30 January 2006

connectivity


amazing talaga ng power ng technology na ito, internet. sarap for research work. grabeh. loads of info talaga at your fingertips, literal. times like these naiisip ko talagang ICT4ME ang adbokasya ko hehe. dedma na sa tumutuligsa sa mga ict4d eks. it works for me, man.

been doing research on four topics (oo grabeh multi-tasker talaga akesh) simultaneously the whole day. productive naman. weird lang yung opac ng peyups. yung libro on literature, nasa masscomm lib. yung book on film and feminism, nasa cswcd lib. nubayan. wafung.

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abah interesting lately ang mga blog comments ko ha. ei, you can email this blogsterkid at my newly created blog email, leaflens@gmail.com. kung nahihiya kayong mag-comment dito. sa email tayo maghuntahan. dedma na sa spammers. magaling ang gmail mag-filter eh hehe.

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i stumbled upon this queer encyclopedia site and it's so great. however, as i was browsing their mainpage, may obits list sa gilid, mga notable queers na kamamatay lang plus description and background.

grabe lang yung napansin ko. puro "survived by her partner of thirty-three years" o kaya "survived by her partner of fifty years." ponyetah ang tatagal namang nagsama ng mga byaning na ito.

this gets me thinking again. parang afraid yung thought. i think the hopeless/hapless romantic in me died already because i can say these things now, pero i don't think i'm comfy with settling down with one person for that long! 30 years? 20? not even 10. parang i dread the thought. i really wonder why. pero i just do. siguro na-reinvent ko na nga ang outlook in life ko and  i really don't like the idea of depending on one person for that long. i'd rather be alone actually. or kung may kasama man, siguro hindi na kami aabot ng senior citizen status. at least ako, parang ayokong umabot ng ganun. ewan ko. baka naloloka lang ako or what, pero the thought of growing old scares me na nga, growing old with one person pa.  hm, siguro subliminally, alam ko kasing if i grow old with someone, i will be the one who will do most of the "caregiving" chores (based on my herstory).  parang di ko ata dig yun. i'd rather give care to myself. selifsh ba? ewan ko. basta weird lang ito sa akin. the concept of 'til death do us part.' ick.

not to say na i don't advocate for lgbt marriage. i do. we all have the right to enjoy civil liberties no matter who we are. siguro yun bang thought na you depend on one person for your happiness, sanity, eklat, chuvalulu, mga kantang "how do i live without you" chorva ang anthem. mukhang i'm rebelling on that. short of promoting polygamy na ba ito? hindi naman siguro. i still believe we shouldn't spread ourselves thinly like that, keeping multiple (steady) partners and all. taxing talaga yun at mga matatapang (at may datung) na tao lang ang may kaya nun. i'm not like that, i know. hm, maybe if i turn into a billionaire tomorrw, huway nat? hehe. kidding.

basta. yes, it's so sweet and so romantic, being with "the one" eklat. pero frankly, i don't think there is just one for you.  people never get satisfied; that's a fact. parang tattoo yan e. do you wanna get stuck with one design forever? masyadong mahal magpa-remove nun kaya you have to think hard about the design or if you really want one. kaya nga i settle for henna kasi ako, nagsasawa ako sa design. at least henna puwede mo ilipat lipat. you cherish the first half na malinaw pa siya. and then you just try to move on pag fading na.

henna tattoo and love. what an analogy.

well, i guess nasasabi ko na kasi ito dahil nakaka-ilang relasyon na rin naman akong matagal. as in, serial monogamy type, for as short as 3 months to as long as 5 years. so i guess i learn some things from those times. and the thing that i've learned is, hindi dapat tayo nagpapatali sa length of time. if it's  time to move on, we should do it.  saka it's nice to be alone sometimes. i'm valuing that now. hindi talaga natatapos ang saga ng pagkilala sa sarili, kaya kelangang di ito kaligtaan ninuman.

well, to each her own. violent reactions welcome. e me.

ps nood kayo nitong film.





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