(de-/re-)institutionalized

sige ha lakihan ko lang ng onti ang font size ko.

recap lang ng day ko, because this was such an interesting day. kung kahapon walang katapusang noncreative displeasure ang naranasan namin -- both from the film world and the literary world -- haay, today was a good breather for me.

i went to work early -- as in 8a ha! pramis! ayos naman ang tulog, sapat, kaya maginhawa ang pakiramdam. tapos madami tuloy ako nagawa sa opis. pinaghahandaan ko rin kasi yung 2p forum sa UP film center e. women filmmakers forum featuring yung si pouran the first iranian woman filmmaker eklat. ayos naman siya. oks din yung forum. ellen ongkeko and sockie something spoke din. dami insights, meron ding age-old concerns regarding women and filmmaking eklat. hindi nga lang na-introduce ang importance ng economic standing when it comes to feminist filmmaking ek. guess who introduced that. syempre lola nyo, pero wa e, never elaborated. syempre may kaya na kasi sila eh. well, things remain so middle class pa rin in institutions such as the UP Film Institute kaya medyo detached talaga ng kaunti. I don't mind inserting a few advocacy filmmaking eklavus doon sometime. hmm, maybe it is time for such a thing. apart from documentaries, dapat may course din na ganun, women and film, o kaya advocacy filmmaking. parang advocacy writing baga. hmm...

kakatuwa lang after the forum. it was like 4pmish na or past pa, then i interviewed pouran because ms. marra tapped me to help with the filmfest pr thingie. eh as usual, kandaloko-loko ang sked kaya late na dumating ang info. dami 'ata protocol chenelyn ng mga embahada. kaya ayun, gagawa na lang ako ng isang artik about her and then they'll just release it sa pdi daw. sa sim pala. sana sa linggo. hay, tapusin bukas...sayang wala akong pictures. grrr, need that digicam na talaga. okay pramis sa weekend na talaga. pramissss!!! :)

katuwa. si ma'am gigi and armi ang mga utaw sa forum. so natural, chika beso. tapos si ms lallie ngayon lang ako nakilala nang natandaan hihi. sa ilang taon na naming hi hello at "nanay ka ni yam at tita ni kris" role nya, now lang nya ko na-remember hihi. kaaliw. anyway, alam mo, dapat siya ang magturo ng world cinema sa dept! grabe ang recall niya ng details ha! dapat nga siya ang manunuri or ano ba yung kina patrick flores? something. okay din siyang kumilatis ng films. kewl. swerte at ganun ang work niya no? sarap siguro nun...

well, eto ang cast of characters kanina na nasabitan ko. inaya na nila rin ako to join them for after forum eats. sa savarin pala kami dadalhin diyan sa kalayaan. watering hole pala ni ma'am gigi yon as it turns out. chika ni armi, part-owner eklat 'ata si gigi. hihi. happy sila sa sing-along with the pianista manong dun. ayos! then later anna leah and this marivic woman ba yun joined us. ayun, si anna leah naalala na rin ako hehe. nangongontrata pa nga for me to do the website of the feminist centennial daw. ngyah. sabi ko pasa ko sa isis. well, we'll see.

nakalibre ko tuloy steak dinner tonight. hihi. pero parang weird mag-medium rare ang savarin ng filet mignon ha. di siya ganun kalambot. must be the meat, man. anyway, buti na lang at umalis nang maaga si ms. marra para cue ko na rin yun to leave (bago ako matokang mag-singalong!). pero before that, nag-unwind din yung si pouran. inalis na niya finally yung hijab ba yun, yung headdress. i remember when mahboubeh was in isis, wala siya ganun pero sa AP-NGO sa bangkok meron na. hm. saka kakatuwa kasi tuwang-tuwa siya sa ka-kengkoy-an ni ms. gigi hihi. mukhang kindred spirits sila. mabait naman kausap si pouran, parang tita ang dating. and pinatikim nya kami ng figs! hihi. sarap pala nun. sa city-building games ko lang yun na-encounter e hihi. ine-enourage din niya ko sumali sa mga international film fests ng iran. andami pala! sana one day mabisita ko nga ang tehran. sounds interesting.

katuwa lang kanina, duet pa si armi at gigi ng pag-describe sa kin kay pouran -- women filmmaker graduate from UP also, started with cinematography and ended with creative writing. haha, armi was able to sum up my life in a pitch. ayus. hm, pero like emman egged yesterday, they said nga na i should start making films again. hay..... should should-should-should should.

well, that's the film world for me. scary but exciting pa rin. talking about films like that with lallie and being encouraged pa rin by respected people, kaka-elate. tama rin actually si sockie sa forum kanina. all you have to do is ask for it. tama. and be brave. tama. and use the technology that's there. tama. kaya 'pag nag-click itong niluluto ko, we'll be having steak dinners for the rest of the year, man. i hope it works. pray for me. haay...

well, that was the film side. nung gabi naman, mga past 10p, kitakits ang dumaguete jologz sa walang kamatayang café breton tagpuan namin. saya naman. jojo is in town for 2 weeks so they met up last week na and then now nga ulit kasi alis na siya sa friday. ang bilis. well, we're hoping next time she'll bring joe na. their dumaguete love story is like one for the books, e. hehe. good for them, man. we miss joe snooky! our cornell poet dude.

bait naman kasi jojo gave me the new best of erotica 2005 book hehehe. and the melissa ferrick cd!!! kasi nagpunta daw sa ithaca ang lola kaya may promo eklat. so syempre, work sa dyaryo si jojo kaya freebies ganyan, review feature then that's it. kaya inuwi niya for me heheheh. yehei! we listen to it tomorrow ha hehe. thanks mare!

as usual, popa and the pekpeks na naman ang ever-present, plus rc hehe. mayo uno is working daw for the FHM of singapore, sabi ni indi 'ata. haha, oh no. payaman muna ang lolo. hehe. mukhang ang hanson boys namin ang lumilipad talaga ano? kelan kaya si popa? happy pa kasi siya sa life now with the arreneow kiddies hahahaha saka sa mfa niya. shet, i should also pick up the ma na. yea yea yea pramis. sana it won't affect the brew, man. shet shet shet. sana nga... didn't think of that. man.

news of travels pa rin for writers. someone got accepted at princeton, si labella 'ata. hahaha. now i understand man. si charlie veric sa yale!!! can you dig that!!! i never expected him to, well, have a complete turnaround. hahaha shyet i still remember that 'within and without' thing kay ruth... but i guess people surprise you when you least expect it. hm, who else? someone else is leaving, just can't remember. well, we just hope our own joe snooky jologz gets in at stanford. good luck lolo!!!

hay. sarap mag-nightcap with these guys. reminds me of lazy dumaguete workshop days...when popa invented like a hundred and one ways of presenting aratiles to the public and mayo would point at floating things in the bay along the boulevard and jojo would wonder why we all have only one luggage while she has like three yata hahaha and bunis would write endlessly in her journal while saving roaches and we will all wait for joe snooky in our 'school bus' because he's sooo slow in the mornings hihi and indi would snicker endlessly with jojo when we were all 'token' like you know teeheehee and i would either debate sawi about his ultra-conservative sexist thoughts or hang out at internet cafés with the super amazing low surfing prices to chat with manila-based chatter friends. man, those were the days.

nabigyan din ako ng bagong buhay. nabuhayan kumbaga. now i finally realize tama itong mga pinaplano kong planuhin at ayos ang mga kaayusang aayusin ko. tama. as usual, na-muni-muni ko na ito bago ko pa man konsultahin ang mga bituin...

'ika nga ng aking daily horoscope reading:

Libay cantor, You are starting to pick up on an incoming wave of enthusiasm that will continue to grow over the next few days. It's important, however, that you conserve energy now or you will exhaust yourself before the real action begins. No matter how big it feels today, there's more that's yet to come. Be patient and do what you must in order to be ready.

o devah happy! haay. add to that pa na 'pag nakita ang pagkakakitaang kinikita, aha! panalo ang puki. hihi.

kreepteek ba? hihihi. 'ala lang. i'm just playin' hihi. basta. yun na. ewan. ym me or chika me offline. chika me daw, o!!!

institutions. from one to another. to one from another. weighing, scaling, assessing, estimating. and then go with the flow. at least the good thing is, i realized tonight that i am not drowning.

c'est tout.