narrative recollections, recountings, recantings, and rewritings of stuff not or often told
after creating my first blog, i created my second. it was supposed to be a writer's project.
September 01, 2002nonfictions...these are essays -- creative nonfiction narratives -- that i have written over the years and i felt like sharing them with the rest of you who don't have anything better to do or who have lots of surfing time and reading time on their hands so please indulge but but but please do not appropriate these notes as your own for the goddesses of copyright infringement are watching well sorry for the partypooper syndrome i just want to make sure that you know what you are doing for i know what i'm doing alright so here goes...
necessary...at the time i wrote them, i felt that they were necessary to write, necessary to comment about something and necessary to let the people know what i think about certain things so if you deem it necessary to read my stuff then go ahead but if not paalam na lang...
posted by libay at 9/01/2002 12:07:00 PM
since i just discovered the jazzed up essay genre now called nonfiction, i decided to give it a try.
BDAY ESSAY 2002 part one
24 april 2002 Wednesday 12.44a
as if I need the calendar to tell me what day it is. It’s my birthday, of course. And I’m turning 29 today. And that’s the last number of my membership into the generation x population. I’m in my late twenties, and next year, things are going to be different because it’s going to be a brand new decade for me. But let’s focus on the now.
I’m 29. so where does that leave me? Here, right smack in the middle of Metro Manila, Philippines, I think. But I’m starting to think globally now. I’m actually contemplating—nay, planning, to migrate to North America. Why? Well, they finally did it. The government is all fucked up, and it’s dragging the whole country down. Whenever I travel to different parts of the country and experience the sights and listen to the qualms of the townsfolk, I get really pissed off because simple governing should do the trick of having all of our lives here experience better things. But does that happen at all? Of course not -- only in places like The Fort, Rockwell and Marikina. Yeah, just when I was decided that I won’t come back there, it improves a heck of a lot. Geez, thanks.
BDAY ESSAY 2002 part seven -- last part
Possible birthday wishes of a late twenties lesbian:
-be with her sweetheart until she’s over a hundred years old
-get to sleep with Angelina jolie once before she turns 35
-open her own business, hopefully a café
-have her first novel published and sell a lot of copies
-win the lotto
-travel to paris with her sweetheart
-buy a brand new sports utility vehicle
-to be as thin as or as fit as Madonna
-have her own house with her sweetheart
-marry her sweetheart in Netherlands or wherever it’s legal
-have her lesbian screenplay realized into film
Important things I learned/realized today:
-A person’s extensive experience in a field doesn’t necessarily translate to his being talented in it. -Learning is very, very different from comprehension.
-Patient networking over the years pays off when you least expect it.
-You should never forget your first love, craft-wise (in my case, photography). Person-wise, yeah, junk it.
-Always be grateful for what you have.
-Never dwell on why you don’t have what you don’t have; you’ll just lose time thinking of how to actually acquire it/them.
-When you’re not that hungry at night, don’t order take-out food. The tendency is to finish it, and you’ll get fatter.
-I should talk to people in person more often.
-I should make it a point to go out with mom at least once a week.
-Music really puts you in a good mood.
-Reading books is still better than reading stuff on a computer screen (downloads form the internet). Books smell better, too. Plus you can lie down in bed pa.
posted by libay at 12/10/2002 08:26:00 PM
still, a blog is a blog.
January 25, 2003for days now, i've been thinking of thrashing these online journals that i created, thinking that they might end up as some material for some psycho out there to use against me and my loved ones, but that's just me being praning --the product of watching too many CSI episodes, perhaps.
but i thought of just continuing one, one that doesn't have much flab, much flak, much arte. in short, simple lang. ewan ko if this will work. i don't even know if people would be interested to read this, but i'm keeping this for me anyway, so here goes...
i finally decided to keep this one. simple design but i don't mind. i like the colors i chose anyway. and it's for free. :) anyone out there who can give tips, i'm all ears (eyes pala on the net).
history: borrowed the name from an existing book by filipino scholar caroline hau, one of the most intelligent academicians i've met in UP. it's actually "necessary fictions" detaling historical fiction works by pinoy writers etc. i hope she doesn't mind my reworking her title in order to suit my history, or my documentation of it.
February 03, 2003i discovered a new weblog site today called diaryland.com. cheesy sounding di ba, but it's a reactionary thing to this blogger thing we have here. for one, hindi siya technically peppered with jargon and all of these programming ekeks. simple lang siya, pero it's too simple naman! minsan feeling ko pang-hello kitty juvenile crowd siya. sa pangalan na lang eh "diaryland" ano ba yun!
pero i opened an account there because that's the tagpuan site of the philippine american literary house workshoppers na sinalihan ko, headed by cecilia manguerra brainard. i'm in an online creative writing workshop now with her plus other writers based in the states and here, and other places like si nadine sarreal sa singapore.
let's see.. there's susan evangelista, veronica montes, marianne villanueva, erma cuizon, and a guy named ben soriano na i've never heard of.
this sounds like fun. sana it is. i joined because i wanted to get back to the atmosphere of having someone critique your creative work on a regular basis, like my MA classes dati. discipline, man, need that to be able to finish my thesis.
hay thesis...but that's another story...
posted by libay at 2/03/2003 11:39:00 AM
a writer can't help but be personal with some posts. but still, the personal touch was related to nonfiction works, mostly reposts from offline ventures.
posted by libay at 3/22/2003 09:01:00 PMVERSION
Serenity. I never thought I’d achieve it, never thought I’d have it by my side each and every day of this stage of my life. But I have it, and I’m glad.
What was once an angst-ridden young woman turned out to be a sophisticated lady of cool. Indeed, as some termed me sophisticated, I winced at the thought, attributing it to the get-up I had that day, or night. Maybe my car, but not really. It’s just me and how I carry myself dressed the way I am.
Now, it’s not that simple anymore. Maybe it’s my aura; it has enveloped my being in a positive light. I am no longer one with the darker forces of my mind. Rather, I am one whose heavy side got enmeshed with my creative side, producing works that have significant meaning – without engulfing me in negativity or anything sinister, like before. Now, I am just me. Plain, simple me, on the outside. Still a very complex person, but that’s already a given. Complex without being negative, maybe that’s how I should say it.
Yes, that’s it, perhaps. I can feel it. It’s a new me. An improved version of my being… and I like it.
The sun is shining, the atmosphere is cool, the leaves are so green, and the sky is so blue. I am alone in a house with two floors and two rooms, but I am not lonely. The floors, the walls and the ceilings are white, and it bounces back sunlight all over. Just what I’ve always wanted: a natural reflector of white light, throwing me with the refracted spectrum of colors it hides in its path. I now bathe in these colors without knowing it exactly, without seeing it. But the most important thing here is, I feel it. I feel.
Space – I have lots of it now, share it with someone so dear to me now. No more of that hiding in a box thing and contemplating the troubles of the world in relation to the troubles in my mind. No more unnecessary guests this time, just the invited ones who are always welcome in our home, ones I hold dear in my midst.
It’s just a quarter past eight but I am not complaining. Gone are the days when I would make my bed my longtime companion for most of the regular world’s waking hours. Perhaps I have joined the regular world in this manner, sharing the same dimension at this certain time frame. But I don’t mind. When you have reached this far in life and achieved this much, you, too, would settle in with it, with what it has to offer now, regularly. Or maybe I’ve stopped being nonconformist.
Or maybe not. One look at my spouse would reveal that: she is as fine as I am, built the way I was built, and love the same way I love. In more ways similar to each other, but also contrast in a merry way, and that fuels this emotion engine we are on. And we love it, very much. That explains why we are here, now, in this space with the lovely atmosphere, better surroundings, and improved company.
There are times when I would miss the old ways, the old preoccupations, and the old habits. But one has to change with the tides of youth as it sails down the channel against our will. I have chosen to sail with her, my beloved. And even if our ship seems to be sailing in the same direction with the rest of the world’s, the journey is far more significant and far more interesting, intriguing even, because I am taking it with her. She, the love of my life, makes my travels fruitful, and my stopovers exciting. I adore her. And she adores me. There’s nothing more I could want. I am content.
but sometimes, the offline ventures came from inner turmoils. and i don't think i want to recollect on those, again, anymore.
if language can elude you...
If language can elude you, it can certainly betray you. Purists will argue; they will say that no, it is not the words that betray you but the people who use the words are the ones to blame for that. And I think they are right. As I make words provide me with my daily sustenance, so are words used by some as weapons of soul destruction. Some have made a living out of that, not caring whether it will have long-lasting effects on whomever it is that they try to target with their words. Some have given care, most especially to the targets who become victims not by their choice. And some… some, like me, chose to use words to heal myself from wounds that words, too, have left in my being.
so here we go again with that one sweep of the cleansing ritual. or in this case, a literal touch of a button and...delete it goes.
goodbye necessary nonfictions.