with what's going on now, sleep is irrelevant. but i know someone will protest this.
with a day to go before the UPFI's international women's film fest, i keep asking myself what the relevance of this whole event is in line with what's happening to the country now. questions that made me leave the medium in the first place.
relevance. such a strong word. but it does have its purpose -- cinema, i mean. with the advent of the digital technology, it has become more accessible. but where do you use it and what for?
video for social change. this was the focus of my existence for the past half-decade. it's only now that i'm returning to fiction/experimental narratives and such bohemian-rooted visual meanderings initially sparked during my undergrad film days. but is it needed? ah, well, maybe for sanity's sake. or some other sake i haven't figured out as yet.
where do i belong? everybody asks this question at one point in their lives, i'm sure. i know i belong where i am now, but entities seem to send vibes that make you feel the contrary. perhaps i need to distance myself more from such liaisons and try to re-fuse with the larger world out there since it's beckoning, anyway, and fast! as in, now na lika na dito!
riddles. itago niyo na lang ako sa pangalang tom...
just this early evening, i passed by the quezon hall in peyups where my writer-teacher friend said a poetry/music jamming ek was happening, all still in line with the current political situation. nice sharings and music impromptu singings. but i was turned off later when edru started gushing about the aves couple. komersyal. bumili kayo ng cd niya. anobayun. minsan, mapapaisip ka talaga kung bakit ganun kumilos at mag-isip ang ibang tao. naiisip pa kaya nila ang ibang tao liban sa kanilang sarili? parang hindi e...
at ganyan ang sitwasyon ko ngayon. hay...
i swear, AYOKO NA. as in. this is the last. and no mo'.
minsan talagang kailangan tiisin ang paghihirap e. di bale nang maghirap basta wag lang mabobo. pero tricky yun. kayo, ano ang mas gusto niyo, mayaman kayo pero bobo, o mahirap kayo pero matalino/malikhain? toss coin.
nakuha ko sa email ng isa pang professor friend:
Statement mula sa UP President Emerlinda Roman:
Our administration affirms commitment to the fundamental constitutional and human rights of all constituents of hte University of the Philippines including everyone's right to:
(1) Freely express their views either individually or collectively through speeches or through various forms of media including student publications and radio;
(2) Peaceably assemble to petition the government for redress or grievances;
(3) Pursue and realize academic freedom to decide on the content of their classroom discussions as well as their publications and;
(4) Be free from arbitrary and from illegal arrests and detention.
Consistent with our traditions as the University of the Philippines, we expect that forums which will provide information, and catalyze analysis and debate on the current state of affairs will not be suppressed. We find ourselves at an important historical juncture. Let our not miss out on this chance to remain relevant as a University of our people.
times like these, just like during edsa dos, there's a favorite phrase that politicians and like-minded crocodiles like to use to make them look like they're in the know or intelligent: "when there is a clear and present danger..." favorite pinoy legalese of all time ito, i swear. natatawa na lang ako... hi hi hi hi... sabi nga ni dong abay.
naalala ko tuloy yung ka-plip-an noong edsa dos. i was the entertainment editor of PINOY TIMES and it was just sheer...weirdness. to the max. biru mo, ang asayment ko, maghanap ng mga artista/showbiz personalities na anti-erap. parang sinabi mo na ring pumunta ko sa pampanga at maghanap ng anti-gloria... kakaiba.
but still, i found some. half of them were brave enough to say it, like boy abunda, and the half were scared shitless of coming out -- and then i saw one of their kind last night on anc heading a media advocacy org chuvah blabbering nonstop... tangeena orocan ka pare.
the rest of those ka-plip-an days/daze i turned into a non-fictional narrative. i just had to, kundi mabubuang ako nun. and just when we were at the trail of a libel suit from the then makati meyor... hehe. anyway, read the raw version here. tangeena those were strange days...sobra. you want ngarag? that was ngarag. but ngarag with purpose. and ngarag with some kind of public service aspect to it. not escapist. not kanya-kanya. tayo. pantayong pananaw. doon, tama, doon ko nakita, for the first time, na kaya pala ng mga pinoy magkaroon talaga ng tunay na pantayong pananaw na pinagangalandakan ni zeus salazar.
pero ngayon... wit. wish niyo lang ever.
kaya di na ko nagugulat dito ngayon, sa mga nangyayari. i just try to calm down. but i still check on my loved ones, if they are okay and secured. and they are. and i'm glad. saka nag-secure na ko ng food supplies in case of. hehe. ching!
kaya lang bothered ako by one thing: bakit walang tumitingin/tumitira/tumutuligsa kay mike d'hubby??? hello kuya mike? saan ka naka-billet sa nevada noong fight ni pacquiao? jeez. people are somewhat misled. the woman, although she also had a hand in things, is also part-pawn. but maybe only a few know about this, especially those who have direct knowledge. but these people know better than to speak up about it. in this country, sometimes it's better to shut up than to speak up. especially if you're in the middle and upper classes. as in, way way up there. tayong nasa baba, di lang natin nararamdaman ang apak ng mga nasa taas. pero minsan, kahit feel na, martir pa rin. tiisin. our lady of perpetual suckers. yan ang patron saint ng pilipinas.
wala nang mapaniwalaang matino-tino. biased ang dyaryo, suspicious ang tv, nakakairita ang radyo, ang mahal ng sine (eh? sige lang, isingit lang). internet? sige. sabi ng writer friend kanina, isang writer aquaintance namin ay sa streets of information highway lumalaban/nagpoprotesta. cyberspace baga. o sya sigeeeeeh. sabi mu ehhhhhhhh... tangeena buti na lang di ako natawa ng malakas. katabi ko pa naman si rio alma sa steps hehe. wala, naba-balaj-an lang ako dun sa thought na yun. protesting at the info highway. a different kind of street rally. eh??? hay lord, give me strength, strength not to say anything bad that will have the universe deduct karma points from my being...
at nakinig naman ang universe. buti na lang hehe. well, sige na nga, i will just credit this difference to the vague notion of cultural relativity. it ain't mah culture, it's his, so let him be. in short.
saka isa pa. all this hullaballo shyet kanina pa, mula sa tipunan na pinatawag sa cmc hanggang sa tagpuan near oble, all this UP protection ek. diliman commune redux/the sequel/part 2. lahat na. eh bakit hindi niyo nga naman tignan kung sino ang kinakalaban natin. saan ba gradweyt si gloria? ang tuta niya of the moment na si mike d? dibah? dibah? and the topper of 'em all is, si marcos ba, saan gradweyt?
things that make you go hmm. i have to credit my analyst-artist friend who said this. tama naman ang obserbasyon.
so there you go.
speaking of mike d, disappointed lang ako sa kanya, lalo na nung sinasagot niya yung nangyari sa daily tribune. grabeh. who would have thought that the day would come na ide-defend niya ang pag-clamp down sa media blindly? shyet. kuya mike ano ka na???? alien! wala lang, kasi ang memory ko sa kanya ay yung early moments in his political career when his family used to pass by our film office kasi dun nagwo-work yung younger sis niya. saka yung chika sa min ng sis niya tuwing nasa bahay nila kami. and to think noon, talagang young blood kami sa showbiz at dumudulog si sis sa tatay niya at kuya for advise regarding our refusal to work with the showbiz payola paying policy.
tangeena that was such a time for us idealists. pero sometimes, kelangan mo ring lumaro ng terms nila e. for survival. like when i tried to return the envelope, the one giving it reacted like i was giving him HIV. literally. no kidding. and then they didn't invite me na sa mga presscon nila for about 2 months. nung napansin ko, nagpa-invite ulit ako kasi valuable din ang mga news na nakukuha ko sa presscons nila. and ayun, sige na rin, i just took it. sabi nga ng showbiz writer friend ko, compensation iyon for going there and for sharing your time but it doesn't mean they paid you to do a praise release. so ganun na nga ginawa ko. and most pr groups loved me for it. kasi daw i give honest reviews. e dapat lang naman no. hindi ako kiss ass girl. iba kini-kiss ko. ching! hahaha jowk.
anyway, these are strange times. but then again, this is a strange country we're in. what do you call a country where its indigenous peoples are the ones who do not own the land the originally inhabited and the westernized populace become its owners and "nationals?" jus-tiis.
hay naku... aking adhika? makita tayong sakdal laya...lalo na sa isipan. understanding leads to honest actions. sana. wish ko lang.