pugad ng mga panulat at pitik

hm bakit biglang naging filipino ang language sa interface ng blogger ko? hindi keri yung iba e.

"kunin ang google account" -- ha?
"tingnang muli" -- grammar check!
"i-edit ang html" -- weird
"mag-compose" -- hmmm.
"mag-sign in"
"bumuo ng blog"

yoko nah.

dapat may taga-sentro ng wikang pilipinong tumingin nito. and how do they spell pictures? "letrato" waaaaaah. ano'ng dictionary gamit niyo! bumili ng vicassan. nyets.

*

speaking of pictures, nami-miss ko nang mag-photography ulit. nakaka-engganyo yung mga works ng participants sa basic black and white photography workshop ni anne at beng. nag-exhibit sila last saturday afternoon sa bernal gallery at tumugtog ang ilan sa amin sa engkantada ng two songs lang naman. so bet lang.

miss ko ring mag-exhibit. kahit mega-haggard ang preps, nakaka-miss din kahit papaano...

naisip ko lang. di ko pa yata na-share dito yung photo exhibit chenes namin last year ng mga ex-isis gels and a current isis gel forever hehe.

sampol:


exhibit's title was named
BABAE SA TAG-ARAW:
WOMEN ROMANCING THE SENSES
held at the famed old malate haunt penguin cafe na nagtatago sa pangalang rock ola cafe these days. we opened april 25, a day after my birthday, and closed a month after.



poster design made by lenski.




ang mga puki ng pitik hihihihihi:(sorry addicted ako sa alliteration)


my good friends indira endaya, aileen familara, me and carol bello.

what do we have in common? lahat kami nagtrabaho sa iisang feminist media org NGO. ang award: si lenski, naroon pa rin hihihi. indi's somewhere in europe na, carol is somewhere in UP and i'm somewhere in the cosmos hehehe. chos.

salamat nga pala kay adam dahil litrato niya ang apat na ito.

nga pala, pitik is the term used by newspaper photographers to refer to the action of photographing something. "pipitik lang ako dito." o kaya "pitikin mo na yan." pitik, meaning kuhanan mo na ng litrato.



the mirror thingie and the stage area.


indi's corner walls. doon siya sa looban doon sa cozy nook near the bar. she made two mosaic-type photos of nepali girls and stuff, interactive with post-its whatnots. cute siya.

there i was hanging out with the lezzies at that corner, sina ani and roda and roda's friend. and some other penguin habitues like me, new generation lezzies nga lang sila, most of them also from thelword egroup i belong to, though i can't recall all their names.


len's wall and carol's wall, which was adjacent to one of mine. we three did photographs pero si lenski reversals ang ginawa. cute naman. carol made big prints.



my wall, obviously. i exhibited small prints, mga 5r and 8r lang, the most famous of which is my shot of carol there. ang dami niyang fans na gustong bumili nito, pero ayaw ipabenta ng lola mo e. keri lang.

yeah we were also selling our stuff. may bumili naman.



yeah we had cocktails. salamat kay earnest sa pagtulong sa pag-prepare nito. i brought some red wine bottles. ubos lahat syempre.



and if carol is there, music is also there. they had a music jam nung opening amidst the noisy noisy crowd -- kasi po ang dami lang pumunta sa opening, i swear! tuwang-tuwa kaming apat. this is carol with dibayn and kwami. early incarnations of engkantada, piecemeal baga.



lenski's guests, including ate chi, ang aming favorite copyeditor sa isis.



my guests. that's my tita pining and my cousins, my mom and pop. happy naman sila. happy rin ako. happy kaming lahat nung gabing iyon.



our writer friend guests. si joel g na obsessed sa horror flicks, i think that's ever-brooding poet vince sa likod, and then indi...and then indi and starshuffler jovan, our favorite graphics artiste. at si len. at ang binili kong bailey's, one of our favorite drinks. yummy.

we also conducted a mid-exhibit poetry reading session with music, of course. nagbasa ako ng ilang tula at kumanta ang ilan.



there's ani from the feminine force group who is also a poet. nagbasa siya. thanks ani. i liked her poem. si frances pala yung nasa foreground.



tumugtog ulit ang mga gels.



sa closing night naman, nagkataong may kasabay na eklavu sa gabi yung penguin. there was a world theater conference chuvalu sa CCP yata that week kaya butch, the penguin owner (and ka-band ni carol sa pinikpikan) had a night program where an indigenous group from burkina faso went and played music and stuff. everybody danced. saya!



pero may sarili pa rin kaming ek nun. here's our friend, writer din and now singer isha performing some songs. there's her hubby and gig julalay robert quebral sa likod.



some of my guests pa rin. my cousin rona and her hubby xavier with their french friends.


and jay cruz, a writer friend but more of a dancer, from the dancing wounded commune. nag-hang out din sila dun.

saya nitong mga araw na ito. sana maulit. hm, may venue na e. gawa na lang ng bagong photos...

yeh.

eto yung ilan sa photos na in-exhibit ko. share ko lang.


i call this one "swirl street." nakaw shot a la lomo padaan sa marikina bridge isang gabi, while riding papa's car.








i actually forgot what i called this one. taken during sunset at the batangas flying school of the air force. we had a shoot that day there, my first day to direct LOVELY DAY.







yes, i also forgot this one. tinatanong nila lagi kung ano ito. kung nasa loob ka ng cafe ng ayala museum, tumingala ka.








this one i call "bloom." eto nabenta ito. taken at my former home lang, naglalaro ng macro chuva ng bagong biling digicam. it's actually a flower. some sweet girl gave me flowers and i put them in a vase with water. lasted for days. thanks for the flowers, sweetie.







this one i think i called "lava lump." hehe. la lang. taken at fafa louie bahista ng bayan talan's recording studio.










not sure what i called this. psychedelic yata. in reality, that's the silhouette of billy bonnevie during a pinikpikan gig sa saguijo makati.










one of my favorites. i call this "speed." taken from a balcony sa isang art exhibit area/space sa loob in intramuros, in front of the cathedral.







i call this one "fireworks." simple lang noh. taken during the festivities of the spanish chuvalu event ng instituto cervantes sa may intramuros.

bidding byebye to birthdaymonth

april was such a weird month. never have i encountered such a conflict-ridden birthday month until now. as in, grabe lang. thoughts about my professional lives, my personal lives, my artistic lives, and other lives i might have were all so...meshed up, for the better and for the worse, magkasama siya, lola. talagang meshes in the afternoon ang drama, pero day and night kasama rin. waaah ayan naghe-haywire pa ko. sabi senyo weird ito eh. oh well.

it's the freaking heat, man. we already hit 36, 37 degrees na pala, celsius. ibang klase. kaya pala there are times that it just feels so hot to do anything. kaya workout mode ko ay naging wanna workout mode na lang, although salamat naman at name-maintain ko pa rin ang initial weight loss na dulot ng surfing earlier this month. kelangan lang ipagpatuloy!

it was also too darn hot to write, especially to write at home. kaya i always hang out at cafes and restos with my laptop. good thing din naman. birthday month is also palanca month kasi, and of course every writer i know writes to submit something, even those who don't really need to submit. my friend said nga, nakita daw niya sa shopping center si mam amel bonifacio, nagpapa-xerox ng stage play entry niya. sabi namin: entry niya?????? e judge level na nga siya e, kumbaga mega-pro level na sa panulat, pero submit pa rin! o sige na nga, all is fair in love, war and palancas. parang si joi barrios... o sya sige na nga ulit! fine.

but it's fine because i was able to finish, after ten thousand years, this script i've been developing since 2003. yah, antagal noh. wala kasing ample time to write and rewrite and rewrite some more. pero salamat sa isang friend na nag-uudyok din na tapusin ko na to para magawa na daw naming pelikula. pero nung sinusulat ko siya...wahahaha, kelangan limang beses akong ma-award-an sa cinema one para lang magawa ko to. high budget siya, lola! well... hindi kasi pang-indie ito when i first wrote this. actually, it was originally a pitch for a teleserye, yes, predating the fantaserye thingies. nauna pa to sa MULAWIN chong! pero well, the network chose to overlook our proposals of that kasi kaya...ayan! namber 2 na lang sila ngayon! naungusan na forever! wehehehehe.

hay yan ang buhay ng brainstormer/concept developer. kaya ayoko na ng ganun. gawin ko na lang pelikula ang mga pitch ko...bago pa manakawang muli... but that's another story.

*

april also saw me twice in the inquirer, especially my fez sa print version (altho lumabas din daw sa online, pero di ko makita).

the first was a special mention, with picture, sa article na ito:

RP cinema in festival of activists

First posted 00:20:57 (Mla time) April 24, 2007
Ellen Ongkeko-Marfil
Inquirer

At first I thought it was a women’s film festival because it was set in March, Women’s Month, and organized by Creating Resources for Empowerment in Action, a international nongovernment organization based in India working for the empowerment of women. But the festival title did sound unconventional, exciting, provocative, not at all grim and determined. Is this about pornography?

Believing sexuality is a space of controversy between dominant and marginalized voices, “Films of Desire: Sexuality and the Cinematic Imagination” was organized to explore the ways in which desires get articulated—how normative and non-normative sexuality get represented in features, short films, documentaries, animation, music videos and experimental films in South and Southeast Asia.

In short, the four-day event held March 7 to 10 was not only multiracial, it was multi-gender. It was not merely a film festival but a conference as well with a multidisciplinary approach. It was a gathering of film artists, educators and activists.

read more here na lang. ang kasama niyang picture ay ito:

yeah fangirl mode kami ni ellen, nagpa-piktyur sa legendary indian filmmaker and once actress aparna sen. nakasalamuha namin siya dun sa conference sa india. pero may kasalanan siya sakin dahil she got my name wrong sa caption! castor baga. laos ang lola. anlabo kasi ng mata e. akala ko ako na ang malabo ang mata, mas award pa pala sya hahaha. hay kakaibang nilalang...

tapos kanina naman, sa sunday inquirer, eto naman ang lumabas:

What's sexy?
By Claire Agbayani
Inquirer
Last updated 07:10am (Mla time) 04/29/2007

MANILA, Philippines - From Coca-Cola proportions to the buxom pin-ups of the war years to
the anorexic silhouette among the debutante set, the standards of what's considered sex and
desirable have been constantly changing. Ancient cultures considered wide hips sexually attractive, perhaps because they imply fecundity and thus assure the survival of the species. Meanwhile, in more traditional societies, the titillation factor has always been upped by what's forbidden and taboo. In "Memoirs of a Geisha," that meant a quick glimpse of a woman's wrist, her ankle and the back of her neck. Among fundamentalists, the mere sight of a woman's hair may be enough to provoke carnal thoughts and sin, hence the need for her to be covered from head to toe.

During these more secular times, what's sexy often depends on individual tastes and, more recently, on what media has popularized - from Anne Nicole Smith's cantilevered breasts to Beyonce's prodigious hips to J.Lo's shapely behind.

With sex appeal just an injection and/or incision away, thanks to modern cosmetic procedures, have people changed their views on what they consider sexy? Here's what they have to say:

and here is what i have to say about that:

"I think I have been redefining what sexy means to me every three years, depending on the current trend. But the common denominators remain the same: a good physique (not necessarily athletic, basta healthy and healthy-looking), wit, (a positive outlook, happy thoughts kind of person), plus of course one who has a sense of advocacy and principles. I give plus points if the person is not sexist or homophobic, and is flexible and down to earth (koboy). It wouldn't hurt if she has golden brown skin and latina looks, too." -Libay
Linsangan Cantor, turning 34, writer/filmmaker/ teacher

ayuz. hehe. read the whole article here.

and this is the accompanying picture.



yeah, the famous raymund isaac photo when ICON magazine featured me there. galing talaga ng mga bakla mag-ayos, specifically that gay guy who hosted OUT! before. forgot his name. and shue uemura, their cosmetics. hiyang! hehe.

ang saya saya. mukha akong tao.

*

april also saw me rekindle some work thing na paminsan-minsan kong sinusubukan. talking about the scriptwriting workshop, basics ha. nagkandarapa kami sa institute dahil nawala bigla yung original workshop coordinator kaya i substituted another friend to take over her place, and we're so glad she did. now, ongoing na smoothly ang workshops and mukhang kekerihin na ng mayo ang sa akin. wala kasing promo yung dati e, at kagagaling lang sa holy week.

aliw akong magbigay ng workshops. dito ko nate-test ang iba-ibang pedagogical styles na sinsalang ko sa classes ko sa film. may matagal na kong gustong gawin sa scriptwriting specifically kaya ite-test lab ko muna sa workshop. 'pag patok, keri sa syllabus next sem ito. ayuz.

april also saw me severe ties with a work thing that i know you guys already know, since na-announce ko na ito kasi ahead of time. nakakahinayang sa pera aspect pero kung dignidad at puri ang pag-uusapan, lalo na ang prinsipyo, mas gugustuhin ko pang maging poor kesa sumweldo sa ganoong work environment. life's too short to waste on work where people do not recognize you, respect you and give credit to you when credit is due, and long overdue. so sayonara na diyan para siempre. sabi nga sa cartoons, ay don't nid no steengkeeng badges...hehehe.

*

friendships formed and friendships buried. this month also saw that. i permanently deleted some people i treated as friends for so long, only to find out that they have been sticking daggers on my back for a long time now. with friends like these, who needs enemies, di ba. and again, life's too short to focus on negative vibes given off by negative people. i want to cleanse myself of that. tama na yung ilang taon na akong nagtiis at naawa, even putting my name and reputation on the line for these people, simply because they are my friends. in the end, they are the ones who dropped me like a hot potato pala. walang kuwenta di ba? iniyakan at na-proseso ko na naman ito buong abril, at siguro ito na ang closing chapter ng saga na iyon. to re-quote neruda, these are the last lines i write of them. case closed.

*

found nice friends before na ngayong abril mas na-e-enhance. pero konektado ito sa isang endeavor na nunca kong naisip gawin, ever in my life, simply because i have stage fright. oo, sa tanda kong to, may stage fright pa rin ako. ever since naman e. pero unti-unti ring nag-wane over the years. kapag alam na alam ko na ang sasabihin o gagawin, kumekeri na kasi ako. maganda kasing training ang masalang sa mainstream showbiz, talagang makakaharap ka sa tao ng ganun-ganun, kahit sino pa man yan.

pero eto, kakaiba ito. iba ang pelikula sa musika. opo, music. finally, i overcame my chenes na "hindi ako musikero" mode at sumali na rin ako sa all-female band ng friend kong si carol, now called Engkantada. i play the small indigenous instruments na pasingit-singit minsan, kumbaga ako si butch kung pinikpikan ito. nung una, feeling ko saling-ket lang ako kasi simple lang ang partisipasyon ko. pero nagbago ito nang sinabi ni kerol na kung wala ako at ang tinutugtog ko, hindi ma-e-enhance ang tunog pinoy ng banda. hmmm. tapos sabi rin ni teta, napaka-zen nga daw ng ganun, na sa dami-dami ng tunog, alam mo kung kelan sisiple para pumasok ng ilang taktak o shk-shk ng shakers and stuff. napaka-zen nga daw. hmmm.

nakakailang gig na rin naman ako na sumasama dito, lalo na noon dahil minsan hindi puwede ang ilang members tapos kulang etc. february pa ata yung unang gig ever, opening ng isang TESDA fair sa megatrade hall, at spitting distance ko si pgma. we were the accompanying mood music of the event. masaya siya.

pero na-boost ang confidence ko when, finally, during the emergency march gig sa mag:net katips dati, i was reunited with my old instruments: the drums. i borrowed their snare and hihat kasi they provide a set pala (kahit wengwang na) and kwami lent me drumstix, tapos pumalo-palo ako minsan nito. grabe, heaven ulit. i missed playing the drums, and have been regretting not buying the whole set nung time that i could have. plus of course nanghihinayang na pinabayaan ko na lang sa friend kong si gigi yung drum pad ko dati. pang-praktis din kasi yon.

i was playing for fun lang kasi before, at laging dini-discourage na bumili ng set sa bahay simply because wala daw paglalagyan. bad trip din dati na the only memento i had of those early playing days were my drumstix na, sa paglilipat namin ng bahay ng ex ko eons ago, bigla niyang pinamigay sa isang hakot boy without asking me. and when i saw it, she said kasi wala naman daw akong set so aanhin ko yon. arrrr. that was my very first stix, man. i guess its importance did not register with her. oh well.

kaya ngayon, back to basics na naman ako dito. it has been, what, 16 years since i played! man. as soon as i can, i'm really getting a set. hindi kasi talaga pampalo ng percs ang kamay ko e. iba ang nature nun, at hindi sa akin yun. kaya hindi ako pumapalo ng percs sa banda e. kaya ayun...

pero masaya ito, being in the band. i've always wanted to be in one pero i never thought i was really a musician, until carol and the girls (and their girlfriends) pointed it out to me. siyempre i have lots to learn at matiyaga naman itong bespren ko sa pag-orient sa akin. bakit nga daw ngayon lang ako sumali, e dati pa pala daw niya ako puwedeng magamit sa banda hehe. well... timing, i suppose.

thanks girls. rakenrol!

*

the proverbial april shower also came a couple of days ago, washing off the city's dust and dirt. i think it also washed away my ennui, and most importantly my negativity that the month was bringing me. kaya now i feel so recharged and ready to face whatever life has to throw my way again. sige lang, kinakaya naman e. alam ko na rin na hindi dapat pinagpapalit ang importansiya sa sarili sa pera at kung anu pang luho o suhol. dapat malinis lagi, sa labas at loob ng katawan. kaya eto na iyon. saka dapat din balikan ang mga iniiwanang gawain, lalo na sa larangan ng sining. huwag kakalimutan kung ano ang importante, at huwag kalimutang idispatsa ang hindi.

word.

sa sadyang paghahanap ng liwanag sa di sinasadyang dilim

kababalik ko lang mula sa limang araw na pamamalagi sa tabi ng dagat, pakikipagsapalaran sa mga alon (sa ilalim at ibabaw) at sa pakikipaghuntahan sa mga luma at bagong kaibigan.  masarap ang nangyari, maganda ang kinalabasan at marami akong natutunan. 

kaya siguro ngayon, sa pagbabalik ko sa munting espasyo ko dito sa siyudad na ito, bigla akong naghahanap ng lawak -- lawak ng espasyo, ng dagat, ng lupa, ng isip, at ng damdamin. ilang araw din akong nababad sa laki at luwag ng kalangitan at karagatan kaya marahil ay sadyang hinahanap ko ngayon ang liwanag na sumasambulat sa katauhan ko sa tuwing imumulat ko ang aking mga mata sa umaga. hinahanap ng tenga ko ang bayolente pero nakakahele pa ring pagpagaspas ng alon sa tabi ng lupang tinitirikan ng aking pansamantalang tinirhan. at kahit ilang beses akong sumemplang sa pakikipagsapalaran sa mga alon sa tulong (at hindi) ng surfboard, bigla kong naisip na sana ay naroon pa rin ako, nakatago, nsa gitna, sa lugar na halos walang nakakakilala sa akin at elemento lang ang kaharap. hay ang sarap... 

ilang pagliliwanag rin ng isip at katauhan ang naka-enkuwentro ko doon ng ilang araw. isang kaibigan ang may katipan na may kakaibang pakiramdam, at pinakiramdaman niya ako. nakakagulat ang iba niyang sinabi, ang ilan naman ay kumpirmasyon ng mga kaalamang alam ko na, at ang iba ay pumukaw sa isip ko dahil sa nakapagdulot ito ng panibagong talinhaga sa akin... ang pinaka-pumukaw sa isipan ko ay yung sinabi niyang may sinusubukan akong gawin ngayon, pero alam kong hindi ako iyon o hindi akma sa akin talaga, pero nagugulat na lang ako sa resulta ng ginagawa kong ito dahil sa may mga panibagong aspeto sa sarili ang nadidiskubre ko. interesante, ano? gusto ko ito.     

saka interesante rin yung sinabi niyang hindi naman ako talaga malungkot, pero hindi rin masasabing masaya ako. hm... minsan nga, ganito ang pakiramdam ko... swak. marahil kitang-kita niya ito sa propesyonal at personal kong buhay, hay...pera o bayong? deal or no deal? if the price is right? spin a win? hala. esep esep.

*

halika na kia, lipad ka dito for a month hehe tapos workshop ka. mahal nga diyan. try mo search yung virginia women writers workshop chenes, alam ko may ganun e. balak ko nga sumali dito noon, nawala ko lang ang info. sa cornell u din yata... hm... esep esep. kinakati na yata akong mag-international intellectual mwahahahahahahahahahaha.

*

i think this is the first time i've handled deaths in april. my uncle died last week, and i never went to his wake nor his funeral. we were not exactly close, but well... we live, we learn, then we die. i also just heard that sir ogie juliano of the theater dept died last weekend. wow. deaths in april. hm.

*

nga pala, it's official: nakapasa ako sa aking language proficiency test ng french!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! arriba! esta, voila! oui oui oui c'est vrai!  yebah. so on to thesis writing mode na ako. kaya dnd mega. and then sa may, defense!!!!!!!!!!!! tantananannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. waaaaaaaah.

kaya alam niyo na kung ano ang pinagkakaabalahan ko this summer. weh. so kung makita niyo kong nakatambay somewhere with my laptop... nagbu-bookworm ako nun ehehe. nah. nagtitesis mode yun.

*

naalala ko yung conversation namin ni allyn sa bauang. ati, eto, nag-four corners incense chuva akesh dito sa aking haybols. da best! :) salamat ulit sa reading. sobrang nakatulong sa paglalagay ng perspektiba ng ilang bagay-bagay sa buhay... hello na rin kay ate jen! at sa ibang engkantadang naengkanto ng la union beach... mga ati, mga multiply niyo ha. sige na nga, dun na rin ako lilipat. wait and see. penge mga piktyur. hoy kate ang dami mo raw naiwan hehe. kwami yung bola mo na kay dibayn.