12 December 2007

bloomingdames got pride


this is not the first time this year that i heard that term applied to me: blooming. blo
oming flower? i hope so. blooming idiot? hehe i hope not. although that's what i used to fire back when someone kids that i am blooming daw. sige na nga.

when my friend froggy dropped by my office some months ago, she told me that i looked different from when she saw me last, here in the office, same spot, about early this year. she said before,
i looked harassed or heavy, in spirit and aura, i guess. but as she said, i look different now, happier, lighter, blooming. maaliwalas kumbaga.

then another friend, lia, told me earlier that i actually
look blooming nga. so to reaffirm what i have been hearing lately, yes, indeed, blooming nga siguro ang lola niyo.

it takes a while for me to be in this state of mind and heart, especially my soul. malaki rin ang nalampasan kong kabigatan nitong mga nakaraang taon in getting over my former relationships, i guess. took a while, super, k
aya nga matagal akong single. single but not looking. masaya naman ang state na ganoon. i'm not the kind of person na mamamatay kapag walang syota. i'm not bridget jones. o kaya yung kind na parang di makahinga kung walang ka-date. hindi rin ako girl crazy, girl addict or girl-driven. di ko alam bakit ang ibang tao e hindi kumpleto ang sarili kapag walang partner. napaka-clingy. ayoko ng ganun. hindi ako ganun. but unfortunately, yung huli kong jowa e medyo ganun, kaya nga distancia amiga ako sa kanya dahil sa kabigatan lang ng hatak niya. mahirap magkaroon ng jowa na high maintenance na self-absorbed. never more.

i'm just lucky now because i'm in a new relationship with someone who makes me bloom. for the first time kasi, nagkaroon ako ng girlfriend na out. as in, super duper out. first time magka-hhww in public, peck on the cheek or lips, hugs, the works, man. as in, lantad. at iba pala talaga ang pakiramdam. sobrang nakaka-reaffirm ng advocacy. walang praning, walang guwardiyadong galaw, walang pangamba. nagtataka nga yung isa kong friend dati, si roselle, kung sa
an daw ako nakakakuha ng energy na mag-keep ng relationship na closeted gayung ako mismo e hindi closeted na tao. kasi naman, lahat yata ng relasyon ko e nasubaybayan niya, at kloseta lahat ang drama. hm, ako rin nagtaka. bakit nga ba? saan nga ba? kaya siguro madalas nauubusan ako ng energy reserves sa aspetong ito, kasi hinihila ng black hole ng closet ng mga klosetang partner ang energies ko, creativity, and everything else. well, never more.

kaya siguro mas ginanahan ako sa pagsali sa task force pride this year. kasi for the first time, walang jowang magbabawal sa akin na magmartsa o makisama sa pag-oorganisa. walang jowang magbabawal sa akin na lumabas at magsalita sa media dahil baka makita ng mga nanay nila ang mukha ko at magtaka. walang jowang hahayaan lang akong magmartsa kasi "org activity" lamang ito at "requirement" lang.

for the first time, nagkaroon ako ng kasama sa pagmartsa sa lgbt pride march na alam ang kaibuturan ng dahilan ng pagmamarts
a ng daan-daang bakla, lesbyana, trans at bi sa pilipinas/maynila. for the first time, kasama kong nakimartsa ang kasama ko sa buhay. at for the first time, nagmartsa siya na walang kiyeme at takip sa mukha, dahil alam niya kung para saan ang paglaladlad, paglalahad at paglalakad na iyon.




oh yes, we got pride. indeed. lots. and more to come!

and to quote dranreb in a long long ago interview with boy abunda:

B: are you gay?
D: i'm very happy.

oh yeah, i'm very happy, too. indeed. happy to be gay! :)

2 comments :

  1. i am so happy for you, libayski! suportahan ta ka! ako rin blooming ngayon eh! i am in a budding business-kuno friendship with a 30-year old born-again christian guy with an aquarius moon who rocks my world. suportahan ta ka, now that i've finally admitted to myself that my sexual orientation is bisexual. onward, lgbt soldiers! march on!

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  2. Hindi yun anonymous ha. Si Bles yun.

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