Queerlightenment

I've been meaning to archive my Philippine Online Chronicles articles (under the Pinoy LGBT channel) in one of my blogs, and also adding up to what was naudlot in that space, for I think writing about LGBT issues is still needed from a certain perspective. With so many issues still coming up around me and within my spheres, perhaps it's time to pick up the rainbow pen again and allot a few days of the month for new material.

I'm thinking of this title for the new blog sana: QUEERLIGHTENMENT. Queer enlightenment, whether from the most babaw banal issues to the most deeply rooted, personal and philosophical. I'm thinking of remaking my Medium blog space for this, or maybe link it up with my Culture Popper as another sub-page/section, we'll see.  

There's just too much online noise lately, especially here in this country since last year, and frankly, sometimes I'm getting tired of it. If it were not for this monthly POC gig, I would have retired the rainbow pen muna, kasi nakakapagod. Sakto lang yata yung pasok ng 2016 sa paghinto nito, June kami nagsimula 2010 so a good 6 years in 2016 was a good turning point to stop. We weren't appraised of why this revolutionary section was ground to a halt, all of a sudden, but hey, nasanay na yata ako sa occasional marginalization kaya di ko masyadong dinibdib ito, kahit dinibdib ito ng editor ko. Siyempre, advocacy namin ito eh, sabi nga niya hindi kami yayaman sa pagsusulat dito given the payment (as a writer, yeah nasanay na rin yata ako sa publishing woes dito sa Pinas like this) pero adbokasya kasi namin ito. Pero may panahon talaga na ang ibang rainbow flag ay kailangan nang tiklupin, tapos iawawagaywag na lang ulit sa ibang pagkakataon at espasyo.

Kaya ito ang naisip kong espasyo: sa sarili ko nang bakuran, as usual. Tutal may following naman kahit papaano, puwede na ulit lumarga. Saka iba naman ang audience na kausap ko sa mga artikulo ko, at alam kong matagal na nila (NINYO!) akong hinahanap. Eto na, sige, magpaparamdam na lola niyo. K! K!

Sige, abangan na lang saan ito uusbong muli. In the meantime, frap time!

*

And with that, I also decided to fix the layout and header image of this blog. To reflect this newer enlightenment I've been having since this year.

You like this ^ image? I love this image. I took it las April 2017, when I was loitering around Wat Arun, I think, or is it Wat Pho? One of those Buddhist temples I visited with my sweetheart, when we went there in Bangkok last April -- a post-birthday celebration for me, her first out of the country trip (since naroon na for a work trip, sumunod ako), and our post-third year anniv trip na rin. So there. I loved that trip, and I'll write about these musings soon. Pramis.

Like the reboot? Looks good, so far. 

Sige later.

Buhay Bahaghari LGBT book launch Aug 27 at bts writer chika

At kinarir ko na namang muli ang pagsusulat ng press release para sa nalalapit na book launch ng aming ten thousand years before ma-publish na libro hehehe. Salamat sa superqueer efforts nina former deputy director ng UP Center for Women's Studies na si Prof. Eric Manalastas at POC Pinoy LGBT channel editor naming si Eva "Bubbles" Callueng, ipapanganak na rin ang librong last year pa namin hinulma, hininga, at ngayon iiire na! Ayan siya. 

Cute naman ng cover art hehe. Talagang rainbow kung rainbow. Some of the pertinent details of the launch are here:

Want to read 36 personal essays on what it’s like to be lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer in the Philippines today? Then get a copy of the book entitled BUHAY BAHAGHARI: THE FILIPINO LGBT CHRONICLES published by the UP Center for Women’s Studies. The anthology will be launched on Wednesday, August 27, 2014 at 1:30-3:30pm inside the UP Center for Women’s Studies premises (Magsaysay Ave. cor. Ylanan Road near the CSWCD/ MassComm/Music college buildings inside the Diliman, QC campus).

Lima pala ang kuwentong isinabak ko dito. Personal essays ang atak, sabi ni editor Bubbles. Dapat dito ko ilalabas 'yung isang bonggang-bonggang academic article kong icho-chopchop ko sana into bite-size friendlier forms pero sabi ng lola ko eh gumawa na lang ng bago dahil masyadong academic nosebleed 'yung lesbian indie film paper ko na 'yun hihi. So kebs na dun at kume-creative nonfiction na lang ang peg ng lola mo.

Yoiks may picture nga pala sa contribs page! 

Buti na lang cute 'yung napili sa akin. Charut! :P

Kaya as usual, I have to tap into the well of my persona during the time I wrote this. What else is new? Life provides the ink and I am merely the recorder. Here are some behind-the-scenes chika of those pieces:

"Showbiz people like us 1: we got our backs" is about my experience as a cultural journalist a.k.a. lifestyle and entertainment journalist featuring closeted people like us and how we kinda have to protect each other in the dog-eat-dog a.k.a. judgmental-hetero-eats-marginalized-queer world of showbizlandia.

"Showbiz people like us 2: gaydar me, gaydar you" is about how clueless peeps ask queers like me to "detect" suspected queers like me, a.k.a. kapag gusto lang mang-canfeermd! ng mga chismosa sa mga kloseta sa showbiz. Yes, this happens. True story.

"The tabloidization of the tomboy: (don’t) print us o lord" is actually the first piece I wrote solely for this anthology. This chronicles my experience when I showed up for an interview as an entertainment editor in a newspaper that turned out to be in tabloid format, so all media vs. queers baggage broke loose.

Siyempre mawawala ba ang mga love chronicles ng buhay? "To fight the unbeatable fight" is my muni-muni about having relationships with women who are closeted and how I negotiate my openly out self in there. "To reach the unreachable love" is the chronicling of my foray into lesbian LDRdom or long distance relationships before, during and after. 

Support for the book in the form of blurbs

 from varied queers and queer allies 

e.g. Boy Abunda, Dr. Margie Holmes, 

Aida Santos, Danton Remoto, Neil Garcia. 

Dumo-Don Quixote lang talaga ang peg? Ewan ko ba. Alam ko single na ako nung sinulat ko ang mga ito, lalo na itong dalawang love articles chenes. Sa tagal na nito, di ko na maalala exactly kung ano 'yung contribs ko at kung ano ang porma at ikot ng headspace ko nun hehe. Naaliw lang ako when I recalled what they were, so I reread them, and the ending of that unbeatable fight piece went something like this nga pala:

Ah, it’s a cycle, this closet of ours, of theirs. Is it somebody’s fault that we’re there, and is it somebody’s fault that it exists? Of course there is some fault somewhere. That’s why we fight an unbeatable fight sometimes. But still, we go on. Closet or no closet, we travel, until we find what what we’re looking for, or until we have to be found by someone looking for us.

She’s out there. Just walk.

Wow. Indeed. And now, here we are, months after I wrote that, I bumped into someone and someone bumped into me. I'm ever so grateful to the universe that I walked that day, that I decided to show up in that seemingly random business meeting, that I decided to get out of my hibernation and socialize with a new soul. That soul turned out to be the love of my life right now, my kindred of all kindred spirits, and all my obra I dedicate to her. Yes, pati na this book's contributions. Thank you, sweetheart.

Mantakin mo nga naman, how our life narratives turn out. Wala lang, natutuwa lang ako. I guess we still can't believe we found each other, na magkalapit lang pala ang orbits namin sa isa't isa, all this time, but we were not fated to meet until the moment we did. Happy. Happy lang talaga. :) Sorry sumingit talaga ang #inlabsiBayli peg ulit ahihihi. #akona

Heniweys hemingways, kitakits sa book launch. Bonggabels din naman ang line-up ng contributors dahil for the first time, reprezent! talaga ang L, G, B, at T ditech, pati na Q because of me. So there. Here's some more info on the book: 

Contributors come from different walks of life who also belong in different industries in society. Some of them are or have been active LGBT rights advocates. Their essays tackle topics like identities and struggles; tensions, anxieties, relations; challenges, changes and the community; and of course love and lessons that come with finding it, losing it, or keeping it. Some of the contributors include longtime queer advocates Fr. Richard Mickley, Chris Jo Salvatierra, Ging Cristobal and Bruce Amoroto; corporate professionals Fire Sia, Mel Abutin and Allan Carreon; development worker Miel Feria; former and current college professors Mikee Inton, Argel Tuason and  Lorna Israel; National Youth Commission’s Percival Cendana and Ernest Lucas; and Carlos Palanca awardees Shakira Sison, Libay Linsangan Cantor and Jhoanna Lynn B. Cruz, to name a few. The essays are written in Filipino and English.

Read the rest of my press release here sa pop media blog kesh. Sayang ang dami yatang di nakahabol sa deadline. Happy sana ito kung ang ibang kabatak ay nakapaglaan ng obra. Maybe a sequel should happen na lang. 

Hehe at sorry kung mayabang pero paminsan-minsan kailangan din nating ipagmayabang na may mga award-winning among the rainbow community, na hindi porke't queer tayo ay kalunos-lunos tayo at hindi fabulous. Excuse me! Hahaha. And the Palanca is always a good marker of an award for us queer writers. Congrats nga rin pala is in order for another win for one of us. Hm not sure if na-announce na niya ang pagkapanalo niya this year ulit pero CONGRATS MAMU! 'Yun muna hehe. You know who you are. Always proud of you. :)

Eclectic lot! Life is like a rainbow indeed -- you never know which hue will rule you at times. So best to be prepared. 

Congrats sa editing efforts ni Bubbles beks at nairaos din ito. Happy! :) Buy the book! Support Philippine literature and the Pinoy LGBTQ community.

Kitakits! :)

Second day hey hey-ing

I'm hey-hey-ing right now because of my current status. It's the second day of my monthly curse and goddess knows how my system is screwed up when this happens. Good thing I didn't wake up with dysmenorrhea like yesterday, when I didn't do much except lay down in bed or in the couch watching TV. I hate that. I hate this.

Anyway, today is relatively better and I'm glad. Going back to work I wasn't able to touch since yesterday. I feel iffy when I do that sometimes, like when I know I have to do something yet something prevents me from doing that, especially things that are beyond my control. So I try to just chill and be, even with looming deadlines. When the body wants to rest, let it. So there.

Anyway I also thought of getting back into the groove today by populating my online thought bins again. So here I am. Just wanted to reflect on a few things and share them here.

Coming from a great Friday us-only-date with the girlfie which leads to our beloved coffee-con-chickahan ritual the morning after, it's so great to be rejuvenated this way with your love. As she has her own life to run in her own world-home, so do I. So we make it a point right now to be together, just us, every Friday, and just be us. Until we could be together more, this works for now. And we're happy with what works, because we're really both happy that we work. That us works. That's what I mean.

Yeah, us works. Who woulda thought, eh? We never did. But that's for another post.

Coffee con chikahan looks like this:. 

Peaceful, meaningful, and caring. 

Couldn't ask for more. 

Such simplicity rocks. 

[July 2014 at my sanctuary]

In the meantime, sharing with you one of our "beyond mushy" exchanges. Since we became a couple, we've observed that we could really be cheesy at times. But as I observed, ours is a sophisticated kind of cheese, the one I always joke about on Twitter whenever I say that we are "camembert-ing" hehe. People have often described me as sophisticated, and her as well. So I guess the combination of two "sophistications" could produce such...leveled up category of cheesiness? I don't know. O baka inaaliw ko lang sarili ko ng sobra. Sabagay, siya rin.

Last summer, over our usual intellectually stimulating mealtime convos, we talked about how we view being proprietary in a relationship. And I was amazed by the agency she put in the relationship, like who has real agency, or how proprietary relations are handled and such. And I said that that would make for a good article in the future, so I jotted it down. And yeah, in my Relationship 2.0 series for POC, I did just that: made it into an article. You can read that here. And also see that here, as I shared it on IG as well. During her second day, it was her turn to hey-hey it, and it so happened that she read my article and felt like reaching out.

So yeah, that's how we roll, I suppose. I guess this is what happens when like-minded individuals finally fuse. Not collide this time, but fuse. And not morph into one as well, but still, fuse together, two-in-one. That sort of thing. We're peas in a pod, as we often conclude. And we're liking it, very much.

So good morning. A toast to simple joys, to waking up, and to being free.
       

Full gallop it iz

Of course I'm so busy in life, that's why I'm here again! Lolz. If you've been following this, this is my ritual: "procrastinating" by blogging my muni-muni mode stuff when I have I-can-do-that-in-my-sleep type of work. Like LOTS! Like I'm so excited I signed up for a lot of things but a lot of things are also happening so fast that hey, sometimes we only have moments to breathe before the next episode. 

Pause for a break. Or stop... in the name of love? Charut! 

[May 2014 in transit somewhere in Manila]

But hey, I ain't complainin' ya hear? So grateful that I have such a cornucopia of stuff on my plate right now, in many aspects to boot. Work-wise, I've already concluded some, currently concluding a few, continuing some pa rin, starting on some new ones soon, and also trying to take huge ones in, like HUGE pare! Hahaha payaman factor ang lola mo these days which I don't know why hehe. But it's just good to be comfortable like that, in life's work stuff, and to not have insecurities and to not deal with others' shortcomings and destructive tendencies are such a relief for me. Iba na rin 'yung nakakapili ka na ng trabaho at/o pinipili kang katrabaho at ikaw ay kampante sa kalalabasan dahil inaalagaan kang tunay at sapat. So there.

What is the path of least resistance? 

Just flow, beks. Just flow. [April 2014 Baler Fish Port]

As for the home front, I'm also happy and glad that things fall into place. I know this one deserves its own blog to begin with, but let me just say that it's such a surprise from the universe to have stumbled upon someone who is soooooooooo your match. I've long forgotten how it's like to be cared for and nurtured by a person who really embodies the term "partner" and who's also proud to carry the title "girlfriend" that I often find myself pausing and thinking if things are for real. If you know where I came from last year -- mula sa isang pirated na napeke ka sa samahan at isang pekeng siraulong lalo pang dadalawin ng karma-malas sa habangbuhay -- I was so ready to fully sign up and embrace the Brian Kinney-esque mode of my life for good, for all eternity teh! Ganun ang drama ng lola mo. Malay ko bang may mga nilalang pa palang maaasahang magmahal nang maayos at maaliwalas. Suwerte suwerte lang talaga. And... that's all I have to say about that. For now.

#akona! Heart heart.

Tuwa lang din ako sa aspetong personal, tulad ng adbokasiya. Buhay pa naman ang bahay sa larangang iyan kaya gorabels lang to the best of my abilities lagi ang peg. Tulad kagabi, niyakag ako ni byuti Bemz from Ladlad to guest as the L rep sa The Bottomline ni Boy Abunda. So taping galore kami kagabi at abangan na lang ang mga sinabi ng aking, erhm, matatabil na ummm basta, pasaway mode hahaha. Lekat. Heniweyz next Sabado daw eere. Abangan niyo na lang.

Nanibago ako sa on-cam mode -- at sa pag-identify bilang L! 

Lolz tago muna ang genderqueerness beks. 

Haven't done this in a long while, tapos ganito pa ka-huge ang sabak hehe. 

Heniweyz abangan sa huling Sabado ng June Pride Month sa ANC. 

Di ko knows timeslot so google na lang. 

[June 2014 photos swiped from Ladlad's Adel and Chris' FB tags/pages].

 At bilang last salvo ni Psych Prof. Erik beki sa UP Center for Women's Studies, 

may-I-attend kami nina Bubbles ng workshop chuvaness to enlighten  

engender their staff and such chenelyns. Kamusta sa pikit factor bakla.

Ayan mas matino ito. Hate my hair noon hm. Cut na 'yan. 

[May 2014 UP CWS]

Lumipas na pala ang birthday month ko at lumipas din ang Mayo at ang tag-araw nang walang kaabog-abog. Sabi nga ng isang gabay ko, i-celebrate ko daw ang last days of being 40 bilang feeling deprived ako sa masayang selebrasyon ng aking pagsalubong dito dahil sa kaganapan sa buhay ko last year na nakaistorbo ng major marker na ito. Kaya tama, 'yun nga ang ginawa ko. At malay ko bang may malaki palang sorpresang regalo sa akin ang kalawakan sa pamamagitan ng isang nilalang na buong summer kong kinilala ng husto sabay ng pagkilala kong muli sa sarili ko sa larangang ito ng samahan. Masaya siya, sobra. Pumunta kami sa kanila kung saan siya talaga nagmula, at natutuwa rin akong sa ngayon ay kapitbahay ko siya. 'Sensya na at talagang pinaninindigan ko ang hashtag invention ng mga kabatak kong #inlabsibayli hahaha. Ako na! #alamna. 

 Maganda ang araw kapag maganda ang iyong kasama. 

Maaliwalas ang panahon kapag maaliwalas ang inyong pagsasama.

Siya nawa. [April 2014 Baler fish port]

 

 Ang may kasalanan ng aking makasalanang bilbil ngayon. 

Siya nawa. [April 2014 Sabang Beach Baler]

 Kung ganito ba naman ang coffice mo araw-araw, 

talagang gaganahan kang magtipa for life. 

With bonus pako salad! [April 2014 Costa Pacifica Baler]

I'm also so glad that I'm rediscovering friends' capacities as well, in terms of our professional and personal dealings. Also glad to stumble upon new workmates. Yes, I'm in such a good place now that I keep thanking the universe for clearing the skies there for me when I thought I'd have to deal with rainclouds for a long time. Yes, it's good. It's all good.

Vast is the sky, beks. Ako na vast. Basta! [April 2014 Baler]

I hope you all are, too. More stories to come. In the meantime, hop on over to our refurbished POC Pinoy LGBT channel for more kuwentos. My Relationship 2.0 series is well on its way and I have three articles up, narrating the love I finally deserve plus the queer societal reboot that we seem to be having. Plus we're starting a new subsection called LGBT Erotica and I'm starting a column under that called "Kalibugan ng Kuwan" hihihi. Read my first article "Paano nga ba makipag-sex sa kapwa babae?" here.

Or maki-miron na lang sa @leaflens Twitter ko for more daily musings and kulitan. Visual version also available at my @leaflens Instagram account which I am also populating daily. Yes, I have to survive and I like making marks, so those are those.

Okay break time's over. Have a good one, folks. Over and out -- and proud!  

Life is short. Dive! [April 2014 Ermita Hill Baler]

My POC January 2014 line-up: bagong taon kaya magbagong buhay ka na teh!

Since our main site Phil. Online Chronicles has been having some tech trouble with FB, we can't post individual links there. Thought I'd wait for the whole January batch of my articles and then post it here so you could click on them individually.

For this month, I decided to open the year with the usual "bagong taon ay magbagong buhay" peg we always hear kids singing as carols on the street during the yuletide season. But as applied to life, sometimes it's not really a new life we have to have. Sometimes, we just need to have a new outlook (more positive this time), try a new way of treating people (humanely this time), or try looking at yourself more (i.e. love yourself muna) and see what you could focus on instead of focusing on stuff that may be harmful to your being.

Here's a rundown:
 
"Bagong taon, bagong pag-asa (ng pag-ibig)" - Para ito sa mga nilalang na nalulumbay dahil di masaya ang nakaraang taon nila sa lovelife, at para na rin sa mga hopeful pa na sasaya rin ito sa taong ito. Manalig lang lagi, mga teh.

"Bagong taon, bagong ugali: player o serial dater?" - Ito naman ang ating wish list para sa mga serial dater at sa mga ugaling player. Marami palang ganitong babae sa lesbian community. Akala niyo lang mga lalaki lang ang nagiging macho sa pagiging playgirl? Puwes, nagkakamali ka! Sana makarma na rin ang mga ganitong babaeng nananakit lang ng kapwa nila babae. Hashtag hugot mode.
 


"Bagong taon, bagong plano: career o karir?"
- Ano ba ang plano mo sa taong ito? Baka imbes na mangarir ng lablayp, career muna ang atupagin para masaya ang kabuhayan package.

"Date tales: si Ms. Chinese at si Ms. Hindi Discreet" - Trying to begin this date tales series for February with a January tawid dahil Chinese New Year so ikuwento natin ang unang beses na nakipag-date ako sa isang Chinese-Pinay na klosetang biyaning. Challenging at enlightening siya teh. 

So 'yan na muna ang chika. Comment comment na lang 'pag may time. Buhay na buhay kami sa Twitter so sa lekat na FB lang may kyeme. 



See you next month. at GONG XI FA CAI everyone! The year of the wooden horse will be kind to us all. Manalig sa karma. Siya nawa.

Happy Chinese New Year from me and da sanggols I picked up in China like eons ago, each representing a facet of my personality hihihi. At hello na rin from the Chinese Panda rin daw. Arriba na ang Ox sa taon ng Kabayo!