Buhay Bahaghari LGBT book launch Aug 27 at bts writer chika

At kinarir ko na namang muli ang pagsusulat ng press release para sa nalalapit na book launch ng aming ten thousand years before ma-publish na libro hehehe. Salamat sa superqueer efforts nina former deputy director ng UP Center for Women's Studies na si Prof. Eric Manalastas at POC Pinoy LGBT channel editor naming si Eva "Bubbles" Callueng, ipapanganak na rin ang librong last year pa namin hinulma, hininga, at ngayon iiire na! Ayan siya. 

Cute naman ng cover art hehe. Talagang rainbow kung rainbow. Some of the pertinent details of the launch are here:

Want to read 36 personal essays on what it’s like to be lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer in the Philippines today? Then get a copy of the book entitled BUHAY BAHAGHARI: THE FILIPINO LGBT CHRONICLES published by the UP Center for Women’s Studies. The anthology will be launched on Wednesday, August 27, 2014 at 1:30-3:30pm inside the UP Center for Women’s Studies premises (Magsaysay Ave. cor. Ylanan Road near the CSWCD/ MassComm/Music college buildings inside the Diliman, QC campus).

Lima pala ang kuwentong isinabak ko dito. Personal essays ang atak, sabi ni editor Bubbles. Dapat dito ko ilalabas 'yung isang bonggang-bonggang academic article kong icho-chopchop ko sana into bite-size friendlier forms pero sabi ng lola ko eh gumawa na lang ng bago dahil masyadong academic nosebleed 'yung lesbian indie film paper ko na 'yun hihi. So kebs na dun at kume-creative nonfiction na lang ang peg ng lola mo.

Yoiks may picture nga pala sa contribs page! 

Buti na lang cute 'yung napili sa akin. Charut! :P

Kaya as usual, I have to tap into the well of my persona during the time I wrote this. What else is new? Life provides the ink and I am merely the recorder. Here are some behind-the-scenes chika of those pieces:

"Showbiz people like us 1: we got our backs" is about my experience as a cultural journalist a.k.a. lifestyle and entertainment journalist featuring closeted people like us and how we kinda have to protect each other in the dog-eat-dog a.k.a. judgmental-hetero-eats-marginalized-queer world of showbizlandia.

"Showbiz people like us 2: gaydar me, gaydar you" is about how clueless peeps ask queers like me to "detect" suspected queers like me, a.k.a. kapag gusto lang mang-canfeermd! ng mga chismosa sa mga kloseta sa showbiz. Yes, this happens. True story.

"The tabloidization of the tomboy: (don’t) print us o lord" is actually the first piece I wrote solely for this anthology. This chronicles my experience when I showed up for an interview as an entertainment editor in a newspaper that turned out to be in tabloid format, so all media vs. queers baggage broke loose.

Siyempre mawawala ba ang mga love chronicles ng buhay? "To fight the unbeatable fight" is my muni-muni about having relationships with women who are closeted and how I negotiate my openly out self in there. "To reach the unreachable love" is the chronicling of my foray into lesbian LDRdom or long distance relationships before, during and after. 

Support for the book in the form of blurbs

 from varied queers and queer allies 

e.g. Boy Abunda, Dr. Margie Holmes, 

Aida Santos, Danton Remoto, Neil Garcia. 

Dumo-Don Quixote lang talaga ang peg? Ewan ko ba. Alam ko single na ako nung sinulat ko ang mga ito, lalo na itong dalawang love articles chenes. Sa tagal na nito, di ko na maalala exactly kung ano 'yung contribs ko at kung ano ang porma at ikot ng headspace ko nun hehe. Naaliw lang ako when I recalled what they were, so I reread them, and the ending of that unbeatable fight piece went something like this nga pala:

Ah, it’s a cycle, this closet of ours, of theirs. Is it somebody’s fault that we’re there, and is it somebody’s fault that it exists? Of course there is some fault somewhere. That’s why we fight an unbeatable fight sometimes. But still, we go on. Closet or no closet, we travel, until we find what what we’re looking for, or until we have to be found by someone looking for us.

She’s out there. Just walk.

Wow. Indeed. And now, here we are, months after I wrote that, I bumped into someone and someone bumped into me. I'm ever so grateful to the universe that I walked that day, that I decided to show up in that seemingly random business meeting, that I decided to get out of my hibernation and socialize with a new soul. That soul turned out to be the love of my life right now, my kindred of all kindred spirits, and all my obra I dedicate to her. Yes, pati na this book's contributions. Thank you, sweetheart.

Mantakin mo nga naman, how our life narratives turn out. Wala lang, natutuwa lang ako. I guess we still can't believe we found each other, na magkalapit lang pala ang orbits namin sa isa't isa, all this time, but we were not fated to meet until the moment we did. Happy. Happy lang talaga. :) Sorry sumingit talaga ang #inlabsiBayli peg ulit ahihihi. #akona

Heniweys hemingways, kitakits sa book launch. Bonggabels din naman ang line-up ng contributors dahil for the first time, reprezent! talaga ang L, G, B, at T ditech, pati na Q because of me. So there. Here's some more info on the book: 

Contributors come from different walks of life who also belong in different industries in society. Some of them are or have been active LGBT rights advocates. Their essays tackle topics like identities and struggles; tensions, anxieties, relations; challenges, changes and the community; and of course love and lessons that come with finding it, losing it, or keeping it. Some of the contributors include longtime queer advocates Fr. Richard Mickley, Chris Jo Salvatierra, Ging Cristobal and Bruce Amoroto; corporate professionals Fire Sia, Mel Abutin and Allan Carreon; development worker Miel Feria; former and current college professors Mikee Inton, Argel Tuason and  Lorna Israel; National Youth Commission’s Percival Cendana and Ernest Lucas; and Carlos Palanca awardees Shakira Sison, Libay Linsangan Cantor and Jhoanna Lynn B. Cruz, to name a few. The essays are written in Filipino and English.

Read the rest of my press release here sa pop media blog kesh. Sayang ang dami yatang di nakahabol sa deadline. Happy sana ito kung ang ibang kabatak ay nakapaglaan ng obra. Maybe a sequel should happen na lang. 

Hehe at sorry kung mayabang pero paminsan-minsan kailangan din nating ipagmayabang na may mga award-winning among the rainbow community, na hindi porke't queer tayo ay kalunos-lunos tayo at hindi fabulous. Excuse me! Hahaha. And the Palanca is always a good marker of an award for us queer writers. Congrats nga rin pala is in order for another win for one of us. Hm not sure if na-announce na niya ang pagkapanalo niya this year ulit pero CONGRATS MAMU! 'Yun muna hehe. You know who you are. Always proud of you. :)

Eclectic lot! Life is like a rainbow indeed -- you never know which hue will rule you at times. So best to be prepared. 

Congrats sa editing efforts ni Bubbles beks at nairaos din ito. Happy! :) Buy the book! Support Philippine literature and the Pinoy LGBTQ community.

Kitakits! :)

my March 8 talk - where are the lesbians on women's day?

Hang out with me on International Women's Day in case you're in the vicinity of UP Diliman and you are free and want to listen to a small talk I'm delivering about lesbian literature. It's free of charge and open to the public.

Yes, shameless plug. Kitakits.

CMC Faculty Colloquium 2011

March 8 Tuesday 2:30-4pm

UP College of Mass Communication

Auditorium (Plaridel Hall annex building)

Decoding decades of absence:

Searching for lesbianism in Philippine literature in English

by libay linsangan cantor

Abstract:

This paper is a survey of the notable batch of the earliest lesbian-themed literary short stories written in English in the Philippines published by mainstream magazines and publishing houses from the early 1990s up to the early 2000s. The aim of this paper is to analyze what types of narratives are being selected for publication which directly indicates the level of authenticity of how Filipino lesbians are characterized and constructed and also indicative of how lesbianism as a theme is carried out in Philippine literature in English. The objective of utilizing this process is to trace how lesbian literature emerged within this literary space and how it runs parallel to or clashes with the tradition of women writing in English in the Philippines.

Author:

Libay Linsangan Cantor is a two-time winner of the Don Carlos Palanca Memorial Awards for Literature in 1997 for her short story in Filipino “Si Joe Cool Kasi” (Joe Cool’s Fault) and the short story for children in Filipino “Si Totoy sa Gubat ng Diwata” (Totoy in the Forest of the Fairies).

She used to have a literary column entitled “The Scribe Vibe” at the Manila Times newspaper’s Sunday Times section which ran from 2008 to 2010. She now contributes regularly to the Philippine Online Chronicles (POC) Pinoy LGBT channel online webzine by Vibal Foundation since June 2010.

She is also a trained TV/film scriptwriter and won honorable mention for her lesbian-themed screenplay at the 1998’s Film Development of the Philippines Inc.’s annual screenwriting competition. She began scriptwriting for children’s TV shows in 2001 with the ABS-CBN Foundation-produced Epol/Apple educational program. In 2006, she began directing for TV, handling the Saturday morning TV show Lovely Day for GMA-7. She also scripted and directed a few episodes of other GMA-7 children’s shows Happy Land and Sunnyville in 2009-2010.

Libay has a BA in Film and Audiovisual Communication from UP College of Mass Communication and an MA in Creative Writing from the UP College of Arts and Letters. She was a co-founder of the now defunct UP Sappho Society (1999), the first university-based lesbian organization in the Philippines. She is currently part of the Asia-Pacific advisory board for the International Fund for Sexual Minorities of the New York-based Astraea Lesbian Foundation for Justice.

Manila Times column for 23 August 2009: "Meeting National Artists for Literature"

original post here.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

THE SCRIBE VIBE By Libay Linsangan Cantor Meeting National Artists for Literature

When we hear the title “National Artist for Literature” attached to a writer’s name, it’s but natural to admire those who carry this privileged and honorable title. It’s like being bestowed the knighthood of the literary world, in a way. But it’s more heartwarming when one discovers just how humble and helpful such “titleholders” are, especially to younger and starting writers, despite the magnanimity that their titles suggest. I took my graduate degree in creative writing so that gave me the chance to meet several National Artists for Literature. But funny enough, I met them all outside of formal classes, except for one—Bienvenido Lumbera, conferred in 2006. But that was rather different; he was my undergraduate teacher in film theory and criticism back in UP film school. Besides writing literature, Sir Lumbera is also active as a film critic. Before enrolling in graduate school, I was lucky to be accepted at the 1997 UP National Writers Workshops in Baguio and Cebu. NVM Gonzalez, conferred in 1990, was present in both workshops. While most were afraid of him for his no-nonsense criticism of short stories, I somehow saw him as my “literary Lolo” for he always smiled and talked to me about literary and writing tips, even outside the workshops, like how a grandfather would talk and tell stories to his grandchildren. He would even lend me books to read, leading me to authors that will somehow help me in my craft. Occasionally, he would give me mini-criticisms of articles I wrote for publications, and I was flattered because I never even knew that he read my stuff. When I formally began my graduate studies, that was when I met another National Artist, Francisco Arcellana, conferred in 1990 like Sir NVM. Between the two, he was wackier because his sense of humor and demeanor was as unpredictable and as postmodern as the short stories he wrote, with tales and narrative styles that really revolutionized the Filipino short story in English. He kept giving me books, magazines and other stuff he no longer needed. When he discovered that I was also a photographer, he even gave me an unused photographer’s jacket someone gave him as a gift. He was around the UP College of Arts and Letters a lot, and we young writers hung out with him there, trading stories and writing tips. He even went as far as declaring to people that he wanted to be my MA thesis adviser. Too bad I took too long to finish my darned thesis, and he went ahead early. I now wonder how that venture could have gone, had he handled my thesis. To think that these literary greats already reaped awards, published legendary books and wrote stories that defined our literature, they still had the time to hang out, share a few laughs, and mentor wannabe writers like us. That was really something. More of these kinds of literary luminaries next week. Comments? Suggestions? E-mail libay.scribevibe@gmail.com. She is also at libaycantor.multiply.com.

Manila Times column for 26 July 2009: "The long but inspiring road to advocacy and children’s literature"

original post here.

this pilandokan conference was fun and enlightening for me. gusto ko talaga siyang puntahan di lang dahil nagsusulat ako ng children's TV show ngayon kundi talagang genuinely interested lang ako sa state of children's and young adult lit sa atin today, kasi ito ay genre na ginagalawan ko rin sa aking pampanitikang pamumuhay at panulat.

kaya natawa ako sa komento ng kakilala kong guro sa filipino dept sa KAL, si elyrah, na kelangan daw piktyuran ako dahil rare daw ang tulad ko, na nag-a-attend ng mga kumperensiyang ganito dahil sa talagang interesado ako, di tulad ng iba na nag-a-attend o nagbabasa ng papel sa kumperensiya dahil "points" ito sa aming CV bilang guro para may maidagdag sa iyong promotions sa rank sa pagiging guro sa peyups hehehe.

yes, may ganung factor. :)

well.

ay, ito nga palang guro sa educ na nabanggit ko ay--small world--yung ate pala ng barkada ko noong college sa film, si K, na naging kumare ko paglaon dahil inaanak ko ang anak niyang si kari hehe. hm, miss ko na ang inaanak kong iyon. matalino. laging libro ang regalo ko sa kanya.

at yung binabanggit ko pala diyan na lesbian story for children, yung publisher na napag-usapan namin ay the same publisher na niligwak ang aking novel for young adults na lesbian puppy love ang tema. when i asked kung bakit nila ni-reject ang novel ko, ang sabi lang sa akin "kasi we went with the other submission." tangeeenaaaa. labo. ni ayaw sabihin nung head honcho ng publishing house yung tunay na reason. takot siguro mabansagang homophobic. well, namamana pala ang pagiging macho shit, aney. but that's another blog post :P

heniwey... enjoy!


-------

Sunday, July 26, 2009

THE SCRIBE VIBE
By Libay Linsangan Cantor
The long but inspiring road to advocacy and children’s literature

AT the recently concluded Second National Conference on Children’s Literature in UP, I got the sentiment that there is still a long way to go when it comes to instilling certain advocacy issues in Philippine children’s literature.

In a casual conversation with UP College of Education professor Portia Padilla, a conference speaker, she estimated that it takes about ten years for a “trend” to emerge when it comes to instilling social issues in stories written for children. For instance, she cites that today, we already have stories featuring persons with disabilities (PWD), notably the deaf. I remember when death was also a shunned issue, a discussion we had in my graduate studies class on writing children’s literature some ten years ago. But now, there are several books that feature this topic. Indeed, a good ten years after. Prof. Padilla’s estimation is spot on.

Besides various PWD issues, there are also stories now featuring issues of changing family structures, notably stories featuring children in so-called broken homes (parents are separated) and stories where one parent is “absent” because he or she has to work as an overseas worker (the so-called OFW narrative.)

Another development I am personally happy about is the articulation of domestic violence, specifically sexual abuse toward girls, in children’s literature. I just bough a 2007 publication by Adarna House entitled Ang Lihim Ni Lea (Lea’s Secret) authored by award-winning children’s writer Augie Rivera and illustrated by Ghani Madueño. The fictional story discusses a little girl’s plight of being sexually abused by her own father, as her mother is away. I know that such stories have been sadly happening in real life for decades, and it’s about time publishers acknowledged that this problem should be articulated and discussed with children, especially those who are survivors of such abuse. Such publications hope to encourage other children who are in similar situations to speak up, stand up and seek help. Hope, after all, is the primary ingredient present in any story written for children.

I now wonder about another sensitive topic, children with gay or lesbian parents, and when this will become a “trend” in our literature. There are already many western publications discussing such stories in both children’s and young adult literature, but the local scene looks bleak when it comes to this issue. Prof. Padilla mentioned a publisher’s “dichotomy” regarding the issue, as they say “we are not yet ready” for such publications but as stand-alone stories (say, those that are entered in competitions like the Palanca), they could be merited as good and radical. Yes, good and radical award-winning stories sometimes never see the light of publication because their topics feature “taboo” issues like homosexuality. Ironic, isn’t it?

A long road indeed, but not a winding one, to quote that Beatles song. Things are positively looking up, somewhat. I guess we advocates just better be patient just a bit more—and continue writing until we get read and heard.

Comments? Suggestions? E-mail libay.scribevibe@gmail.com. She is also at libaycantor.multiply.com.

Manila Times column for 21 June 2009: "Focusing on children’s literature"

original post here.

yes, i'm attending this one.

THE SCRIBE VIBE By Libay Linsangan Cantor Focusing on children’s literature

A national conference focusing on children’s literature will be held next month, and I urge people who are interested in the topic to attend it. It sounds like a promising event. If you love children’s literature, especially if your work involves children and literature, then this conference is a must to attend. It’s called the Second National Conference on Children’s Literature and its official theme is “Panitikang Pambata sa Edukasyon” (or Children’s Literature in Education). Specifically, it will be held in two days, from July 16 to17, 2009, at the University of the Philippines Diliman campus (inside the Claro M. Recto Hall at the Faculty Center building). An association called the Pilandokan (or, officially, the National Research Society for Children’s Literature) is organizing this conference, with the support of the National Commission for Culture and the Arts. If you haven’t been to a national conference such as this, be ready for the deluge of information and new knowledge that comes with it. Usually, there are speakers who present papers/researches about a certain topic, and there are some workshops taking place, too. Since the focus of this conference is partly about education, there will be a lot of scholarly discussions about certain aspects involving children’s literature. It might sound boring because of the “academic aspect” (the usual impression of non-academicians) but, believe me, it’s not. According to UP professor and children’s literature writer Eugene Evasco, the conference will discuss topics like the Filipino concept of child and childhood, the state of Philippine children’s literature, national identity, book piracy, children in television, children’s media, children and the social problems, literacy program for urban poor children and the deaf, and the formation of childhood identity. Evasco serves as the conference director. I’m particularly interested in children and the media, especially because half of my professional career now involves going back to writing a children’s TV show. I began my scriptwriting career on TV by being part of writers’ pools of children’s edutainment shows about 10 years ago, and it’s interesting and exciting to note the differences of writing for such shows then and now, a decade hence. With the advent of the computer technology and everything going digital, children’s sensibilities have been changing, and children’s literature is, of course, getting affected by leaps and bounds. I’m particularly interested in what the speakers would say about this. I’ll write about my reflections on the conference, too, once it’s over. If you want more information, please e-mail their secretariat at pagongatmatsing@yahoo.com. I’ll see you there, OK? Comments? Suggestions? E-mail libay.scribevibe@gmail.com. She is also at libaycantor.multiply.com.

Manila Times column for 17 May 2009: "Getting ‘them’ to read ‘us’"

original post here.

THE SCRIBE VIBE
By Libay Linsangan Cantor
Getting ‘them’ to read ‘us’

If we don’t have access to foreign books, will Filipinos reacquaint themselves with local books and rediscover our own classic and contemporary writers? Well, that remains to be seen.

So much has been written about that “Great Book Blockade” thing about the Bureau of Customs placing tax on imported books (which violates a certain treaty, so it seems, that stipulates books should remain tax-free), presumably the reason why local bookstores haven’t had new titles for months now. Book lovers decried this move, with some citing it as “just another corrupt move of the government.”

If we debate about the corruption practices in this country, it would take months. But let’s stop and see its connection to how we could persuade readers to read local authors instead. If our country imported less foreign titles, will local readers read local titles more? Instead of howling that they want their latest Twilight series book or the latest Dan Brown-penned mystery, could the government perhaps persuade them to take home the latest Anvil, Milfores or UP Press-published anthology of new writings from local authors instead? I don’t know. As Jose Dalisay Jr. once said in a public lecture, “Filipinos love to read; they’re just not reading us.”

In film, we have the Metro Manila Film Festival, which stipulates that at least in ten or so days in December, all films to be shown within Metro Manila should be local films only, banning foreign titles. In a country where ticket sales of Hollywood movies fare better than locally produced ones, that’s a very nice incentive, even if it seems like such a token kind of incentive. Now do we have something similar for authors?

It often saddens me when I visit mainstream bookstores in the metro, as they all have very impressive shelves of a lot of books from most regions of the world. But when I want to look for my own country’s latest titles, it’s sad that the salesperson directs me to a small little nook, corner or wall entitled “Filipiniana” as if I am entering a section of a library where one enters to research for academic purposes only. I wonder when Dalisay, Kerima Polotan, Lakambini Sitoy or Luis Katigbak would share the same sectioning with Salman Rushdie, Chuck Palahniuk or Jeanette Winterson. Am I dreaming? I certainly hope not.

Call me crazy but one day, when I want to buy local titles, I don’t want to go to specialty shops in Manila or specialty bookstores of local presses just to avail of them anymore. I want to buy them in local bookstores where at least half of its titles are local. There are so many Filipinos out there writing in their own languages; where are their books?

Comments? Suggestions? E-mail libay.scribevibe@gmail.com. She is also at libaycantor.multiply.com.

published in Phil Graphic: "The Sound of Blue"

according to the print version of The Philippine Graphic, my short story entitled "The Sound of Blue" was published there. oo naman, nakita ko naman at may hard copy na ako nito.

pero sa online version, tila di yata sinuwerte at nakaligtaan ang kuwentong ilagay doon sa archive ng specific issue na ito.

duh.

nonetheless, ilalagay ko na rin dito yung version na sinumite ko sa kanila.

haha nakakatawa lang when i remember the ed in chief telling me that my story is out na, and she then apologized kasi si tessie aquino oreta ang cover of the issue where it came out. hahaha! naaliw lang ako sa komento. i heart journalists hehe.

this story was originally a product of our 2001 (or 2002-03?) informal online writing workshop of fil writers based everywhere, spearheaded by fil-am author cecilia manguerra brainard. other members of the workshop at the time i joined were fil-ams marianne villanueva and veronica montes, fil in singapore nadine sarreal and noelle de jesus, and phil south-based susan evangelista. the goal of this workshop was to stimulate writers into writing new works, kahit raw, as inspired by introducing weekly prompts na kelangan naming gamitin every week to write something new. the prompt used for this story was given by cecilia herself, which went: "on his/her 40th birthday, juan/juana found out that he/she had turned stone deaf." you were then free to manipulate the prompt accordingly. tapos after a week, isasalang mo whatever you wrote and they will all comment.

that was a fun time. i miss writing like that, actually. marami rin akong nagawa because of that workshop. isipin mo, kung wala iyon nung time na iyon... wala, wala akong naisulat. that was the time when i experienced artistic drought in all manner kasi. but that's another story...

of course the story evolved since then, after several revisions, and has become part of my MA thesis (a 17-piece collection of lesbian shorts stories) now.

o sya, eto sya. keri ang komento. sige lang. share-share.

-------------

THE SOUND OF BLUE
By Libay Linsangan Cantor


She knows how blue looks like. She knows how blue feels like. But did she ever discover how blue sounds like?

Maybe she knows now. But that’s so insensitive of me.

IT WAS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR, I KNOW. BUT YOU HAVE TO GET USED TO THIS.

The handwritten note was from Carla, Juana’s best friend. Juana thought why Carla had to write in boldface. Her writing slants to the right, so she thinks Carla’s really a very emotional person who sways with her emotions. She said so herself, several times.

“Carla’s really a very emotional person who sways with her emotions. Look at the way her writing slants to the right, and the way she dots her I. Full circle, not just a dot. Certainly a dreamer. And the way she crosses her T is also evident of that. The cross hardly touches the main part of the letter. That’s why sometimes it’s not good for her to handle the depression counseling. The girls always thought she might give detached advice or something. Hm.”

I smirked. “I see you didn’t give up on your graphology lessons there. I thought that was just a passing fancy after that cover story with the graphology expert. It was, for me, but then…well, you’re a different person. You always have been, I guess…”

Silence. Juana didn’t answer back. Hey, maybe she got offended by what I said. Could be. Just then, her alarm clock rang off, and it startled me. But it didn’t startle her. And that was when I remembered – how truly insensitive of me, talking to her this way, now that she is this way.

I reached for the clock to turn it off. I whispered to myself. “Five o’clock. Time to hit it…”

Then Juana startled me. “Five o’clock. Time to hit it!” I didn’t notice that she was already facing towards my direction, and looking at me intently. “You don’t have to whisper, you know, just because I couldn’t hear you much. I can already read lips now.”

Embarrassed, I averted my eyes, avoiding her gaze. I looked down for a while, but I immediately looked up, looked back at her, stared into her eyes, and saw how hopeful they were. Mine were ashamed.

“I’m…sorry…”

She laughed at me, crumpled Carla’s letter and tossed it to the trash bin. “Don’t be. I’m not.” She stood up and gave me a hug and I gave her one, too. “Such sweet lips. That’s my girl.” She kissed me, one time, just a peck, and then sat down in front of her TV. “Let’s get ready in a while.”

On her 41st birthday, Juana woke up and discovered she was nearly stone deaf. But she didn’t look it. It was a gradual development, anyway. Nobody knew she had a condition, especially me. We would hold conversations normally about the magazine she ran, where I freelanced, discussing what to cover in the Filipino community. She would then drive me to Columbia where I enrolled for my masters, and we would have coffee and conversation in between trips. She enjoyed touring me everywhere in the East Coast, everywhere there were Filipinos, everywhere there were lesbians like us, especially lesbians working in advocacy groups. It was easy to fall for her, even if it wasn’t my plan to do so; everyone loved her – the community, the lesbian feminists, the people. Everyone. I didn’t mind the age gap, too; it’s just ten years, anyway. Even if she was older, she didn’t look it.

But that was there, New York. And we are here, now, where more Filipinos are located. Perhaps that’s the reason why she wanted to move back here – the familiarity of the people. Wish I could stay with her, but I have to finish this semester. I hate to be away from her.

She was originally from here, California, and her family welcomed her back here, hence the party downstairs. I could already smell the aroma of Filipino food, and can’t wait to taste authentic adobo and sinigang again. Her relatives are both elated and worried, due to her worsening condition. Everyone thought, after the incident, that she was going to be okay, that she would recover. We all thought wrong.

It has been six years since that day, six years ago today, to be exact. She says she doesn’t mind what happened, but we all do. We still do. Who could forget? CNN had documented it so well. And every year’s tribute gets flakier and flakier. It even became a new tourist feature in Manhattan. Sick, but that’s how Americans fashioned it now. Tragedy is always in fashion in this country, it seems.

Juana turned on the TV. CNN. TV specials were on. As if on cue. “Nine one one. Strange how these harmless little numbers could signify so much.”

I fell silent. I just saw that on TV, originally, back home in the Philippines. She saw that live, as it happened. How it must have felt. But she doesn’t look sad. Never did. How it must have hurt. Where does she keep the pain? She reminds me of conversations I had with my Lola about her living during the Japanese occupation. Even if it seemed magnanimous an event in her life, I could never relate to how she felt about it. I could only imagine, and re-imagine, with her. It was harder. Of course, I wasn’t there. And there was no CNN or BBC to cover it, blow by blow. But even now, with this, it’s still hard to relate, simply because I wasn’t there.

She lost her original office, a part of her life. But she was able to rebuild it. After six years, she decided to close shop, and reopen it here, at the opposite coast of this country we borrowed and called home, her more than me, now facing a different tune, marching to the beat of a different drum, perhaps. But it doesn’t matter. What’s important here is, she’s still here. That’s what we always tell her. But sometimes, I’m not sure if she hears me. Or us.

Juana laughed out loud and faced me. She was holding a framed photo of her younger brother. I walked near her. “Good thing Jonas was still Filipino in mind and spirit. Filipino time! His tardiness saved him!” She playfully punched my arm. “Ikaw! You’re not Pinoy. You’re always on time. Appeared in my life on time, when I wanted somebody… Di ba, non-Pinoy? Mwah!” She grabbed my hand and kissed it.

I smiled at her, didn’t know how to react to that.

She laughed again, this time louder, as she played with the TV’s remote control. “Ha-ha! At least I wouldn’t hear that awful socks joke anymore, remember? Or maybe you’re still young to remember what I remember of our country. When I was in school back in Manila, my barkada and I just loved listening to ‘80s music. Cyndi Lauper was one of our favorites back then, and ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ was our favorite song. And they would say ‘Knock Knock.’ And I would say ‘Who’s there?’ and they would say ‘Juana’s socks.’ And I would say ‘Juana’s socks who?’ and they would sing ‘They just wanna, they just wanna-ha-have fun. Medyas ni Juana, medyas ni Juana-ha-have fun. Crazy! Ha-ha-ha! I never got over how funny that joke is!”

Well, I can see she herself never lost her Filipino-ness. In spite of serious circumstances, she manages to laugh.

Medyas ni Juana. Yes, that is funny.

“At least I won’t hear that anymore. And, everything else, anymore… for that matter…”

Silence. Just how do you answer that?

Maybe one just doesn’t.

I sat beside her and put my arms around her. If she saw me as a lifesaver, someone who appeared on time, that was her for me, too. At a time when I needed to forget where I came from and who I were—or what happened to me back home—she was there, ready to listen, to counsel as a feminist, to support as a friend, and to love as a partner. Funny how I never got counseling back in Manila after I was raped. Perhaps I needed some kind of foreign detachment as I narrated my ordeal to a stranger. I wanted the stranger to be far removed from who I am, but not too far, just enough closeness to understand me as well. Juana’s feminist counseling groupmates were such a big help. They were Filipinas, females, and lesbians, so they understood, but they were from here, not there, Americanized, hence a bit distanced. Fil-Am. It was the foreign detachment I was looking for. It worked. Worked well. Eighteen months since it happened. I’m okay. Really, I’m okay.

I just wish I could offer the same level of comfort to her, now. After eighteen months, I feel hopeless, again. I hate that feeling.

She looked at me, and I noticed her eyes welled up, but she was struggling very hard, struggling not to let her tears fall. “It’s too early to party. Can we just snuggle up here for a while?”

I smiled at her. “Sure. Whatever you want.”

For a while, we sat there in front of the TV -- she looked at the images, I tuned them out. But I can’t tune out the sounds. Another tribute, a series of updates, recollections, retellings. I looked at her and saw how intent she was in absorbing the images. I sighed.

And now, I know how blue sounds like, too.



*** end ***

archiving 9-year old cyber material

before i completely lose this page for all cyber-eternity, buti na lang at na-retrieve ko ang contents today. at ire-repost ko lang dito.

i was looking for this story because i decided to include it in my MA thesis collection (which i am currently revising, at matatapos nah! yahoo!). nag-panic ako dahil hindi ko siya mahanap sa archives ko. buti na lang at nag-e-exist pa yung defunct Likhaan Online website page kung saan ito na-post dati ng gay friend kong si gio na webmaster dati ng site, back when i was still a graduate assistant sa Creative Writing Center (now Institute of Creative Writing) sa CAL.

thought i'd share the story na rin with you guys. it was published online sa defunct localvibe.com during the late 1990s. i'm archiving it here.

it's a story of rape. at nang mabasa ito ng aking NGO kawomenan isis officemates before, they automatically reacted in a feminist way -- wanting to know if it really happened. sabi ko, fictionist ako, hindi essayist, so therefore hindi siya totoo. pero parang ayaw nilang maniwala hehe. i love them in that aspect. basta. heheh.

the Likhaan Online issue where this was lifted from had the theme "Writing in the New Century" published in 2000. hanep. tignan niyo before it disappears. i don't know how to archive webpages kasi e. that issue was a good one, which also included works by poets arvin mangohig, allan popa, joel toledo, my good friend kia sison, fellow fictionists miguel (chuck) syjuco, my good friends and fellow dumaguete workshop jologz frendz indira endaya and bernice roldan, isolde amante of cebu, sci-fi dude baryon posadas and a host of others.

i think this was the third revision of the story. at idadan ko pa ng isa pang edit para sa thesis. heniwey, eto na ang repost ng content ng pahina ko sa issue na yun:



LIBAY LINSANGAN CANTOR: PROFILE

Libay Linsangan Cantor, who is turning 27 in April, has a BA in Film from UP Diliman where she is also currently pursuing a Master's Degree in Creative Writing. She was a Fellow at the 29th and 31st UP National Writers' Workshop (1997) in Baguio and Cebu, respectively, and the 38th National Writers' Workshop (1999) in Dumaguete.

She has won 2 Palanca awards for her Filipino fiction in 1997 and an honorable mention award at the annual scriptwriting contest of the Film Development Foundation of the Philippines, Inc. in 1998.Libay works as a freelance writer in the media industry.

Libay's love for the cinematic art readily expresses itself in her writing. Below, she tells us how the two fields come together to create her writing style. Her favorites, as expected, aren't only written in nature, but visual as well.

"I am the type of writer who gets influenced by the styles of writers I frequently read, ergo my favorites. However, being heavily exposed to the Film/TV world, I am also influenced by film (visual) language and this seeps into my writing more often than I plan. So I cannot segregate my influences (as purely literary only) whenever I write. They all get bunched up in my mind and they manifest in my writings..

"The top written choices for me are the works of Jeanette Winterson, Virginia Woolf and Douglas Coupland. Top visual choices are the works of filmmakers Alfred Hitchcock (Britain), Francis Ford Coppola (USA), Federico Fellini (Italy) and the new wave batch from France. MTV and the Twilight zone also play a big part in my works."

DISSOLVE

It’s a fade to black kind of moment. There I am, standing on the second floor of that warehouse, that godforsaken condemned structure of a warehouse which we consider our set location, my still camera in tow and waiting for the director to yell “take.” Suddenly, out of nowhere, a hand makes itself feel at home on my bosom. Another hand covers my mouth, and a presence makes itself felt at my back. Jarring.

I want to scream.

ME (internal monologue) : What the fuck is this?
Sound fx : manual camera crashing on floor, zipper being unzipped, fist hitting flesh, clothes being ripped, bodies landing on concrete, man screaming in pain.
MAN (bassy voice) : Aaaaahhhhh!!! Bitch!!!

I bit his hand.

Flashback, three months ago. I am a fresh graduate. Babes in the woods, the local Hollywoods. Pioneer film school, premiere university, prime knowledge. The oldies are impressed: you write well - can you do photography - you have a pulse for editing - can you direct this AVP - you’re an asset in this company - can you do marketing research?

My reaction shot (poker-faced) : Well, sirs, what I really want is to be a cinematographer.
Reverse reaction shot of my bosses, close up : Hmmm…

The next thing I knew, they assign me to take photographs of behind the scenes happenings on the sets of our films. For file purposes. For publicity purposes. For their own purposes, especially when there is a beautiful and well-endowed starlet on the set. This is just going to be a stepping stone for me, they said. Sure, sure, whatever they say. I decided to play along, see what happens. After all, maybe later, way later, they might listen to me and finally, I will be able to make my films. My own films. Not theirs, but mine. Mine.

My best friend is wary about this career move, but supportive nonetheless: better be careful out there. It’s a dog eat dog world out there. Are you sure you want to work in the film industry? I smile as I remember telling her: I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. I can take care of myself out there. I’ll be okay.

Cut to: present time - my bruised body is lying on the ground, my mouth releasing whimpering sounds. The man’s left hand is covering my mouth. My hands are helpless at my back. His right hand is gripping both my wrists. My stomach bumps on the ground in a rhythmic pace as he humps back and forth, back and forth, back and forth…
Pseudo-prosthetic make up: violet patch on left eyebrow tip near temple, bleeding left nostril, profusely bleeding left side/corner of mouth, unruly hair, red hairline bruises on arms, bleeding knees, black and blue ego.
Wardrobe: Esprit summer shorts ripped apart at the back, black body-hugging shirt slightly torn at the sleeves, left Skechers sneakers on and right one off, white socks both on, dignity stripped.

Who would have thought that I would be in this situation right now? God, I never thought that after educating yourself and learning and imbibing all the defense mechanisms available out there, it’s still different when you are in the actual situation. Rather hard to react. Rather hard to act. I want to fight back, but it is so goddamn painful. Awfully, awfully painful. I can’t move much. I’m losing my strength. I cling on to whatever sanity I have left. It’s quite difficult.

I want to faint.

Flash forward, two months from now. I am cleaning up my office cubicle and putting my things in boxes. My best friend’s voice echoes in my mind as I do this activity : get out of there, get out of there, they don’t care, they don’t care. Don’t talk to anybody. Never talk about it to anybody. They will twist your word to their advantage. Never let them get the advantage. The whole production office wing stares as if packing my things is as exciting as watching Nora Aunor rehearse for a take. No words, just looks. I wanted to tell them, so who’s next? Did they do this to you too, assholes? You want this to happen to you, too? Fuck this camaraderie you call film family! Where the fuck were you all when I was fighting the bosses about this? And you think I am a slut? Fuck you all! Fuck you all… Fuck you.

And as I pull out from that office, my best friend’s voice echoes in my mind: bah, showbiz! What did you expect from vultures and graduates from the school of hard knocks? One less person in their office means one step up the ladder for them. Snippet snippet of the crab, girl. Snippet snippet. Yeah, snippet snippet indeed. Look at these people. Their first and only jobs would be whatever they are handling right now. Like me some months before, they are also hanging on to every word of the bosses, believing that they will get their break if they are patient enough. Or maybe game enough. As in, game to play strip poker without the cards. Perhaps that is what everybody thought I was playing. Well, they are wrong. I don’t lay out my mind nor my vagina on the table. I don’t lick ass like most of them do. I just do one thing: my work. But then, being a woman, I guess the bosses expected me to do more than that. But like I said, I don’t play that game. And I thought the bosses understood that. Or so I thought. And so I mouth off my best friend’s words as if the thought was originally mine. Bah, showbiz!

Freeze frame, dissolve to: present time. I’m at the mercy of this son of a bitch humping me, whoever he is. God, how I wish I had worn my Doc Martens this morning. They have them metal tips, haven’t they? Yes, they sure have. Man, I wish I had them boots on now instead of these sissy sneakers. Why did I ever think of wearing these sneakers when I knew that the location was this rickety old warehouse full of metal scraps and decaying wood constructions? I should have worn my boots for this kind of set. I could have been more balanced with those boots with superb ankle protection. I could have kicked this fucker on the groin during the struggle earlier. Well, I know that is going to be hard, but who cares! At least, I could have done something. I could have done something. I could have, you know? Done something.

But I wasn’t able to.

So he finishes with it. Thank God. Hell, no, wait, thank God? Thank God? Where was this God when this whole thing was happening? Don’t tell me He was in some shadowy thing, living off his duty by carrying me and not leaving my side and all that footprint shit. Fuck that! So no, I take that back. I won’t thank God. God, thank God? What the hell was I thinking? I don’t want to thank God.

I thank Ibay’s Silver Shop.

Flashback, one month ago. On the set of our Osang film, we struggle to keep warm. Location: Baguio. Time: 2am. Month: February.
I so badly want to sleep but the boss won’t let me. Stay here - have a drink with us - keep us company - tell me about yourself some more - I’ll introduce you to Osang - do you want anything to eat?
ME (interior monologue) : Er, I want to sleep. Can’t you oldies see I’m dead tired?
Crowd shot: people ogling at our supporting actress. Typical showbiz bimbo. Her character gets murdered later during the next take. Of course, her blouse gets torn in the process. Why? To reveal her tits, of course! That artsy death scene shot. Very pornographically cinematic indeed. Geez. How come those things were never mentioned in my film books? Only in the Philippines, I tell you. Only in the Philippines. Man. If only the great filmmakers see this now. Ishmael Bernal would be turning in his grave as we speak. And he would explain all this to Federico Fellini and Stanley Kubrick in his gay showbiz lingo that we all miss so much.
Reverse crowd shot: typical showbiz dumb jock with bulging member, trying to absorb the female and gay gazes. A typical reworking of Laura Mulvey’s essay. But, sad to say, this guy remains a visual pleasure. Don’t look for an intelligent narrative from him. He gets to die, too, albeit gracefully. His character saves the life of the heroine Osang. Yahoo. Ten points for male machismo! Long live patriarchy and the portrayal of women as weaklings!

Ho-hum. No shit.

So I was stuck there until nature called. I go to the portable reliever thing on the other side of the warehouse and release whatever it is that needs releasing. Then I step out and am greeted by a toothy grin.

ME (startled) : Yaah! Kuya Luis! Buwiset.
It’s the clapper. The person responsible for holding the clapper, that boardy thing with the film info written on it. The one who holds that clapper designed with that thin wooden thing attached at the top and is raised before a take. The board that they put in front of the camera to mark a take. The one that they snap to indicate the shot has been marked and is ready for action. That’s the clapper. And here’s the clapper, smiling at me as if he is the cutest thing in town. Barf. Of course, I just smile at him. Camaraderie crap. I wonder what he wants with me.
HIM (smiling): Eh, direk wants you there.

Great. So what does the director want with me now? I’m just a behind the scenes photographer. They can survive without me but no, they call me up whenever they feel like it. Man, perhaps they need women there again. They must be tired of staring at the bimbo starlet and are actually craving for intelligent conversation right now. Oh well. It’s a D.O.M. convention, these shoots – our D.O.M. producer, our D.O.M. director, our D.O.M. scriptwriter. You may shake your head and say “A producer on the set? A scriptwriter on the set?” But honey, that happens in our local showbiz. And never forget that this is an Osang film. And oh, did I mention that they were D.O.M.s?
Devious Organizational Masterminds.

As I walk back to the set, I hear my best friend’s voice echo in m mind: why do you put up with this dirty talk and lewd stares? You are more than that, girl. How about trying out advertising instead? I just shake my head, grateful for my friend’s sympathy and concern. But I can never let her understand why I put up with all the crap now. It’s because I want to make my own films someday. So take the bad with the good, I guess. The bad, with the good. Anyhow, I think I know when to quit if ever these things take their toll on me. I know my boundaries, and perhaps these D.O.M.s know them, too. Or should I wave my college diploma at any chance I get?

The set is quiet. I take another look around. Well, almost everyone is half asleep. Except for the stuntmen. Still waiting for Osang to grace the set, I suppose. Hmmm, shall I tell them that she’s not coming? Of course she’s not. She’s having one of her tantrums. And one of the bosses are trying to console her. With what and how, I have no intentions of finding out.

Cut to: present time. My hands drop to my sides. Very limp. My head turns for that pivotal peek of the culprit. It’s dark, I am half-numb.
I can’t see his face.
Sound fx: zipper being zipped, foot kicking body, woman whimpering in pain, man laughing.
MAN (bassy voice) : You’re dead if you tell.
Offscreen sound fx: matchstick strikes up to light, man puffing cigarette.
I assume he’s having his after cig thing. Fuck these men who think with their penises. After treating me like a friend, they expect skin favors in return. My best friend warned me about this before: dress very very conservatively, never go out with them upon their invitations, talk to them only if it is needed, never go out of your way to do a favor for any of them. Yeah, I did all that alright, but why this, now? I don’t know why I have to learn some things the hard way. The difficult way. The twisted way. I was kind, I was being myself, and now this? No, no more Miss Nice Girl With The College Degree. No more Miss Nice Girl Who Is Talented In The “Field” Of Men. No more Miss Nice Girl Whom The Bosses Consult And Never Credit For Her Shared Ideas. No more of that. Damn them all. And damn this fucker. Damn him. Damn him to high heaven! Damn him!
Damn. Him.

I turn around, slowly, carefully, painfully. His back is turned. He is looking at the set down below. He is puffing his cigarette. My head pans right. My neck aches a bit. I squint. I think up a happy thought. I smile.

ME (internal monologue) : Thank goodness for deus ex maquina.
Hand prop: a big wooden stick lying on the ground.
I slowly stand up. I slowly pick it up. I slowly walk towards the antagonist. He slowly turns around.
Cut to: flash forward. Me and a memo and a man on my side. The boss signs a paper and I frown. Another man is sitting on the couch. Another man is mixing drinks at the mini-bar. The man at my side takes the signed paper and leaves. My boss stretches in his seat and stares at me.

D.O.M. convention, the sequel. That man has a wife - do you think he likes you - that man has kids - do you think he desires you - that man has been with us for fifteen years - do you think he just wants money - that man has been our loyal crew member - do you think you can just do that because you’re a woman - than man has no bad record in this company - do you think he really desired you?

ME (staring with disbelief): W-ell, he put his dick up my vagina by force, didn’t he? What do you call that?
THEM (looking very innocent): Loneliness?
Fury blinds me. I crumple the paper I’ve been holding for ages. I throw it at the face of my boss. It hits him in the eye and he reacts with pain. The other men in the room want to do something, but their cowardice pin them to their seats. They continue watching the show.
ME (furious): I repeat, I resign.

I walk out of his office. Door slams behind me. Secretary one and two follow me with their stares. My best friend’s voice echoes in my mind: let’s just continue the fight legally. Don’t think about it too much. We’ll do something about it. We’ll fight back, we’ll fight back. A tear silently rolls down my left cheek. It’s the classic Lino Brocka reaction shot. Yeah, Orapronobis. Fight for us. Fight for me. Fight. Fight!

ME (internal monologue) : All I wanted was to make films…
Cut to: present time. I smash the man’s knees with the wooden stick. Whack! He nearly falls to the ground. I give him another blow on the side. Whack! He totally falls to the ground. He tries to crawl away from me. I follow him. He picks up some boardy thing and uses it to whack me on the head.
It’s the clapper.
I fall to the ground because of his blow. He then crawls towards me and lands on top of me. I can feel his whole weight now. I can’t move my body. He raises his arm to whack me another one. I make a fist and remember that last week, I went on a silver ring shopping spree.
I went to Ibay’s Silver Shop.

Phg! my right fist goes. Phg! my left fist goes. Again, take two of that. Phg! my right fist goes. Phg! my left fist goes. Drip, drip, his nose goes. Bog! his head goes. He is out cold. I shift his body. I crawl out from beneath him. He lies there, surprisingly, with his member still exposed. And I thought I heard him zipping up his fly. Well, fucker, you’re not going to do a sequel of your movie. Not while I’m the producer around here. Never. Never!

I take his weapon from him. No, not his member. His weapon.
His clapper.
ME (shouting) : Roll sound, roll cam, MARK!
Sound fx : snap of clapper clapped, man screaming in extreme pain.
MAN (falsetto voice) : Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
ME (smirking) : And that’s a wrap.
And, like I said, it’s a fade to black kind of moment.
So roll credits. //

jesus in the time of nazi?

[but wait, there's more! hehe. this is the last procrastination exercise of the day. sana.]


wait, slight na-disturbia lang ako ng mej sa photo na itey:




hm. so malamang si jesus ay ipapadala din ni hitler sa auschwitz sakaling nabuhay siya that time... holocaust indeed.

that's the thing with some social art chenes minsan. minsan di ko magets kung they are commenting on a social situation or they project that they are commenting on a social issue but deep down e they *support* it pala. or something like that. basta.

na-creepy-han lang ako sa photo. from a german kasi. ewan nga ang intentions. art stud friends, maybe you know more of these hehe. gut reaction lang naman ang sa akin, wag seryosohin... [hihi parang last week sa xmas party, nag-crack ng nazi joke si roland t about anne dg being so "auschwitz thin" sabi ko nga. pan right ako to reveal our co-teacher na germanic listening in. eep! heheh. hm. i wonder if they still get affected big time by things like that...]

just got this photo in my mail from writer friend marne kilates who runs poet's picturebook. check it out. it's a good read. kilalanin niyo naman ang ating mga lokal/pinoy-blooded na makata/poets. magagaling sila -- tayo!

here's the latest update:

Dear Readers & Friends,

It was 6∘in Benguet two days ago,

our compatriots in New York

are probably shoveling snow,

but Christmas is always warm for Filipinos

wherever they are.

The little online poetry & art

magazine, poet'sPicturebook,

as Filipino, global, and warm on the Literary Web,

greets you with

No. 23, A Special Christmas Issue,

featuring the poetry of

Luisa Igloria, Francis Macansantos, Kristian Cordero,

Victor Peñaranda & Marne Kilates

& the art of Gottfried Helnwein.

poet'sPicturebook No. 23,

Christmas Themes & Unseasonable Notions ,

(download the attached ad) is now online.

Visit, bookmark, or add us to your favorites,

& update your links at

http://marnescriptsmain.blogspot.com/.

(Forward this email-and-links to friends

who like to keep warm with good poetry & art.)

Marne L. Kilates

Editor

--

For a little poetry & art on the Web,

visit my sites: Contribute to poet'sPicturebook (poety&art ezine),

http://marnescriptsmain.blogspot.com/;

Sample my works at NameableDays Website,

http://nameabledays.jimdo.com/;

and read my blog at NameableDays Blog,

http://nameabledays.bogspot.com.

hurray for our lit

happiness to hear miguel "chuck" syjuco bag the man asia literary prize 2008!


Filipino author wins Asian book prize
Agence France-Presse
First Posted 11:32:00 11/14/2008

HONG KONG -- A novel by Filipino author Miguel Syjuco, which touches on 150 years of often turbulent Philippines history, has won a major Asian literary prize, organizers said.

Syjuco's "Ilustrado" was awarded the second annual Man Asian Literary Prize, which is open to novels from the region not yet published in English.

yay!

chuck was my ed in chief in the first of those website/magazine-lifestyle types back in the late '90s, pre-yehey ito ha. it was called localvibe.com and it was mostly composed of his college buds at the ateneo. masaya silang bunch while it lasted.

localvibe was where i had my very first regular column, every friday nga ata if i'm not mistaken. it was a film review column called "cut to cut" and i had to watch a new film every week tapos yun ang ire-review ko. that was a really fun gig.

too bad my old computer crashed in early 2000s. lahat ng localvibe articles ko andun. wala pa sa consciousness ko that time ang mag-back up sa external hard drive like i do now, so all files were lost. sayang. i wanted to compile that pa naman.

napunta lang naman ako sa localvibe kasi initsapuwera ako bigla sa kanilang rival site kung saan talaga ako writer, yung legmanila.com. restaurant reviewer naman ako doon. kakaiba ang kuwento nun. ang official story, conflict of interest daw kasi i began another gig sa isa pang site na iba naman ang thrust from them, called nativeswish.com, na co-editor ako (at cultural essays ito, hindi lifestyle). ang labo. conflict of interest daw, e writer ako sa kanila tapos editor ako sa kabila. e magkaiba naman ang thrust ng sites. labo. pero ang unofficial reason, mukhang it has something to do with this girl that i kinda liked na closetang jowawits pala ata ng isa sa kanila. hahaha! chaka! at yan ang official story na umikot sa kolehiyo ng arte at literatura ha! hahahaha!

man. hanef. heheh. :P

oh well. buhay freelancer.

happy ako sa news about chuck kasi i guess i could say na we both belong to the same generation of writers, and i'm happy that we are making a dent in the scene. nababagot na kasi ako sa mga old-timers minsan e heheh (o sa mga, ahem, may padrino lang na old-timers diyan). o, sino susunod? jologs4evr, asan na mga works niyo? heheh. ako rin pala. heheh. :P

long live lit!

weekend watch: shows na andun ako :)

shameless self-plugs muna. :)

this saturday's episode of LOVELY DAY ay ako ang nagdirek. nood kayo. masaya siya, dahil outer space sci-fi siya at maaksyon, dalawang bagay na gusto ko sa isang show/film hehe. saturday morning 10am po ito. gma7. gising!

here's the pr from the website:

LDFG vs. Dex, Space Ninja Destructo and Ultragirl

Airing on May 24, 2008
Saturday, 10 a.m.


RC Cars

This Saturday, Ate Love witnesses a big race of small proportions as she goes to the 11th Tamiya Asia Cup, a speed race devoted to remote-controlled toy cars! In the race, Ate Love discovers that these radio controlled cars aren’t just toys, but mini versions of real cars! Race enthusiasts use gasoline to make these cars work and they even have their own service center for repairs and tune-ups! Join Love as she meets the RC car collectors and learns more about this fun-filled and exciting sport.

RC Planes and Boats

Meanwhile, Jacob becomes a captain for a day when he goes to Cavite and takes command of remote-controlled boats and planes!

Jacob meets hobbyists who collect RC ships, airplanes and helicopters and learns how to operate and take good care of these miniature models. Prices of these RC toys could reach more than a hundred thousand pesos each, but hobbyists say that the big amount of money that they spend on these collections is worth the fun and excitement that they get when they maneuver them on water and air!

LDFG vs. Dex, Space Ninja Desctructo & Ultragirl

The enemies of the LD Force are growing in numbers! A new foe arises this week as child genius Dex is possessed by a dark force to wreak havoc in the universe!

Using his Mind Remote Control, Dex manipulates the minds of his intergalactic friends, Space Ninja Destructo and Ultragirl, to do bad deeds and inflict chaos to our world.

Will the LD Force be able to defeat Dex’s dark powers and release the two alien visitors from his mind control?

-----------------


may behind the scenes pix na kinunan ang friend ko pero saka ko na ilagay pag nabigyan niya ko ng kopya :).

it was a hoot directing this ep because we shot it sa museo pambata, sa favorite section ko doon na tuklas science chenes na may moonrock. bilang meron akong ellie arroway mode hehe (jodie foster sa contact) e dun ako nag-concentrate mag-shoot sa moonrock area. masaya naman. tapos pinatalon-talon ko si ninja doon sa hagdanan etc na magaling namang nakunan ni kuya billy da camguy namin. maaksyon din na pinagtulungan naming i-choreo na fight scenes ni ninja, dahil isa siyang fight instructor in real life (na pinaarte na rin nila para tipid hehe).

don't forget to check out my manila times column today: i talk about the myth of writer's block.

at saka last week nga pala, sa column ko, sinagot ko yung isang infamous column ni blogger sassy lawyer na nakairita lang naman sa local literati at sa mga may katinuang pinoy na nakakaintindi na dapat e hindi natin nililigwak ang tagalog books natin. hay. misguided siyang tunay... pagkatapos ng maraming sumagot sa kanya tulad nina ian casocot at iba pa, saka pati pala si adrian cristobal ba? forgot, basta na-mention ito ni rio alma na may sumagot na ring iba, e may rebuttal ulit si sassy chorva, na slight misguided pa rin e... oh well... i guess she just doesn't get it. some people just don't, really...

anyway, here's ian's original post na nakapukaw ng atensyon ko sa isyu, at isang update niya about what others are saying, and then another one pa on the misguided rejoinder article, plus his last post on the issue na nasingit ako hehe. my former CW classmate, novelist ichi batacan, also wrote a very very very nice rebuttal about it, focusing on the dumbing down of teaching! hallelujah relate ako ditich! [EDIT: may latest sagot si sassy chuchu kahapon dito. grabeh, sobra na ang highest level of misguidednessssssssss...]

ang saya saya! who said philippine literary writers are a bunch of boring zombies? hehe.

ay, today nga rin pala, lumabas na ang feature article ko about the markati palazzo launch (pix nasa pitik section) na may special focus sa radar pridewear, our favorite apparel store of late (aside from uberfinds, pero saka ko na ire-reveal sa inyo yun, aangkinin ko muna for now heheheh).

ay isa pa pala! manood kayo sa qtv11 naman ng ANG PINAKA this sunday 6pm yata. the show features the topic "fabulous mamas turned papas" ek on women who played lesbians in philippine cinema ek. so syempre, lesbian+cinema=libay hehe. ganun ata lately ang formula na nakikita ko sa mga media chorvas ko na yan hehe. ininterbyu rin ang prof friend and fellow lez roselle pineda at saka si nonoy lauzon na katrabaho ko sa UPFilm Institute.

happy weekend! whew! daming chorva!

back from the un-dead + publication news

isa lang ang masasabi ko: mahirap magkasakit.

kakagaling ko lang sa isang linggong pahinga ng utak at katawan. pareho silang nadale. i guess yan ang pa-hapinuyir sa akin ng kalawakan. kelangang mag-detox to pave way for new stuff na malalanghap whether voluntarily or involuntarily...

dami ko tuloy na-miss. anj, hope that videoke went well. bubbles kapatid, hope you had a nice painum sa pinyahan! highschool peeps, hope you had fun at hereford!

anyway, meron pa naman sa 26th. atak tayo mga byanakerz ha. dyke dialogues 3. hope to see you there. same spot G spot hehe. chos.


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madaming exciting publication news pero saka na lang yun.

hm, on second thought, sige na nga!

BUY THE BOOK! BUY THE BOOK! BUY THE BOOK!

did you know that that was the name of the bookstore owned by ellen degeneres' character sa original ELLEN sitcom? yes, the one where she came out. natutuwa ako kasi yun ang name ng store: buy the book. funny.


anyway, yeah, buy this:

it's called SAWI: FUNNY ESSAYS, STORIES AND POEMS ON ALL KINDS OF HEARTBREAK.

it's edited by 3 ateneo-connected people. sobrang ten thousand years ago na ito pero last 2007 lang lumabas. well, such is the life sa literary publishing dito sa pinas.

i contributed one short story here in english, isang produkto pa ng CW classes ko sa MA dati kay mam jing hidalgo.

oh yeah, milflores publishing nga pala ang naglabas nito. di ko akalain na sila ang maglalabas . hapi naman. i have yet to get my free copies, though, but i've seen the insides already.






okay ito pa:


now this one i like. it's flash fiction kasi e, or sudden fiction as we sometimes call it. in filipino, it's called dagli. actually, sa dami ng contributors, the editor, vince groyon, decided to come out with two volumes, one in english and filipino yung isa. english ang sinumite ko kaya dito ako na-belong, sa VERY SHORT STORIES FOR HARRIED READERS.

the story i have here is the product naman of the online writers' workshop namin dati nina cecilia manguerra brainard and a host of other fil-something writers na nakakalat sa buong mundo, like nadine sarreal in singapore, veronica montes in the US and others.

again, milflores ang naglabas nito. hapi!


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at the end of the year malamang, isa na namang antho ang lalabas, on relationships naman, from anvil this time. yep, naimbita na naman ang lola niyo. abangan niyo yun. creative nonfiction naman ang drama nun. itong dalawa sa taas e fiction yan.

pasakalye ng lalamanin ng anvil antho na yun e lalabas sa phil. daily inquirer near balentayms dey. basta announce ko na lang ulit pag malapit na :) feb10 daw e, special section siya on relationships chever. abangan!


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inaabangan ko rin yung isa pang chever publication, this time from india naman, sa ating mga kapatid sa tarshi at crea. excited ako dun kasi first time kong ma-publish sa india. yehey! sa asia kasi, sa malaysia at singapore pa lang ata ako na-publish kasi. hm. la lang. :) with photos nga pala ito kaya i'm doubly excited, parang yung publication dati sa australia.

ayuz.

buy the books! buy the books!


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ay oo nga pala tanga! how could i forget this one!


well, this is not exactly the book cover but i'm guessing the cover will look somewhat a bit like this. it's lunduyan ng sining's lesbian literary folio entitled WHAT THESE HANDS CAN DO. er, ladies, hindi ba dapat fingers? mwehehehehe chos.

i have one short story here na produkto rin ng online writers' workshop namin nina cecilia.happy ito kasi ito, may actual booklaunch chenes. head over to the lunduyan multiply site to know the details. basta kitakits tayo dito ha, feb8 ito. go go go mga byaning! happiness!


buy the book! attend the launch! buy the book! attend the launch!


hmm, the year of the rat is looking good for this bookworm, so far... ayuz. more to come sana. yebah.

buy the book!