sex and (love)life, or the end of it

okay ba?
 

What kind of sex are you?

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bed lang? i can also be sex on the floor! hahahhaha. sex on the chair? hahaha. ayuz.

i would have preferred a woman to woman photo, but since the world is still predominantly hetero, this will do. at least mukhang effeminate yung mhin. and yes, that is a nice position. it works ahahahah chos!

hay i'm such a dyke, i know. been with the company of fellow dykes kasi for the past days and i'm truly enjoying it. iba talaga ang company eh, kahit hindi kayo super close pero friendships pa rin. that's what i'm talking about talaga (see previous blog rants about this), kakaibang camaraderie of like-minded peeps. hay...

attended my friend's housewarming party last night and it was such a blast. sometimes, when single dykes hold housewarmings like that, it usually means they just broke up with someone and moved out on their own. i felt like that a couple of years back when i decided to move on with my life alone. memories came flashing back because of the similarities my friend underwent. kakaiba talaga ang parallelisms ng lesbian lives.

minsan talaga, there are times when you have to face life alone. tinanong nga ng isang acquaintance kahapon na ano ang balak ng mga tao pagtanda. another acquaintance kasi was telling her story of coming out, on national newspapers, sa parents. and then her dad approached her and told her to get a girl and settle down with her so somebody will take care of her daw. haha kakaiba, ang sweet.

ako sabi ko, prepared naman ako to grow old alone. there's really nothing wrong with that. i want to do a lot of things and travel all over and experience lots of things kaya hindi na ako nag-iilusyon ng mga settling down chenelyn. sabi ko mas sine-secure ko lang ang savings para may pension plan insurance chenes ako pagtanda. saka ayoko nang magpatali sa mga settling down chenelyn dahil if i do, then i wouldn't be able to do the things i really want to do in life. tama na yung naging stagnant ako for several years to take care of a relationship. i figured the relationship should take care of me naman this time if i have one. kung walang ganung option, e di wala. kaya happy lang. sabi nga ni cole porter sa song niya, anything goes.

hindi naman ako nalulungkot o natatakot mag-isa. in fact, kampante akong mag-isa, just like my gay friend dati who said na ayaw niya ng commitment lalo na yung may katabi matulog sa kama. hay bading talaga. of course having someone would be a blast naman e. pero like i said, hindi nga ako nagpapa-pressure sa homonormativity ng local lesbian scene na kelangan may partner ka kundi loser ka chenes. pero alam mo, sa dami ng nagtatapos na relasyon left and right now, nag-iiba na rin ang homonormativity na ito e, nacha-challenge na -- at least ng mga ka-age range at ka-adbokasiya ko. sabi nga ng isang friend kagabi, nato-trauma na ang mga tao sa relasyon lalo na't years and counting ang mga pinanggalingan. yung isa, 15 years. yung isa, 10. ako, 5. meron ding 3 and 4.  grabe lang anesh? e kasi naman, what's the point of holding on kung wala na talagang patutunguhan ang relasyon, lalo na if it doesn't serve the both of you at isa lang ang may ganansiya sa samahan? unfair. ako, ang una kong barometer lagi ay kung di na ko nakakapagsulat creatively and actively ng gusto kong sulatin kaya ngayon, bumabalik na yung sabi sa akin nina peach dati na "nagtatae ako ng storya." oo nga, gusto ko itong mode na ito. kung magagawa ko ito while being with someone who understands what this is about, what i am about, and what my art is all about, e di bet! if i find someone like that, puwede na ulit buksan ang option na settling down mode, pero hindi na yung usual settling down na with a house, savings chenes chenes na napaka-hetero na set-up pliz. if she's a fellow gypsy like me, then go! we can trot around the world and create our individual art. happy di ba?

yung friend kong nagpa-housewarm, masaya siya ngayon kasi nadidiskubre niya na marami pa palang options available for her. yun nga ang nawawala kapag nabulagan tayo sa isang relasyong one-way ang arugaan: di natin nakikita what's best for us. and i'm glad she's seeing that now. about time, too.

so with what's happening in our lives, our advocacies, our art and our work, i'd say we dykes are all in good hands (good fingers? hehe) so far. and i'm so glad. for those who don't understand or get that, get out of our radar, please, kahit kabaro ka pa namin. like i said, like-minded peeps dapat. if you're broadcasting from a different frequency altogether, look for a freaking new frequency band and get off ours.

saka yung mga nakikisakay lang, i just wanna say one thing: lesbianism is not a marketing angle; it's a way of life. it's OUR life, so stop using it and selling it like you really understand it. we don't need a spokesperson; we already have some. look for your own stories to tell and stop using us as material.