here we go again

Yes, it's official: I am burned out.

Yes, I am owning it. Openly.

Let's just call a spade a spade, shall we, and let it all out in the open. The first step in eliminating a problem is identifying it, right? So there you go.

respite from daily existence
(at blacksoup with beers and fellow angst(y) babes
/ Feb2011 photo by superfriend L)

Look at what a disturbed power nap made me do. And the disturbance had to come from pretentious people who always tell you they got your back when in reality they have been putting daggers in it relentlessly. And yes, they only call you up when they need something from you. Like I said, pretentious. That is why when the term "collegiality" is thrown around me, my involuntary reflex is to gag.

Yes, because I am burned out.

Another thing that prompted this was the realization that I am bending over backwards for reasons that are not fun. And it's not like the MRT/LRT fare hike will be halted when I do this bending over backwards thing. I don't see the purpose of it sometimes, now most times, but right now ALL TIMES.

Yes, because I am burned out.

Well, I can bend over, backwards, forwards, all wards, where wards, whardsevers... if only it's fun. Like during sex. Or if I get paid well to do it. Hm. Don't mind me; my brain just farted.

Sorry for this crap. I just need to dust off something from my system. And this blog is my dust-buster. So bust bust bust...

*

Speaking of which, this month, February 2011, marks the sixth year, yes 6th year, of the existence of this Leaflens space here in blogger. But if you look at my earliest posts here, you'll know that they were merely transferred from an older blog under blogcity.com, hence that tag.

So yay, happy birthday blog!

To take you down memory lane, it's funny to note the very first blog posts/transfers I did here, since some of them actually resonate with me today, and some situations are somewhat repeating themselves. Strange world...

On a more national scale, Feb 2005 was the month when the Valentine's Day bombings happened in Makati EDSA, the reason why I stopped riding buses in Manila. The entry bomb recalls that.

On a more personal note, some relationship wrap-ups were happening then, but I guess I was blogging about them blindly, which wasn't healthy. Mapagkumbaba entry shows that. Also stop which was a saner take on things.

On a work mode level, that was also the time when I and fellow sisters in solidarity were put in a two-month limbo regarding the fate and future of our work existence. Content narrates the first angst lashing out and by any other name would smell as sweet narrates the second one. Sadly, this situation is being repeated, as we speak, in this same space, with new people being put in limbo. Awwww. Group hug, you gals.

But of course, the typical post would always narrate myself talking to myself, like this self-discourse I had about art in maikli lang ito. And it's interesting because six years later, I am *still* having this exact conversation with myself!!! Like last week lang! Specifically, this conversation was also connected to reasons of my being burned out, especially when one wise colleague simply mumbled during lunchtime "What's first, art or tenure?" I love intelligent mumbles, pramis.

Haaaay.

Interesting, eh?

But wait, that doesn't mean that I started blogging in 2005 only. Back in 2001 or 2002 I think, I also opened up my very first blog ever here in blogger when it wasn't still very tech-friendly like today and when it was owned by some start-up group called Pyro. It was actually called Leaflets but I already deleted that one eons ago. But I also blogged heavily in a locally made effort during the early days of blogging when this writer started a blog specifically for writers. It was very simple and tech-friendly to non-techies so I signed up to test it.

Sadly, that platform ceased to exist even before I was able to salvage most of my entries there. I started blogging there in 2003 and that blog had the address of jotjotjot.forwriters.org if I am not mistaken. But the blog's actual name is Chez Moi. And I was able to archive most of it here in blogspot, too, but in a different site.

This was the very first entry in jotjotjot, and if you're also interested to read my other entries from June 2003 to May 2004, it's all here. Go crazy. Remember, The L Word was still new then, and I was chronicling it like crazy, as well as my favorite Queer As Folk. And before I labeled my film reviews "Cine Chichirya" in my blogs, I labeled them "The Spoiler Room." Self-explanatory.

*

Like that song said, come with me and you'll be
in a world of pure imagination... or something.
Escapist mode turned on. Chim-chiminee-chim-chiminee-chim-chim-cherooo...
(at the CCP complex / Jan2011 photo by superfriend L as well)

So yes, I blog when I'm escaping to do things I'm supposed to do. Or it serves as a temporary sand bar to rest on before diving back to the murky waters called society.

Hmm. Right now, chocolate truffles ice cream, my latest favorite, doesn't seem to do much comforting for this current state I'm in. I guess I have to get out of my hibernation cove and seek for the ultimate fool-proof comfort food of all time -- barbecue. Yes, what time is it? Half an hour before five. Yes, street food barbecue stands should be fanning the charcoals by now. Okay I will scavenge. Isaw here I come. Grill for me, baby.

Ciao bellas.