08 December 2005


CURRENT BEVERAGE: not cold water
CURRENT CHI-CHA: not in the mood
WHO I'D LIKE TO KILL TODAY: the FUCKER who STOLE my poster and flyers etc on my faculty door!!!
WHO I'D LIKE TO HUG TODAY: those who consoled me about the theft

before i forget (and i think most lesbians did)...





yes, there is such a thing. a day. ayan. ngayon.

have fun, all you women loving women. :)


in other news, i was soooooooooooooooo FUCKING peeved when i went to work today. yesterday was my day off and when i returned, alas, all, as in ALL of the mini-poster and flyers and stickers and stuff on my faculty door are all gone. GONE! yeah, everything -- my anti-discrimination poster banner frm lagablab, my different make trade fair campaign leaflets and stickers, even my freaking old calling card was gone. even the card of thefilm org UP SILIP which i co-advise, gone. what the FUCK gives???????????

you know, all you had to do was ask. i could have shared these with you. instead, you steal it from me.  YOU NEVER STEAL FROM A TEACHER. NEVER. NUNCA! JAMAIS! haven't you watched enough robin hood-plot patterned films to know this?????????? tangina.

so from what the fucker stole, either s/he is a bigoted freak who didn't want any display of upholding lgbt rights and an anti-activist who didn't want to challenge globalization and the WTO, or s/he's an lgbt-identified or yet-to-identify person or activist who didn't have enough means and wanted to have things that concern their advocacy.

so you steal? man, only corporations steal from little people. only the big7media conglomerates steal from little people. only george bush steals from little people. little people do not steal from little people.

let me tell you how little teachers are.

as a full-time faculty with a required 12-unit load, i get paid half the amount i usually earn outside. HALF. freaking half. if i don't try to have rakets outside, i'll die from paying my rent and utilities alone. technically, i can't teach anywhere else because there are rules about teaching in other schools ek. so whatever measly admin position they have inside the university, you just take it when it's offered to you, to tide you over until the contract expires. if you like the extra job, then great. if not, tiis ka na lang kasi wala kang additional income.

i don't have a family but i have myself to support, maybe try to save a few pesos from the measly weekly paycheck to have some semblance of a future fund. we're not well-off and my last name is nowhere to be found in the top 1000 corporations of the philippines.  in short, i am not a child/bastard child of a landed family, a scion, a millionaire. we're just your average middle class manila-bred family.

and you dare steal form me??????????????????????????????????????????????


kaya lang, all i have to do is sit still and do nothing. why? because times like these, good karma is on my side and karmic retribution reaches those who have hurt me. i'm not saying this to scare the fucker, no. i'm merely stating a fact.  case in point:

-- a person i trusted with a "heart-to-heart" secret betrayed me by talking to one of the people involved in that secret and told that person about my secret. months later, nanakawan siya ng cash ng mga karpintero yata. 11k yata yung total or something like that.

-- i kept on pouring my heart out about a would-be lover to a person whom i thought was a friend. he ended up intriguing me about it and it turned out that he was best friends with that would-be lover's secret lover.   until now, he is as closeted as ever and i know he's just dying to enact his homosexual side but he is so scared of what his people will think of him that he hides behind his books na lang.

-- an editor unceremoniously cut me off a publication citing conflict of interest because i just became an editor myself. but the real score was that i was making porma pala to the editor's secret jowa. a year or two later, the editor and friends lose that publication to a rival.

-- a would-be lover dropped me off unceremoniously when her not-yet-over lover decided to come back and be a fulltime lover again. months later, she flunked law school. she never passed the bar. and never became a lawyer.

-- another would-be lover turned me down because of unexplained reasons. little did i know that she already had a secret lover. weeks later, somebody entered her room and stole some of her stuff.

-- yet another would-be lover (hmm, i seem to collect these things) or lover-in-transition unceremoniously cut me off when her not-yet-over lover (they seem to collect those, too) decided to be with her for the night because her schedule just happened to clear up. days later, her car lightly crashes with another car, nothing serious naman.

-- a former boss dissed me to high heaven when i questioned her authority. months later, she was diagnosed with some sort of cancer cells in her body. and her daughter seems to be growing up as a dumdum.

-- this self-righteous singer-sometime actress shamed me in front of other people like her in a meeting. years later, her restaurant burned down.

madami pa yan 'day, mahirap na lang i-enumerate dito. i seem to have a guardian angel who's also a dark avenger. kasi i don't really have to do anything when they do something bad or evil to me. and look what happens to them. tsk.

kaya beware ka na lang.

hay naku. kaya ayun, was hoping that a big-screen film at cine adarna will cheer me up but no, mas lalo po akong na-depress sa SANDSTORM. buti na lang natyempuhan kong walang tao sa famous isawan before that at nag-isaw muna ko to satisfy my isaw craving and of course after that, just went home and ate at café arabesque, my latest favorite mediterranean cuisine place (they have lamb!). kaya kahit papaano, oks na ko. comfort food talaga, men. it works.

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