24 September 2007
conversations with one's self
why do i even bother? i mean, if she doesn't bother, then i shouldn't, too, right? i mean, not anymore... silencio incognito does not exactly scream out caring, i think. a friend happens to agree. don't make contact. see if she will. been there been that, i re-quote her, for the nth time, that night. been there, done that, indeed...
so why do i even bother? something my friend said echoed throughout the hollow of this malfunctioning clavicle: do you want to know so even before you start, you could already end it? what magic words. i said a resounding "YES!" because to invest with larger benefits may mean withdrawing all from one account so you will be able to open a new one somewhere else sometime soon. and yes, that is the hopeful plan. hope against hope, mind you. hope against hope.
when you get to this certain age, you have a certain feel of what you are certain you want to happen, right? my friend opined. yes, i agree with you, my friend. certainly. i agree. having heard her own story, i could not help but think out loud, with regret, that aye, there's the rub lass, things i do for naught, for it will not be a certainty that the familial bond would be fulfilled anytime, sooner, and especially later.
still, i am afraid of being tauted as like gia. love me love me love me... but someone actually said that to me before. i think she is right. i hate her for that. still do.
yes, that's why i don't make eye contact. one of two things. it's either i loathe you to damnation, or like you to utmost fruition. take your pick.
i already did.
hay, indeed. i love you from the bottom of my hypothalamus. does hate travel the same circuits? i wonder... indifference might as well do, also. it already reached me. loud and clear, i say, loud and clear...absofuckinglutely.