jumpstart my art

And I'm quoting-paraphrasing another song there in the title. Natalie Cole, pare. Batang '80s din ako eh bakit ba.

Ayan. Handa, awit.





Heniweys, I needed to jumpstart my brain today before working, especially since I came from a semi-sick weekend. Been trying to fight off this nasty nasty cough that developed last week, during the time I had an urgent lecture gig pa naman. Fine timing, beks. Fine timing. But since the show must go on, on we went pa rin sa lectures, last week and even kahapon. Pero dahil recovering pa rin yesterday, napagod yata ang lungs ko kaya knockout ako agad kahapon. Not to mention na darating din pala today si monthly curse, kaya ayan, double KO lola mo. Leche.

Loving these travel lecture gigs courtesy of the DepEd-attached agency
called National Council for Children's TV. I love it that I get to
teach my media literacy advocacy to kids who need it.
Getting paid to do what you love is just great.
This here is for the NCR leg, Marikina chapter last week.

Ito yung biglaang sked last week, at sa Muntinlupa pa talaga.
Biglaan, as in, mam puwede ka bukas?
Hahaha kaloka, pero isa pala ito sa pinakamasayang division.
Sa traffic pauwi nawala ang boses ko, bad aircon
ng ride exacerbated the sore throat I've been
feeling days before. Kaya na-double whammy lola mo.

And yesterday's show that must go on, at the heart of Manila pa naman.
Sarap sanang maglayag doon if not for feeling sick
and the public transport strike pa.
Kaya uwi agad after lecture, pahinga fatale.

At muling nanumbalik ang magic antidote sa cough
na nadiskubre ko noong nagtatrabaho ako
fulltime sa feminist NGO noon:
 si Pei Pa Koa. Works like a charm, mga bes.
At available na siya sa Mercury yipeee!

Buti na lang at wala ulit skeds this week for lectures. But I'm bracing myself in the next 2-3 weeks kasi sunod-sunod ang peg. Kaya kelangang mag-ipon ng lakas at boses. Beat this fucking energy gap, beks. Huhubelles.

But I have to face my other gigs din naman kaya tuloy pa rin ang life. Ito nga lang ginagawa kong documentary film, masyado siyang kumakain sa headspace nang bongz, lalo na't I have to digest many concepts and jargon of a sector and make it palatable to all. At alam naman natin minsan ang development sector, bongga sa concepts na hinahagis-hagis lang left and right, mga concepts na hindi normally available sa mga garden variety conversations in life pero sine-sepak takraw lang nila like that. You know, mga terms like development justice, my fave capacity building,  or institutional architecture,  saka international collective advocacy, mga ganyan. Haha grabe I lurv my life: one end of the spectrum is kababawan showbiz pop culture and the other is palaliman sa konsepto development sector-United Nations level workload while ang midpoint is queer and academic tapos halo-halo na ang gitna hahaha. Brain, kaya mo pa??? 

Kaya yeah, kailangan ng bonggang bonggang buwelo kapag ito na ang haharapin kong trabaho pare. All the time. Para kang nagma-master's degree each time magha-handle ako ng feminist movement work hahaha. Trulagen collagen, 'yan ang feeling -- and I love it naman. Yun nga lang, kailangan ng extra bongz na preps ni headspace. Despite having coughs pa and this freaking dysmenorrhea.

Kaya ayan, kawayan mo na ang kape, beks.

Hellow phow. Geseng.

I love how all of a sudden, life could become quite busy. I was prepared to take it easy this month of Feb actually, which is what I did last January. I was even going back to my literary writings and personal projects I put on hold like decades ago. But no, gigs beckon, so sige na rin. Hindi tayo tumatanggi sa grasya, ever. Kaya tanggap lang ng tanggap hangga't kaya ng powers. 

Kaya lang, puwede bang mag-function nang walang monthly curse? Leche din kasi ito eh. Timing. Oh well papel. It's hard being a gurl.

Siya, sige na nga. Work na. Nagising na konti ang utak, so tipa na ulit.

Kape pa. 

the (usual) calm before the (work) storm

Even the Catholic God rested on a Sunday, so methinks so shall I. Not that I'm a god, but oh you know what I mean.

But this is actually the calm before the next wave of work storm coming up for me this month. Halfway marker of the month now done, and we have just another half to conquer and finish many things that have started, continue those that are still ongoing, and make room for newer things that are falling onto my lap.

But first, a breather.

Sabi ng pinsan ko, memorya na daw nila ang iba't ibang hitsura 

ng tanawin sa labas ng bintana ko, dahil sa kaka-litrato ko 

dito at kaka-post. Hindi ko yata magagawang memoryahin ito, 

dahil sa araw-araw na pinapakita sa akin ng kalawakan, 

iba-iba pa rin ang aking nakikita. Depende lang siguro iyon 

sa lenteng gamit mo sa araw ng iyong paggising. 

Pero ang mas mahalaga, nagigising ka pa rin -- 

at namumulat na may nakikita.

Moments like today make me grateful that I have my own space, one I could truly call my own where I could retreat from the world after I've been exposed to it for a while. 

 And expose we did. This week, exposure was to a 

roomful of educators who want to learn more about 

other fields and improve their pedagogy. 

Also got a chance to hang out with old friends in the 

children's educ/lit field, in the process discovering 

new good places to eat.Gratis sharing, priceless learning.

Yes, I heart shrimp. Ever. Everrrrrrrrrrr.

Also got to hang out some more with my 

high school barkada. Letting them discover 

what our hometown now has to offer. 

And it indeed offers more. Our friendship is still kooky 

and comforting for me, actually, after all these years. 

Glad I feel that way.

Also a space where I could work from, where the creative juices continue to percolate, a space for brewing better thoughts. Lucky to have that in my life, and I am indeed thankful that this happened, this kind of security, at a time when I thought it was impossible. Yes, the universe guides you that way: unannounced blessings, just catch the manna from heaven, and we're all good. All very good.

The best decision I made in my life is to be independent 

and have a "room of my own" as Virginia Woolf called it. 

I've always believed her ever since; we all need that room, 

that space, that we could call our own. Glad I have mine.

Of course it's also well and good that my sanctuary is just a stone's throw away from small but necessary offerings modern civilization has to offer. Just experiencing small stuff that makes me happy makes my day. Yes, I am easy to please, I suppose. But maybe I am more of the type that appreciates all things big and small. So things are not lost on me, big or small gestures alike. 

Picking up where we left off with this. 

Stronger and more focused. 

One day at a time.

Again, feeling very lucky to have that occasional bonding of camaraderie with like-minded individuals. My ex-advocate chef friend got this idea of the older generations just coming together and hanging around in their resto. And it's turning out to be a great idea that I look forward to attending every month. Sometimes it's just nice to kick back, relax, eat, chat, drink and smoke with people in your immediate soul vicinity. Also good to reconnect with old acquaintances that sometimes turn out to surprise you in some ways. And it's also a good way to meet new people and to just relax with all of their stories and laughter engulfing you. It's a kind of recharge that a writer like me truly enjoys. I don't know, it's hard to explain, but yes, it is that: a recharging.

 Sigarilyas, mani, kuwento at tawanan, Silverbelles edition. 

And now, batteries are all set. This is the calm before the work storm. When tomorrow comes, things will start speeding up again. I couldn't be happier. I could never be more grateful. As a good friend said last night, this is just the natural order of things, the beginning of more manna, as they told me last month. I'm glad there are a few good souls out there who still offer perspectives during times when mine seem defective. Balance is aligned again, thanks to their help.

Tomorrow is another day. Be thankful for today. I know I am. And tomorrow, I will be, again.

And still, continue to experiment. 

See how things fit you, beks. Word.

 

fabulous overload, Bangkok plus plus style

Blessings overload! Sabi nga ng isang good friend ko, sa mga na-experience kong chuvaness this year (as in chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuvanessssss!), hindi puwedeng walang kapalit 'yan na ganansiya, sagana, kasayahan at yes, our ever-present fabulousness. Positivity abounds. All because good karma always has my back. Fist bump to that! Sige na nga, chest bump na rin.

Kaya eto, pres na pres at fresh from my trip to Bangkok while jumpstarting new consultancy work (workssss actually, dahil as of presstime, may bago na namang dumating!), sabay-sabay na namang umuulan ng ganansiya at kung anu-ano pa sa aking katauhan at sa aking kalawakan. Super grateful for this.

Unang balita, lumabas na nga pala ang panibagong bunga ng isang bagong consultancy work: 'yung article na binuno ko with a teammate sa Rappler. Eto siya: read it here. Naka-byline pala ako. Akala ko generic lang kami lalabas a la press release kyeme. But anyway, thanks for the byline kahit kulang at wala ang linsangan heheh. Check ko yan next time ha hmmm. 

WHIP IT Wednesdays ang gimik ng Pantene kaya ayan, kasalukuyang pinapahaba ng raket na ito ang hairlalu ko dahil naha-high ako sa mga new outlets where we could engender those that need engendering. Basta usapang gender at media, alam niyo naman lola niyo, ever-present. Kahit sa United Nations pa 'yan hehe.

Which brings me to why I was in Bangkok. For this:

Bangkok forum day 1: official participant ang drama. Kilroy was here. At hanlameg ng forum place naknantotchang. Good thing I brought a pampormang blazer.

Reconnected with longtime media literacy co-advocates Asuka from Japan, Australian Sally now based in Sri Lanka, and met new acquaintance Ada from Puerto Rico. Could you say "third wave feminism reprezent" hehehe. It's our turn, lolas.

Feeling UN mode ang lola mo. Perennial battle in understanding the French-to-English translator made me resolve to resume my French language lessons. At dahil present and future tense pa lang kaya kong salitain sa Pranses, aaralin ko ulit para matutunan ko na ang past tense conjugation hahaha. Le lekat.

Joined upon the encouragement of Sally and Asuka who are doublehandedly trying to revive the old network called ANWIC or Asian Network of Women in Communication, of which I am now a member. Also with older ANWIC members here from India and Thailand at the photo op booth. Win.

Da Pinoy tropa: Ms. Lydia of Miriam College and Ms. Olive of Women's Feature Service. Wala gusto lang namin ng photo op sa jutel na sushyal hehe.

Who would have thought that registering to be in this global forum by no less than UNESCO would entitle me to a sponsored trip. After I've already booked my ticket and lodging kasi, they emailed to sponsor it. So yehey gorabelles siyempre nubeh! Heheh. In exchange, they said I will be a speaker sa isang panel pero mej may kalabuan 'yung portion na 'yun. Pero anyway ayoko namang magsalita talaga. Sa ganyang mga conf, gusto ko lang makinig at mag-absorb ng stuff, and especially mag-process and of course mag-share sa mga utaw. Kaya livetweeting lang ang ginawa namin ng tropang ANWIC.

My day1 hotel before moving in to fancier sponsored one. May kasama naman pala akong babae dun kaya hindi malungkot ang gabi lolz. Hashtag huwat feminizm? Lolz. Gusto ko siyang nakawin actually hahaha makahanap nga ng ganyang shower curtain. Parang ang sarap maligo lagi 'pag si Marilyn ang katabi mo hahaha!

Fancier hotel had this morning view. Ah, cityscapes. Something close to my heart. Felt like home for a while.

Arrived over the weekend to have the pasyal portion over and done with before the forum started, wala akong ka-iti-itinerary sa pupuntahan actually. I just like roaming around this city because Bangkok reminds me of a better version of Manila in a way. Maybe it's because they're Buddhist? Maybe. So when I asked myself "Hm san kaya makapunta?" eto ang sagot sa akin ng universe hehe.

Dahil wala ngang itinerary, puntahan ang familiar. Pak na pak pa rin. First time I went to BKK was with Probe Media Foundation's Imaging the Mekong video docu workshop. Kay Ma'm Cheche Lazaro ko natutunan to pack lightly and carry a big big bag when going to Bangkok kasi pag-uwi mo, puno na ito. Siya nawa hahaha salamat sa Chatuchak nga, among other stuff from other places. 

Of course visit another familiar place. Na hanggang ngayon ay wala pa ring credit card option to pay hmmm lekat. Suot ko sa pride march ang mga nabili ko rito hehe.

Ang saya lang to reconnect with longtime kahenerasyon peeps working on similar media+gender issues and stuff. My, how time flies! Nasa Isis NGO pa ako noon when I met up with them and here we all are, 9 years later, still at it! Nakasama ko rin ang isang comm arts linkage sa dating mundo ko ng akademya at of course mga longtime independent women journalists/media educators from the older ranks. Happy naman ang peg. At least may ibang Pinoy. Akala ko lang kasi ako lang buti na lang hehe.

Chuma-Chang kasama ang mga chang. International inuman it iz.

At kunwari sume-selfie pero ang tututs, nagdo-document ng mga makitang tom-dee doon hehehe. Si ati waitress tom na tom pare. Tom=butch / dee=femme in Thai lingo.

Happy with my book finds. Oo libro talaga shina-shopping ko anywhere I may be in the world.

Found this really cool gemstone shop so decided to update my collection of charms and protections to help me ward away nega people who pretend to be non-nega in my vicinity. Been having lots of those chuvanesssssssss lately kaya kelangang i-level up talaga ang Protego totalum! spells para maprotektahan pa sa future against all forms and kinds of halimaws and insekyorays.

Yung dini-direk ko si ateh para maganda ang photo op documentation niya hihihi Kilroy was here mode.

Yung Sally and I can't believe how "modernized" old shopping centers are now hahaha naghahanap kami ng Greenhills tiyangge pero Shang Plaza mall ang peg na tumambad hahaha lekat.

Because of some political protests that happened before and during we were there, mobility was very limited. Which means I have to go back there na lang for real pasyal mode. Noted universe! Loud and clear.

So great the enlightenment that I got from going on this trip. Muntikan ko pa namang ikansela! Buti na lang beks! Intuition: trust it more next time nang di na tayo napapahamak galore.

At nakakatuwa dahil ang tingkad lang ng rainbowtatt ko lagi doon sa BKK hehe. Hm maybe it's a sign of something... Could be, who knows...


Hayst, winner talaga ang mag-travel. It clears the mind bigtime pare. Makabalik nga soon diyan, for more pasyal goodness. And for more enlightenment in general. Kob khun ka, Siam, maraming salamat.

At salamat pa sa mga dagdag na kyemerlu of life. So may isa nga akong organisasyong nilayasan na dapat this year pero talaga yatang once an Isis woman, always an Isis woman. Heto nga at mainit-init na kinokonekta na naman nila ako sa mga kausap naming kawomenan mula Australia dati. Naykupo, outback accent na naman lola mo nitoh! O siya gorabelles! Tatanggi pa ba ako sa grasya at ganansya beks! Getlak lang ng getlak, for more!

And indeed, my cup runneth over na nga as we speak. Kulang na naman ang 24 hours in one day, as I've always complained. So there. Bawal matulog beks. Work mode lang.

Pero sige lang universe. Ngayon ko talaga nakikita na marami, malawak at malaki pa pala ang kailangan pang ikutan at gawin sa buhay, lalo na nung matapos ang engagement kong pagkahaba-haba na pala na iniwanan ko na dahil sa lason na ang dumadaloy doon. Oo, iyan ang akademya para sa akin, at least sa pinanggalingan kong Hogwarts. Sa pag-alis ko doon, ngayon ko lang talaga nakikita kung bakit dapat pala inagahan ko ang pag-alis. Wala talaga akong panahon para sa mga kanegahan. Kaya as much as possible, bago pa man ako mabahiran ng lason, layas na lang ang moda. At oo, that's my biggest heartache this year. Now I can honestly say it. But I could also declare now that yes, like any other heartache, I'm soooo over it. So so so over it. And now, I could also honestly say na thank goddess I got out! I don't wanna grow old traversing the River Styx so near Hades, if you know what I mean. The Elysian Fields are ever-expanding pa pala so I have to keep my eyes on the real prize of life here. 

And that we are.

And as always, friendships -- real, genuine ones --abound. As of presstime again, meron pala kaming chika-kits ng mga haiskul friends soon because our Australian berks is back. So instant reunion naman ang peg hehe. Miss ko na mga gelay na ito kaya ayan, welcome break ito. And of course can't wait for the Silverbelles session this month naming mga 30++ aged biyanings hehe. Loving this circle as well. Yeah my life is good that way, being surrounded by souls of interesting folks.

So many great stuff happening. That's the way to wrap up this month, eh? And this year as well. Hindi pa nga tapos kaya di pa natin alam kung ano pang grasya at blessing ang aambon sa akin. Sabi nga, simula pa lang daw ito. Huwaw. Sige maghahanda na ako talaga para pag-arriba ng next year, mas bongga pa lalo ang Darna mode.

Ever! 

And this is what "thank you consequence" looks like. Om shanti.