don't dream hope's over

Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup? 

Obviously I'm soundtripping again as I type this. Waiting for the new year to commence in a few hours, and I can't fucking wait to leave 2013 already!!! If you've been following this space closely, you'll know why. And if you know me, yeah you'll probably know why na rin naman.

Just thought of stopping by here and doing some sort of yearly summary like what I've always done before in this space, and in my offline journals as well. But I think I'm getting too old for such recaps. Or maybe sentimental, I don't know. That's why I've limited my recaps to bite-size chunks instead. Besides, sometimes there are times when you just have to stop, park your thoughts for a while, stop typing, stop snapping pictures, just breathe and let the bad vibes out as you let the good atmosphere in. Things like that.

I realized that when I was in Bangkok earlier this month. There was one point where I was so excited by everything, by coming back there, by revisiting the familiar, that I wanted to snap and snap away, record each and every moment for freeze frame documentation forever. I stopped one time, inside Chatuchak Market, and just let my senses get tickled by everything, without reacting. And you know what? That felt good. So good.

Overload of the senses that is Chatuchak Market. 

Source of my cleansing ritual props today.

This was where I realized it: just stop and 

indulge the senses. Stop documenting! So I did. 

After the bite.

Mindfulness really grounds me. One at a time, as Buddhism taught me 

decades ago. "When you eat, just eat. When you walk, just walk."

Still true after all these years. And this is why it's very meaningful 

for me as well to be guided like this in my travel there. 

I am bringing this feeling here with me, in Manila, 

and wherever I may go next in life.

So yes, sometimes we have to stop and stare. Stop and breathe. Stop and look, listen, and just feel. Stop and feel.

I guess that's what I'm doing here. Stopping and feeling. Not giving in to thoughts that are still haunting me during these last few days of the year, not giving in to emotions that are stapled together with those thoughts. Not giving in. Sometimes you have to not feel as well. Just be. Just be there.

Something like that.

*

Speaking of being, I was being my fabulous self again this latter half of the month. I said I might not surface for air but thanks to some lightened work load sked, I was able to. But what preoccupied me naman was something I love anyway, so the past week or so didn't feel like work anyway, because it involved cinema.

Or more accurately, MMFF. Comme ca:

Photo op-ping in between screenings, here with other 

MMFF peeps and jurors and Miss Universe runner-up 

title holder Ariella...Arianna...shyet ano na nga ngalan niya? 

Lagi ko nalilimutan! Tatlong araw kami magkasama 

pero lagi ko nalilimutan. Kasi hanggang smile 

lang ako at natotorpe akong kausapin siya 

hahahaha lekat sa #dykewoes itey.

I blogged about it in my pop culture blog about how I was tapped to be a juror for this year's Metro Manila Film Festival Most Gender Sensitive Film Award. And awaaaaaard talaga ang nanalo! For the record again, HINDI KO BINOTO ANG GBBT okayyyyyyy? I have my own opinions about that film at mahirap talaga kapag outvoted ka. Democracy rules kaya ayun, olats lola mo hehehe. But the gig was fun naman while it lasted, kaya of course masaya pa rin ako sa overall experience. Cinema is my first love, after all, a love affair I've been having ever since I could remember -- a love affair that will only stop when I stop breathing.

Kilroy was there. Ebidensiya.

Akala ko wala akong kakilala sa jurors, 'yun pala 

andun si Sigrid, direktor ng ANG HULING CHA-CHA NI ANITA. 

First 2 days suffer kami sa super-cold office sa QC GAD 

ni Ms. Ruby. Kaya kelangang magkulitan selfie after the screenings 

-- dahil malayo rin ang yosihan to cope hahaha. 

We screened the indie category here.

The gender jury after the deliberations right after the 

3-day screening sa Podium naman. Ayaw talaga bumigay 

ni Direk William Mayo sa vote naming KIMMY DORA hahaha 

kaya sa GBBT sila pumanig. My tie-breaker didn't push through, 

but I knew it wouldn't. Hope against hope lang naman 'yun. 

Basta, kuwento ko sa 'yo 'pag nag-inuman tayo hehe.

Kaya ayan, napanood ko na sila at sinipag akong mag-full on review ng mga films pero mostly for my POC gig. Here's a line-up:

My 10,000 Hours review - Dapat panoorin mo ito!!! Good good film. Fearless forecast ko ito as best picture at hahakot ng awards hehe. And I was right!

Boy Girl Bakla Tomboy: Mula kalye hanggang pelikula, may pride ka pa ba? - my kinda review of GBBT and why it didn't merit any vote from me whatsoever sa aking gender jury duty. Again, I WAS OUTVOTED! Kaya ayan, di na nga ako nagpunta ng awards night sa Meralco Theater hehe. Kebs na, kahit tinawag pala nila ang name ko to recognize us jurors pala, sabi ng nanay ko kasi napanood niya sa TV ang awards night. Eh mas masarap mag-booking kesa sa um-awards night teh panu ba 'yan hahahaha but that's another story. Chos!

Our "Little Bossing" that could: Isang pahabol na pagpapahalaga sa lesbiyana - My review of MY LITTLE BOSSINGS and why I think you should catch it just because of Aiza's lesbian character there. 

Ang taunang MMFF 2013 at LGBTQ overview - Hmm mali yata ang titling ko nito, pero kebs! In here, I run down the queer characters depicted in the MMFF films, at least yung meron ha. Sareeeh wala sa Pedro Calungsod, unless! LOLZ. 

Fabulous redefined anew, aney, cinematic style naman this time. Alam na!

*

Speaking of redefined, may pahabol pang fabulous ang ilang kaibigan sa pagtatapos ng taon. Ayaw daw nilang tapusin ang taon nang hindi naitatali sa isa't isa. Kaya ayun, from Chiangmai to QC with love ang peg at voila! Two good friends got married, queer style!

Newlyweds Bing and Marion with Bing's tita and mommy, 

JJ and me in the multitasking ceremony.

Nakakatuwa naman ang love story ng dalawang ito. Dekada nang magkakilala pero di nila inakalang magiging sila. Gulat ang lahat, pero ako, pleasant surprise ito. Wala naman kasi talagang makakapagsabi sa atin kung saan magmumula o susulpot ang pag-ibig eh. Minsan nga, tinatawag ka na, di mo pa nakikita. Minsan huni pa lang, nabibingi ka na. Minsan pinapasilip ka ng kalawakan kung ano pa ang meron diyan sa tabi-tabi. Minsan naman pinapatikim ka pero sa kalaunan, ipapasuka sa iyo kasi masama pala sa sistema mo ang timpla. Minsan, nariyan lang pala sa tabi. Minsan, biglaang darating na parang bulalakaw tapos kailangan mong mag-isip nang mabilis kung sasabay ka ba sa andar nito. 

Fun times with old friends. With the addition of Lorna 

the ever-critic at the reception hahaha. 

I so miss hanging out with like-minded fun queer peeps.

And everybody liked my "new" style hehe. 

Cuteness overload daw aney? Pak na pak.

Iba-iba 'yan para sa bawat isa sa atin. Kaya wala talaga tayong karapatang maghusga ng nararating ng lovelife ng bawat tao. Unless nakakasakit na ito sa kanya, at saka ka mag-intervention. Pero until then, hayaan mo silang matuto ng kailangan nilang matutunan, at hayaan na lang natin silang maramdaman ang nais nilang maramdaman. Ganun na lang.

'Yan ang tinutukoy ko sa not dreaming that hope is not over. Hope is never lost, never gone. Anuman ang naganap sa atin sa taong ito, isa lang ang lagi nating binabaon, year in and year out: HOPE. Hope that better things will come our way, hope that there will be a spark of interest that might lead to greater things, hope that things will fall into place and everything touched by chaos will be orderly again, hope that we are still alive with our hearts beating and our brains thinking, hope that blessings will continue to fall in our universe, hope that there will be a string of tomorrows to do all the things we want to do and love doing. 

Hope. Iyan ang hindi dapat nawawala sa atin. Nakatatak nga 'yan sa braso ko, eh, di ba? Kaya nananatili sa aking reminder iyan, anuman ang naganap sa taong ito. Nakahanap ako ng jowa pero hindi rin naman pala kami compatible at pinalala ito ng distansiya. Naloko ako ng isang halimaw na nagpapanggap na anghel na magmamahal sa akin pero sinaktan lang pala ako. Umalis na ako sa isang trabahong minahal ko ng lubos ng halos isang dekada dahil ayoko nang malason pa ng sistemang bulok. Iyan lang naman ang road bumps ko sa taong ito. Major major kung tutuusin, pero kinakaya pa rin naman. 

Pero mas marami at mas marangya pa pala ang papalit diyan. Na ikinakagulat ko, up to this very moment, dahil walang tigil ang pagpapadala ng universe ng reinforcements sa kampo ko. As in! Kung trabaho sa trabaho lang naman, nagkaroon ako ng maraming kapalit na consultancy, na nag-ending na nga sa isa sa pinakamasayang consultancy ko sa ngayon sa Rappler. At sa pagpasok ng taon, marami pa ring nakalinya at patuloy pa rin ang ilang nasimulang consultancy ngayong taon. Kaya wala namang kaso sa larangang iyan. 

 Cleansing the surroundings, cleansing the soul.

What you reap, you sow. Plant kindness and compassion. 

Your rewards will be ever-fruitful. I kid you not.

Sa ibang larangan naman, nagagalak ako at laging nakaalalay sa akin ang mga bago at dating kaibigan pagdating sa pag-alo sa puso at katauhan ko. Resbak kung resbak, at nakakatuwang malamang they have my back. Suwerte ko sa larangang iyan at may safety net ako ng mga confidantes who give me sage advise. I am thankful. As for the real scores, ayan, score lang ng score hahaha. I mean I always find some person here and there to while away time, to pass the time, things like that, knowing full well na all is not lost naman in that department for me. 

Maybe because of the recent experience, I am just wary and careful, especially when it comes to commitment. I'd actually like to go back to the "I don't do girlfriends" Shane shiz I had before. Well, so far, it's working! Brian Kinney mode na lang ever, for now. Maximum amount of pleasure, minimum amount of bullshit should already be tattooed on my being next. Sometimes I keep forgetting that fact. That's why I keep getting hurt. But yeah, thank goddess for my friends. I love their infinite patience and love for me. I heart them back. 

There will always be balance. 

Keep the faith, even if resolve is sometimes thinning.

So for now, we just take it easy, have some vino at queso, let the universe unravel more of what's next for me in my ever-evolving but exciting life. I can't wait to gallop in the year of the horse. I hear Pegasus coming. As I repair my wings, he lends me his. Because goodness knows I'm always meant to soar.

So let's.

May the odds be ever in all of our favors this 2014. 

WORK IT!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, YOU FABULOUS PEEPS. 

KEEP IT REAL.

Closing the Jessica saga Manila-style

I was debating with myself whether to post this in my pop culture analysis blog since it will be full of that kind of media commentary or if I should post this in my inner-chever travel blog since it actually details travel stuff. But no, it's a bit personal, so hence, here we are. And sorry, this one's gonna be a bit longish.

Before the week ends, I just want to close the chapter on the AI-saga-Jessica-Sanchez-edition that has the country up and at 'em since the time this little birit girl showed her fighting chops to the yoo-es-op-ey and wherever it was beamed. As we all know, her mother hails from the Philippines and her father is of Mexican descent. Two huge, huge "minority" populations in America these recent years, one more visible in media (them) than the other (us). And yes, I said us, because whether Jessica likes it or not, part of her heritage will be claimed by those of us here where half of her blood flows. Never mind her official allegiance to the stars and stripes or if she hasn't set foot here yet. Most of us who still need postcolonial validation (or are looking for post-postcolonial armor, just in case, for whatever...) will always chalk one up the scoreboard for the home team, despite the non-home court advantage. I mean hey, haller, Tia Carrere, Lou Diamond Phillips, Apl De Ap, that guy from Glee, The Azkals? Too many to mention. Basta may dugong Pinoy, Pinoy pa rin. O siya, sige na nga, sabi ko. Tango na lang. May tama naman teh.

I don't know about you but I followed this rather melodramatic saga perpetrated by American Idol and bought it hook, line and sinker (or just parts, depending on what you want to admit) as it was broadcast to our part of the archipelago week in and week out. I was never a fan of AI and never stayed on to watch a whole season, half a season or even a quarter, but somehow, I found myself watching at least half of this season, when I saw this little girl from a town in San Diego, California sing her heart out like her talent just came directly from the heavens. Boses na tinubuan ng bata is what I could say. Wagas ang baga, teh, wagas! 

I don't know what's with this Fil-American that I stayed to watch. There were previous Fil-Ams naman who made it to the cut before, all equally great. But maybe this is what's called that unquantifiable "x-factor" I've been hearing all my showbiz life, that special ooomph that one person has that you can't quite pinpoint where it's coming from, why it's there, or how it actually emanates from her person. Basta meron 'yun, 'yun na 'yun. Ganun.

But with this one, I think it's more personal, as I said. This is because before, while watching AI, I never experienced America for myself -- until two years ago. 

And that was when it became personal for me, this AI saga, this "battle of the sexes" and then "battle of the races" and then "battle of the genre musicians" or whatever. People have differing opinions about this, but I can't help but think that it has something to do with race. Yes, at least a little bit. No, not necessarily POC-ish versus the great white male-ish type of discourse, no. Well of course there's also that, but everybody knows that already as it's very obvious anyway. My concern is more of inner POC-ish: people of color discourse to mean just being a Filipino or of Filipino descent in the land of the white people. Well, majority are white anyway, but hey, they say it's multicultural, a melting pot. Well, it depends on where you heat that damn pot anyway, as I saw. Molten? Or clotted? Hm.

 It doesn't take an Einstein to figure America out sometimes. 

Di ba Albert? (April 2010 Griffith Observatory LA)

I stayed for about a month and a half-ish with my sister, herself a certified Fil-Am already, in 2010. She lived in Central California then, which, to my observation, could also qualify as "middle America," that term we kept on hearing when it came to Jessica's ultimate contender, white-guy-with-guitar Phillip Phillips. And how does middle America look like? Well, to put it simply, it looks as white as the clouds in the sky. In central Cali, there were a lot of white folks (at that time I was there, they comprised 80 percent-ish), second are brown-skinned Hispanic folks in the 13 percent-ish mark, maybe majority are Mexicans I presume. (And how do I know? I hear it in their English accent, being familiar with it thanks to US pop culture, and also because they speak Spanish when their backs are turned to me, or even when they're facing me.) And then, there are the other folks, Filipinos included (lumped as Asians in the 5 percent-ish peg). I never saw much Pinoys there except when there were birthday parties where my sister got invited to, and these Pinoys are/were part of the health care workforce where she now belongs as well. And come to think of it, I didn't see much African-American folks there as well, at least in her part of town (sadly, the census lists them in the 1 percent-ish peg). Hm. Welcome to middle America, California style. Akala ko dati, 'pag sinabing California, melting pot din like New York. Damn wrong.

 Middle California on a Farmer's Market day. 

(April 2010 San Luis Obispo, CA)

We were lucky because we got treated well by these Pinoys. I keep on hearing tales of Pinoy vs. Pinoy plots in the US from my relatives, friends and colleagues before, and I guess that also happens to other people, right? But just the same, it saddens me that I see Pinoys out there who painstakingly conceal their heritage in order to assimilate. I don't blame them if they opt for that strategy, as it is part of their own personal journeys. It just saddens me to realize it, that's all -- and to hear it and see it for myself.

Yes, it is quite a valid strategy especially if fellow Pinoys and/or their friends/guests would label you some slightly racist thing, like being an FOB. Before, I used to hear the "fresh off the boat" term as a derogatory remark for someone who just landed in the US regardless of race, but it mostly pertains to people of color who had to ride a boat in order to get into their land. In one of those Pinoy birthday parties, somebody asked me that, as an attempt to make conversation and also an attempt to be funny-witty. "So," he said, "Are you also newly transplanted here, like an FOB..." When he saw my face wince, he backtracked a bit and said "You... know... fresh... off... the boat?"  Needless to say, both attempts failed, and in order to stop talking with him, I turned to the family dog and played with it. And helped myself to more barbecued ribs and lumpiang shanghai on the table. I'd rather eat than talk to that fool. My thought bubble: kuya, hindi ka cute so shut up.

This I hear from a fellow Pinoy. But another approach I hear from this white girl who gave me a Justin Bieber-ish do at Supercuts:
"So, where are you from originally?"
"From Manila. The Philippines. I'm visiting my sister."
"Oh, nice. Does she live here already?"
"Yes, she does."
"And are you also thinking of moving here, too?"
"Well, maybe, eventually."
"Oh, it's nice here. You should think about it. Also nice to be with family."
"Yeah, actually..."

Well, maybe I have to think that she had to be nice to me because I was a customer and hence a potential tipper but regardless, her niceness hit home more than that FOB dude. Di ba?

 Pinoys about (down)town. I see white people. They're nice naman. 

(March 2010 Paso Robles CA)

My Superfriend D in LA, already staying there in Cali for about 7 years now, also had a lot of stories like these, as she told me stories of newly-transplanted Pinoys who spoke as if their American twangs had no tomorrow or whatever, and painstakingly covered up their proximity to the Philippines. One of my favorite stories of hers involved this Pinay that she met in a line at the bank or somewhere like that, and they struck up a conversation which went like this:

"So you studied college in the Philippines or here?" my friend asked.
"Oh, naw, naw, I feeneeshed college there, ya know, like, uh, een Ley-truhn, ya know?"
And my friend was like, Leytruhn? Leytruhn? San 'yun? Aaaahhhh putangina, LETRAN! Leche. So she continued asking, "So how long have you been here in the US?"


"Two years."
And my friend was like, putangina two years pa lang, ganyan na magsalita??? 
And my reply, "May tawag d'yan ngayon sa Pinas teh: tumbling!" 


Hahaha I love my superfriends! Daotera maxima! 

Pinoys in the US, at least those I encountered on a random basis, always gave mixed signals as to whether they will reveal their Filipino-ness or not to fellow Pinoys even if they are already sure that the others are Pinoy na nga. And this always baffled me. Well, maybe we all have our reasons, but still... Whereas when it came to Mexicans, at least the ones I saw, they were always ready to connect with them as fellow Mexicans (or anyone of Hispanic descent perhaps) and the way they do that is with the language reveal: they converse in Spanish. 

How do I know this? Because while in downtown LA, my Superfriend D excitedly took me to a busy intersection where some Hispanic people were selling fresh fruits in a food cart thingie. And when the elder female seller saw us looking at the fruits and deciding which to mix-up and buy, she started speaking to us in Spanish, maybe mistaking our Asian brown skin as alike with hers, and asked us what we wanted and how many. And I understood this because my working knowledge of Spanish covered those questions, so I was able to answer her in Spanish as well. But when Superfriend D's girlfriend, a non-Filipino speaking Fil-Am, said "But I don't speak Spanish..." that was when the seller started speaking in English and smiled her sorry at her.  Still, my point is that the seller, of Spanish-speaking Hispanic descent, never gave it a second thought whether to reveal her non-white-speaking identity to strangers. But Pinoys are a different story.

 Las frutas son deliciosas. Como mi? Ahihihi. 

(April 2010 Downtown LA)

When I was about to go home, I was trying to look for chocolate souvenirs at a candy store inside the San Francisco International Airport. The huge store only had one other customer lurking around, and only two female workers were inside the store. Obviously, they were Filipino because they were talking in Tagalog. So when I approached them, I kindly asked something in Tagalog as well, smiling upon the recognition of kababayans there. But when they faced me, they gave me an icy stare and started addressing me in business English with an American twang. When I inquired again in Tagalog, the cashier again answered me in business English with a twang, this time with a matching simangot sa fez. So obviously, she can understand me but can't speak to me in our language? Or my bad, maybe there is an airport worker rule where you can't speak to anyone other than English? I don't know; maybe that's it, and I shrugged it off. 

But no, wait. When I first landed, the lola I talked to about my luggage suddenly started speaking to me in Tagalog when she saw that I was from the flight from Manila. (Me: Excuse me, where do I claim my luggage? Lola: Ay andito na, itinabi ko na nung nakita ko. Kunin mo na lang. Ito 'yung sa iyo di ba?) And then the other lolos there working at the airport also talked to me in Tagalog. (Lolo: Kailangan mo ng cart, hija? Me: Di na po lolo, salamat. Lolo: Okay sige.) So hmm, I dunno about those two candy store peeps.

 Buti pa si Dora, chikadora. 

(April 2010 Universal Studios LA)

Or maybe it depends on the situation my friends and I encounter with fellow Pinoys. But the tendency is to be quiet in a big crowd and then decide later if they will reveal they are Pinoy or not, when the "need" arises. And it's funny that one "need" arose when my sister and I were in Universal Studios.

I had this brilliant idea of trying on that scary horror place walk thingie feature there at the theme park since, I thought, being a film person, I can shrug it off to just people being in prosthetic make-up in a set with fabulous working props. But no. In the middle of that damn scarefest, we found ourselves stuck in the middle because there was this small group -- like two young kids, two guys our age, and a hubby-wife couple -- huddled closely there in between some mummy thing and some vampire thing or something, scared-funny shitless and trying to push each other to walk by the monsters first hehe. At first, they were speaking in low voices, but my sister and I picked up the language: mga Pinoy. So we walked past them and tried our darnedest to be brave and ran through the monsters, speaking in Filipino like tara na aaaay punyeta takbo na bahala na si batman waaah tao ka lang na naka-costume leche panget moh eeeek! And when the small group heard me and my sister yakking, they also started yakking loudly this time, and yes, in Tagalog. So when we ran, they ran after us. Ayan, instant Pinoy bonding inside that damn scary place! We even cajoled with them as we joked later on that they should be the ones to go first and all. Takutan na baga, or bayanihan na sa pagiging brave kahit takot hahaha. So ang ending, sabay-sabay kaming tumakbo palabas at yehey, success! Lecheng scary walk.

I told you not to go, you go. Now look at. 

(April 2010 Universal Studios LA)

Another incident like this happened on that scary horror elevator ride somewhere in Disneyland naman. We were all gathered first in the lobby area of this elevator ride, and then there was this scripted horror host talking to us etc etc. And everyone was a bit quiet and listening to the spiel. Pero dahil sinapian na naman ni Vice Ganda ang lola mo, komentaryo galore ako dun in between the spiels hehe, also to calm my matatakutin self. Before we entered that lobby area, my sister and I were just yakking away in Filipino, and we just saw some people at the back stealing glances at us, for unknown reasons. I thought they just found us noisy, so we shut up na lang. But when the spiel in the lobby said "And now, you will enter this area where guests haven't been seen for 150 years now..." or something like that, I commented "Hmp kaya naman pala ang baho ng slight ditich!" And then I heard people snicker at the back. Pan left lola mo, zoom in to see that group staring at us outside, staring at us again. I just smiled at them and they smiled back. Alam na!

 Define motion sickness, beks. *guwaaark* 

(April 2010 California Disney Adventure Anaheim)

Of course these are small but maybe insignificant stories I experienced (and there are more examples but I think I'll leave some for another time), but it somehow characterizes the experience I felt when I was there, on how it is being a Pinoy in that land, regardless if you just stepped in, have been immersed for a while, or born and raised there already. Somehow, I think we Pinoys are shy to recognize each other on an ordinary day. But of course we raise our flags and wave them high on special days, like during a Manny Pacquiao fight, or this AI. 


And this is why I got attached this time to this particular season of AI. Jessica reminded me of those days, of those moments, and how I felt as a person in America, as a Pinoy in America, as a Pinoy encountering Pinoys in America. Ewan ko ba, medyo kakaiba lang talaga. And this is also why I haven't written much about that trip for so long; I'm still trying to figure out the whole experience, and perhaps where I belong in the greater scheme of things that this thing is somewhat implying. What that that is, well, I have yet to figure that out as well.


And this is why it also warmed my heart when I saw the footage of Pinoy voting parties in the US, where global Pinoys would gather and bring potluck food, watch AI and cheer on Jessica, and then text-vote to death.To a certain extent, I got it, and also felt it. I was like "Sana andiyan din sa mga party na 'yan si Leytruhn girl or sina Ate Airport Worker,  nakiki-text and cheer dahil magaling ang dugong Pinoy na singer na 'yun. At saka 'yung mga shy magsalita o magkomentaryo na Pinoy, sana nakikisigaw na rin sila na manalo si Jessica." Sana, 'no? Sana. 

But of course hindi ko rin nilalahat siyempre. There are those born and raised there who are into knowing their roots and all, coming here to the country on their own and trying to find their spot in the universe as Filipinos, mga ganun. But it is quite hard to peg just what a Pinoy is these days, di ba, or whether we are still proud of that thing called "being Pinoy" regardless of what happens to us and what we experience outside the Philippines. Of course, I know a lot of us are proud, but sometimes, it takes a while for that to surface.

Hanging out with my homies: temporary Pinoy Emil from Oz and 

Fil-Am Freddy who said people treated him more like Am here 

but back home he's seen more as Fil. Go figure. (June 2011 Baguio City)

Take it from the different reactions we gathered about this saga. There are those who shrugged AI this year, there are those who watched it like a hawk. There are those Pinoys there who laughed at Pinoys here for feeling sad that Jessica didn't make it. My Fil-Am tita commented that America, her homeland, isn't ready for a Filipino superstar yet daw. There are those who say that it is American Idol after all, so what is the real face of America ba talaga? Well, this is where the bigger race card discourse gets thrown in, but again, I don't think I wanna go there because it is quite obvious already. Yeah, maybe middle America won, but I am thankful that at least, for a season, some little girl with a big voice galvanized a lot of Pinoys/Pinoy-descended people like her and cheered altogether, at the same time, with pride.

Isang tagay para sa dugong Pinay. (May 2012 Marikina)

Yeah, okay na ako doon. So salamat, Jessica, at nagawa mo iyon. Now go out there and sing your heart out -  to the world pa rin. And with that, we close this chapter na.

to patrick swayze, thanks for everything! libay cantor

posted last sept 15 in my multiply version of leaflens, the day he died.

------------

for someone who grew up in the 80s and solidified her personality during the 90s, pop culture was a big part of life, especially movies. so for me who is that someone who watched 80s and 90s movies of patrick swayze and then opening the newspapers today to read that he is dead... well, that's just sad.

he lost his bout with cancer, sabi sa balitang ito.

ulad ng iba pang nauna sa kanya, wala naman akong maiaambag kundi ang munting muni-muning ito na ipapahiwatig kung bakit, kahit papaano, ang mga pop culture icons tulad niya ay naging importanteng bahagi ng aking buhay kahit kaunti o saglit.

for patrick, of course it was the dancing. DIRTY DANCING, to be exact.

dito siya unang sumambulat sa consciousness ng mga taong naghahanap ng idolong makalaglag-panty, 'ika nga nila. at pantasya rin ang abs niya ng mga baklush. lahat ng segment ng population sakop niya dahil sa kanyang manliness arrive na sensitive guy demeanor na puwede kang sapakin pero pare talo ka 'pag nag-pirouette na siya and all those dance moves sans tights. after all, ballet talaga ang training niya, and it shows kasi ang graceful ng movements niya, na kakaiba sa iba pang barako sa pelikula.

like this ensemble film na THE OUTSIDERS base sa isang young adult novel about teen angst chorva. kuya ang dating niya pero siya ang pinaka-graceful gumalaw sa rambol teh. kebs sa ibang cast of then unknowns (sino'ng tom cruise?). si leif garret ang pinaka-sikat diyan hahaha! sadly, siya ang bumulusok ang star ngayon. kung di niyo siya kilala, itanong niyo sa mga tita/magulang niyong nagdi-disco nung late 70s at early 80s hehe.

bakit ko gusto ang DIRTY DANCING? kasi nga sa kaibuturan ng aking pagkatao ay may isang nilalang na gustong sumayaw. mag-aral sumayaw, mag-perform ng sayaw, basta sayaw. must be a past life, i dunno. di ko naman napunan sa present life ang hilig na ito professionally or something like that. pahapyaw-hapyaw lang. bet na rin.

at nang lumabas ang kantang "(I've Had) The Time of my Life" mula sa pelikulang 'yon, ay teh, gasgas ang cassette ng soundtrack sa cassette player ko!!! this is one of my favorite songs of all time, like nasa top 10 siya ati. at masarap siyang isayaw nga na kanta, kahit maskipaps lang at walang D.I.

tapos nung panahong ang bida sa bahay ay ang betamax at panonood ng pelikula dito, ang gasgas na pinanonood naming pamilya bilang bonding moment ay isa pang swayze classic: GHOST.

and no, hindi ako nagpa-demi moore haircut noon, tulad ng daan-daang babae na ginaya ang gupit niya diyan when this came out in the theaters. kahit gustong gawin ng barbera ko ito noon sa akin noong nagpapagupit ako. ay away yan teh.

panalo ang pelikulang ito, from the script, characterization, simple plotting na may impact ang ending, tapos saksakan pa ng love story and the classic comedic timing of the great whoopi goldberg. winner. hm, bakit nga ba hindi ito ang pinapalabas ko sa scriptwriting class? sige next sem.

pero dahil sa i am a gay man trapped in a lesbian's body (sige na, tango ka na lang), super betness ko ang isang uber campy film niya ever: TO WONG FOO, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, JULIE NEWMAR na lagi kong ginagamit panghula sa charades dahil timbog sila't di mahulaan agad hahahaha!

i'm just a boy in a dwess, sabi ni john leguizamo, also known as chi-chi!

it's a road film with trannies, at isa doon ay ang nakakatawang karakter na pinangalanang noxeema na ginampanan ng uber-galing ni wesley snipes (yes, si BLADE!) at si swayze nga bilang vida boheme, ang kagalang-galang na parang lady marm look na trans na siya ang nag-lakas-loob mag-out sa pamilya and all. makabagbag-damdamin ang eksena niyang 'yun kaya di ko malilimutan. hay... i miss films like these, sa totoo lang. fun pero may kagat sa puso ba.

well, we will certainly miss him. and now i know what films i will be watching this weekend as a marathon tribute to him.

paalam at salamat.

the komiks-is-not-literature-kaya-kayo-galit-sa-akin defense

or to put it simply, naririto ang mga pinagsasasabi ni carlo j. caparas, komiks novelist (and NOT komiks artist) and filmmaker, kung bakit karapat-dapat siyang gawaran ng NATIONAL ARTIST title for film and visual arts category.

alam kaya niya ang ibig sabihin ng NON SEQUITUR??? lahat ng pinagsasasabi niya, sablay to the nth level. teka, baka tawagin rin niya akong "elitista" dahil sa may alam akong big word like "non sequitur" na ang mga binabasa ay mula sa akademya lamang and therefore hindi national scope ang mga arts. bleh.

haaay ewan. kakasira ng ulirat.

watch che-che lazaro's show MEDIA IN FOCUS where caparas guests with creative writer butch dalisay and young film critic alexis tioseco.

i have a new show but i'm kinda hesitating to promote it...

...that's because i am no rene villanueva. that fact really scares me. to death. (sumalangit nawa si kuya rene. wala siyang katulad. isa siyang alamat.)

yes, after having directorial stints at the now concluded LOVELY DAY show on GMA-7, the show that's replacing it called HAPPY LAND will be aired this saturday. and i am this show's "head writer" or narrative writer. but i'll discuss that later.

read the official PR first.

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HAPPY LAND PREMIERES JUNE 6
9:30-10AM GMA-7

Locally-produced educational children’s shows are so rare these days you can count them on the fingers of one hand. The era of childhood favorites Batibot, 5 and Up or Sineskwela airing on a daily basis has long since passed, replaced by foreign anime and cartoons with entertainment rather than education as their primary goal.

This lack of edifying children’s programs compounds the shortage of public early childhood care and development institutions in the Philippines. The United Nations Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) ‘Education for All by 2015’ report states that pre-primary education in the Philippines is available only to 41% of the total population, as most pre-schools are privately owned and concentrated in highly urbanized areas.

This overwhelming need challenged GMA’s award-winning News and Public Affairs Group to produce a definitive pre-school education program with the objective of shaping a whole new generation’s viewpoint.

The result: HAPPY LAND, a children’s program that inspires young viewers to discover happiness despite the bad things in life. In a poverty-stricken tenement, Anna and Buboy -- children of OFW parents -- discover a portal to Happy Land, a fantasy world where knowledge thrives and problems are systematically solved. The show follows the lives and exploits of Anna and Buboy as they meet the different residents of the tenement -- including a Muslim and Visayan families -- and discover a fantasy world through a magical junk shop inside the compound.

Through Anna and Buboy’s story, the show intends to present reality to child viewers -- discussing social issues with no pretense or sugarcoating. Happy Land also seeks to address the issue of OFW-ism by helping its main characters cope with OFW parents, and hopes to impart Filipino values and character education to both children and adult viewers.

Combining animation, digital technology, and live-action photography, Happy Land hopes to bring children to a new level of TV viewing. Aside from the narrative, the show will also teach basic pre-school subjects like Language and the Alphabet, Math, Science, and General Knowledge through independent segments.

Two adorable kids lead Happy Land’s cast of characters. Nine year- old Patricia Gayod plays Anna, Buboy’s loving sister who acts as a mother to Buboy while their Mama works as a domestic helper in Hongkong. Meanwhile, six-year-old Jermaine Ulgasan plays Buboy, a quick-witted kid who’s very dependent on his older sister. True to real life, Jermaine is a son of an OFW parent. His father works as an engineer in Saudi.

Public Affairs host Love Añover plays Ate Belle, the tenement’s friendly repairwoman who can mend everything from broken irons and refrigerators to broken hearts and dreams. Veteran theater and TV actress Joy Viado joins the cast as Tita Auring, Anna and Buboy’s strict but loving aunt. Completing the main cast is an animated creature: Mingming, the tenement’s resident black cat who will lead the children on their journey through Happy Land.

Kid viewers will also get the chance to meet “Bulatelino,” an intelligent, talking earthworm who will teach kids anything and everything about Science. Youngsters also get to learn more about geography as Popoy and Kokoy, Happy Land’s mice duo, bring them to all sorts of places through their segment “Mga Dagang Gala.”

Happy Land is directed by acclaimed film and television director, Bb. Joyce Bernal.

Discover happiness, learn new things, and have fun all at the same time as the newest addition to GMA News and Public Affairs’ roster of award-winning programs airs this June!

Happy Land's pilot episode airs Saturday, June 6, from 9:30 – 10:00AM. A week before this, on May 30 at the same timeslot, catch “The Way To Happy Land,” a primer on the conceptualization and production of Happy Land.

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so yan. di ba it looks promising, exciting and fun? siyempre it has to be that, kasi nga happy land siya e.

but the source of my hesitation is the show's referencing of BATIBOT. when the GMA peeps talked to me and asked if i am willing to be the head writer, i thought i was just going to head some writers nga. kaya lang iba kasi ang sistema ng ganitong klaseng show, na hindi na halos News and Public Affairs ang approach kundi may pagka-entertainment na.

let me tell you about tv first.

there are always 2 divisions at work there: the News and Public Affairs (or Current Affairs sa ABSCBN ito) and the Entertainment Division (sa ABSCBN, dati ang tawag dito ay Production pero ewan na ngayon kung yun pa rin ang tawag). we film majors always end up working at the production/entertainment side kasi nga we are more of narrative-oriented filmmakers, and we are not news-oriented. public affairs division is a halfway road for us between prod/entertainment and news. we also populate that sometimes.

when i was in the writing pool of ABSCBN Foundation's children's shows about a decade ago, the execs handling the shows were not exactly from current affairs or entertainment. they were a totally different batch of people (they're nicer than the usual abs peeps hahahaha!) so iba ang atake sa shows. shows like the one mentioned sa pr above, SINESKWELA. i was part of the pool of HIRAYAMANAWARI (where i trained in writing for children's tv shows) and EPOL/APPLE (where i opted to write because it taught english to viewers, mas trip ko kesa math o science hehe, at wala pa yung philippine lit show kasi nun na PAHINA). as writers, we had a head writer giving us guidelines on what lessons to include, the sequence of the storylines etc. there was also a creative panel making chukchak to each and every draft of each and every script coming out of each and every writer. kaya tag-gutom din ang writers doon dati actually, dahil sa tagal ng panahong ma-approve ang script mo at ang actual date ng pag-ere, hindi regular ang kita ng pera. like in print publications, writers are only paid when the episodes we wrote were actualy filmed and aired na. of course wala nang panibagong bayad kapag nag-replay ang show, but that's another issue. kaya minsan, sa isang buwan, isang script mo lang ang eere, at yun lang ang bayad sa iyo.

pero with HAPPY LAND, it is both nerve-wracking and exciting for me at the same time. there's no creative panel to please with nth drafts of scripts, only the main execs (two to be exact) to please with the weekly storyline. there are no definitive lessons to write in because those are taken cared of by segment producers who have their own lesson segments to write (think SESAME STREET where there are separate segments that feature other character mainstays that teach actual lessons e.g. the spanish word lessons, the math calculations, stuff like that). remember the main storyline where the people in the neighborhood of sesame street are? parang sa batibot, kung nasaan lagi sina ate sienna at kuya bodjie. that's the one i write. it's basically like 2/3 of the show. kinda like LOVELY DAY before, where i direct the narrative storyline there, which is also 2/3 of the show. ngayon, i write that 2/3 every week. it's scary. but in fairness, there show's execs and i sat down before beginning this and brainstormed on how the show will run around certain themes presented per ep, what social issues to tackle and all. and we started from there. pero walang monitoring masyado sa main narrative, although there is another UP prof from family and child dev't dept something sa College of Home Econ na consultant sa segment lessons, but i don't think she could comment heavily on the lessons sa narratives only after she has seen it. iba kasi ang training niya e. but iher comments would be/are helpful nonetheless.

so again, why is this scary? because the burden of the lesson-molding incorporated in the narrative is mostly on my shoulders. the execs just tinker with it here and there, but basically, since they are more public affairs-oriented and not narrative/entertainment-oriented, kaunti lang din ang naibibigay na feedback regarding storylines. but you know, this is actually okay because less pressure for the writer ito, unlike before sa foundation where there was a person in the panel checking the production feasibility of our scripts (what's doable and not according to budget), a person monitoring the show's narrative logic, and the head writer who makes sure each ep ties with the others, kasi nga each writer is given a separate ep to write, and only the head writer sees all eps. kebs naming writers sa sinusulat ng others.

so there, bago umere ang ep mo, katakut-takot na pinagdaanan na. dito sa HAPPY LAND, konti lang ang pinagdadaanan, pero pag may sumablay lang ng kaunti, siyempre hind naman si direk joyce bernal ang titignang may "mali" doon (for so many reasons, of course, you know how it is in showbiz), kundi ang writer. e ako yun. kaya ngyarrrrr.

hindi naman sa takot ako sa "responsibilidad." in fact, i see this as a challenge, like i always do sa lahat ng endeavors na ginagawa ko sa life. naninibago lang siguro ako sa bilis ng mga bagay-bagay ngayon, unlike before na uber-bagal. ngayon, pagkasulat ko ng first draft, minsan di na babalik sa akin for revisions dahil ang exec producer (EP) na lang mismo ang kakalikot (mag-e-edit) dahil ishu-shoot na ito agad-agad. exciting siya kasi unlike film, nakikita mo agad ang results ng sinulat mo. like umeere na agad at may visualizations na agad ang mga ideya lang sa kompyuter ko dati. nabuhay baga. when i first saw the snippets of the first 2 eps, natuwa ako dahil they actually shot/followed what i wrote! (well, at least 70-85% of what i wrote, but that's already big ha!) and that's something worth treasuring. kasi ang maganda dito sa set-up ngayon, unlike eons ago, ay may respeto ang production team sa sinusulat ng writer. maybe it's also joyce's training as a mainstream filmmaker, and sana may tinge of training niya as a film major like me. hindi tulad dati na sasabihin nung creative panel na "sabi ni direk, dapat sulat niyo na rin dito ang chenes, chenes chenes..." na para bang wala nang gagawin si direk kundi i-execute na lang ang sinulat namin para di na siya gaanong nag-iisip. labo.

it also helps that the head honcho in-charge of the show is another film major, si sir tops brugada. like joyce, he knows the scheme of things needed at may respeto sa materyal. bibihira kasi akong makakilala ng mainstream people who listen to us "lowly scriptwriters" but i think the proliferation of film majors in the networks today, especially sa siyete, is changing that landscape. like with sina neil gumban before, na briefly naging head honcho (program manager or PM) ng lovely day, ay film major, ka-batch ni roehl jamon na colleague ko sa upfi. tapos si tops nga, na ka-batch pala ni patrick campos na colleague din sa upfi. and it also helps that there's another cmc alumnus sa grupo, ang EP na si ate shao masula, na broadcomm major naman (super-younger batch nga lang sa amin nina tops) na malaki rin ang tiwala sa writer, dahil siya dati ang writer ng lovely day narratives na dapat din e ako ang susulat noon-noon pa, but that's another story...

so there's my two cent's worth about the show. i guess what i'm just saying is that i'm afraid people would invoke batibot when they see happy land, and will then invoke rene villanueva alongside of it, and then scrutinize na "sinech ba itey na writerlalu ng happy land at feelingera echos na rene-like daw?" well, i wasn't the one who said this show was like reminiscent of batibot anyway, pero siyempre, people will compare and contrast, always.

but i see this as another show, of course, as this is another time, another place, another kind of creativity. what clinched the show for me is the fact i highlighted sa pr above, yung no sugarcoating of real issues sa isang children's show. kumbaga, this is so in line with what i've been learning in my MA classes na writing for children and writing for young adults, na you do not gloss over "serious issues" when dealing with children. that was the deal-maker for me, that's why i took on the challenge. the advocate in me wanted this to happen!

and now, it is.

so sige nga, gagawin ko na ring practical lesson-learning ang scriptwriting for this show as it airs. this might help future scriptwriters and my students also who want to learn more about this aspect of production, be it tv or film, basta narrative storytelling through audiovisual means. parang as it unfolds like a work-in-progress, i'll try to blog about it as a lesson-in-progress type of thingie.

so sige na nga, panoorin niyo na lang! pagkahaba-haba man ng sinabi ko, yun din ang ending hahahahaha! but i would really appreciate the comments regarding the show's story and all. the directing and prod part, labas na ako doon, ha?

o siya sige. sabado na. kitakits sa HAPPY LAND.

at sa mga fellow kapuso, break a leg sa ating lahat! hehe.

of signs, homophobia, and women with planetary names

share ko lang manila times column ko for today. original post here.

THE SCRIBE VIBE
By Libay Linsangan, Cantor
Signs of these trying times

Why is it that we only tend to forget our differences during the yuletide holidays, with that classic line “peace on earth, goodwill to all” strung all over the metro along with twinkling lights? But I wonder more about who wrote that line in the first place. He or she must be smiling every Christmas, seeing how this line seemingly blurs negativity, at least during one time of the year. It’s the season of rejoicing, after all, for the holidays signify the birth of Jesus.

But the signs were different some three weeks ago, during the annual lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) pride march in Malate. Some followers of Jesus didn’t believe in goodwill to all as they preached on the sidelines of the festive parade. They carried signs and lines on placards that read hatred rather than peace. Samples were “Turn to Jesus or burn in hell” and “It’s not OK to be gay; it’s sin” (sic), among others.

It’s funny, but the signs imply that the marchers turned away from religion—which we did not, really. There was even a religious congregation marching that day. “Anti-homosexuality” quotes from the Bible were also used as signs. I just pity that book because, as much as it is an interesting and inspirational read, it is the most misinterpreted tome of our times. I’ll discuss that in a separate column next time.

The Malate scene was reminiscent of LGBT pride marches in the USA, a common happening there. But for the Manila Pride March 2008 participants, this is brand new. In the 10-plus years of the history of the LGBT pride march in the country, it was only this year that this kind of counter-protest was seen. It’s also strange that the protest was led by non-Filipino/Asian preachers.

But the LGBT community was unfazed. In the spirit of joy, pride and celebrations, people carried LGBT-positive signs of projecting equality, upholding solidarity, and ending discrimination. Perhaps in reply to the anti-gay religious group, this sign was my favorite: “God made us this way . . . so why question it?”

In a few days, it will be another year. Let’s hope that negative signs of our times will be left behind—along with people’s homophobia, racial biases, and other discriminatory prejudices—as we face the challenges of the new year with more open hearts, minds, and sensitivities. And let’s write about that more.

Comments? Suggestions? E-mail libay.scribevibe@gmail.com.

and on another note, we mourn the passing of the sexiest catwoman ever -- another truly glam gay icon.



imagine being named "eartha." kakaiba no? e kung neptuna? haggard. dapat glam. venusa?


US singer Eartha Kitt dies at 81
Agence France-Presse
First Posted 06:39:00 12/26/2008

NEW YORK -- (UPDATE) Eartha Kitt, the versatile US singer and actress whose sultry voice and sensuality made her an international star with a career spanning six decades, died Thursday at age 81, her friend and publicist said.

Kitt, who won two Emmy television awards and was nominated for two Tony awards and two Grammy awards, died at 2:15 pm (1915 GMT) of colon cancer, Andrew Freedman told AFP. She was being treated at New York Presbyterian Hospital and resided in the state of Connecticut.

"She was certainly a legendary performer and while I think there may have been many imitations, she was an original," Freedman said. She was one of the few artists who have been nominated for Tony, Grammy and Emmy awards.

"I Want to Be Evil" and "Santa Baby," still a Christmas favorite today, were among her best-selling songs.

A self-described "sex kitten," Kitt famously played the role of Catwoman in the US hit TV series "Batman" in the 1960s. Her catlike purr and uncanny persona won her many fans, among them Orson Welles, who called her "the most exciting woman in the world."

She acted in movies as well, starring with Nat King Cole in "St. Louis Blues" (1958).

strangeness in the morning

alam ko dalawang tasang kape pa lang naiinom ko, at malapit nang magtanghalian (at wala pang solid food na laman ang tyan ko) pero parang kelangan alak na inumin ko sa mga balita ngayong araw -- to drown my disbelief and/or to rejoice heheh regarding some karma* perhaps, na sumisipa sa mga taong long overdue nang kelangan batukan ng universe.

sabagay, i am reared in/on/with film, so the concept of "suspension of disbelief" is something i live with, day in and day out.

eto: puwede palang magnakaw ng isang building. hanep.

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TOWERING FRAUD:
Newspaper steals Empire State Building
Agence France-Presse
First Posted 09:34:00 12/04/2008

NEW YORK -- City crime is one thing, but a New York tabloid upped the ante Wednesday -- stealing the entire Empire State Building.

The Daily News claimed it had pocketed the 102-storey Art Deco icon by filing fraudulent documents with the city register to expose New York's dangerously lax system for recording property.

According to the News, the "heist" took just 90 minutes. Then they returned the building to its real owners, Empire State Land Associates.

The phony documents were made even more laughable by appearing in the names of legendary bank robber Willie Sutton and original King Kong movie star Fay Wray.

"The massive ripoff illustrates a gaping loophole in the city's system for recording deeds, mortgages and other transactions," the News said.

"Of course, stealing the Empire State Building wouldn't go unnoticed for long, but it shows how easy it is for con artists to swipe more modest buildings right out from under their owners. Armed with a fraudulent deed, they can take out big mortgages and disappear," the News warned.

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uh-huh, wumi-witty ang headline ha: "towering fraud" heheh.


eto naman: puwede palang maglakbay ang passport lang, na di kasama ang may-ari. hanep. akala ko sa luggage lang nangyayari yun.

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Gary V detained in Qatar
Philippine Daily Inquirer, INQUIRER.net
First Posted 17:30:00 12/03/2008

MANILA, Philippines—Gary V was detained for four hours last week at the Qatar airport. He lost his passport while onboard a Qatar Airways plane, according to an SMS from his wife, Angeli.

Gary was released because he was a Unicef ambassador, and given a temporary entry permit. “[At first] they wanted to send him back to Dubai,” the text message said. Gary’s passport was returned to him on Tuesday, after it “went to London and back.”

Gary performed to a crowd of 3,000 in Dubai and 10,000 in Qatar, Angeli said. “It was the biggest pop concert in Qatar history in a very long time,” she added.

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san naman kaya kasi sinaksak ni lolo gary diba?

ano, gising ka na ba? ako, oo.

tara, trabaho na.

but first, check in with the stars -- the real stars.

Taurus Horoscopes

(Apr 20 - May 20)

Thursday, Dec 4th, 2008 -- It's time to check in with colleagues about how to better join forces instead of being at odds with one another. It's easy to create adversarial relationships now, yet this strategy won't be beneficial to anyone involved. Consider what others have to offer and what you may need to give up in the process. Then be willing to negotiate from that starting point.

*choose your own headline for this day only (04dec08) >:P