spreading sass' scribbles

i wrote about the aforementioned discriminatory incident in my Manila Times column today:

THE SCRIBE VIBE
By Libay Linsangan Cantor

Writing about hatred to write off bigotry

In a hetero-centric patriarchal society, machismo and gender-based discrimination seem to be part of an unwritten logic that everyone in society subconsciously adheres to. No matter how much advocates write about how people should not be violent towards women or how heterosexuals should respect homosexuals as human beings, bigotry and prejudice sadly remain in our society. What’s an oppressed individual to do? Writing always helps—writing about the discriminatory act, writing to let others know and feel the injustice, and writing to say that victims and survivors of such insensitivity aren’t putting up with it anymore.

This is what one marginalized individual did last weekend. In my email box, I found an open letter by Sass Sasot, a founding member of the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP).


complete article is at http://www.manilatimes.net/national/2008/may/30/yehey/life/20080530lif5.html

NO! hindi tayo papagay dito!

the letter, with the latest updates. fight on, sass!

this is a long read, pero kung pilipino kang dinedma sa sarili mong bansa at inuna ang foreigners, punyeta basahin mo ito!

actually, madalas mangyari sa amin itong racism na ito. back when my conconista friends and i were roaming metro manila, di rin kami pinapasok sa isang ayala area bar (giraffe) dahil sa "inappropriately dressed" daw kami, meaning naka-sandals at shirt lang yung iba sa amin. okay, point taken. pero nung dumating ang mga caucasian na naka-sando at shorts lang, punyeta pinapasok! tangina ilang beses nangyari yan, mangyaring tambay kami lagi sa giraffe nun.

tapos isa pa. sa hard rock cafe naman. punyeta mapuputol na kamay namin kaka-wave sa waiter na di kami pinapansin para mag-order ulit. pero nung dumating ang isang bunch ng mga caucasian teenagers, putangina lima-limang waiter ang dagliang tumakbo sa kanila! poootangina talaga. nang-away na nun kami, bilang asar na kami sa ganung tratuhan tangina. KANINO BANG BANSA ITO??? puta.

ito namang kay sass, iba rin. parang yung nangyari kay inday garutay sa aruba bar. pinalabas siya kasi di daw siya appropriately dressed. kasi bilang lalaki siya na naka-dress, bawal daw siya dun. bakit, may gender bias na ba ang pera ngayon? the pink peso is as good -- if not better -- than anybody's peso in this country. how sad that hindi nare-realize iyan ng mga kapitalista sa bansang ito. mga tanga. mga lgbts nga ang malakas ang brand loyalty e. tanga talaga...

anyway, read on.

-----

PEOPLE LIKE US

An Open Letter of a Transgender Woman in the Philippines

[25 May 2008 / Sunday / 6.04 AM to 6.45 AM]

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

- Eleanor Roosevelt

My friends and I have been made to feel inferior approximately five hours before I wrote this letter. I'd like to sweep this incident under the proverbial rug but there is no more space to accommodate it.

On the 24th of May 2008, my friends and I were celebrating the anniversary of our organization the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP), the first transsexual women's support group and transgender rights advocacy organization in the Philippines. We settled to celebrate it in Ice Vodka Bar, located in Greenbelt 3, 3rd level Ayala Center, Makati City, Metro Manila. It was my first time in that bar. Two in our group have been there before and they had nothing bad to say about it.

There were five of us. I was leading the way. The bouncer stopped us. I asked why. His reason was we were dressed "inappropriately". We were rather dressed decently, tastefully, and most importantly just like any other human being who lives her life as female 24 hours a day.

I asked for the manager. The bouncer was nice enough to let me in. The manager,Ms Belle Castro, accommodated me. I don't know if I spelled her name right. I asked for a business card but she had none available. Her telling feature though was her braced teeth.

I complained. Ms Castro listened to me. I found her sympathetic, even respectful as she addressed me all throughout as ma'am. She told me the following:

1. (Referring to my friends, and obviously to me) That "people like them" aren't allowed in our bar every Fridays & Saturdays;

2. That that was an agreement between all the bars in Greenbelt (she

particularly mentioned their bar, Absinthe, and Café Havana) and Ayala

Corporation, the company which owns the Greenbelt Complex;

3. That the reason for this policy is: "Marami kasing foreigner na nag-kocomplain at napepeke daw sila sa mga katulad nila." Loosely translated in English: "There are lots of foreigners complaining because they mistake people like them as real women"; and

4. That they have a "choice" to implement the policy.

I felt terribly hurt and uncontrollably agitated. This transphobic act is not the first time that it happened to me, to my friends, to people like us. To say that this has become almost a routine is an understatement.

I have shouted at Ms Castro several times, asking her why I'm f***ing experiencing racism in my own country and what gave f***ing foreigners the right to demand to block people like us to enter bars in our very own country.

Ms Castro tried to hush me by pulling the "It's our choice card" and asked me to talk decently. I am not proud at all of using the F-word as my intensifier and of letting my emotions ran raw and wild. My warm apologies to Ms Castro for losing my cool. Just like any of us, I know, she was just doing her job.

This may not be the proper forum to raise this concern. But is there any reliable legal forum to address this issue? Reality check: there is no antidiscrimination law in this country. And if you're discriminated, there seems to be a notion that you're supposed to blame yourself for bringing such an unfortunate event to yourself.

So, I'd just stand up through this open letter.

I am standing for myself. I am standing for people like us. I am standing up because I, am, very, tired of this incivility. We have long endured this kind of treatment for far too long. Enough.

I'll not go as far as campaigning for a boycott as it is definitely the simple workers that would suffer from any loss in revenue such an act may cause.

People like us would like to be treated just like any other human being. Just like those foreigners who complained about our existence: With dignity.

You know the civilized and ethical thing to do: Stop discrimination in your

establishments.

Bigotry is never ethical nor a sound business strategy.

Warmly

Ms Sass Rogando Sasot

Sass is one of the founding members of the Society of Transsexual Women of the

Philippines (STRAP) [www.tsphilippines.com], an Associate Member of Transgender ASIA Research Centre, and a member of Ang Ladlad Party.

To have a dialogue with her regarding this incident, you may reach her at srsasot@... or through her mobile at +639276257010.

------


UPDATE:

Ice Vodka Bar apologized to us and is supporting our complaint to the administrators
of Greenbelt Complex

. Attached is the timeline of events.

Ice Vodka Bar is a breath of fresh air. I hope that the civility exercised by Ms Belle Castro
would set as a precedent to all bar managers in the Philippines.

The courageous women of the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP) is standing up and we hope that you support us in confronting this irritatingly recurrent issue once and for all.

We are setting up a meeting with the security administrators of Greenbelt Complex to discuss
their "policy". We are excited about the developments of this case.

We will keep you posted. This is just the beginning.

Thank you.

Warmly
Sass Rogando Sasot

Timeline of Events: The Ice Vodka Bar Incident

25 May 2008 [Sunday] – Between 6:00 am to 12:noon

1. Sass wrote an open letter: People like us: An Open Letter of a Transgender Woman Activist in the Philippines

2. Sass emailed the open letter to her local and international contacts.

25 May 2008 [Sunday] Around 6:30 PM

1. Sass went back to Ice Vodka Bar to give the open letter to Ms Belle Castro.

2. Ms Castro signed-received the letter.

3. Ms Castro apologized to Sass and promised that the incident will never happen again to anyone. Ms Castro admitted that what she did is indeed discriminatory and wrong. Sass accepted the apology. She invited Sass and her friends to dinner in Ice Vodka Bar.

4. Ms Castro advised Sass to speak with the security administrators of Greenbelt regarding the "policy". She promised to show her support to Sass.

25 May 2008 [Sunday] Between 7:00 pm – 9:00 pm

1. Sass went to the security department office located at the parking lot of Greenbelt 3.

2. She was received by Mr Leo Sarian, Acting Detachment Commander.

3. Sass narrated the story and gave the letter to Mr Sarian. Sass also filled up a complaint form. The open letter was attached to the complaint form.

4. Mr Sarian looked for the "policy" which they have. He told Sass that the policy is about profiling prostitutes circling around Greenbelt. They do surveillance for a week and confront them when they have established that they are indeed prostitutes. Mr Sarian emphasized that they don't have any directive to ban any group of people in Greebelt.

5. Sass informed him that Ms Castro, manager of Ice Vodka Bar, has told her of the policy of the security administrators.

6. Sass told them this incident didn't just happen to her, that it happened to her other friends as well and to other people. They are not just complaining. She informed them that Havana is actually notorious about banning people like her in their bar. And that the often cited reason is the policy cited by Ms Catro.

7. Engr. Fritz Tiglau and Engr Patric Andaya came, the administrators (?) of Greenbelt, came. Sass narrated the story to him.

8. Sass told them that banning people like her just because there were those who were using Greenbelt as their prostitution hub is like banning ALL Filipinos in a particular country just because there are few Filipinos who were prostituting themselves.

8. Sass requested these three things:

1. Clarification of the "policy" and its repeal if it's discriminatory.
2. A meeting with the people concerned: the bars in Greenbelt and the security administrators of Greenbelt.
3. A public apology be made.

9. Engr. Tiglau signed-received the open letter and promised that the complaint will be given high priority, that it will be forwarded to higher authorities, and that they will inform Sass about it immediately on Monday.

25 May 2008 [Sunday] Around 9.30 PM

1. Sass met with Nadine and Dee. They had dinner with Ms Belle Castro in Ice Vodka Bar.

2. Ms Castro apologized to Nadine and Dee. They accepted Ms Castro's apology.

3. Sass asked Ms Castro to formalize her apology by writing a letter. Ms Castro complied.

25 May 2008 [Sunday] 10.57 PM

1. Sass received Ms Belle Castro's apology through her email.

Prepared by:

Sass Rogando Sasot

26 May 2008

--------


AND THE VERY LATEST UPDATE:

Dear flowers of the world

I am very happy that Ayala Property Management Corporation is acting expediently on my complaint. The development of this case is just very promising and exciting.

1. On Monday Mr Dennis Galimba, Operations Engineer of Ayala Property Management Corporation and head of the customer service department of all Ayala Malls, called me to inform me that he will be the main contact person for this case. And that they are giving high priority to this case.

He hasn't mentioned any "ordinance". But he mentioned that prostitution activities (of whichever gender) is really not allowed in their malls. I told him that I understand it as prostitution is really against the law; we can't do anything about it but obey the law. I am not even defending prostitution.

He outlined to me their policy regarding monitoring prostitutes in their malls.

a. They "discretely" monitor "suspected" prostitutes
b. After they have established that there's indeed "transactions" going on between their suspects and customers they invite them to their security office.

2. I told Mr Galimba that that is their written policy. But according to Ms Belle Castro, Manager of Ice Vodka Bar, the security administrators of Greenbelt complex advised them to refuse entry to people like me because there are foreigners complaining about our presence. And they refuse us entry on account of "dressing inappropriately".

I told Mr Galimba that Ms Belle Castro has promised to support my complaint.

3. Mr Galimba said that if it's that thing that is happening, that is really discriminatory. I also raised the issue of Cafe Havana. Mr Galimba is oblivious of what's really happening.

4. I also told Mr Galimba that I'm not the only one who experienced this in Greenbelt, that there are lots of us and that they are just being silent about it because they are Ayala Corporation. And that they take action on this issue as soon as possible.

5. I suggested that we are willing to participate to them in making Greenbelt complex discriminatory free as well as help in preserving the decency of the place. Mr Galimba is excited about it.

6. I stressed again that Greenbelt Complex should declare publicly that they are discriminatory free.

7. After our talk, Glen Danugrao, Security Supervisor assigned at Greenbelt Mall, texted me and informed me that there will be a meeting on Thursday (May 29) with Ice vodka Bar, other bars in Greenbelt, and the security administrators regarding the incident. I will attend this meeting. They will also furnish me a copy of the minutes of the meeting.

That's all for now.

Warmly,
-------------------------------------------------------
Sass Rogando Sasot
M - +63 927 6257010
E - srsasot@gmail.com
B - nonethelesfiction.blogspot.com

flashbacking to no end

since i can't sleep, again, weh... cine chichirya muna. haven't done that in a long time so i'll do it here...

by the way, my blogger and multiply account cross-post automatically, except sometimes kapag sa multiply ko sinimulan tapos sa ibang section other than the blog...ah whatevah. basta basahin niyo na lang hehe.


INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL
d. steven spielberg
c. harrison ford, cate blanchett, shia labeouf

you know there's something wrong with a film sequel/franchise when the title doesn't sound credible. such is the case with this fourth indiana jones offering. kingdom of the crystal skull. nyeta hirap bigkasin. kumpara sa RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK or THE TEMPLE OF DOOM or THE LAST CRUSADE. di ba?

of course i have to make a commentary about this once since i grew up liking the first three, making steven spielberg a kinda-semi-hero of my youth (since ET) and of course the producer, george lucas, i once hoped to become my future boss at his industrial light and magic (ILM) ranch (since i saw light--ilaw, pare!--used as swords in Star Wars -- prosthetics and special visual effects, here i come. i wish). then of course there was the third installment which starred another favorite of my youth, river phoenix (since STAND BY ME), as the young indiana jones and the dashing sean connery as indy's dad. in this fourth installment, deds na si tatay. at lo and behold, may anak si indy. na isang batang nasobrahan sa kakapanood ng marlon brando and james dean films. ngyar.

hmm, kulang pa sa cool image channeling, shia...

if only for the great cate blanchett, hindi siguro ako magtitiyagang tapusin ito. pero hindi rin. i'm always curious to find out what happens next kahit pangit ang film. perfect sa casting si cate as the eastern european militar obsessed with the paranormal chenes. kaya lang ayoko yung ending ng character niya. so if a person finds the answers she is looking for, questions you throw at the universe, at di niya makayanan ang knowledge imparted, sasabog na lang siya at mag-sa-scatter na lang ang atoms niya sa atmosphere? ang chaka. parang sinasabi ng film na do not search for more knowledge because it will lead to your death. ang nega, ati. di ko keri. hmp.

tapos si indy naman, hm... tanders na ati. minsan, mas nararapat ang magretiro na lang, hane? ako ang kinakabahan whenever he jumps from box to box to car to car etc. hay... nawala na ang charm niya. hm. it doesn't work here, man. not that i'm being ageist, kaya lang siguro this film suffers more from bad storylines na hindi nabigyan ng justice ang akting ni lolo harrison. nagmukha lang siyang old man na patingin-tingin sa anak niyang patalun-talon ek. hay... ewan. basta. discomforting siya. lalo na kung napanood mo yung unang tatlo sa laki ng sinehan, tulad ng napanood ko itong fourth sa laki ng sinehan din. hindi akma somewhere somewhat. wah.

and the story, yeah, hindi ako happy. masyadong naging star wars-ish ito than indiana jones-ish. space ship? aliens with crystal skulls? roswell, new mexico? naman. archaeology should have been the main thrust, pero may paranormal chenes na naganap. ang labo. parang lumihis siya sa true nature ng pelikula dati. with archaeology, indy and the characters will actively search and pursue, while with this spaceship ek, ngyar, nakatingala at nakatingin lang sila sa nagaganap (na sfx). nakakairita! it didn't do justice to the series. i want my money back! sino ba nagsulat nito, writers ng THE X FILES???? kairita.

horror din to notice the first sequence error on lighting. grabe lang ha. opening scene mo, high sun umaandar lahat ng military vehicles, tapos pagdating nila sa camp, nung nag-park at nilabas nila si indy sa trunk ng car, ay ateng ang obvious ng throw ng artificial light from the left of the screen! halatang dumidilim na ang paligid. eh? eh kakagaling lang sa high sun scene a! tapos pagpasok nila sa warehouse, ateng, parang gabi na. tapos paglabas, hm... nag-aagaw ang dilim at liwanag. ano ba talaga ng reel time ng eksenang itoh! labo. chaka lang sa continuity ha. di ito lusot!

hm, pero na-enjoy ko ang fencing scene in moving jeeps ni shia at cate. if only for that, panalo ang digital matte compositing ng gubat-gubat chenes. pero di ito kumeri sa ending, lalo na't parang they took a page out of THE MUMMY sa pagka-grandiose ng sfx -- na di naman bumagay. overindulgence ito. lucas sometimes has this sickness. take the case of episode 1 kaya. harhar jarjar binks. blech.

hay. kainis. o siya. yan na lang. pag gumawa sila ng another sequel na si shia na ang indy (bilang haller opening to another obvious sequel, pinangalan siyang "indy the third!"), i could definitely pass that one up. happy na ako sa memories ng INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE. i think i'll stick with that -- with some flash forwards of cate blanchett speaking in that eastern ukraine accent.

weekend watch: shows na andun ako :)

shameless self-plugs muna. :)

this saturday's episode of LOVELY DAY ay ako ang nagdirek. nood kayo. masaya siya, dahil outer space sci-fi siya at maaksyon, dalawang bagay na gusto ko sa isang show/film hehe. saturday morning 10am po ito. gma7. gising!

here's the pr from the website:

LDFG vs. Dex, Space Ninja Destructo and Ultragirl

Airing on May 24, 2008
Saturday, 10 a.m.


RC Cars

This Saturday, Ate Love witnesses a big race of small proportions as she goes to the 11th Tamiya Asia Cup, a speed race devoted to remote-controlled toy cars! In the race, Ate Love discovers that these radio controlled cars aren’t just toys, but mini versions of real cars! Race enthusiasts use gasoline to make these cars work and they even have their own service center for repairs and tune-ups! Join Love as she meets the RC car collectors and learns more about this fun-filled and exciting sport.

RC Planes and Boats

Meanwhile, Jacob becomes a captain for a day when he goes to Cavite and takes command of remote-controlled boats and planes!

Jacob meets hobbyists who collect RC ships, airplanes and helicopters and learns how to operate and take good care of these miniature models. Prices of these RC toys could reach more than a hundred thousand pesos each, but hobbyists say that the big amount of money that they spend on these collections is worth the fun and excitement that they get when they maneuver them on water and air!

LDFG vs. Dex, Space Ninja Desctructo & Ultragirl

The enemies of the LD Force are growing in numbers! A new foe arises this week as child genius Dex is possessed by a dark force to wreak havoc in the universe!

Using his Mind Remote Control, Dex manipulates the minds of his intergalactic friends, Space Ninja Destructo and Ultragirl, to do bad deeds and inflict chaos to our world.

Will the LD Force be able to defeat Dex’s dark powers and release the two alien visitors from his mind control?

-----------------


may behind the scenes pix na kinunan ang friend ko pero saka ko na ilagay pag nabigyan niya ko ng kopya :).

it was a hoot directing this ep because we shot it sa museo pambata, sa favorite section ko doon na tuklas science chenes na may moonrock. bilang meron akong ellie arroway mode hehe (jodie foster sa contact) e dun ako nag-concentrate mag-shoot sa moonrock area. masaya naman. tapos pinatalon-talon ko si ninja doon sa hagdanan etc na magaling namang nakunan ni kuya billy da camguy namin. maaksyon din na pinagtulungan naming i-choreo na fight scenes ni ninja, dahil isa siyang fight instructor in real life (na pinaarte na rin nila para tipid hehe).

don't forget to check out my manila times column today: i talk about the myth of writer's block.

at saka last week nga pala, sa column ko, sinagot ko yung isang infamous column ni blogger sassy lawyer na nakairita lang naman sa local literati at sa mga may katinuang pinoy na nakakaintindi na dapat e hindi natin nililigwak ang tagalog books natin. hay. misguided siyang tunay... pagkatapos ng maraming sumagot sa kanya tulad nina ian casocot at iba pa, saka pati pala si adrian cristobal ba? forgot, basta na-mention ito ni rio alma na may sumagot na ring iba, e may rebuttal ulit si sassy chorva, na slight misguided pa rin e... oh well... i guess she just doesn't get it. some people just don't, really...

anyway, here's ian's original post na nakapukaw ng atensyon ko sa isyu, at isang update niya about what others are saying, and then another one pa on the misguided rejoinder article, plus his last post on the issue na nasingit ako hehe. my former CW classmate, novelist ichi batacan, also wrote a very very very nice rebuttal about it, focusing on the dumbing down of teaching! hallelujah relate ako ditich! [EDIT: may latest sagot si sassy chuchu kahapon dito. grabeh, sobra na ang highest level of misguidednessssssssss...]

ang saya saya! who said philippine literary writers are a bunch of boring zombies? hehe.

ay, today nga rin pala, lumabas na ang feature article ko about the markati palazzo launch (pix nasa pitik section) na may special focus sa radar pridewear, our favorite apparel store of late (aside from uberfinds, pero saka ko na ire-reveal sa inyo yun, aangkinin ko muna for now heheheh).

ay isa pa pala! manood kayo sa qtv11 naman ng ANG PINAKA this sunday 6pm yata. the show features the topic "fabulous mamas turned papas" ek on women who played lesbians in philippine cinema ek. so syempre, lesbian+cinema=libay hehe. ganun ata lately ang formula na nakikita ko sa mga media chorvas ko na yan hehe. ininterbyu rin ang prof friend and fellow lez roselle pineda at saka si nonoy lauzon na katrabaho ko sa UPFilm Institute.

happy weekend! whew! daming chorva!

today

just a little before i sleep.

i had a nice day today, despite of the rain. buti na lang at nasa loob ako ng somewhere kapag umuulan at di talaga naaabutan.

feel ko lang mag-recap, bakit ba. di wag ka magbasa. chos.

*

i always have a hard time looking for these darned photo studios kung saan lokasyon ng shoot for mega. punyetang sarah black studio yun dati, naligaw ako. tapos yung kay ronnie salvacion! aaarrrgh ang layo sa sibilisasyon! at iba pa! ewan ko kung bakit ganito. hay.

pero dahil sa fan ako ng research and self-reliance, nakita ko kung paano pumunta doon at natagpuan ko naman, after another ikot of the taxi at pasong tamo...

the interview went well. this time, it was ruffa gutierrez as one of the ten most beautiful issue chenes sa june (haaay hindi pa pala tapos!). nakakatuwa na siyang kausap ngayon. sensible at smart. until dumating ang editor namin. ignite kikay mode na sila dalawa. pero fun pa rin. humingi pa ng advise ang lola regarding sa isang role offer decision niyang gagawin hehe, bilang dineconstruct ko ang role niya sa DESPERADAS ng bahagya nung chika hehe. e di nag-character breakdown mode ako for her. nakatulong naman daw sa desisyon hihi. we'll see...

gusto ko ang atmosphere sa shoot niya dahil mababait ang mga tao, from the stylist to the venue oic etc. hindi katulad ng ibang house of photogs na hay... taray lang ang mode. tse. ito okay. kaya happy akong umalis doon. wala nga lang bts per dedma na. may iba pa ko lakad e...

since maaga natapos, natuloy ang plano to pass by the inquirer office. moolah collection from a very old gig hehe. :)

at dahil rich na ako ng isang libo at ilang daan hehe, atak sa powerbooks para sa isang post-mother's day gift sa aking jowa. na ang sabi sa akin e...

siya: di naman ako nanay a!
ako: e... nanay din kita e!

chos! haha yeah ganun ka-suryal ang cheka kanena hehe. in between puffs.

i surprised her sa office niya at 3.15pm. sumakto naman sa yosi break so dun ko binigay ang gift.


eto ang ad copy niyan...

***************

pamasahe from marikina to makati on four different public transportation vehicles...237.50 pesos (fx, mrt, taxi, jeep)

stephenie meyer's new york times bestelling novel...309 pesos (after a 10% powerbooks powercard deduction)

the look on my girlfriend's face full of delight as she got the gift and hugged me and gave me a kiss... priceless.

there are some things money can't buy. for everything else... rumaket ka ng husto! hehehehe. choz.

***********************

if the book is good, pahiram ha! hehe :)

there's a fine line between romantic and pakyut hihihi :P and her name is bayli. cheka! :P

*

my gf said there was this indian restaurant sa kalye where she works, so that's where i decided to have late lunch at 4pm. man, authentic nga siya! post ko pix soon. yummy. may mutton! pero walang lamb! hm. parang mixture ng central at south india e, kasi sa south, kung san maraming tamil, mas vegetarian ang fare nila. carnivorous sa northern parts.

shet na-miss ko india bigla...

after one hour (one hour, mother!), i had early dinner naman with the folks who texted na nasa may mall sila near my place, so that's where i went. kasama nila sina sanse at tito mario from the US. daming balikbayan mode sa family these days hmmm... at dahil sa di nila maubos ang orders, pinaubos sa akin! kinain ko naman! tanga...

*

at since trapped tayo dito sa gabi due to the rain -- at dahil ayoko na ng further carbo loading! -- nag-gym myself akey. 1.5 hours. puwede na. i made friends with a lola (a card-carrying lola, senior citizen ito ati) who wanted to try the lat machine after she saw me using it, after she spent 75 minutes (sabi ng digital counter) sa treadmill. thought balloon niya siguro, "kung kaya ng girl na malaki ang tiyan, matambok ang pwet at malapad ang noo, kaya ko rin!"

tapos eto na. yey!

*

yes i like today. rare na may ganitong days. yung weird na fun na kakaiba na heartwarming na wala lang... labu-labo pero malinaw siya. malinaw na maganda.

basta.

labu-labong kalabuan + missing qaf

since i've been feeling a little down and out these past few days, i decided to jump the gun on a personal deadline and decided to buy that post-birthday gift i've been meaning to buy for myself since last year, actually -- a brand new home entertainment system, na cheap lang, yung mga 5.1 na mula quiapo ba, at saka mega-affordable but ever-reliable na new dvd player. yeah well, dahil sa motibasyon, i got them both na and spent this weekend setting them up. happy naman sa purchase. this consumer is satisfied. :)

to test the system, i had to pull out an original dvd first, at syempre rare ito sa collection ninuman, especially sa mga co-members ko sa "revenge of the third world" society of dvd buyers hehe. checking my collection, i saw my old love, QUEER AS FOLK. since i have the season two in original dvd from toronto, ito ang pinang-test ko.

bad move.

i ended up consuming three discs of several eps just yesterday and today. how i missed these guys, and gals. the fun, the wit, the sex, the ideologies, the advocacy, everything. it's everything i wanted in a queer-oriented show. too bad it's just made up of mostly gays with a very sub-subplot na lesbian couple doon. pero just the same, happy pa rin ang portrayal. read my postmortem of the show's season ender in a previous post.

sad lang ako kasi i miss the show, so much, at mas gung-ho ako dito kesa sa THE L WORD, mind you. why? because this one nga is well-written, has good character-driven stories, and good situations that show advocacy and fun. wala kasi minsan ang tlw nito e, which still leaves me sad. eto nga't kaka-kumpleto ko lang ng downloads ng latest season ng tlw and yet i don't find myself scrambling to watch it agad, much like how i would scramble to buy jeanette winterson's latest book to read. iba intensity. it's both lesbian-oriented yet the motivation or drive is not the same. sad. so sad.

bakla nga siguro ako talaga inside. i find some of the antics and life philosophies of the gay guys in the show both enduring and something to uphold. ewan ko ba, mas bet ko ang pamumuhay nila minsan, o kaya mas bet ko ang mga kuwento ng buhay nila kasi mas mukha siyang realistic at totoo. i'm not sure what makes the l word so unreachable to me, gayong dapat mas malapit sa akin ito dahil sa may kipay sila at may kipay din ako. hm... bad writing lang talaga, mama. qaf had better writers.

or maybe it's bigger than that. when i discovered qaf, it was during a certain time of my life when i was liking myself a lot, meaning i didn't give a fuck's fart about the rest of society telling me to conform to their standards and confirm to their expectations and shit like that. the brian kinney philosophy. i was like, hey, this pretty piece of meat is a fingering motherfucking lesbian and if you can't handle that, boohoo you. i had that attitude and showed it to the world, without giving a rat's ass on what they'll think. many a dodo contradicted me but the hell do i care. it's my keps and whatever makes it happy, labas na kayo doon. it's that simple.

ganoon din siguro sa buhay. i was also deciding whether to join the mainstream world or to remain in this side of the not-for-profit world of the arts and advocacy chenes. well, guess which side won. kaya even up to now, kahit nanglilimahid na ako sa hirap minsan sa pagiging guro sa peyups, so to speak, dahil sa sobrang baba lang ng bayad ever, go pa rin. happy pa rin. wala talaga akong drive to make limpak-limpak na pera. okay na ko sa manageable na life baga, basta it keeps me happy and sane. and if my partner of the moment didn't realize that and supported that, then wag na lang siguro. that was how i decided to walk away from the past relationship i had, kahit 5 years na siya. it wasn't so intellectually and artistically motivating for me. outta there. i never wanted an artistic death, so goodbye.

yun sigurong 'fuck the world' attitude ang miss ko sa qaf. sobra lang. siguro yun lang din ang attitude na miss ko sa sarili ko. iba talaga once you hit 30 and count up, up and up. iba ang challenges at obstacles to hurdle.i don't regret getting old; just not remembering certain attitudes lang siguro.

pero siguro ang qaf-like attitude na di ko binibitawan up to this day ay yung kelangan kong i-assert ang aking independence sa mga systems, na kahit belong ako sa isang system, di ako tali dito. ewan, hard to explain pero if you know me, maybe you'll get me. maybe.

or maybe not.

bahala na si batman bukas.

maybe it's time to face some truths that you are scared of saying out loud. but how do i do that without stepping on other people's toes, or hurting their feelings? mahirap. pero in the end, di ko na dapat ito iniisip, kasi dapat naisip na rin nila ito. kaya lang, di talaga natin mapipigil kung makasarili ang karamihan sa kanila diyan, di ba? mahirap.

hay.

nakakainis lang din whenever i still encounter super-deluded people, na kahit na-debunk na ang kanilang pagkatao, ganun pa rin mamayagpag. fuck them. they don't deserve the label "human being." mga gago kayo...

hay. hirap maging buddhist in times like these... hindi siya nirvana-inducing, sa totoo lang.

hay naku... om shanti na lang. wishing.

life as we know it

kanina pa ako nakamasid sa langit dahil inaabangan ko ang pagguhit ng kidlat sa itim na kalawakan nito habang paminsan-minsan, nagpaparamdam din ang kulog.

nagtataka rin ako kung bakit umuulan kahit na narinig ko kay ivan mayrina kanina na may ITCZ (sabi sa gfx mapa niya) sa may bandang mindanao (pero bakit dito ang patak?).

gusto ko sanang magreklamo pero bigla kong binawi nang maramdaman ko ang halimuyak ng hanging dumampi sa aking balat nang humarap ako sa bintana. nalimutan ko na na gusto ko nga pala ang pakiramdam nito, na sa panandaliang sandali ay napapayapa ang kalooban mo dahil may yumakap sa iyong pakiramdam na nais mo. inaasam ko na ngayon na sana, marami-rami pang dumampi at yumakap sa akin para mas mapayapa ko pa ang pakiramdam sa loob ko...

pero dahil sa mahirap umasa sa wala o sa di sigurado, babalik na lang tayo sa ating mga nakaugaliang gawain at panandaliang pagtakas sa pagtatanong at pangungutya ng sarili sa sarili.

*

if you knew what i listen to, would you get clues of who i am?

my top 10 favorite songs of all time, in order:

1. downtown by petula clark
2. moonriver (composed by henry mancini, as sung by audrey hepburn in the film BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S)
3. time after time (the tuck and patti version)
4. don't dream it's over (the sixpence none the richer version)
5. winter by tori amos
6. tomorrow (as sung in the musical film ANNIE)
7. selling the drama by live
8. princes familiar by alanis morissette
9. iris by the googoo dolls
10. somewhere over the rainbow (as sung by judy garland in the film WIZARD OF OZ)


go ahead, deconstruct. analyze. theorize. get some pointers.

we need it. bad.

or maybe it's just me...

what's your top ten? does it reflect who you are?

*

i've been running around the metro, all over, since last week and this week will be continuing that endeavor. lunch here, lunch there, meeting here, meeting there. it doesn't end.

with all this running, i've learned how to deal with public transportation with some kind of zen approach. no sense getting frustrated. it helps if you have a vast ocean of patience to dip into at times like these, like traffic, unwanted chitchats from seatmates, or bad weather.

but sometimes, it feels as if that ocean is shrinking into a sea, and right now, it feels like it is just a puny river. maybe that's why this soul is yearning to stretch to other limits. should i let it? we will see. i remembered wanting to try bikram yoga a few years back. i forget why i chose not to. maybe my inner self needs to stretch. bad.

the soul is also yearning to fly. shall we? bangkok sounds about right at this time but i'd settle for baguio anytime. but why? i have to be sure of the motivation first before i do anything, really. the beach is also beckoning. but i could settle for the pool, anytime.

sometimes, it doesn't pay to think. think too much. woe is moi.

woe is moi.

*

people make funny quotes.

last saturday, i was a speaker in a special event in the metro. when i was introduced to the speaker before me, she smiled and beamed, shook my hand and said, "Wow, you're famous!"

reaction shot: HUH???

apparently, to this group, i have some sort of stature. go figure. things that make you go hmmmm...

this afternoon, as i was looking for a dvd of a film i wanted to watch since last year, i overheard the seller talking to a clueless customer.

seller: eto ser maganda, o. mga giyera-giyera iyan, parang historical ba.
me: (thought balloon) wow may komentaryo si ati...
seller: eto naman ser, mga tomboy sila, pero naging babae rin sa huli...
me: *tumaas muna kilay at tenga* (thought balloon) anoyun? asanyun? anoyun? akinnalang...

*

make contact. if not, it's an awful waste of space.

because mrs. dalloway said she will buy the flowers herself.

*

and this blogthing said of me:

You're 6:49 a.m.

You're the time of day right around sunrise, when the sky is still a pale bluish gray. The streets are empty, and the grass and leaves are a little bit sparkly with dew. You are the sound of a few chirpy birds outside the window. You are quiet, peaceful, and contemplative. If you move slowly, it's not because you're lazy ? it's because you know there's no reason to rush. You move like a relaxed cat, pausing for deep stretches that make your muscles feel alive. You are long sips of tea or coffee (out of a mug that's held with both hands) that slowly warm your insides just as the sun is brightening the sky.

yes, lately it feels as if i am morning personified. but the logic as to why still eludes me.

but the description i agree with.

see, i need stretching.

so stretch.

we know that they won't win...

title is from a line of the song "don't dream it's over" which is my fourth favorite song of all time. can you guess the first three? but that's another blog entry...

*

i have a zillion things to say about that cebu rectal surgery fiasco shebang. but i won't muna. mahirap magsulat if you're still infuriated. nawawala ang focus at objectivity. every other line na masusulat ko e mura, if ever. not good. hay.

good thing our peeps at LAGABLAB and ANGLADLAD have been prominent in the media with these issues. go mga kafatid!

at dahil hindi kasi tayo makakasabak ng pare-parehas, minsan sa ibang paraan na lang muna sumusubok tumulong ang ibang tao.

when i got home last april24, i was able to catch the early primetime news telecast ng 24ORAS sa GMA-7. natuwa ako at nakita ko ang coverage nila sa presscon where lagablab and angladlad were speaking about this issue. but i was super-bothered, yet again, when the news reporter called homosexuals as "THIRD SEX." i thought, oh no, here we go again.

since i became a journalist in 2000, talagang natauhan ako how words could have grave implications when broadcast over media talaga. kaya part of my advocacy back then, and even up to now, is to have media correct their own presentation of us. hirap kasi minsan to police the police, y'know what i mean, especially if you find yourself in a sexist and homophobic newsroom or media work environment, which i have found myself in several times already. nakakapagod minsan pero dahil kelangang gawin, kelangang kumilos. kadalasan naman, karamihan sa kanila e bukas pa ring makinig.

bakit mali ang THIRD SEX? usaping biology at sociology ito.

homophobic siya, for one. nilalagay ang mga LGBTs sa ikatlong sex category na hindi naman nag-e-exist. ang lesbiyana ay may puki pa rin tulad ng ibang babae riyan, at ang bakla ay may titi pa rin tulad ng ibang lalaki riyan. so nasaan ang third sex na sinasabi? wala sa biology ito. hindi pa tayo nag-e-evolve muli bilang species.

second, mali dahil sexist siya. sa social construct na ang males ay man at females ay women, napagtuunan ng isang patriarchal society na ang man ang FIRST SEX dahil sila daw ang mas chever sa earth, samantalang ang women ang SECOND SEX lamang dahil sa maraming reasons na mali mula sa patriarchal and sexist society. to relegate lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders sa THIRD SEX label only denotes that we are far below this patriarchally sexist hierarchy of specimens. hindi dapat pumayag ang kababaihan dito at lalong di papayag ang LGBT people.

when i told my friends sa abscbn news dati about this prevalent usage of the term "third sex" sa tv patrol, they all said it was hopeless to correct. why? kahit daw kasi politically correct ang pagsusulat nila, nababago sa delivery, especially noong time na si noli pa ang anchor. sabi nila, talagang everything you learn about good journalism is thrown out the window. nalungkot ako sa mga friends ko dito when i heard that -- at binuyo kong lumipat na sila ng programa hahaha! cheka!

pero 2008 na. wala naman akong prublema sa kapuso dahil di ko naririnig ang term na ito (o dahil bihira ako manood ng tv?) pero nang mataunan ko nga itong report last week, siyempre i had to do something dahil nanggagalaiti talaga ako sa term na yan.

i texted the director of 24oras because he's my colleague. sinabi ko lang na sana maabisuhan ang news writers nila sa tamang usage ng terms. nag-text back naman ang kuya at makakarating daw. after the show, hala, nakarating nga, dahil nagtanong agad siya kung ano daw ang correct terms to use, sabi ng news writers nila. so sinabi ko, okay naman ang "homosexuals" para mas inclusive, o kaya "gays and lesbians" kung talagang kelangang i-spell out. i also told him the LGBT acronym pero nahahabaan ata sila. pati sa tagalog, ano daw ba ang tama. apparently, problemado pala sila sa bading, bakla, tomboy daw ba? sabi ko, bading and bakla okay na, pero sana lesbiyana na lang pag babae kasi sabi ko marami na ring negative baggage sa society natin ang terminong tomboy. okay naman daw. so ayun, solved na sila. at solved na rin ako.

masaya naman dahil sa maliit na mga patumpik-tumpik na chever na ito, kahit papaano ay nakakatulong na rin ako sa lgbt community kahit hindi ako maka-fulltime sa advocacy work with them sometimes. like nung angladlad event na tinext ni danton sa akin last week, padala daw coverage. ayun, tinext brigade ko ulit mga friendships sa abscbn, na tunawag pa dahil they want to be correct in their description daw of angladlad. tama naman ang description, so go na sila sa report hehe.

it pays to have a lot of friends, colleagues and acquaintances in the media kasi. kaya nga over the years, happy ako na solid pa rin ang networks ko sa mga taong ito, and vice versa din naman pala ang turing nila sa akin. nakakataba ng heart itey, sa totoo lang.

so happy ang life.

*

pero sa hindi nga happy, eto yun:

mula sa angladlad egroup ang info na ito. walang mawawala sa inyo kung tutulong kayo. this was also part of my job before in an NGO as campaigns associate, so i'm also doing this here now.

send letters of protest, request and thanks for lgbt support sa mga cast of characters na ito. regarding the cebu scandal pa rin. if you don't think letter-writing works, believe me, IT DOES. nara-rattle sila sa mga nagpapadala. such was the experience we had at isis when we decided to create a letter-writing campaign against destileria limtuaco's infamous kinse anyos ad before. yes, ang inyong lingkod po ang nag-draft ng letter na kina-cut and paste ng mga tao para ipadala sa mga destileria peeps. ako rin ang nag-investigative chever dati to get the contact details of the destileria peeps na pinapadalhan ng letters. nakakatawa nga lang dahil yung initial and original effort namin sa isis nito e ni-lift na lang verbatim ng isang mas kilalang women's org... and passed it on as their campaign. yung sinulat ko ha! nakakatawa talaga minsan ang adbokasya work... oh well...

teka na-segue pa tuloy ako. here are the details. send them letters!


tell this dude that pocha, they need to revamp!

Dr. Gerardo Aquino
Hospital Chief
Vicente Sotto Memorial Medical Center
B. Rodrigues Street, Sambag I, Cebu City, Philippines 6000
vsmmc@cvis.net.ph
www.cvis.net.ph/vsmmc/

tell this dude that pocha, they need to revamp that hospital!

Sec. Francisco Duque III
Department of Health
San Lazaro Compound, Sta. Cruz, Manila
Email: ftduque@co.doh.gov.ph
F: 7431829
M: TEXT DOH: Type doh or dohsec [space] [message] & send to 2960 for
all line
www.doh.gov.ph

tell this dude that pocha, they need to revamp [revoke the licence!] their members na nasa ospital na yun!

Dr. Jose Asa Sabili (outgoing)/Dr. Rey Santos (incoming)
President
Philippine Medical Association
PMA Building, North Avenue, Quezon City
1100
T: (from E Yellow Pages) 928-2132; 929-49-47; (from PMA website) 929-
6366
M: 0917-828-2468
Email: philmedas@yahoo.com
www.pma.com.ph

Philippine Nurses¢ Association
1663 F. T. Benitez Street
Malate, Manila 1004
T: 521-0937; 400-4430
Telefax: 525-1596
Email: philippinenursesassociation@yahoo.com.ph
www.pna-ph.org

Dr. Teresita I. Barcelo
Governor, NCR Zone 1
Philippine Nurses Association
T: 523-1494
Email: tbarcelo2003@yahoo.com

Mr. Roland Fermo
Governor, Region VII
Philippine Nurses Association
Asian College of Technology
Cor. P. Del Rosario & Leon Kilat St., Cebu City 6000
T: (032) 238-230
Email: rl_fermo@yahoo.com

Hon. Cesar D. Buenaflor
Acting Chairperson
Civil Service Commission of Philippines
T: 931-7996
Fax: 931-4145
Email: cdb@csc.gov.ph
www.csc.gov.ph

Director IV Judith D. Chicano
Director III Editha D. Luzano
Civil Service Regional Office 7
Sudlon, Lahug, Cebu City 6000
T: (032) 414-7676; (032) 414-7488
Telefax: (032) 253-9050

Professional Regulatory Commission
T: 741-6061; 735-1535
www.prc.gov.ph

tell this ale that pocha, they need to look at this issue closely as a gross gross gross violation of human rights ng isang tao!

Hon. Purificacion C. Valera Quisumbing
Commission on Human Rights Philippines (CHRP)
T/F: 928-5655;
T: 926-6188; 929-0102
Email: drpvq@yahoo.com
www.chr.gov.ph

Atty. Gilbert Boiser
Comission on Human Rights Philippines (CHRP), NCR
SAAC Building
Commonwealth Avenue
UP Complex, Diliman, Quezon City
T: 928-7098; 925-3881; 928-7099

Atty. Alejandro P. Alonzo
Commission on Human Rights Philippines (CHRP), Region VII
Rosal Apartment, Llorente & Rosal Sts.
Capitol Site 6000
Cebu City
T: (032) 253-5403; (032) 254-6921

Feliciano M. Bautista
Chairperson
Integrated Bar of the Philippines
IBP Building, No. 15 Julia Vargas Avenue
Ortigas Center, Pasig City
T: 631-3018; 631-3014; 634-4697
Fax: 631-3014; 634-4697
Email: sec@ibp.org.ph
www.ibp.org.ph

email would do, guys. go!