. hindi mapapagkaila...



29 years ago... (rite of passage, meaning no more red and blue crayons as writing thingies and moving on to mongol pencils! but more excitement for chinese garter games and monkey monkey anabel running games -- kasi tumatangkad na at humahaba na legs!)




and 9 months ago. (passage to righteousness, meaning starting the rebooting of grounded systems to pursue no-brainer payoffs but also let that go because of others' unmotivated hypocritical righteousness)

hm. you do the math. eh? hehe. la lang. that's called coded discombobulations hehehe. decode.

more vanity fair/fare at my multiply. link to your left.

*

and to wrap this up, yeah ly, mami-miss mo talaga ang penguin! nano-nostalgic ako doon when i think of the good ol' days of just hanging out natin nina pam. oh hey check out that digifilm nga pala ROME AND JULIET, she makes a cameo there hehe (she comes on to mylene dizon in her flowershop garden). plus a host of our other dykey friends make a cameo din dun hehe (spot the g-spotters! hahaha). watch it if only for that. forget the storyline tho.

thanks for that comment justwomyn. yeah, been accused of being a head-person din. tama ka. years of exposure will tame one down to take it easy na lang, hence my tagline sa profile.

ponpkpn, we at UP Sappho used to do a "connect the dots" game much like what alice on the l word did with her chart. mas organized nga lang sa kanya hehe. that was a fun pastime for us. at isa sa amin nga ang sinasabi mong hub hehe. pag nagsiuwian kayo ng sabay-sabay dito, ipapakilala ko kayo sa isa't isa hehehe. ay, yung isang kabanda ko, may pagka-hub ang lola hehe. kakaiba nga ang kabataan ngayon hane... hehe. at hindi ako hub. hehe. wala ko balak. i'm a private person chenes when it comes to my love life. a la jodie foster mode hahahahaha chos.

more comments! keep 'em coming.

caffeine as a substitute for morphine+flash film critiques

call me an addict, but the prospect of sitting in on the cluster committee version of the revaluation committee to discuss the film program and cmc's curriculum revaluation prompts me to think of shooting up caffeine directly into my blood vessels, like what morphine and heroin addicts do. kaya lang ugly ang may butas-butas sa arm kaya dedma na... but the thought is tempting, promise.

and lo and behold, aga pa ng meeting!9friggingam! i never thought i'd say this but i'd rather face endless hours of registration advising than sit in that reval meeting for 1/4 of the day! dude, sometimes it takes longer than that! aarrrgh. and it doesn't help that the cluster meeting is at the college of music, because the chair of the cluster committee is the college of music's dean. sana man lang sa cmc para i can escape to my room once in a while but no, suffer kami lahat sa neighboring college bukas. aaarrgggh!

i can't wait for tomorrow to be over. hay. just thinking about it makes me involuntarily lethargic. i hope they serve good food, man. i swear. lengua lang ang katapat nito, i swear.

man, rescue me. i'm so dreading this. but yes, we have to be there. i have to guard the changes we worked so hard on this past schoolyear. para sa ikabubuti ng film program. hay help me goddess...

sa tension, di tuloy ako makatulog. so here we are.

*

saw some movies over the weekend and i just want to release what i think of some of them. in a flash.

CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION , THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE

and yet this is another tilda-swinton-bad-hair-day movie (remember CONSTANTINE, and THE BEACH, and others). ito ang "no shampoo no conditioner for 100 years" look para ma-achieve ang ice queen naninigas hair effect. ayuz.

as much as i wanna be dazzled by the special effects and the movie wizardry, can't help but get derailed by how...catholic the storyline is. from the lion's death and resurrection, the sibling's messianic complex to save the people of narnia, the ultimate sacrifice subtheme repeated several times, chenelyn chenelyn chenelyn...kulang na lang may literal na mag-genuflect dito eh. hay...lumalabas ang catholic schoolgirl angst ko hehehe. chos.kaya di ako na-engganyo sa writings ni cslewis e. hm.

at ang lesson dito sa mga bata ay: tigilan ang katakawan. dahil kung di nag-desire sa turkish delight desserts yung isang bata, walang trouble in the first place. hanggang the wardrobe lang ang adventure. wala nang lion witch and other strange creatures we've seen before in lots of literary and film works.

and yeah, it's so freaking british. tea with the little girl and a faun. ay. basta.


SWEET HOME ALABAMA

as usual, reese witherspoon turns a normal role into a good one and saves it from being hollywoodishly banal. yeah, i like her, she's a good actor for me. hello LEGALLY BLONDE na lang no hehe.at classic pa rin si candace bergen. i so miss MURPHY BROWN. they don't make witty funny sitcoms like that anymore. hay.


SHREK 3

scary si snow white. sobra. yun lang.

hm, okay sige more pa. mas witty at funny yung unang dalawa. pero nakakatawa rin naman ito.

and i love the way they poked fun at the disney style when snow white sang that sweet song tapos naging headbanger crazy hahahaha. how irreverenltly schizophrenic! luv it.

oo may hang-up ako kay snow white. scary kasi siya. swear.

*

yeah bumabawi na ko sa panonood ng new material. new for me kahit luma na. like i just started tuning in sa HEROES tv series sa crime and suspense channel. i saw them guest sa show ni ELLEN at naintriga ako. di ko naabutan ang series start sa isang channel kaya buti na lang nakita ko itong sa c/s channel.

at yey natapos din ang binabasa kong isang reference book sa aking thesis. next!

yay i think i got over my de-media-fied mode na. sa wakas!

shet lang di ko napanood ang last ep ng SEARCH FOR THE NEXT PUSSYCAT DOLL. i swear addicted ako sa show na ito. natatawa kasi ako sa mga nangyayari, pero nakakatuwa ring panoorin ang struggles nila. kahit alam ko na kung sino ang mananalo, gusto ko pa rin tignan ang process. hehe. wala lang. after midnight fare kasi ito e. ito ang mga shows na naaabutan ko. pampatulog ba.

*

potah ang init.

*

nakasalang right now ang IWITNESS na pinaghirapan kong i-babysit ang konsepto sa researcher nila. sa dami na ng changes, leads and case studies na na-suggest ko sa batang yun, hay...buti naman nakapili sila ng angulo sa wakas.

"lesbiyana ako" ang titulo at siyempre lesbianism ang topic. kaya ako na naman ang natisod nilang gawing resource person. na naman. ginawa na ito dati nina vicky morales dati, IWITNESS din. gusto sana nila akong i-oncam pero dahil sa hindi out ang girlfriend ko dati, behind the scenes lang ako. i just made sure lang now na dapat hindi na sila magtanong ng stupid questions like "ay, so hindi pala kayo nagsusuot ng brief?"

aiiiiiii. swear. katangahan to the utmost level ang tanong na to.

ayan, buti rin kinontak nila si ate shao, yung kasama kong sp sa lovely day dati. ang laki na ni kalil, yung baby niya! kalurka kasi dati ginamit namin itong baby niya sa isang ep, at potah ginabi ako sa pagdirek nito i swear. kaya stick with the old credo of no babies and no animals on the set.

but what's with the NYPD BLUEish cam movements? hindi achieve, ati...

lesbians with children na lang ang ginawa nilang anggulo. sayang mas bet sana yung power lesbians e. kulit e. yet again, na-stuck sa old gender roles of being a nanay ang naging approach. hmp. sana power lesbians na lang nga. well, sige na nga. buti na lang din at binitawan nila yung plan na may mag-a-out na lez sa pamilya chenes chenes na style ng OUT! dati. kulit kasi e. sabing di effective yun.

hm, pero teka...dapat yata may consultancy fee ako dito a. hm.

la lang.

joke. syempre glad to be of help basta sa advocacy na ito. chos.

at they got my name wrong na naman. libay lisangan cantor. nyets. well at least close. dati kasi dun sa iwit ni vicky noong 2000-2001, ang pangalan ko ay 'libay linsangan center.' joke tuloy for a while sa community na wpw, isang building na pala ako...kalurks.

well, nobody's perfect.

connection

how often do we need to connect to others to feel we're alive?

*

just watched the pilot ep of HEROES on the c/s channel. there's this congressman-wannabe whose rich biyuda mom got arrested because of shoplifting socks. nakakatawa kung tutuusin pero when asked why she did it, sabi niya " to feel alive again."

there was no connection there, at least the direct one, pero same goal siya. to feel alive.

baligtarin natin. when do you feel dead?

can you answer that, honestly?

ako, i'm not sure.

*

the reason why i love the movie STAND BY ME, aside from having a great storyline and great actors, is that i love this line uttered by river phoenix's character.

"i wish i could live in a place where nobody knows me."

made a poem with that line. stashed here somewhere. i don't feel so confident about my english poetry so i don't show it to anyone. emily dickinson mode. chos.

i'm at this point in my life right now where i feel i need to restart, reboot the system, totally. if needed, i'd get a new operating system.

sometimes, i just want to draw a line around me, make it a ring of fire, so no one could approach me, and all things they hurl at me would get burned, and the burn would backdraft towards them. balik sa inyo. kumbaga. those childhood play words, kung totoo man..

*

a friend suggested na baka hindi reboot ang kelangan. baka realignment lang. kumbaga sa kotse, ayusin lang ang paling ng gulong, alamin kung bakit laging pumapaling sa ibang direksyon. baka nga wala sa alignment ang gulong. mahirap talaga yun.

baka nga.

lately it seems i'm running on empty. parang laging natutuyuan ng gas. ewan ko ba. i don't know what triggers that. gusto ko lang ikuwento dito. baka may maka-relate at may suggestion, makikinig ako.

*

pero start of the sem na naman halos. reboot galore na rin ito. yun lang ang gusto ko sa teaching. every sem is a reboot of sorts, kahit minor. kahit di total defrag. puwede na.

*

don't get me wrong. i still feel alive. just...clouded, i guess. by lots of things. my mind just needs to unclutter. dami kasing iniisip lagi e...

and no, i'm certain: i don't feel dead. just...overwhelmed. and exhausted.

*

but yes, i need to connect. to people. or at least, persons. i don't need a crowd when one person would do.

and most times, one is enough.

*

one thing i haven't been doing since this new millennium/decade started is meditate. i think i need to get back to that. that worked well before. i should continue that, no? yeah.

only the venue is not apt for that.

hay naku, ayan na naman tayo...

basta. i swear this should be the last. up or out na ito. out of the country, that is. talagang last na, kasi napapagod na ko sa kakaganito.

basta.

i'm talking to myself, don't mind me.

*

i just realized i miss dancing. dancing in a safe space with kindred spirits.

the problem is, my dancing partners are no longer my kindred spirits. part of that cleansing thing. better off than... whatever.

*

sabi rin sa HEROES kanina, "love is overrated."

not so original, but still so true. so we forgive the writers for being cliche.

*

to connect with those who connected here...

indi thanks for that comment. life truly is weird mare. pero hope you're happy where you are, weird man ang paligid or not.

ponpkpn, will really call your graphics talent someday for some project like that. sige ha.

ki thanks for your insights. ayoko na kay reema chanco hahahaha. what a fleeting crush. parang haiskul. hehe. cattyshack it is! just let me get that damn visa and visit ako jan in the near future. ayoko nang maging lesbiyana sa manila. masyadong maintriga. kahit sa hindi jowa, pinipilit kang i-partner up. chismosas... labo.

glenn intriga ko sa nobela. basahin ko nga yan.

*

such is the burden of being out. may kausapin ka lang, may tignan ka lang na babae, may batiin ka lang, sasabihin nilang type mo sila. may kasama ka lang lagi, jowa mo na. labo.

ang utak talaga ng tao ano, by default malicious.

i wonder why is that so. hypothalamus problem? hmm. realignment lang yan mga ati.

*

natatawa ako sa mga paimportante.

*

ayoko na kay angelina jolie. i divorce you i divorce you i divorce you. hiwalay na tayo. hehehe. chos.

she's just so het now. wala na ang kanyang bisexual mystique. blah.

same with michelle rodriguez. blah. lost na siya ever. basta.

*

bakit ba puro bisexual ang na-a-attract ko? weird lang. am i some kind of bisexual magnet? hm.

ewan.

but this one, i really want an answer from the universe. di ko kasi maintindihan e.

wala lang...

*

a friend read my palm earlier. mataas daw ang libido ko. tama ba? hm...

buti naman. at least with that, i know i'm alive!

ayuz.

*

sa mga may sakit diyan, get well soon.
sa mga aalis, bon voyage.
sa mga dadating, welcome back.
sa mga nandyan lang...salamat.