maikli lang to

excerpts from a self-conversation a few minutes after the sun has risen:

"art grounds a person. art gives a person more than a diversion. art diversifies a person's interests. a person who has art at her disposal will never succumb to mediocre nitpicking."

'ika nga ni lola alanis...

enough about me
let's talk about you for a minute
enough about us
let's talk about life for a while
the conflicts
the craziness
and the sound of pretenses falling
all around...

hey jologz friends, sorry i missed u guys last friday night. jojo! welcome back. thanks for the book and cd na na kay indi pa hehe. :) where's joe? bunis, musta na? may bagong publikasyon na naman ba si popa-boy? ano na balita kay labordei sa s'pore? hay, summer na naman! naaalala ko na naman ang ating laidback summer days sa dumaguete workshop! hmm... need to leave the city! need to leave the city!

may 'wenta pa ba ang pinoy 'wento at tula? truli?

sounds like father and son are having a playful time next door. they sound so cute a family. too bad they're just pet haters. i pity the boy. he would learn more in life like being nurturing and responsible if they allowed him to keep pets. not to mention mas lalakas ang resistensya nya. oh well, c'est la vie, as they say. as for me, i'm still getting a puppy, pet lover or no pet lover. no doubt about that.

well, i really didn't open this blog to just write about that. i wanted to write about yesterday morning, actually. i was at the ccp to be a panelist for their monthly SINING TAKTAKAN gathering. before, it used to be SINENG TAKTAKAN but ccp's resident bohemian ed cabagnot wanted to discuss more than movies. kaya ayan. i was there because the topic was "may 'wenta pa ba ang pinoy 'wento at tula" which basically discussed the current state of philippine literature. of all the people in the world to be there with me, it had to be two people from my, well, let's just say "literary past" hehe. richie and paolo. and then this dude angelo, the current poet prodigy of the time, from UST. well, gelo's actually cool, but he's nearly bordering on the weird-genius line, actually. and it's very refreshing to talk to someone like that again, actually. gives me hope that the young generation is not entirely lost in between AMERICAN IDOL and the sex bomb dancers. hell, we just discussed what he did for his thesis: a linguistics-approach Roman Jakobson-framed analysis of those jeepney stickers, man (as in, "basta driver, sweet lover" and "god know hudas not pay"). the kid tried to study the poetics of those stickers, man. di ba? who thinks like that these days???? i'm impressed. sorry kung mababaw ito for some, ahem, academicians i know out there, but i'm impressed. truli.

oh well. paolo and richie were, hmm, okay. you could say we're okay, too, eventually, as the day unfolded. so i guess that earns me like, 10 karma coins for effort, no? hihi. long story, ask me offline. :P

as tf, we also earned 1500 pesos worth of gift certificates sa ccp gift shop so we all splurged it na. sayang e, saka kasi rare na mapunta ako to that side of the city so might as well buy everythang. akala ko 1k lang pero gulat ko nung 1500 pala. sayang at bumili pa ko ng kaamulan before the show. i coulda used the gc pala for that hehe. but it was a good buy, still. so i also bought yung uyayi cd ni chinchin na i wanted to buy dati pa. ito actually yung hiningi kong monita exchange nung xmas party pero alaws eh. dito lang kasi 'ata sa ccp available. and hey, it's worth it. ganda. haven't seen the vcd yet pero the music is good. kinda replaces the chinchin behind the scenes memories i have of her years ago, when she was our actress in premiere and hech and i were just giggling to death as we watch her ... act. haha. in fairness, mabait siya offsceen. well, those were the days. may future ang lola sa singing, pramis. kakatuwa. pero mas gusto ko pa rin yung version ni carol sa pagkanta ng sa ugoy ng duyan when she sang that at conspi dati with joey ayala strumming.

anyway, kaya pala kami ang guest panel (na lahat talaga kami ay nagtaka) is because ed wanted to have young blood daw, young writers chuva. i kinda felt left out there, to tell you the truth, kasi all of them already have their first books published. sabagay, poets sila, and poetry seems to be easily published here than fiction collections. i just don't know why. so okay lang naman kahit papaano.

it was a good session. we were videotaped because they will be condensing it to vcds later for school distribution. it was also audio recorded for soundbytes purposes for an upcoming ccp radio show eklat deal daw sa dzrh. and then the transcriptions -- with all the details of "chuva" and "fuck" words in it hehe -- will be put on the ccp website. ayos.

sayang lang walang masyadong tao. the pr people didn't get to do much inviting yata e. walang school na sumipot. hm. well, may mga 10-12 random people naman na pumunta doon at oks na rin. finally met sid hildawa who works there pala. nice guy, kinda like a cross between our dear conconista papa ned jologs trespeces and that nice bi dude carlo who used to be indi's co-workshopper sa davao-turned-los baños UP workshop. met amadis ma. guerrero din who writes for pdi pero fictionist pala siya. hm, i didn't know that. hm, is he gonna write an article about the session kaya? well, we'll see.

so what were our conclusions and findings? well, philippine literature is still alive and well, but there is still that 'literature panic" that exists among those outside the literary loop. as in, there's this wall we all have to break. lots of people want to be creative writers pero nabibinbin. sa pinoywriters egroup na lang eh. pero mas marami pa ring influences nila/namin/natin na foreign, no thanks or thanks to globalization, depends on your stand. grabe, even in a literary discussion, lumalabas sa ilong ko ang NGOspeak sabi nga ni len, things like globalization, homogenization of culture, cultural diveristy chenelyn. wow naiko-connect ko na ang mga ito sa ibang mundo ko a. hm, that must mean i'm really getting the hang of these stuff here at my isis work, or that may connection lang talaga ang lahat sa buhay, is all. or nasosobrahan na k sa kakabasa ng stuff na ito hahaha. pero not too many people are reading pa rin in general, at least reading filipiniana stuff simply because they are required to read, not inspired by pure choice kaya nagre-rebel. age old finding anyway.

ako, i said kelangan natin ng flexibility as writers. if the internet helps in spreading the word, then go. paolo named a few efforts who does that, likhaan online, yung website ni ian casocot, ganun. pero when it came to mentioning high chair, abah, parang slight nag-balk ang lolo teeheehee...hm, i wonder why... ching! haha.

saka isa pa, they see as literature being always in the alternative world/mode. sabi ko, kelangan din itong i-mainstream kasi what's the purpose of writing kung wala masyado nakakabasa? richie said literature could be marketed in a way, make literature cool or something para ma-cover ng mainstream media. we all agree. we can also slightly bend the rules. sabi nga ni ed, kung "artiste" lang tayo, should we just leave the marketing and pr side of things to others? i don't think so. like yun palang booklaunch ni richie was sponsored by johnny walker just because her theme was similiar to the company's. like sid's water anthology na binili daw ng manila water ba yun as gifts? now that's being flexible, saka crossing over. hindi na nga dapat nananatili sa powerbooks at national at sa bad marketing arms ng publishing houses and buhay ng libro e. dapat may sarili na ring pagkana ang writers. i think this is true. pero not to the point naman na you just write for the sake of being promoted by some private company/sector chuva. oh well. si ed naman, sabi niya, he needs someone to goad him to write ba, like a lover na mangungulit sa kanya to write na mapipilitan daw siya, not really a patron although he said he wouldn't mind that heehee. yun bang magsasabi daw sa kanya ng 'sige, we will fly to paris for one month but you have to finish three chapters of your book first' or something to that effect. haha yeah, come to think of it, i need someone like that, too, in my life hahaha. someone who'll goad and inspire me at the same time. hm, not a bad idea, ed my man! i should borrow that! :p

ano pa ba? hm... well, should we be scared daw ba by media and new technology? not really. use these to our advantage dapat. isa pa, writing sa regions is still a problem din. sid said we should also remember translations kasi yan ang magbibigay ng extra wings for our works to fly. look at other asian writers. tama nga naman, ano? kaya parang gusto ko na tuloy simulan yung iniisip kong local showbiz novel dati pa, kaya lang in english, it's not working too well. as a bilingual writer, i shouldn't be bothered by language nga naman pala, like sid reminded us. kasi there will always be translations. hmmmmm... things that make you go hmmm..... ayus!

so okay, on we write pa rin. that pet project novel i got at the backburner looks ideal right now. tagalugin nga lang, kasi hindi ko rin maka-capture ang essence ng local showbiz talaga if i write that in english. after all, language is a major player in showbiz ano, lalo na ditich sa atin, anek? truli ka jan!

kewl.

write on, dude.

o sige, back to some work muna. yeah, even if i'm actually here at home doing this, i need to work din. the call to work is always there anyway when i sit in front of the computer, kaya ayun... saka the sinus has cleared up for now, thanks to more sleep earlier and liquids, bignay tea na malapit nang maubos shyet kelangan na bumili ulit, decolgen no drowse, saka vitamin c, and the power of pei pa koa. :) mamya punta ko palengke to buy citrus fruits kasi yun pala ang wala na ko. hm. di bale malapit lang naman from here.

ciao.

 

 

stop

sometimes, it takes a new habit to break an old habit. it also takes new memories to blot out old ones. sometimes, a moment of silence brings the loudest noise in your head. sometimes, it's peacefully comforting to remain in the middle of a chaotic aural experience.

what do you call these? ironies? contrasts? i'm not sure. all i know is that sometimes, feelings jump out from your heart as if they do not belong there. you thought they did, but they don't. or they thought they did, but you don't.

sometimes, some feelings take a long time to melt. they get calcified outside the chambers of the heart, perhaps to the point of being fossilized. not exactly inside, just around it. does that count for being melancholic? or being hopeful? i don't know. i don't really know. sometimes i think i am short circuiting. sometimes i think i think too much. sometimes i just want to stop. stop.

stop.

mee at sisi pee wed

ay hehe wrong ispeling pala si helene. thanks mari for pointing that out. ayan, ganyan na ko kawindangers. hala. mamaya ispel ko na si gloria as stain'em! hihihi.

anyway, the cultural center of the philippines will hold their "SINING TAKTAKAN" event this wednesday, 23feb beginning at 9 freaking a.m. and ending 12noon. occasional chuvaness talks ito ng ccp at audience nila daw ay students (as usual) at kung sinech-sinech pang media and culture chu. accdg to their pr, this is a 'monthly talkfest about pinoy media arts, culture atbp."

this wed, topic nila ay "MAY 'WENTA PA BA ANG PINOY 'WENTO AT TULA" or in wenglish (wengwang na english), is there still sense in filipino fiction and poetry. hehe. i have no idea why ed cabagnot suddenly wanted me to be a panelist here. hmm... ang hirap tumanggi ha! buti na lang pinayagan ako ni raij dito to attend. ngyar, gigising nga lang ako ng maagah....wah.

anyway, kasama ko si paolo manalo ng free press (lit ed) and that angelo dude na bata pa ay na-cite na sa UN/UNESCO eklavu last year as a promising young poet chu. taga-UST siya. i forgot his last name e. suarez ata. basta hindi siya si sarge lacuesta, marns. kakapanalo lang nya ng palanca last year.

hm, ano kayang mangyayari dito? hahaha si paolo pa andun. blast from da past ito a. hahaha. aysus. hay. exciting. hahahah char!

ano, punta kayo? samahan nyo koooooh... hanyalooooooh! :P

by any other name would smell as sweet?

yes, juliet, but it only applies to roses. what about feminists? does it apply as well? liberal, radical, eco, lesbian, whatever. do labels still count these days? what about those who label themselves as such yet they do not live within the credo of the label they are supposed to uphold? what of them, now, my fair juliet? ah, does romeo have anything to say about this? hell no, he's still there comparing sword lengths with mercutio and tybalt. so what else is new?

nothing. such is the point.

haaay. écriture feminin. write this body a letter nga, cixous.

my zear libay,

ziz eez ze time to beee more aware of zeengs to come. ziz eez ze time to be tough. aye, such eez ze deefeeculty of being in ziz place at ziz time. aye!

love,
helene

hay cixous, consciousness-raising sometimes is a draaaaaaaaag.

i see, wow! + fair + tlwseason2

just a few words before i go to sleep.

 

went to the UP fair this evening with lalaine and irene. they two wanted to eat at mommy thai's kitchen in peyups and go walking, but of course the walking part didn't materialize. i told them they can walk while i get henna tattoos inside the fair, but they ended up getting hennas as well. kaya hapi!

 

i got my usual design sa hands, the yoni plus the artist's palamuti improv. this one is better than the first. then i got my name in alibata alphabet in my upper arms. ayos! panalo! hm, will show this off tomorrow, makapag-sleeveless nga! hehe.

 

piktyuran ko na lang bukas then upload it here next time.

 

di ako nakapag-yearly ritual ng rifle pistol team shooting ko. sa friday na lang when we come back. nag-aaya ulit sila eh kaya babalik kami. maghihila pa ng ibang isis people after bellydancing class.

 

anyway, i just wanna share with you the feature that icwow did about me. they're information center womyn for womyn, a regional initiative by this korean girl in malaysia before and then they transferred here in manila, now run by manila friends. ayun. check out the feature about me. shyet narcissistic baga. wala lang hehe. it was a hoot answering the essay. had a fun time doing it hehe. intellectual foreplay baga. aba, kung may intellectual masturbation na nalalaman ang ibang pilopsoper, abah, ako ay intellectual foreplay naman hahaha. ayus! medyo mas in-depth na mas fun version siya ng ginawang interview sa akin ng fridae.com dati. yun naman, lgbt zine based in singapore. ewan ko nga ba paano ako nakontak dun, basta one day they just contacted me and made a feature about me. check it out here. di pa uso sa akin ang scanning pictures for uploading kaya wa photo dun.

invite ko rin kayo to subscribe to the e-bulletin please please please! it's a once a month free email newsletter about news concerning women loving women of all forms and permutations here in asia. regional nga kasi.

 

na-feature na rin nga pala dito yung isa kong essay before about discovering your identity ek and coming to terms with my sexuality chu. sa publikasyon nilang ito:

 

ayan. isang essay. read the book. download the pdf file here. basahin niyo na rin yung ibang entries from other asian countries. si ging ng leap may essay din diyan.

 

ayun...

 

and the final is.. nakita nyo na ba itoh????

sheeet panalo mga gelay! check out shane! hot!!! ahem, sino yang latina-looking gel sa kanan, ha? kanino kayang hada yan sa ating mga bida??? mabuti naman at may lesbian of color na dito, hindi lang biracial tulad ni jennifer beals. sana next time may pinay na rin, sa dami ba naman ng fil-am lesbians sa LA ano.

sha tulog na me. hwehwehwe.

bomb

i'm not sure why depressing things happen to us lately. the violent streets, as a friend put it last night, is ripe with disaster. imagine, that bomb in a bus under the mrt ayala station could have gone off on a sunday when i could have been alighting from the train to go to my sunday afternoon tutorials. kaboom me, diba? but no, it goes off on a valentine holiday, and yet another blasts in a tricycle right outside gaisano mall in davao an hour later or earlier, methinks. again, within this "special day." special indeed, for it will mark horrifying dates for the families of the dead. they will mark all souls day during valentine's from now on. horrific. so to quote the black eyed peas here, where is the love, man? i don't know.

people killin' people dyin'
children hurt and you hear them cryin'
can you practice what you preach
and would you turn the other cheek
father father father help us
send some guidance from above
'cause people got me got me questionin'
where is the love?

as i was listening to a piano player play burt bacharach early last night, i told my friend that in the '60s or '70s, they sang what the world needs now is love sweet love. and then some thirty-plus years later, the black eyed peas are still wondering where is the love. in three decades, we haven't found it. what does that say about our humanity?

i don't know.

can you smell... martial law? i'm too young to remember, but i read history books. start reading.

i decided not to be unhappy anymore. yes, i believe you can decide on those things. if you can decide what pair of shoes goes with what outfit, you can decide what expression to wear on your face in the coming days. but within this social milieu, it's hard to contextualize things. sometimes, personal takes are lost in the larger perspective of things. you begin to question purpose, intent, outcome, and process. i know i should not be swallowed by such dictates -- mind over matter, mind over feelings. but i don't know where the pinch is coming from. all i know is that i want to be relieved of it already.

if i am just doing this for material, then so be it. if that is how people see this, then so be it. people are diverse, opinionated, and come from different angles of experience. who am i to argue if they are right or wrong? who am i to challenge them if they want to believe in their own version of reality? all i know is that i do what i feel is right for the time being, for me. selfish sounding, sure. but in the end, whose life is this anyway? certainly not theirs. so i am here to reclaim it. life's too short to wallow on muddy waters. i could be the next victim of some tragic social flaw tomorrow. so what's the point of not doing the things you want to do right now? yes, away with melancholy. trash depression. flush out guilt. exorcise doubt. easy to say, hard to fulfil, but we're trying. we should all try. we should. right now. i refuse to be part of some mind trap. as en vogue sang, free your mind and the rest will follow. go to the gym, meet new people, keep busy with work, reconnect with friends, follow your art. do anything to get 'un-stuck.' accept things for what they are. we cannot change people overnight, and we should not demand people to change for us for whatever purpose. life is a neverending negotiation of needs and wants, so let's just all try to find the balance of things for harmonious co-existence.

content

i shouldn't really complain, really. my work is already too focused right now so it should be a cinch to accomplish. same goes for my sidelines. they're very very verrrry specific indeed. but somehow, i find myself feeling stuck and adamant about, well, just about everything related to work, really... that old feeling of hiding under a rock or in a cave and hibernating and just wanting to relax and bum around is here again... i don't know what brought it back. maybe the sense of helplessness, giddiness and the two-month limbo feeling did. oh well. i hope this passes. maybe spending time in the shooting range of the rifle and pistol team at the annual UP fair would do the trick. i hope i ace another perfect score. last year, i missed one, due to my bad eyes. but i always get a perfect score. sige, will do that this week. will round up the usual kaladkarin group for some fair hopping. maybe get a henna tattoo again.

i miss shooting. this kind of shooting. rifle. sige, will try to do this again once in a while. sa sm north may range na eh, so sige punta ko dun paminsan-minsan. ibang relief rin kasi nakukuha ko from shooting. i don't know where that came from, too, but if it helps, then go! dibala?


valentine nga pala ngayon. pagpasok ko, unang tanong ni haids, bat daw ako nakaitim. well, i didn't know we should be wearing red this day. naubus na red ko noong chinese new year week, e. was wishing for lots of prosperity to come my way. so dedma na sa red today. i like black, e, bakit ba?



siya sige, sabi nga ng friend ko sa columbia ny, hapi vd! (veneral disease? hehe) oh by the way girl, just how do you drown a cellphone in a glass of scotch????? it's a puzzle. :P don't forget my egyptian ankh!!!

quickie fire

heya. just a quick note. i'm still alive at jotjotjot (check out link there under U TALKING 2 ME ober der nir da bear).

bad trip yung photo link sa likhaan a. nawawala siya, di puwedeng i-link. kainis. oh well...

man, i wanna watch this firedance thing. check it out at http://www.firedance.org. saw this ad in the paper earlier and it said it's coming to town. wowee. sounds exciting, man. me wanna watch.

their old poster.

looks exciting! mukhang may bellydancing, sumkinda cirque de soleil thing happening but with a very gypsy flavor, fire visual displays chuvaness and drums galore! kala ko mga puti but their artist list features mga middle eastern people and mga brazilian, mga ganun. wowee! looks exciting man. sana mura tickets.

okay sleep muna ko.

hapi gods

hehehe email ni leda sa kin, formerly of herword (editor ko dun), now sa igma na siya



may seven gods of happiness daw. sila siguro yun.

well, i hoe it brings happiness, luck, prosperity, and all those nice things this year... nag-red naman ako lat wednesday eh hehehe.

islipi

putangina inaantok ako.

just seeing if i will be edited automatically. or censored to be exact. other tag boards do that kasi e, like in friendster, dine-delete nila ang mura. but only in english teehee.

mierda!
merde!
putain!
shit!
shyeeet!
fotangenah!
bitch!
fuck!

okay tama na yan.

tangina inaantok akooooooh. zzzzzzzzzzz.


blast from the past, pare o...

baguio workshop circa '97. tam-awan village ata, yung place ni bencab where everyone in the bushes and trees were smoking joints. i think kaka-toke ko lang nito hehehehe.

punyemas. those were the days when i was still such a prolific fictionist... i need to rechannel those days... i want to finish my MA thesis pa rin ano. pero first, we brush up on our french... asan na ba si rona...? tutal offer naman sya ng offer ng gratis, abah, e di arriba! este, allez! pala hehe.

trés bien! chupa chup. hihi. tangna nababaliw na naman akoh. bilog ba ang buwan?

i'm islipiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...

hey, kung fat, choi

it's the year of the wood rooster...or the wooden cock, if you gay friends would prefer. :) would just want to greet everyone a prosperous kung hei fat choi! more about my misadventures in binondo later...

food for thought ang horoscope ko for today, though:

libay cantor:
you are seeking substance through your work now, even if your job isn't all that you'd wish. doors are opening as opportunities present great potential. be careful, for you may gloss over the difficulties. there's no need to be negative; just be realistic.

ay tumpak!!!

 

mapagkumbaba

i almost had a pity party for me tonight. it was totally biting. it was. damn hard.

i guess i know now how m must have felt when she went back to mapagkumbaba and saw that half of her life -- or what used to be half her life -- was already gone, and that half was me. but stupid me, what was i expecting when i passed by there earlier, for the other half to still be there? i guess not... that satisfaction was not meant for me. that would have been too selfish, now that i think about it...

i didn't know that she totally moved out of there some two weeks ago. i don't blame her for not telling me; hey, i didn't tell her that she was losing me earlier, did i? so i guess in that sense, it's just right...

but it stings. stung hard. i never knew seeing that house all empty would affect me this much. save for a few unwanted things -- mostly mine -- the house was all empty. so i had the unfortunate ritual of finally clearing up the house, the place we called home for two years, i think. i still remember the first time we stepped inside that house, and m said she liked it and just needed some new floor tiles, is all. and i remember not wanting it because it had such a low ceiling at the ground floor and it's a small place for us, methinks. we still had b with us then, but we three were able to fill it up, until we all had it to ourselves when b decided to move out. it was blissfully private while it lasted. it was home, a real home, for us... until, i guess, i changed my mind about us. about me, within us. and me, with her. i dunno...

i swore i will not have a pity party here. i swore. well, the cats really helped. c's cats are here, and i'm their official master for the time being. yeah, i swear, their company kinda helped, at least playing a bit with theo as he lazed around the garage and lawn, and chasing after abi who got stuck on the roof next door at rona's was such an activity that helped me out of this pity party pit where i was about to head...thank goodness for the cats. hmm, my friend kia said she really thinks i'm more of a cat person than a puppy person like i always have been. i guess this proves that theory partly correct...although i miss the friendly cuddles of pups. oh well, na-segue na ko ng tuluyan dito, ayan. but it's okay.



i might as well look like this now... this was taken last december. new year turning point, to be exact... i have yet to photograph me in this new place... not exactly warhol-ish but hey, let it be. it's my blog so just deal with it...

hay, yeah, deal with it. that's what i have been doing now. it has ben biting this past week, bits and pieces. but i guess i needed to see that house empty earlier. all the more reason now to just grin and bear it, and move forward and acknowledge that that part of me is over, that chapter of my life is already written, and it's time to turn the pages and make new chapters in a new place, with new people, and time to create new thoughts and memories to jot down in the pages of the next life chapters... but first, let me just have a good cry. i think my soul needs it right now. so pardon the mush.

i still cry because i feel so sad whenever i think that i hurt her with my decision. i still cry because i remember how good she was to me. i just hope that she will also think that i was good to her. i don't want us to be enemies, even though i really cannot push myself to be partners anymore... is that so selfish? i wish she wouldn't see it that way... i really wish one day that she will find it in her heart to forgive me for hurting her this much. i know i hurt her a lot, i really do. and that really saddens me to this very day. i sometimes wish my heart were made of stone. but i guess you can't change what nature gave you. i just wish i did not have that much of a conscience to boot. but then again, i guess i will never be who i am if i didn't have these things... i just wish sometimes i can take a vacation from feeling things, to just stand in the middle of the universe and be numb to all things human. it's a scary thought but sometimes i wish it for me. i guess in that way, i am weak.

it's funny to have that street name for us. mapagkumbaba. humble. was it ever as such? did we live it? no, i guess we did not, much.

taking one last look around, it was humbling, for me, to realize that interwoven dreams can become untangled over time, due to wear and tear, perhaps, and due to uneven keeping. you know how one side of a handkerchief would turn yellowish if stored forever in your drawer? our weave felt like that in the end. but i guess it was inevitable for me to make latag it all and see what happened in the whole fabric... sad. so sad. i guess madame barbra was right all along when she sang some good things never last... i guess i have to be contented with living with this sadness, sadness that i made her sad. it's my own doing, i know. so again, just let me have this good cry, and i hope if she reads this, that she will realize she will be forever etched in my heart, even if it was me who decided to end things. if i can do this without hurting her, i will, but again, i guess that, too, was inevitable, as all things in this universe...



we have this greeting whenever we enter the house. "hi haus." but now, i guess i have to say bye. bye haus... once again. and this time, for good. for real. bye haus... bye.

i promised myself this ain't a pity party. but just let me cry. just for tonight, while i'm still feeling this way. so that i can store these feelings, too, for good... after all, it's not only her that has to be brave in these times. i, too, have to be brave, maybe even braver...



say goodbye, libay...

bye.

on with the new

so this is my new blog. for life. well, we'll see about that. i just like it here because i can manipulate the look more than in blogger, even if i am not that much of a techie. that's why i like it here. i was actually trying to set up something at the digital divide network, but it's not that creative yet in terms of layout and design. much like my old blog, i guess. well... i also tried to create something at the old blogger site, d'original, or one of them, at least. but nah, it's too techie nga to manipulate eh. hirap. so dito na lang muna. hane? sige later maglalaro pa ko ng ibang html thingies and photos. try ko lang image link...



hmm, nag-iba ang style ng paglalagay ng images ah...but it's okay. betterer! hehe.

okay, eto na. and the final is me! haha.

andy carvin, the northerner uber-techie dude of the digital divide network, loved that graphic. hehe. okay naman pala siya eh. part din siya ng wsis media advocates. our kind of people, pero sometimes too techie nga. pero mukhang mabait, at matulungin sa non-techies like moi...

o sya, later. sumasakit na naman likod ko. di ako nag-tutor today kasi nga bigla ako nagkaroon. and although natanggal na ni thelma most of the painful dysmenorrhea, may slight muscle aches pa rin. good thing my favorite masahista was here to help... thanks grrl. :)

later.

cyberspace, the new frontier...charing!

i'm just trying to get the feel of this new space. hopefully, the mayor of the city will not delete me again if i remain inactive for like more than 3 months. how come they don't do that at blogger? hmm, i wonder if they do that in livejournal? oh well...

reborn

back here again. missed me?