15 March 2006

of burning bridges and preserving ties

sometimes, there comes a point in your life when you have to choose between two things. usually, it's the lesser of the two evils. sometimes, you just think that you better go with the flow and leave your past behind eklat. or sometimes, you are jolted to move forward instead of frustratingly wallowing in the cesspool of kaplastikan and gutlessness. most times, decision-making paralyzes us, but we do have to choose and go on with our lives.

there have been several episodes in my short life already when i had to choose between things, and even people. each decision is difficult. choosing is always a hard thing. but not when people are prompting you to go.

but in all of the work places i've temporarily joined and permanently left, i try to retain the ties with the people i met there, especially the ones i truly valued. some of these ties are still alive to this day, rehashed or refurbished in one way or another, but the line is equally maintained on both sides. and i am just happy with that. however, there are some work places where i didn't really care to keep ties. i guess the feeling is mutual.

but what if it isn't mutual pala? aye, there's the rub, 'ika nga ni hamlet.

was checking my mail earlier and found in an egroup about some gig where friends belong. i don't check egroups regularly because i prioritize personal mails first. i was just surprised to find out that a person i treated as a friend had an event and didn't invite me personally to it. i then wondered why...

i guess it's because this friend remains close to a handful of people whom i chose to leave before. the decision to leave was a professional one which turned to personal later when they made it personal. an eye for an eye, n'est-ce pas? i never did burn my bridge connecting to this handful, but i wonder why they treat it as such. i wonder if they also proclaim it as such to others? i guess i need not wonder, knowing now that their true colors have been revealed and only want self-preservation and pushing self-interests at the expense of other people.

i guess i've had it with keeping ties with people who only want self-preservation, even to the point of using the so-called "victim mode" to elicit sympathy for them and contempt for others who supposedly victimized them. what's the use of sticking around with people like these? i really never knew of their real motivations but one thing's for sure: they sure are judgmental. and to think that they should all look at themselves more in the mirror. perhaps they should do the judging on the image/s they see in that darn mirror, see what they're up against, and see what they're truly made of. maybe they should try scratching beneath the surface of their skins so they'll closely see what they've been covering there all this time.

it's just strange. some even openly declare their tie to me. why do they have to do that? a reminder that they're still there. para que? i never really understood why they have to declare it when in fact their presence has been absent for so long in my existence, and it wasn't my doing but theirs. so i really am baffled by such declarations. truly baffled.

it's just strange because if these handful only knew what each of them was really saying about each of them! i've heard all sides. like how so and so is such a so and so, and how second so and so finds first so and so so...something. if they only knew the dirt and crap that they are throwing at each other in other's presence. i was just unfortunate enough to have heard all their sides. it's just so funny. and they are all close 'til now. if only they knew the crap that each of them said about each of them. it's strangely funny in a quentin tarantino type of way. i kid you not. i've always hypothesized about how our minds are like recorders and if only the lens of or eyes can do a playback of what we saw and even what we heard. we are all walking vcrs. but unfortunately, memories can't be downloaded. unless you're johnny mnemonic. which i am not. how i wish i were.

no wonder they run way from the people, even places of their past. and if they meet these people from their past, they try to get past by them na lang. without a word of greeting, even a civil one man lang. as in dedma. no pansin. it's just strange to develop a relationship that goes from kuwentuhan mode ever to not even looking you in the eye when you see each other in a similar space (that is, if the person doesn't run or turn back when the person spots you, as in really run! i've seen that done, man. aminin!)

i guess this is totally okay, to have them dedma you like you weren't friends before or something. but what irks me is if they spread rumors about me and my loved ones to others, to make them look good and to make my friends look bad. how pathetic can that be? what kind of lowlife will succumb to that activity? sadly, there are people who do this. come to think of it, i'm now glad that they think i burned the bridge between us. i don't need to lug around the charred remains for all eternity - they do, because the burning was made by them.

people often wonder why i have such a vast network of friends and acquaintances, or as my friend dré said, "like god on friendster." this is precisely because i don't burn bridges. but if it's time to burn a bridge, i make sure that i keep a lifeline open to a few acquaintances on the other side to keep the lines open. communication lines are easier to maintain than bridges sometimes, so this is a practice i've kept.

it's just a pity because these people, they think they are the ones who are being put aside. maybe they should rethink their strategies of living their lives in order to find out the truth about themselves. i really pray to my goddess that they seek enlightenment soon, before it's too late for them. (some already say it is too late already, but i positively believe that everyone can have a second chance at doing something right).

well, enough of this warbling. life has to go on, even if some people don't act so. mine has to, and like i amateurly versed a long time ago:

so on with my life i go
just counting blessings
and less regret to show
i will be happy
i will be safe
i will be strong
and with this i know
i am not wrong.


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