april was such a weird month. never have i encountered such a conflict-ridden birthday month until now. as in, grabe lang. thoughts about my professional lives, my personal lives, my artistic lives, and other lives i might have were all so...meshed up, for the better and for the worse, magkasama siya, lola. talagang meshes in the afternoon ang drama, pero day and night kasama rin. waaah ayan naghe-haywire pa ko. sabi senyo weird ito eh. oh well.
it's the freaking heat, man. we already hit 36, 37 degrees na pala, celsius. ibang klase. kaya pala there are times that it just feels so hot to do anything. kaya workout mode ko ay naging wanna workout mode na lang, although salamat naman at name-maintain ko pa rin ang initial weight loss na dulot ng surfing earlier this month. kelangan lang ipagpatuloy!
it was also too darn hot to write, especially to write at home. kaya i always hang out at cafes and restos with my laptop. good thing din naman. birthday month is also palanca month kasi, and of course every writer i know writes to submit something, even those who don't really need to submit. my friend said nga, nakita daw niya sa shopping center si mam amel bonifacio, nagpapa-xerox ng stage play entry niya. sabi namin: entry niya?????? e judge level na nga siya e, kumbaga mega-pro level na sa panulat, pero submit pa rin! o sige na nga, all is fair in love, war and palancas. parang si joi barrios... o sya sige na nga ulit! fine.
but it's fine because i was able to finish, after ten thousand years, this script i've been developing since 2003. yah, antagal noh. wala kasing ample time to write and rewrite and rewrite some more. pero salamat sa isang friend na nag-uudyok din na tapusin ko na to para magawa na daw naming pelikula. pero nung sinusulat ko siya...wahahaha, kelangan limang beses akong ma-award-an sa cinema one para lang magawa ko to. high budget siya, lola! well... hindi kasi pang-indie ito when i first wrote this. actually, it was originally a pitch for a teleserye, yes, predating the fantaserye thingies. nauna pa to sa MULAWIN chong! pero well, the network chose to overlook our proposals of that kasi kaya...ayan! namber 2 na lang sila ngayon! naungusan na forever! wehehehehe.
hay yan ang buhay ng brainstormer/concept developer. kaya ayoko na ng ganun. gawin ko na lang pelikula ang mga pitch ko...bago pa manakawang muli... but that's another story.
april also saw me twice in the inquirer, especially my fez sa print version (altho lumabas din daw sa online, pero di ko makita).
the first was a special mention, with picture, sa article na ito:
RP cinema in festival of activists
At first I thought it was a women’s film festival because it was set in March, Women’s Month, and organized by Creating Resources for Empowerment in Action, a international nongovernment organization based in India working for the empowerment of women. But the festival title did sound unconventional, exciting, provocative, not at all grim and determined. Is this about pornography?
Believing sexuality is a space of controversy between dominant and marginalized voices, “Films of Desire: Sexuality and the Cinematic Imagination” was organized to explore the ways in which desires get articulated—how normative and non-normative sexuality get represented in features, short films, documentaries, animation, music videos and experimental films in South and Southeast Asia.
In short, the four-day event held March 7 to 10 was not only multiracial, it was multi-gender. It was not merely a film festival but a conference as well with a multidisciplinary approach. It was a gathering of film artists, educators and activists.read more here na lang. ang kasama niyang picture ay ito:
yeah fangirl mode kami ni ellen, nagpa-piktyur sa legendary indian filmmaker and once actress aparna sen. nakasalamuha namin siya dun sa conference sa india. pero may kasalanan siya sakin dahil she got my name wrong sa caption! castor baga. laos ang lola. anlabo kasi ng mata e. akala ko ako na ang malabo ang mata, mas award pa pala sya hahaha. hay kakaibang nilalang...
tapos kanina naman, sa sunday inquirer, eto naman ang lumabas:
MANILA, Philippines - From Coca-Cola proportions to the buxom pin-ups of the war years to
the anorexic silhouette among the debutante set, the standards of what's considered sex and
desirable have been constantly changing. Ancient cultures considered wide hips sexually attractive, perhaps because they imply fecundity and thus assure the survival of the species. Meanwhile, in more traditional societies, the titillation factor has always been upped by what's forbidden and taboo. In "Memoirs of a Geisha," that meant a quick glimpse of a woman's wrist, her ankle and the back of her neck. Among fundamentalists, the mere sight of a woman's hair may be enough to provoke carnal thoughts and sin, hence the need for her to be covered from head to toe.
During these more secular times, what's sexy often depends on individual tastes and, more recently, on what media has popularized - from Anne Nicole Smith's cantilevered breasts to Beyonce's prodigious hips to J.Lo's shapely behind.
With sex appeal just an injection and/or incision away, thanks to modern cosmetic procedures, have people changed their views on what they consider sexy? Here's what they have to say:
and here is what i have to say about that:
"I think I have been redefining what sexy means to me every three years, depending on the current trend. But the common denominators remain the same: a good physique (not necessarily athletic, basta healthy and healthy-looking), wit, (a positive outlook, happy thoughts kind of person), plus of course one who has a sense of advocacy and principles. I give plus points if the person is not sexist or homophobic, and is flexible and down to earth (koboy). It wouldn't hurt if she has golden brown skin and latina looks, too." -Libay
Linsangan Cantor, turning 34, writer/filmmaker/ teacher
ayuz. hehe. read the whole article here.
and this is the accompanying picture.
yeah, the famous raymund isaac photo when ICON magazine featured me there. galing talaga ng mga bakla mag-ayos, specifically that gay guy who hosted OUT! before. forgot his name. and shue uemura, their cosmetics. hiyang! hehe.
ang saya saya. mukha akong tao.
april also saw me rekindle some work thing na paminsan-minsan kong sinusubukan. talking about the scriptwriting workshop, basics ha. nagkandarapa kami sa institute dahil nawala bigla yung original workshop coordinator kaya i substituted another friend to take over her place, and we're so glad she did. now, ongoing na smoothly ang workshops and mukhang kekerihin na ng mayo ang sa akin. wala kasing promo yung dati e, at kagagaling lang sa holy week.
aliw akong magbigay ng workshops. dito ko nate-test ang iba-ibang pedagogical styles na sinsalang ko sa classes ko sa film. may matagal na kong gustong gawin sa scriptwriting specifically kaya ite-test lab ko muna sa workshop. 'pag patok, keri sa syllabus next sem ito. ayuz.
april also saw me severe ties with a work thing that i know you guys already know, since na-announce ko na ito kasi ahead of time. nakakahinayang sa pera aspect pero kung dignidad at puri ang pag-uusapan, lalo na ang prinsipyo, mas gugustuhin ko pang maging poor kesa sumweldo sa ganoong work environment. life's too short to waste on work where people do not recognize you, respect you and give credit to you when credit is due, and long overdue. so sayonara na diyan para siempre. sabi nga sa cartoons, ay don't nid no steengkeeng badges...hehehe.
friendships formed and friendships buried. this month also saw that. i permanently deleted some people i treated as friends for so long, only to find out that they have been sticking daggers on my back for a long time now. with friends like these, who needs enemies, di ba. and again, life's too short to focus on negative vibes given off by negative people. i want to cleanse myself of that. tama na yung ilang taon na akong nagtiis at naawa, even putting my name and reputation on the line for these people, simply because they are my friends. in the end, they are the ones who dropped me like a hot potato pala. walang kuwenta di ba? iniyakan at na-proseso ko na naman ito buong abril, at siguro ito na ang closing chapter ng saga na iyon. to re-quote neruda, these are the last lines i write of them. case closed.
found nice friends before na ngayong abril mas na-e-enhance. pero konektado ito sa isang endeavor na nunca kong naisip gawin, ever in my life, simply because i have stage fright. oo, sa tanda kong to, may stage fright pa rin ako. ever since naman e. pero unti-unti ring nag-wane over the years. kapag alam na alam ko na ang sasabihin o gagawin, kumekeri na kasi ako. maganda kasing training ang masalang sa mainstream showbiz, talagang makakaharap ka sa tao ng ganun-ganun, kahit sino pa man yan.
pero eto, kakaiba ito. iba ang pelikula sa musika. opo, music. finally, i overcame my chenes na "hindi ako musikero" mode at sumali na rin ako sa all-female band ng friend kong si carol, now called Engkantada. i play the small indigenous instruments na pasingit-singit minsan, kumbaga ako si butch kung pinikpikan ito. nung una, feeling ko saling-ket lang ako kasi simple lang ang partisipasyon ko. pero nagbago ito nang sinabi ni kerol na kung wala ako at ang tinutugtog ko, hindi ma-e-enhance ang tunog pinoy ng banda. hmmm. tapos sabi rin ni teta, napaka-zen nga daw ng ganun, na sa dami-dami ng tunog, alam mo kung kelan sisiple para pumasok ng ilang taktak o shk-shk ng shakers and stuff. napaka-zen nga daw. hmmm.
nakakailang gig na rin naman ako na sumasama dito, lalo na noon dahil minsan hindi puwede ang ilang members tapos kulang etc. february pa ata yung unang gig ever, opening ng isang TESDA fair sa megatrade hall, at spitting distance ko si pgma. we were the accompanying mood music of the event. masaya siya.
pero na-boost ang confidence ko when, finally, during the emergency march gig sa mag:net katips dati, i was reunited with my old instruments: the drums. i borrowed their snare and hihat kasi they provide a set pala (kahit wengwang na) and kwami lent me drumstix, tapos pumalo-palo ako minsan nito. grabe, heaven ulit. i missed playing the drums, and have been regretting not buying the whole set nung time that i could have. plus of course nanghihinayang na pinabayaan ko na lang sa friend kong si gigi yung drum pad ko dati. pang-praktis din kasi yon.
i was playing for fun lang kasi before, at laging dini-discourage na bumili ng set sa bahay simply because wala daw paglalagyan. bad trip din dati na the only memento i had of those early playing days were my drumstix na, sa paglilipat namin ng bahay ng ex ko eons ago, bigla niyang pinamigay sa isang hakot boy without asking me. and when i saw it, she said kasi wala naman daw akong set so aanhin ko yon. arrrr. that was my very first stix, man. i guess its importance did not register with her. oh well.
kaya ngayon, back to basics na naman ako dito. it has been, what, 16 years since i played! man. as soon as i can, i'm really getting a set. hindi kasi talaga pampalo ng percs ang kamay ko e. iba ang nature nun, at hindi sa akin yun. kaya hindi ako pumapalo ng percs sa banda e. kaya ayun...
pero masaya ito, being in the band. i've always wanted to be in one pero i never thought i was really a musician, until carol and the girls (and their girlfriends) pointed it out to me. siyempre i have lots to learn at matiyaga naman itong bespren ko sa pag-orient sa akin. bakit nga daw ngayon lang ako sumali, e dati pa pala daw niya ako puwedeng magamit sa banda hehe. well... timing, i suppose.
thanks girls. rakenrol!
the proverbial april shower also came a couple of days ago, washing off the city's dust and dirt. i think it also washed away my ennui, and most importantly my negativity that the month was bringing me. kaya now i feel so recharged and ready to face whatever life has to throw my way again. sige lang, kinakaya naman e. alam ko na rin na hindi dapat pinagpapalit ang importansiya sa sarili sa pera at kung anu pang luho o suhol. dapat malinis lagi, sa labas at loob ng katawan. kaya eto na iyon. saka dapat din balikan ang mga iniiwanang gawain, lalo na sa larangan ng sining. huwag kakalimutan kung ano ang importante, at huwag kalimutang idispatsa ang hindi.