20 August 2008
i love you from the bottom of my hypothalamus
at 6:16 PM
my friend jen once said that the part of our body that makes us romantically function chuva is not really the heart but the hypothalamus pala. there's some kinda discovery channel explanation behind this but i can't remember na anymore. kaya nga daw hindi dapat "i love you from the bottom of my heart" ang sasabihin dapat kung may mahal ka kundi "i love you from the bottom of my hypothalamus." anatomically and biologically correct.
naalala ko lang. had several mentions of love and hearts today at work kasi. but not the personal kind.
thesis proposal defense (first batch) ng mga bata kanina at bilang academic coordinator, punong abala ang lola niyo doon, which means kahit rumaragasa ang ulan kaninang 730am, lakad pa rin ako (salamat sa doc martens boots) at sakay papuntang peyups para asikasuhin ang 830-1130am session na ito. hang hagah! hantok pah koh! heniwey...
there was this kid who wants to do an experimental film showing what his heart, which is full of love, looks like daw, from the inside. figuratively, of course. opening line pa lang niya na "this film is about love..." i noticed several eyes of co-faculty peeps roll over or glazed over ang look hahaha! including mine! with matching taas ng isang kilay pa nga 'ata (i hope the poor kid didn't see that! hehe). natawa talaga ako sa episode na yun when i noticed it.
ewan ko bakit ganun ang reaksyones naming tanders sa proposal na ito. wala lang, nalurkey na lang siguro kami, being of the "been there been that" movement kaming lahat when it comes to lurv hehehe. of all genders and preferences ha, and spanning decades nonetheless! hahaha! hay buhay... kakatawa.
tapos there was this other kid who wanted to do an animation film naman of her sickness chever, which is also one of my co-faculty's problem pala, which is a heart condition na may malfunctioning valve na hindi nagwu-work properly kaya yung pumping ng blood e problematic, with dire syndromes ek. something like that. we suggested na i-animate din kaya niya yung heart na nagma-malfunction chever. ewan. weird lang ang mga kabatak ko kanina sa mga suhestiyon. ganado kaming lahat; mas marami pa 'ata kaming ideya at konseptong nabuo mula sa tesis ng mga bata. all they had to do was take down notes hahaha! hewan. minsan we film faculty function that way. and i lurvs it. hehe. the diversity! the craziness! masaya lang kanina hahaha!
tricky talaga ang love and sexualities discussion lagi sa amin. tricky but in a good and creative way. imagine kaya even before. there was this kid who wanted to make a narrative film about people in satellite relationships daw, meaning there was one object of affection and she had three lovers (two guys, one girl) and they all live together, harmoniously. at yes, may research findings pa siyang pinresenta about this ha! natural, lumabas lang ang diverse opinions ng faculty about this, with one undying pro (tita gigi "share da love") and con (bossing anne "stick to one!") tandem i can't forget -- dahil up to now, they still talk about it when the topic comes up! hahahah! i lurv my film goddesses. and guess who that kid chose as her thesis adviser -- me! si miss "love whatever you can whenever you can" hahahaha! kalurkey. tumbling ito. well, the film turned out fine naman, so to speak hahaha! gradweyt na siya. hay. those were the days...
yes. at the film institute, we get all kinds.
and then, in the early afternoon, my artist friend lea, one-third of the komikera gals, passed by to meet with the 2/3 na kasama ko previously sa lunchtime meeting naman. from her bag, she pulled out one pack of heart lollipops and gave us all one each, with a smile of course. iba talaga ang inlab ano lea? hehe. sharing the love, literally.
i told her "i will eat my heart!" sabi niya "oh no!" hehehe. basta. weird kaming friends hahaha!
sabi ko di ko muna kakainin yung heart lollipop kasi pipiktyuran ko muna sa bahay. at eto na nga siya.
people do strange things when in love. people also do things better when in love, sometimes. an ex told me that once, after we broke up, na sana makakita na ako ng bagong love dahil i function better daw when i am in love.
i guess those days are over. or are they? ewan ko lang.
true, i found another nga after her, pero it didn't work out naman din. such is the nature of love, too. sometimes it's not really love but another science altogether -- chemistry. sabi nga ni marlon brando sa GUYS AND DOLLS "yeah, chemistry!" and then he breaks into song... chenes.
so malamang yang chemistry at hypothalamus na yan ang may kagagawan ng mga chenes sa ating buhay na minsan e bine-blame natin sa heart. hm. baka nga dapat ibang part ang i-blame...
love. love is like oxygen. love lifts us up where we belong. love is a many splendored thing. all you need is love!
saang pelikula galing yang linyang yan? truth! beauty! freedom! love! ang battlecry namin dati nina ed cabagnot sa writers' night hehehe. before he got booted out hahaha! chos.
and in response to that friend who texted last weekend asking about my welfare, i told her "well, it's not that broken anymore. it heals fast. i think i've mutated."
yeah, i think i have. devastation doesn't last for long, unlike before. long and winding. not anymore, i think. i think it's totally different na. i'm not sure how, where and why this happened. basta i know that i'm okay.
xmen na ako. chos.
dati pa naman e. hehe. i have a secret power. secret! :P
i'm okay. yeah, seriously. kasi i can listen to the IL POSTINO soundtrack again without flinching, especially when andy garcia reads "tonight i can write the saddest lines..."
tonight i can write the saddest lines
i loved her and sometimes she loved me, too
iba na ata andy. see, that's the thing. "sometimes." operative word there. sometimes. sometimes made it easier to forget.
i no longer love her, that's certain. but how i loved her
loving is so short, forgetting is so long
but welcome to the 2000s, pablo. hearts heal faster than the government can say "oil price rollback!" or pagasa can say "walang pasok ang mga bata sa elementarya, haiskul at kolehiyo..."
but nonetheless, thanks for asking, you all. *hugs*
though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that i write for her
last. our new operative word is "last."
okay, i will eat my heart now.