to be a woman in 2018 Philippines

Lately, this opening line from Pablo Neruda's poetry echoes in my mind: 

"It so happens I am tired of being a man."

It's from a piece called "Walking Around" included in the Il Postino OST where famous people read his poetry. Samuel L. Jackson read this one. Powerful.

I echo this because, in this time and era, I share similar sentiments: 

It so happens that I am tired of being a woman. 

In a time when misogyny got an unexpected boost, in this patriarchal country where all closeted sexists suddenly outed themselves and spew vitriol after vitriol against women of all kinds, one gets bombarded by words words words from people who suddenly showed their true colors to you. I am getting tired of listening to them, reading their posts on social media, and being beside them. 

As an identifying feminist, I have been around this kind of misogyny all my life. It somehow contributed to my raison d'être, my reason for being. If only I can control it. If only I can fight it. In my own little way, I try. In anything and everything I do, I try to infuse feminism in my work. In some instances, it fails. But in most cases, it wins. 

However, little did I expect that it will take its toll on me one day. All because of one entity: the troll.

So many people now feel empowered anonymously by this information highway we call the internet. And another kind of animal is shitting all over it: the troll. I've been reading so many reports coming out of western media these days, talking about Russian troll farms that influenced American society the past two years. You know in some aspects, we're ahead of them for about a year or so, because I've already read so many reports about local troll farms since last year. Yes, we have our own.

Jim said it simply, and said it best:
"The internet is vicious!"
Indeed. I miss this show grabe.

Troll farms. Who would have predicted this kind of kalakaran today, no? I wonder what the communication theorists-psychs-social scientists would say about this. Hello, Marshall McLuhan, Stuart Hall, Stephen Covey, anyone? What do you think po? Hay naku. I don't think the inventors of the internet wanted their information superhighway to turn towards this direction. And neither did we passengers/passersby/digital motorists.

This is how I've been feeling lately: like a driver catching snags along the way, no thanks to unexpected potholes and bumps I find all over. Life's not smooth-sailing all the time anyway, but adding such potholes don't help the journey one bit -- especially if you're just doing your job along the way.

It is tiring. But I've met several advocates in Thailand last year who say the same thing -- and encouraged me to just go on. Write. Post. Think. Say. It's easier said than done sometimes, especially if you get threatened by an extended offline physical threat because of something you posted online. Yes, it has become this crazy.

Renewal: This is where I got it last year.
I was in Thailand for a lecture gig and attended
this Asia Pacific Feminist Forum by accident,
as an aside, since I was already there.
The best accidental decision I've done in years.
In this session, I was able to process many things
that have been bothering me. And I came home
renewed, and with hope again. Yes indeed,
the universe still conspires.
[September 2017 Chiang Mai, Thailand]

Look at me, extolling the virtues of social media as eliminating the traditional media gatekeepers in my lectures some 10 years ago, proudly stating to Asian neighbors in an Indonesian conference that Filipinos have a great knack at this thing called social media that we were declared the social media capital of the world 10 years ago. And 10 years hence, where are we now? Cultivating troll farms to destroy honest people and create lies. And in the middle of that, amplifying misogyny and anything anti-women. Woo-hoo progress.

How can you not be disheartened by that? We were already feeling major gains, and then we get back to a square one slump. It used to be, two steps forward and one step back. At least there's movement, no matter how slow. But today, it seems like it's one step forward and two steps back. Where are we headed if the path is this way?

I dread to answer that question right now. It's International Women's Day today, 2018. A far cry from 2008, of course, with all the technological and societal advancements. But we get a new kind of crying from all the anti-women online harassment and trolling and shit. Realizing this is indeed tiring.

So please, universe, fortify me more. FORTIFY US. In this day and age of fakery, let the genuine efforts shine. And please, deliver us from trolls. 

We women get our strengths and inspiration from fellow women.
Glad to have met one such woman who urged me to
NOT STOP WRITING. Rock on, ladies! And thanks.
[September 2017 Chiang Mai, Thailand]

to be that kind of a woman

Happy International Women's Day today, Manila time. 

Coming from a night of hanging out with different kinds of women friends, it got me thinking earlier about the kind of women we have become, in comparison to the kind of girls we were before.

I have a high school friend who works as a nurse in one of those desert countries. Turns out we also have one more friend from high school who has the same job in the same country. We all met up for dinner, talks and laughs. Some smokes, too, yes, but only confined at the far end of the table where some of their kids were safe from second hand smoke. A couple of us had a few bottles, but not enough to give one a buzz. Save for me, everyone had a family. Some husbands were in tow, and one was left at home. One of us, the latecomer to the get-together, started lamenting about how she's the only "work slave" among us flexi time workers, she who has to keep a rigid work schedule atop of juggling her home life with her one and only child since they have no yaya or househelp anymore and the hubby works in night shift. Then somebody started talking about the healthy appetite of her kid, and then the mothers among them started comparing Cherifer stories of not giving/giving vitamins to their kids and the kid started gaining/losing their appetite, I cannot recall the combo. 

And then the fathers exchanged stories of how to address their juniors with the question of why "it" stands up every morning, and how the mothers among them can't directly accept the fact that their little boys are beginning to become little men. But we also have one mother there, but unmarried. She brought along her daughter, a college freshman, and we started teasing her about "When your mom was your age...nakuuu!" And the laughs never end for our group. All this happened in between the youngest tyke, my  mini-bff, tugging me along the restaurant's koi pond to check out the fish. And to educationally play with the tyke -- as I do with other kids -- I engage her in identifying the colors of the fishies and to count how many fishies are there. For a non-schooled tyke, her counting is awesome yet for the life of her mum, they couldn't comprehend why her color identification skills is only limited to the colors of her mum's bras, and identifying colors of other objects is always a failure. A child psychologist somewhere out there might have the answer, but we're not interested in that right now, at this phase. We just laugh at her cuteness.

That was my night. How was yours?

Waking up today, I thought of that: what became of us girls, giggly naughty ones in high school, who have now become full-fledged women, with careers and jobs and families and homes and cars and educational plans and children and aging parents or parents who left us already. Well, not really applicable to all. The single mom with the happy college freshie daughter has a boyfriend, and this lesbian is a happy single-and-mingle woman. Another member of the gang is, in fact, already in Australia, petitioned by her girlfriend there, because that's how awesome countries recognize our kind of relationship. No judgment in our group, just support. Not everyone really pursued the career we were thinking of having back in high school, while some of us went to have careers that we never thought in a million years we'd practice. Some actually want to change careers already, to pursue what they really want. But there's always this family balancing act that they have to consider.  

To be in the company of these girls who became women, it gets me thinking of the kind of woman I have also become. And it's strange to realize that there's not one kind of woman one becomes, but maybe several, all in one, at the same time. Intersections. Yes, I am a big fan of this concept. We do not live single issue lives, as Audre Lorde once wrote. As women, we also do not live single identity lives as well. Or sometimes, we also reject prescribed notions of womanhood that society tries to dress us up with, just because we have a vagina and not a penis. Strange to have the world reduced to what you have between your legs, not between your ears or what's near your lungs, right? But the world is funny and strange that way sometimes.

To tell you the truth, I've come to realize that I'm not that kind of a woman: the birthing kind. Even if my so-called "child-bearing hips" would make me a viable candidate, these hips have a longstanding contract with my vagina to not have anything bigger than a watermelon to grow inside and pass through them. Not that I'd choose or test to have a watermelon pass through there, no. Good god, what are you thinking?!? Kidding aside, no, even before I had a legitimate boyfriend, I've already decided back then, as early as my college years. This decision of not bearing a child in this lifetime was already made way ahead than my decision to become a writer, actually, or to pursue the career I have. I don't know but some decisions are easier to decide upon, just like that. But it doesn't mean that I abhor kids. In fact, my friends are amazed at the kind of patience I have with their kids. That's a totally different skillset, I remind them, and one doesn't have to be a mother to know how to interact properly with kids. I've actually had girlfriends before who were mothers, with kids of varying ages and sexes, yet they ask me some mothering tips on how to handle their kids or they let me handle situations with their kids because they're impatient about it. Imagine that. So yez, kidz skillset, I haz it.

And no, this decision doesn't connect directly to the fact that I decided not to be that kind of a woman: the man-loving kind. Give me credit for trying to follow the status quo of being in a boyfie-girlfie setup before, but give me bigger credit for defying that status quo. No, I don't defy for the sake of defying. It's just that I've come to realize, in the development of my persona, that being a woman who likes being with a woman is what makes me happy. Bonus points for not having straight situations some of my friends sometimes have. I luv yah my het friends but yeah, y'know what I'm talking 'bout. There was this one time that a friend, before meeting her boyfie, asked me to accompany her to Watsons to buy contraceptives. This was the same girl who, one morning, texted me to ask my feminist network where the morning after pill could be bought here in the country, but with the caveat that it's not for her. Why the disclaimer? Because by default, straight girls usually have such disclaimers embedded in them. I should know; I used to have them. To be a woman who wants to exercise her "god-given" right to have a safe and satisfying sex life, society puts obstacles in our paths sometimes, damning ones that make women feel guilty and shamed. No, I decided I'm not going to be that kind of a woman. So gay or straight, I exercised that right, and exercised safety at the same time. But now? My side of safety is a bit easier. As my good friend bought her condoms, I bought three kinds of mouthwash. "That's a lot of mouthwash!" she quipped. To which I replied "Because this is my kind of contraceptive, my friend." And we both laughed and went up to meet her boyfie.

Before going to Watsons, this friend actually chatted me up and asked how I am, and there's also a default question: how's your love life? A paired lesbian friend actually asked me that the other day, too, when I struck up a conversation with her. Sometimes I wonder about that question. Why are people so hung up on that part of us, the "love" life part. And this usually connects to the idea of having a partner or not. I wish when people ask about others' "love life," the answer would always be: "I'm totally fine. It's great! Because I love my life, and that's my love life!" Which is what I've always fought about, conceptually, in my mind, being that kind of a woman: the partnered kind. I've had my fair share of partnered years, clocked in and out of them. But what I've learned from those years was that I don't want a relationship status to define me. Sometimes I find it cute  that my coupled friends are obsessed with finding me a partner. (Partner agad? Puwede bang date muna, mga teh?) But there are also a handful who understand and respect me in my decision to be in a "single but not lonely" mode. Or rather, the "single but not alone" kind, as I always kid them that "Porke single, di ibig sabihin tigang, teh!" and it's always a hoot to kid about this. But none of them ever dared to ask if my joke was half-meant. But to the handful who know the truth, and who message me on Viber/FB/sms/email from time to time just to check up on me, I give them eternal hugs. Hashtag alam na. :)   



 

There are other kinds of parameters, barometers, litmus tests, and other standards that the world has on being "a certain kind" of a woman. I don't have a life mission to subscribe to them. I also don't have the aim of going against them. I just do what feels right to me, as a woman, and I just make sure I don't harm others in the process. Right now, I'm a woman who has her own place she calls her home, doing jobs that pay the bills while having enough left to splurge on occasional dates, does meetups with good friends and continue meeting new ones, enjoys the company of others and of herself, and very thankful to be (pa-)healthy, wealthy (in experiences) and wise (yeah, literal, lolz). Bonus points for being the creative kind and being tapped because of my talents and skills, and occasionally being flattered for my looks. Yes, at this point in my life, I am happy I am this kind of a woman: the fulfilled kind. I wish whatever you women out there have in your life, you will also be this kind, because it's the best kind of all, I think. The happiest.

Happy woman's millennium, my pals. Every second is ours. Claim it. 

Ipasa, now nah!

Can you believe that it takes more than a decade to pass a bill in this country I call home? How long, right, how long?

But alas, after 14 years, we now saw how the Congress and Senate came to their senses (well, most of them anyway) and voted to pass the controversial Reproductive Health Bill. 

At the RH Bill-themed International Women's Day celebs last March 2011. 

Cynthia Alexander performing in the background, onstage.

I can't believe it. I seriously can't believe it! I used to ask my co-women's rights advocates if we will see this bill pass in our lifetime. Yes, I was cynical. We're in the Philippines, can you blame me? This is a country where laws on rape or violence against women and children take more than half a decade or more to be enacted into law. Gapang is how we call it. Ginagapang ang bill. Ten years, more or less. And for the RHBill, 14 years. Pare, kung nagkaanak ako nun, haiskul na siya ngayon, di ba? Ganun teh.

I still have this very, very old campaign pin in my collection, 

before they jazzed it up to the purple ribbon campaign thing 

we know now. Kamusta naman.

But some people wonder why I'm concerned about this bill eh tomboy na tomboy ako. There are several reasons why we should also be concerned, but I'm not sure if the newer versions of that law will address us directly. It used to, actually. I wrote this article to enumerate the reasons where lesbians are directly affected by the RH Bill. Ewan na lang ang mangyayari sa bicameral session chenes next. Maybe that's one compromise they had to do.

My faculty office door. Bringing with me 

my advocacy wherever I go, wherever I am.

But still, lesbian or straight, this is still very important for all of us. Primarily, education. As in, may couples sa prubinsiya na nilalabhan ang condom para gamitin ulit, kasi mahal bumili. Kamusta naman! Merong sex workers na iinom lang daw siyang ilang litro ng tubig after makipag-sex show, malinis na daw etits niya after nun. I actually had a bisexual ex who had sex with a guy na, when I asked her if they had safe sex, ang sagot sa akin ay pinaghugas naman daw niya ng etits ang boylet kaya safe. TUMBLING!!! Count mo pa yung mga teens na akala nila, dahil first time nila makikipag-sex, di daw sila mabubuntis nun. Oh I take that back; may officemate yata ako noon na ganun din ang mind frame. Ayun, kaboom ang tyan teh. Kamusta naman di ba.

 Educate yourself. Know how to use these things. 

[July 2011 at the RH Bill March in UP]

Many women's rights advocate friends of mine are happily celebrating now, I'm sure. And my fellow LGBTQ rights advocates are celebrating as well. If this bill saw the light, then maybe our very own 10-plus year Anti-Discrimination Bill to protect LGBTQs in the Philippines is next in line somewhere. Before Erap impeachment time pa ito teh, isipin mo naman. Hay naku. Let's see da luk.

Congratulations, women of the Philippines. Para sa ating lahat ito.

i am woman, hear me roar

As I type this, Manila is still asleep, but the start of a new date is already here.

It's International Women's Day. IWD.

At last year's IWD in front of Congress where musicians performed
in support of the RH Bill. That's *the* Cynthia Alexander
performing sa likod ko. (March 2011)

I remember a speech given by my ka-birthday Barbra Streisand eons ago about how she wishes that, one day, we will not celebrate this day anymore. I agree. This only means that the moment we don't celebrate one special day of something is the moment when we are already celebrating that something on a daily basis (parang balentaymz lang 'yan teh devah chos). Yes, not designated as one special friggin' day of a year. One year has 365 and 1/4 days and yet we only celebrate WOMEN once a year??? ONCE???

Hell no.

I celebrate women every second! Nano-second! Every second I'm alive, I take pride and celebrate that I am a woman! Bakit ba. Well okay, since I redefined my self as queer/genderqueer, maybe this is one day of the year when the female in me rises more, the yin more powerful than the yang. Pwedeh? Tanggapin.

[And what did I do last year during IWD? Numo-nosebleed academic hehe. Itich.]

Anyway, dahil di ako makakasama sa anumang kawomenan event today because of my foot injury, blog na lang. Or vicariously remember my past IWD events hehe.

At the art exhibit opening of women artist friends,

UPFI's contribution for IWD 2008.
This artwork made by my lezzie friendsheep.
(Bernal Gallery UP 2008)

Sankapa! Mega-flashback IWD 2005 as me and my co-Isiswomen
hung out at rotonda para maki-miron sa Gabriela-led celeb.
Man I miss these days. Miss working for NGO sector sometimes.
Balikan natin? Chozzzz. (March 2005)

Happy IWD nonetheless. Patuloy nating ipaglaban ang karapatan ng mga kababaihan, hane? Maging sino ka man, beks. Maging sino ka man.

At rakenrol na lang!

monthly curse, centuries curse

My freaking period came in early today and I don't know why. I'm supposed to get it like next week pa but here it is, waking me up from deep slumber. And I hate it. And yes, that is why I call it the monthly curse. Once a month, I hate being a woman because of this. I'm sure many of you out there could relate. Group hug!!!

So what does this mean to me? Super-back ache, the lower region or whatever you call that area right above the butt. I don't get pains on my abdomen or that general area. I don't know why. It has always been like that for me, ever since I was in college. Back then, the pain was worse -- I literally can't get up from bed as I am rendered helpless from the waist down. I hated it. Now, it's not like that but it still hurts like hell. Well okay, sometimes I can't get up but it's not that worse. It depends on my physical well-being at a given time, I think. Since I have been working out regularly for the past two months, the pain is not that persistent. So I have to keep up with this workout thing for this curse. And yes, AlaxanFR is my best friend as well during these trying times. Yes, Manny Pacquiao, please keep on endorsing that pain killer. I heart you.

Ah, curses! Good thing it came today so I'll be freer to roam around next week yay! Next week is Pride Week since Pride March happens on December 4. Yeah yeah, I'm marching, I'm marching, get off my back heheh (or get me on my back? Hehe sorry can't resist the segue :P). Two good arguments by two queer women sold me on the idea this year, so... Well maybe a little bit of marching but you know me, ever the photo documentor, so I am ever-present and I roam around. So I'll be doing coverage work for my Pinoy LGBT stint at POC (haha yeah Queer Woman number 1 made argument#1 when she was running out of arguments to convince me to march: "Libay, please attend the Pride March because we need pictures for our articles!" Hahaha! I said "Sure, fine, okay, let go of my arm now." Chos! :P). But as usual, I document these things for my own pictorial archive of the LGBT movement here in the country. But we'll talk about that more next time.

So anyway, last Tuesday, I found myself in dirty, grimy Manila to collect some overdue writers payments and stuff. As I was walking along the Intramuros side where the Manila Cathedral is, I did a double-take because I saw something at the facade.

Look:

Can't see it? Let's take a closer look.

To the left, to the left.
Sorry Beyonce but it ain't about being bootylicious.

To the right (wing), to the right (wing)...
What's the freaking number for?
"Call us if you hate the RH bill, too,
so we can throw curses at these Damasos..."

I was like, what the fuck is that????????????? And yeah, I guess it's all about fucking, and being fucked, for centuries now. Centuries-old curse: religious intolerance!

Since I was preoccupied last weekend up to early this week, I didn't have time to update myself with local news. I was just mortified when my friends from the Reproductive Health advocacy circles started posting videos on Facebook about what happened last weekend.

This particular one interests me the most, since it was also edited out of convenience when this bit made it to the news.

And wait for what that guy shouts at 00:06:14 and 00:06:30. Yes, you have to hold on to your seats for that. Ready? Press play.





Did you miss it? That dude said "You should have told your mothers to have aborted you!" [06:14] and that lady said "Ask your mothers to abort you!" [06:30] and then the woman protester at the end just kept on saying how, in the depressed (poor) areas, you really can't do the natural method since it doesn't work, so she did pills and stuff.

Huwaaw! May ganung factor???? Away, Satan!!!!! *tumbling!*

So that explains that sign I saw at the facade. Freaky, huh?

But I like how the freethinkers just clapped their hands when those two peeps just shouted those lines. So, um, sir, ma'am, are you pro-abortion, then? Homaygad! Did your god hear you shout that? Tsk tsk. Say 10 Our Fathers, 20 Hail Marys and 30 Glory Bes now. Now nah. For salvation!

Hay naku. This is how warped this issue has become. But this still proves one point: that their freaking rosary is still inserted inside our freaking ovaries. Hate that.

All this Pro-Life/Pro-Choice/RH talk just makes me flashback in a weird way during this time I was with my film school friends when we were working with this Fil-Canadian lady producing a documentary for TV called "The Role of the Filipina in National Development" back in 1996. Oh man, I was what, 22 or 23 then? Jeez! And ever the videographer, I was carrying the camera and we walked inside Caritas Manila to interview some woman there who was supposed to give her insights about the docu topic. But just when we entered one of the offices, some crazy nun started showing us these huge posters of aborted fetuses which of course had to look all gory and icky and stuff. One even shoved this small figurine she was holding in her hand in my face while she was ranting about the "philosophies" behind those crazy posters. At first, I couldn't make out what that figurine was, but upon closer look, ah yeah it's that -- an aborted fetus. Made of rubber, I think. Or made of plastic, like them. If my life were a graphic novel then, that scene would have carried a panel with my thought balloon reading: What is this nun about??? Getmeouttahere! Now naaaaaa!

That was so fucking crazy. My girl friend was looking at it as well, and I could see that she was having a harder time hiding her disgust. My guy best friend was also looking but as usual, the artistically weird person that he is, he just absorbed the scene and played along with the crazy nun. When our shoot was over, of course we discussed it and just laughed at the incident. We even thought of comeback scenarios for that nun, if ever that moment gets replayed in our lives. My girl friend would tell the nun that she was having--hold your horses!--premarital sex with her boyfriend!!!! My guy best friend would tell the nun that--oh nooo!--he masturbates!!! So I kinda ran out of my own shock value excuse since, um, hm, I was still a virgin then and um, hm, I didn't subscribe to any kind of "label" then (but of course by default, people think I'm straight because I have big boobs. Yes, that's a valid equation/hypothesis/conclusion in the Philippines). But ah, a couple of years later after that incident, I guess I made my big in-yo'-face: I became a lesbian!!!!! Insert thunder and lightning here. Woooooo! My ticket to damnation! Yes, my friends and I are a merry bunch of sinners.

And a few weeks after that shoot, a campaign was launched and the country -- or at least Metro Manila -- soon became familiar with the terms "pro-choice" and "pro-life." Hmmmmmm... When was this? Fourteen years ago? Hmmmmmmm...

Cut to: present time.

Fourteen years after, nothing much has changed. Well, the world changed, in some parts. Like hey, look at what our main colonial master did -- they legalized freaking gay marriage? Good heavens!!!! While us, its former colonial subject, still have people banishing satan awaaaaaaay! because people want to use condoms. And protect women. And protect people. Generally.

Haaaay lost...

I never really had a clearer and bigger picture about how fucked up RH situations are in the world because of bigotry, prejudice and religious righteousness until I started being exposed to women's issues at my former NGO, Isis International. While working there, I came upon this group Catholics for Choice or something like that which had really cool campaigns about contraceptive use.

Look at their poster:



Cool, huh. Look at more here.

But that's the thing. How come those Damaso RH "protesters" were excluded from this so-called religious ritual? They are, after all, Catholics, too, as they said. But alas, there is a "right kind of Catholic" as that pro-life person said in the video. Hmmmm...

The right kind of Catholic. What is that? Beats me. I've lived in this country for 37 years now and I don't think I've seen the right kind of Catholic, yet. I didn't know that there was a right way and a wrong way of practicing your religion according to so-called religious leaders. Hay curses, foiled again.

I think the point here is, when are they going to open their eyes to the real realities of things? Like that poor woman from the urban poor sector said, their realities are different where they are. But these church-going people in Manila Cathedral have their own kind of realities, I guess. I just wish they won't impose their own kind of morality on others, you know. Especially on the poor and disadvantaged people. Hay...

Manila, my Manila, what will happen to you?

And going back to me, I guess every time, every month, I get this monthly curse, it's just sad to think that I don't even have a say in what goes on in my body, according to the laws of this land, according to the non-insinuated "laws" of the Catholic church. Who owns women's bodies? Sadly, in the Philippines, not the women.

And I get reminded of that ownership every month. Every. Freaking. Month.

Where's that freaking Alaxan?????? *pop*

unwind with women and words this saturday at FAME III: VERSES

sorry for the plug pero kasama po kasi ako sa event na ito. to be hosted daw by ms. gabby dela merced, sabi ni ani. tama ba ati?

masaya ito. yung di nakarinig ng binasa ko sa unang Angladlad Lit Night, eto ang repeat. yung nakarinig at gusto ulit marinig, go pa rin! tara! inuman tayo dun. masaya naman ang line-up ng bands e.

let's rock!

--------

F.A.M.E.
(Female Artists’ & Musicians’ Evolution)
presents

F A M E III: Verses
(Women’s Music & Poetry)

at Route 196
(Blue Ridge, Katipunan Extension, Q.C.)

November 15, 2008
8:00pm

The event will be hosted by
Ms. Gabby dela Merced

featuring

Bands:

Wake Up Your Seatmate
Jaycie & Honey
Blush
Mating Season
Tao Aves
SunDownMuse
Flush & The Toilets


Spoken Word Artists/Poets:

Romancing Venus
Libay Linsangan Cantor


Plus:

Open Mic for Poetry Reading
Open Jam
Games


P150.00 gets you in with
One (1) Free Drink


Many thanks to:
On-Air Studio Productions, Lunduyan ng Sining

puwede bang mag-comment?

as i write this, binibining pilipinas is airing live on tv. strange lang.

ganda ng opening number. so filipino. the colors, the choreo, the obb, very fiesta filipinas ang motif, may northern tribes dancing, may mga maskara-maskara na parang santacruzan na parang ati-atihan. very indigenous ang look at pd, ang music, may kubing, sounds like local instruments, chenelyn...and then the contestants came.

hindi ko alam kung sobra lang sa retokado galore ang contestants or perhaps we should call this binibining pilipinas-hybrids! kasi parang walang mukhang tunay na pinoy sa mga gels! as in, yung isa mukhang half-indian, yung isa parang may european accent and bulas, karamihan parang fil-am (more am than fil), yung iba parang mukhang amerikana talaga o basta caucasian ba. ang weird! ano ba ito, binibining pilipinas-hybrid na talaga ati! dapat hindi na lugar ang intro nila ("i'm chenelyn chuva from legazpi citeeee!") kundi ang kanilang genetic make-up ("i'm chenelyn chuva with the sperm donation of the anglo-saxon northern european chenelyn!")

nakakaloka.

feeling ko dapat may before and after photo session category din dapat dito. yun bang ipapakita sila 2 years ago then cite sa multiple choice kung ano ang influence-slash-sponsor niya: block and white, maxipeel, ponds whitening lotion, calayan, belo, ever bilena whitening...tapos may award sa "most transformed individual" di ba.

ewan. cynical. blah.

obviously i disapprove of such categorization based on beauty but i still find myself attracted to watching the spectacle. i don't know why.

*

nung maliit ako, malikot akong batang babae. lagi akong sumesemplang, nadadapa, at kung anu-ano pang rough play. kapag nagkakagalos ako, laging bukambibig ng mga tita ko sa akin "hala, 'pag marami kang peklat, di ka na namin puwedeng isali sa Miss Universe o sa Bb Pilipinas."

HMMMMMMMMMMMM.

obviously, it didn't work. unless may bagong category: binibining pilipinas-tomboy!


kainis.

*

so to every binibini out there, maligayang araw ng kababaihan!

okay back to work na.

Intl Women's Filmfest short film competition - revised guidelines

Please see the revised guidelines for the IWFF Short Film Competition.

The completion date has been changed, and entries are now accepted based on its thematic thrust (the interpretation of "women and migration"). The date of submission is also extended.

Please feel free to circulate. Thanks.

-------

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS:

UPFI'S 18th INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S FILM FESTIVAL
3rd SHORT FILM COMPETITION

The International Women's Film Festival (IWFF) hosted by the University of the Philippines Film Institute (UPFI) is an annual exhibition of films by and about women -- the one and only running women's film festival of is kind in the Philippines held during Women's Month. It aims to highlight the importance of raising women's consciousness, promoting women's rights and empowerment primarily through cinema.

To give an added venue for women filmmakers to exhibit their works, UPFI is launching the Third IWFF Short Film competition. The competition is open to local and international women filmmakers. However, in the spirit of inclusiveness and openness, this year's competition will accept entries from individuals who may not be female at birth (such as transgenders and intersexed people) but who identify as women.

The IWFF Festival Committee would like to invite women filmmakers from all over the world to be part of this event by submitting their works. All genres are accepted. There is no entry fee to join this competition. Successful entries will be exhibited at the festival. Trophies and prizes will be given away to the best works.

The following are the complete guidelines for the competition:

1. The International Women's Film Festival Short Film and Video Competition is open to all women filmmakers, video makers and multimedia artists from all over the world. Submissions from individuals, groups or organizations are welcome as long as the primary filmmakers are women. Students and young filmmakers are highly encouraged to participate.

2. Entries must have been completed no earlier than January 1, 2000. Previous shortlisted entries to the earlier IWFF competitions are no longer qualified to join this year.

3. Works could be in any language, but they should have English subtitles. Entries without subtitles will not be accepted.

4. Entries can belong to any genre/categories such as narrative, documentary, animation, experimental or multi-media. Works can also be of mixed genres. Submissions should reflect this year's theme of "Wondering Wandering Wonderful Women" (tales of women and migration plus its accompanying issues and aspects).

5. The running time of entries must not exceed 30 minutes.

6. We will accept preview DVD and Mini-DV copies in NTSC format only. However, works could have originated in any of the following formats:

-- Any Film format (35mm, 16mm, 8mm)
-- Any Video NTSC/PAL-SECAM format (HD, DVD, S-VHS, Mini-DV etc.)
-- Any multi-media/new media device/s or using various information and communication technology (ICT) tools or software/hardware (e.g. computer-generated vector/fractal images, flash animation, etc.)

7. When selected for the competition, the preview copies will already serve as the exhibition copies. Filmmakers will be contacted to submit clearer (possibly NTSC DVD) versions only if their preview copies are found to be defective and hence unsuitable for large-screen projection.

8. Submitted works will not be returned to applicants and they will automatically become part of the UPFI IWFF archives. In this regard, please do not send your original works or master tapes/copies.

9. The cost of shipping and handling the submissions should be shouldered by the sender. When sending the package, please declare in the mail that contents have "No Commercial Value" or "For non-commercial/festival purposes only." The IWFF organizers will not shoulder any taxes, custom dues/duties/fees, delivery fees or any in-transit insurance in receiving the entries nor will they be held responsible for damage inflicted upon the packages resulting from the process of mailing.

10. All works must strictly be independent works and not produced for commercial purposes. Commissioned works are not allowed.

11. For submissions of several entries in one package, each entry must be properly labeled with the following:

-- Title of Entry (original title/English translation of title)
-- Category
-- Name of Participant/Place and Country of origin
-- Running Time

12. All entries must be submitted with the following materials:

- Duly accomplished application form

- Two (2) production stills for each entry (as printed out in 3x5 or 5x7 inches or scanned JPEG files with at least 300dpi resolution or higher stored in a CD)

- One-page synopsis of the entry in English

- Short profile of the filmmaker/s in English (brief biography, sample filmography)

- promotional write-ups or published reviews in English (or if translated in English, please indicate publication source), if any

------------------------

IWFF SHORT FILM COMPETITION APPLICATION FORM

The following information can be copied, printed and filled out by the entrants to serve as the Application Form (please have one separate copy for each entry):

IWFF 2008
SHORT FILM AND VIDEO COMPETITION

APPLICATION FORM

Entry Details

Title of entry (original and English):
Language(s):
Country of origin:
Running time (Length in minutes):
Year of completion:
Genre:
Originating format:
Submission format:
Color/Black and White:

Representation

Representative of the production/contact person:
Mailing address:
Telephone number:
Fax number:
Mobile number:
Email/s:
Website:

Production credits

Producer:
Director:
Writer:
Cinematographer/videographer:
Editor:
Production designer:
Sound/score:
Other notable credits:

Has the work been shown theatrically?
If yes, where?

Has it aired on television?
If yes, where and in what context (as part of a program, as special feature, etc.)?

Has it been broadcast on the internet or publicly exhibited somewhere?
If yes, where and in what context?

Festival/s where the work was previously entered:

Previous award/s received by the work:

------------------------------------------

13. The entries should reach the IWFF organizers by Monday, February 25, 2008. Please address entries to:

IWFF 2008
Ms. Libay Linsangan Cantor
Competition curator
c/o UP Film Institute (Academic Division)
College of Mass Communication
Plaridel Hall Annex Building
Ylanan Road
University of the Philippines
Diliman Campus
Diliman, Quezon City
PHILIPPINES 1104

Telefax: (632) 920-6863
Email: upfi.academic@gmail.com

14. The submissions will be pre-screened by a panel composed of the members of the IWFF organizing committee. Shortlisted works will then be screened by an official Board of Judges composed of notable women media practitioners and women's rights advocates in the Philippines. The composition of the Board of Judges will be revealed during the festival ceremonies. The best works from all the entries will be selected by them.

15. All shortlisted entries will be screened during the duration of the festival (March 2008) at the UP Film Institute Cine Adarna theater. The winners will be announced during the awarding ceremony scheduled during the last day of the festival. Winners will be notified by telephone or email. The process of picking up/delivery of the prizes will be discussed individually with each winner to assess the most feasible mode of transaction.

16. Awards for the winning entries shall be given to the filmmaker or video director indicated in the entry form. For joint directorial works, the group must assign a single representative to act on its behalf. All official communications shall be addressed to this representative. The
organizers shall not be held liable for any controversy regarding the sharing of awards among the members of the group.

17. The organizers of the International Women's Film Festival reserve the right to dub/copy to any format the winning works for archival and promotional purposes.

* * *

UPFI is the only Philippine filmmaking institution that is an accredited member of the CILECT international network of film schools. Free of any censorship, films are exhibited at a lesser price than normal commercial cinemas. UPFI is also the only institution in the country that offers a bachelor's degree course in filmmaking, honing both the theoretical capability and practical technological skills and talents of a responsible and people-oriented future filmmaker.

i'm in the mood...for blogging...

sing with me now... for dancing, romancing hooooo...

hehe. chaks. wala lang, just read an email kasi from the masscom dean saying there's a retro dance fundraiser at the makati polo club ba yun? wherever. something posh like that. well, gudlak sa kanila. if the tickets cost half a week's wages, you know where you'll find most of us... home, and away from that event. sa baba ng sweldo ng mga tao, ine-expect pa ba nilang dadalo kami sa shindig na yan? we'd rather go out and drink with bosom buddies, sa totoo lang. or like us sa film insti, we'll go watch movies at the malls na lang. mas masaya pa. yun ay kung di umuulan. kung ganun, there's always the reliable dvd fare at home.

pero ako, writing mode muna now. this, after spending some time sa pagpapakadalubhasa sa aking tesis. hay. break din itong mga rediscovered arcade/puzzle games ko. like my gf introduced me to this new game called tumblebugs, na parang zuma. if you know what i'm talking about, maghanda ka na. mas nakakaadik ang tumblebugs. mas 3d siya kesa kay zuma, pero pareho silang fun. mas maganda nga lang ang sound and music design ng zuma. syempre nothing beats the latino sounds e. hehe. ayuz. tapos ngayon, kaka-chorva ko lang ng diner dash 2. naadik ako sa 1 before, kasi gusto ko yung ganitong games, yung hindi typical tapos may ginagawa talaga tapos may storya, much like that crazy betty's beer bar. hay naku sa isis pa lang ako, adik na kaming mics dept (media infocomm dept) sa mga games na itich. so forever download at laro pag wala si bossing hahahahah. man i miss those days, da original mics gang talaga (me, lenski, indi, irene), including the other peeps na naroon din paminsan-minsan (earnest, mari, malen and necta). ang saya ng mga sistehood days na iyon ano...pero like any other good thing, it must come to an end.

and so here we are.

o sya, pagpatuoy ko na ang chichiryahan. nasa mood ako e. ayan o dikta ng langit na natutungyahan ko ngayon dito sa ikalawang palapag ng aking tirahan. mag-review daw ako hehe. okei! go!

sige ito na ulit...san na ba tayo? ah...

LIGAW LIHAM
D. Emilio "Jay" Abello

Pitch: one time in the '60s or '70s in a semi-rural negros town, the post office suddenly stops operating, disrupting lives and loves

Catch: hm...tapyas pa konti, better for a short film

the premise is such a novel one, at based daw ito sa true event na indeed, in the life before email and the internet, snail mail was the main mode of connection of people and their lives. kaya importante ito, at event ang makatanggap ng sulat sa koreo. sad ako sa mga tao ngayon dahil hindi na nila nafi-feel ang excitement na ito, na siguro e napalitan na ng excitement ng email...pero hindi rin. mas kikiligin ka kung makakatanggap ka ng sulat na nahahawakan at puwedeng basahin paulit-ulit sa kung saan manmo siya dala. at ipapakita pa sa ibang tao. tapos yung excitement na magpapadala ka ng sulat and all. kaya romantic mode ang correspondence e. just look at all those old films featuring letter-writing in special paper or parchment, complete with seals-seals na personal na may wax at personalized pangtatak na bakal, before the rubber stamp mode na sobra namang chaka ever. hay... nice di ba? lalo na sa akin, na lumaksi somewhat sa loob ng post office ng maynila at later on ng araneta center, dahil sa ang nanay ko ay loyalty awardee na empleyado ng phil. post office mula noong buntis pa siya sa kapatid kong bata hanggang sa magretiro siya. nakakatuwang magpatakbu-takbo sa mga mailbags, nakikiusyoso sa mga parcel people, at nakikitingin sa mga ale na tulad ng nanay ko ay nagbebenta ng stamps, na later ay naging high tech kasi registered mail na chenes and all that jazz...

ay, teka dami ko na nasabi. review nga pala ito. wala e, pangit ng film. dapat short film lang ito, napahaba. bad everything -- acting, blocking, directing, editing and script. and producing? well, bigay na lang natin kay aktor-prodyuser karyll ang a for ayfort. pero mas maganda pa rin ang nanay zsazsa padilla niya kesa sa kanya. but that's another blog entry.

bawi. maganda lighting at lugar. yun lang. sayang. inaantok yata si direk peque gallaga nang nag-creative consulting ang mga to sa kanya. huwah.


SINUNGALING NA BUWAN
d. ed lejano

Pitch: intersecting stories (yet again!) of different characters -- a tv weather girl na mistress ng isang businessman, a businessman na nagpalit ng mistress at hinahabol ng asawa, ang babaeng PA sa tv station ng weather girl na pinagpalit ang jowang aktor sa businessman at naging kabit, ang aktor na ko-actor ng isang aktor na pinagpalit ang gay lover sa woman play producer, ang gay lover na sawi at laging nakikinig ng '80s tagalog pop love songs.

Catch: ang gulo.

may scene breaks, mga sentences sa isang blue sky na may umaandar na ulap, na kung iisipin ay parang title cards sa isang silent film. kaya lang, mas preachy pa ang title cards na ito kesa sa visuals. pero minsan, ang visuals din ay... parang nahirapan silang itahi ang script. actually, the script feels like it is a first draft thing. i actually love the premise of some of the characters, lalo na yung nabubuang na na gay guy at weather girl (na naging friends under contrived circumstances) nung hiwalayan sila ng respective jowas nila. ito ang top two stories dito e, tapos puwede ring idagdag yung ek ng PA at nung theater actor. pero other than that, everything else should be trimmed. but like previous long and winding entries, this one just refused to fall out of love with the material and the visuals. sayang. mas na-focus sana siya.

the premise was also nice, kaya lang nga pilit at spoonfeeding din ang labas. na of course, it's about how the image of the moon as romantic fools us into thinking that love lasts forever, or at least longer than we expect it to. but no, liar nga ang moon, and so are our lovers... sayang. ang ganda sana ng premise, nawalan lang ng focus.

pero better naman ito sa SEROKS pare. yung cinema one entry niya dati. ed's my co-teacher sa film institute, and whenever he'll have film screenings, he'll tell us "be gentle!" o eto na ed, gentle na to ha. hehehe. seriously, man, sayang talaga. this could be improved. malaki potential e. hm.



GULONG
D. sockie fernandez

Pitch: a summer in the lives of two grade 5 boys somewhere in the philippines, sometime in the philippines...

Catch: gary v = god mode

and so it shall be. kapag na-cast si gary v sa isang film, hindi na nalalayo ang good values and right conduct and sound morals diyan...at ayan na nga silang lahat, tuhog-tuhog na nakadikit sa buhay ng mga naglalayag na magpinsang grade 5 dito. minsan nasasakal sila nito. minsan ginagamit nila pang-jumprope. minsan ginagawang panungkit. pero mas madalas, ginagawang baging palabas sa kumunoy ng kasalanan.

o ha!

bakit ko ba inuulit-ulit ang grade 5? kasi from the way it was written by the kind old lady who spoke at the screening, it sounded like the kids were already in 3rd year high school. and that makes four years of difference, big gap difference to boot, ha. iba ang lengguwahe ng grade school sa high school, kahit naturingan pang mga child genius o prodigy sila (na sa film na ito, hindi naman. mabait lang talaga sila ng sobra). yan minsan ang trapping sa pagsusulat tungkol sa mga bata. nau-underestimate natin sila madalas. o kaya mali lang talaga ang characterization. like that pinsan na sub-lead, he keeps on dreaming about these "chikas sa fishpond na bakat na bakat ang basang damit pag-ahon!" iw as like eeeeeeeewwwwwwwww! batang manyak ba ito!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hindi siya kyut!!!!!!! mali mali mali ang characterization. homaygad. tuwing gagawin niya ito -- at pinapanaginipan pa niya! -- e parang gusto kong himatayin. jusme, e napaka-HIRAYAMANAWARI pa naman ng approach nila sa materyal (as in, teach good values to children everywhere mode) tapos may manyak mode siya!!!! wah!!!

ang saving grace lang ng film ay yung fact na it was shot like a tv commercial -- pulido sa shots, sa framing, sa pacing, sa timpla ng kulay, sa pagka-masinop sa production design -- men puwede nang ilatag sa kliyente ito! that's because the director has been a long-time adperson. that paid off well. now only if she could do something about the story... hay...

saka lutang ang kuwento to begin with. obvious na detached sa living realities ng pilipino ang mga nagsulat. like there was this one obstacle (na soooo obvious naman para mapahaba ang act2 hay) na nilagay dun para mabasawan ang perang iniipon ng kids to buy a neighbor's bicycle. may meralco dude na naniningil dahil ididiskonekta na sila at may overdue bill na unpaid. bilis bilis bilis tanong mo kung magkano yung overdue ng kuryente bilis bilis bilis. tantananaaaaan -- tumataginting na 97 pesos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! poonyetah! baka water bill yan at hindi meralco, sasabihin niyo. but no. may cameo ng isang meralco guy complete with white and orange uniform ati. at nalurkey akeshhhhhhhh sa baba ng kuryente nilaaaaa! saang lugar ba yan sa pinas at dyan na ko titira ever, sa mura ng kuryenteeeee! a lesson in public utilities: ang usual water bill ay hindi bababa sa 25 pesos (kung hindi ka naglalaba at hindi ka madalas maligo) at aabot lang sa 500 pesos usually kada buwan if your household houses a family of more than 5 members with school-age children at naglalaba ang nanay ng mga damit sa bahay at nagluluto at hindi nagte-take-out at si papa o fafa ay mahilig mag-carwash sa garahe. intiendes? at ang kuryente, kung hindi ka mahilig magbukas n ilaw at manood ng tv at bintilador lang ang appliance mong sosyal e hindi bababa yan ng 300 sa dami ng punyetang tax at anupamang chenes ang nakalista sa electric bill natin ngayon. intiendes?

hay. **puso koh**

kalurkey. nabaliw ako dun.

hay. ms sockie, gawa ka na lang ulit ng short film. mas maganda atak mo sa shortie e. or find new material na mas grounded.

kalurkey ever.



TRIBU
d. jim libiran

Pitch: life of real-life gangsters in tondo portraying their lives, loves and death threats to the tune of improv slam-like freestyle old school rapping. yea boi!

catch: ano bang cam ang ginamit? sana mas maganda ang resolution. hey, even CITY OF GOD appeared real in its glossiness of rio de janeiro slums...

other that that, i like it! as in! biased lang ba ko dahil loves ko ang rap? hindi hiphop ha, kundi good ol' fashioned old school rap, at slam freestyle pa. i loves dem tondo gangstas. hanef. alam naman nating may gangsta lyf na sa tondo at sa slum areas ng pinas noon pa, pero this one is relatively new because of the rap angle...unless you've seen my student she andes' interesting short docu film called ESTROPA naginawa niya mga more than 3 sems ago na, na pinalabas sa abc-5 show na DOKYU kung saan producer si jim libiran... things that make me go hm... kasi it's the same thrust.

pero dahil sa hindi ko alam ang tunay na history ng ek nila (unless they care to explain it), dededmahin ko na lang ang chenes na yun. okay lang itong film kasi wala siyang masyadong mataas na expectation na sine-set-up o binibigay o pinapangako sa viewers. simple lang siya. tondo plus gangs plus bad neighborhood equals drama, sex, fun, violence and death. all preconceived notions and predetermined fates. all we have to do is see how it unfolds this time. and it did unfold the way we were expecting it to -- without pretensions, without hesitations, and with an uncanny sense of an insider guiding us all throughout its unfolding. kaya bet ko siya. hindi siya highbrow, hindi siya lowbrow. basta ayan lang siya sa gitna bro, hindi rin in your face pero hindi rin takot na nakadistansiya. kumbaga sa timpla, tamang tama lang. mainstream ba siya? hindi. hindi glossy e, kahit predictable ang plot. indie ba siya? oo, kasi neorealist ang casting, meaning non-actors, at saka maganda ang sandwich na ginawa niya sa narration ng bata sa umpisa at huli. nag-iiwan ng mark. yan ang sinasabing make or break ang ending. make siya, men. make na make. ayuz.

this is a film na pang-international. it's a peek into the dirty side of manila and its people, a premise long often loved by westerners who want to take a look at the exotic locales and people of places that have been previously colonized by their forefathers. achieve! padala na to sa cannes. postcolonial reality at its simplest. but as for local viewing, unique lang yung rapping chenes. at hindi mo na ulit panonoorin. yung ganun ba. pero okay lang. at least naaliw ka ng isang oras mahigit, tapos kain ka na ng isaw sa labas...

word up.


---------------

o ayan na. sa susunod na ang shorts. and back to regular programming na tayo after that. ayuz.

laro muna ulit heehee...

sarap ng walang pasok! yebah!