gosh, i hope so! + on judging

sabi ng stars today...

Taurus Horoscope

(Apr 20 - May 20)

You may feel as if your life is opening up, so take time now to think about your future. Unfortunately, this can make you anxious, for your goals may be out of line with your current life circumstances. You could convince yourself that drastic action is needed to get back onto the proper path, but don't push so hard for change today. There will be time enough over the days ahead.

o sige ha. sabi mo. sana nga.

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

*

intriga? intriga? ayoko na ng intriga. pero ang dami pa ring nanghihingi at naghihikayat at nag-uudyok.

isa lang masasabi ko sa inyo: NUBAH! LEAVE ME ALONE! mierda.

*

anak ng tokneneng. bakit ang hirap maghanap ng isaw sa marikina? hm...


*

i've been putting off something i want to write about for a while now, but maybe i have to. getit over with ika nga.

i recently watched this sex and the city ep with carrie walking in on samantha giving a blowjob to an express delivery guy. then the ep centered on friends judging friends. interesting.

lately, i felt some friends were also judging me, pero unfairly. but then again, judging is not always a fair exercise. you judge kasi you feel you are in a higher or better position than the one you're analyzing.

pero why do you judge another person? minsan kasi, napapagkalamalan nilang jina-judge sila when in fact gusto mo lang silang i-agit para magising sila sa pagiging dormant sa buhay nila or something, o kaya ipamukha mo sa kanila ang isang aspeto ng life nila na dapat e ginagawan nila ng paraan. minsan naman, you tell others, ay mayabang, ay show-off, ay bilib sa sarili, ay namedropper, etc etc etc. minsan valid ang uber-judging at ang ang ganitong observations kasi maraming tao ang ganito talaga ang ugali. pero paano nga kung supposedly e kilala ka ng taong nagja-judge sa yo?

sana naman huwag ganun between friends. between ex-friends, fine, judge all you can ang drama. between co-workers, go na go! every freaking day in my life, i have been judged by older and younger people who think they know better than me kahit hindi naman. kaya nga natatawa ako kapag nashoshoplak ko sila e. lalo na kung boss.

before, in an office, i had this horror of a boss na lahat ng officemate ko ay ayaw talaga sa kanya. kaya nung promotions time, nagka-lintik-lintik ang office na yun dahil sa fact na yun. lam mo na, office politics. pero ang di ko magets e before all that, she turned around and turned against me, when in fact ang ganda ng working relationship namin ng boss ko na yun. i didn't know where her judging mode came from, kaya na-demonize niya ko bigla. e sorry na lang siya at kampi ang buong office sa akin, kahit ang boss niya. labo. in the end, siya ang umalis. matira matibay. sino'ng natira?

i guess she knows that now. kaya nga nakakatawa last week. the northern winds blew her in and i found her going into my current office, looking for something and someone. and she couldn't even look at me, straight, diretso sa mata, while i was intently and genunely looking at her, trying to make polite, decent and humane conversation. but i guess those were not her forte kaya she couldn't even barely look at me. yung katawan nga niya di mapakali, parang gustong magtago sa likod ng mesa at cabinet. super nervous energy siya. grabe talaga ang mga tao...nakakatawa.

people are strange.

eto pa. i chatted with a friend and ex-co-worker recently about how our ex-co-worker made horrible judgements about me pala, at gina-groundwork niya ang ibang co-workers namin about this judging. kaya nga when shit hit the fan, akala nila galit din ako sa kanila. nilinaw ko naman na hindi. and everything's fine between us all. na-karma na kasi ang resident evil namin kaya masaya na at super-lovely na ang life ulit...

*as a friend, di ba i warned you that one day, your shit will jump and bite you in the ass if you keep on being the sonofabitch you are? well, i relish in saying I TOLD YOU SO! and there you go.* karma works.

but it never occurred to me that she will go to that extent of spreading false judgement when in fact, a straight-up one on one would have worked better. intact pa sana ang friendship namin, or a semblance of it. but still, i regret not losing people you treated as friends when they don't act like they're your friends pala. not my loss, ika nga. but a bigger loss is that other friend namin whom i treated as more than a best friend; i treated him as a brother, my twin brother. or in the words of heinlein's classic scifi novel stranger in a strange land, my water-brother. alas, cain and abel mode pala ang mangyayari. i don't know where his sense of judgement came from, but i certainly don't care now. again, their loss.

sometimes friends judge each other in different degrees. but to make a friend feel that your situation is lower than hers, man, that hurts. na para bang siya o ang buhay niya ang barometer ng isang aspeto ng buhay, tulad ng relasyon. in fact, problematic nga ang relasyon nila. and i am happy to note that kung nasaan yung problema niya, naroon ang sobrang kasayahan ng relasyon ko. kaya keber sa komento.

i shared this nga with another friend. sabi nga niya, judging na talaga iyon, kaya normal lang daw na na-hurt ako at hindi ako OA lang. sabi nga niya, minsan ang relasyon, wala sa quantity of time pero sa quality of time. my girlfriend and i happen to believe that, kaya nga happy kami e. sana this is well understood by all...

syempre i myself have been guilty of judging friends sometimes. pero madalas sa hindi, hindi nila nakikita na nagbibigay lang ako ng honest opinion about a situation or a factor of themselves. minsan kasi, they refuse to see their hidden section of their johari window kaya hindi nila alam na people look at them na pala in a weird way. during these times, i try to help by being brutally honest, pero in the end, ako pa pala ang masama.

minsan people, do a self-check of your own selves para people won't do it for you, or you won't be surprised what others really, really think of you, ha please?

oh well. yun lang. sometimes, you never know where the judging will come from, pero lately i've been hurt na galing sa mga taong tinuturing kong karugtong ng bituka ko. hm, masyado na yatang mahaba ang bituka ko e. sige, gagawa na ko ng chicharong bulaklak bukas...

*krrssshhhk*

penge sukang may kulay.