the 30th

In a couple of days, it will already be a new month, the second of the year. But each time the first month of the year ends, I remember one person who has gone from my life -- my Lola.

I grew up with her, my paternal grandmother, my father's mother. My father was her first child and being my father's first child, I was her first grandchild, her apo. I remember her when January ends because her birthday falls on January 30th, if I still remember it right. I am bad with birth dates sometimes, or sometimes my mind just automatically deletes certain information connected with bad or sad experiences that I need a "full memory scan" to retrieve them sometimes.

I remembered her suddenly because of some strange connection with some conversations I had with friends yesterday. We were talking about how I could have been a Canadian by now, a Fil-Canadian to be exact, had I chosen that path back in late 1990s when my father was encouraging me to enroll in an animation school in Toronto right after I graduated from my film degree course here in Manila, about two years when I was at the exciting beginning of my mainstream media career, specifically in the film industry. A thought that played in my head then was the fact that I could have pursued more in-depth my love-slash-frustration of wanting to go into animation, the reason why I enrolled at the College of Fine Arts in UP in the first place, and also why I shifted to the College of Mass Communication after 2.5 sems to finish a degree in filmmaking instead. The second thought was being in another country where some of my dearly beloved relatives have chosen to immigrate, with them was my Lola.

But that would have produced a different me, a different perspective, a different person altogether, I think. This blog would not exist at all, perhaps, and I would not even be Leaflens had I pursued that other path. It would be interesting to travel back in time like what Marty McFly did and discover an "alternative 1997" for me, the same way he discovered an alternative 1985 when he went back to the future and back to his present. Yes, I love that movie, but I digress.

What would have been me had I chosen that path? I don't know. But what I know now is, one reason why I was never enticed to visit my relatives in Ontario, even if they have been, for more than a decade now, urging and urging and urging me to visit them-slash-work there-slash-settle down there for good for is the fact that I don't think I was ready to visit my Lola's grave yet. She died in the early 2000s, sometime near her birth date as well, and even death dates I have a hard time remembering sometimes, for obvious reasons.

I remember hearing the news from my Mom, and receiving it while I was rushing a freelance writing deadline for a government agency (that never paid me for it, the fuckers). At that time, I was also trying to begin a relationship with a woman who was having her own tumultuous times with another woman, and everything was just so heavy that some superfriends had to come in and "rescue me," even temporarily, with rather "unconventional" methods. I heart my superfriends. And I miss them so dearly now, having given up their own stake in this land of our birth to become hyphenated Filipinos (i.e. Fil-[insert other nationality here]) in their own right.

About half a decade after her death, my parents and I were talking one time and I threw in the sentiment that I wanted to fly there in Ontario for my Lola's funeral back then. And to my surprise, my father said I should have vocalized that then, because he would have been willing to fly me there for that purpose, on behalf of all of us, I guess. But even now, about a decade after her death, I don't think I'm still ready to visit her grave. Or maybe I am, since I was able to fortify my defenses already about this over the years (I hope). Maybe.

Well, this is just a curiosity playing in my mind. I might be flying to Canada for another inevitable ending of the same nature, but I hope that doesn't come soon.

This is the only photo I have with my Lola here in my place.
Old photos are in the domain of my Mom back in their house.
If the date on the photo is correct, this would have been
a 15-year old me in my parents' house with my
cousin Anna and my Lola back in 1989.

I just remembered all of this and decided to share it here since, if I do remember it right, today is my Lola's birthday. I dreamed about her a few weeks ago, maybe to remind me to remember her. But the thing is, I never really forgot. But I don't want to remember it as well, since it's really hard to forget. Trust me, this is logical to me. I know it's confusing to you. Well, that's how I am sometimes. Illogically logical, or logically illogical.

There are quite a few things in life you never forget. But there are also a lot you don't want to remember. Thinking and feeling are concepts hard to balance sometimes, eh?

Regardless. Happy birthday, Lola.

nega nego: no no no

I heart hanging out with gay guys. Gives me fresh insights about life sometimes, and gives perspectives -- and structure -- to thoughts that run amok in my brain.

Was giving a gay guy a hard time last night for feeling so blah about his recent heartbreak. It was raining so fucking hard in QC and a few friends and I were stuck in our usual Friday night beer-hole somewhere in Maginhawa when this gay friend arrived and joined us. Nothing to do but drink, smoke, chill and make fun of each other. It was his turn yesterday. Somewhat. Not that we were brutal or anything but we were just trying to understand why he's still so hung up over this ex of his, his ex of three months. Weird. Oh well, grief is grief.

But from his unraveling of their relationship stories, it just dawned on me that indeed, relationships are nothing more than mere agreement of negotiations. You agree to have negotiations, the negotiations should be mutually beneficial, and the results of those negotiations should always be positive and fulfilling. Yes, the operative word there is "should."

Yes, the catch is, what if negotiations fail? That's when the SWAT team arrives and wreaks havoc. Intervention. Rescue missions. As if being in love and in a relationship supposedly surrounded by love is like an action film starring some buffed dude with a gun, and the conflict gets all crazy and shit and explodes. Hm.

When you engage with someone new, it's like drawing up a contract of sorts, always a new one, and never ever ever rehash old contracts torn before, or resuscitate old guidelines that may have worked in a past contract but *might* not work with this new one. Or better yet, pull out your tried-and-tested terms of reference, that old, reliable TOR you have painstakingly jotted down, built, rehashed, tried, tested, rehashed, and rehashed again anew, each time you wanted to apply it and attach to a new contract with someone.

Yes, folks, falling in love is also kinda like applying for a new job. You get sized up, your "potential employer(s)" sizes you up, and their "current co-workers" (read: friends) also size you up, before you step inside the company. Of course you also do the same thing, as you are also an employer here. Hm, so there's no employee? Well, you take turns. In an ideal world, we are all both dual in nature anyway, in whatever we do, whoever we are. Employer-employee, virgin-vamp, top-bottom, dominant-subordinate, masculine-feminine, good-evil, what have you. We all play these roles; we just take turns. Ideally.

Where do you want to locate yourself?
I guess I'm always in the middle.
(geeking out at the Griffith Observatory
in Los Angeles, California / April 2010)

I guess the bottomline of these negotiations and TOR reviewing is knowing what you want, what you want to get, and where you want to head yourself, also in consideration of the people you want to travel with in this destination called relationships. Just make sure that we don't end up having negative negotiations with those we want to engage with.

And yes, I know what I want: I just want to be happy. That's always a good journey, regardless of destination.

To connect that with a past interaction, a friend just told me that I don't have a problem. Or maybe I have, but my problem is a good one: I have a problem of options. Love you teh. Thanks for pointing that out. :)

Okay I'm good! And yeah, I hope that gay friend will be, too. I know he will anyway. We Pinoy queers bounce back fast these days, I just noticed. I don't know why. But it's good. All good.

Ah, January. Looking back and looking forward. Remind me to still be grounded, okay? In all this.

Check that.

What's the matter here?

Another one pulled out of DL just now.

This is for all of us who over-think. May our vibes decrease... and get re-channeled to things that matter most. Like living.

----

Slap you, slap you silly
make me say
oh what's the matter here?
-- 10,000 Maniacs, What's The Matter Here

I know the song has a different context but just the same, the lines above may as well refer to me.

I needed that friendly slap yesterday from two great friends over coffee. We shared our own bouts of our current affairs of the heart/loins/hypothalamus with each other and we just ranted and raved at the same time, also dishing out advice to each other about the situations we are in, at this point in our lives.

The quote that particularly struck me is something I already know anyway, as the other female-bodied in the trio told me that I HAVE NO PROBLEM and the male-bodied one echoed what I told him the other day, which was I AM OVER-THINKING, AGAIN. They both reminded me of a crucial bottomline to all of this: BE HAPPY. But we also reminded each other that the bulk of one's happiness should still rest on our own shoulders, and not to be dangerously transfixed to the other party, the objects and subjects of our affections, desires and longings.

You know what, my friends, CHECK THAT!!!

So again, let me ask: Leaf, what's the matter here?

And I should answer: ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NOTHING!

Word.

and the search for the brain's off-switch continues...
(Amtrak-ing my way from Southern California to
Central California coast, April 2010)

But still, I am sometimes bound by thoughts that should not haunt me in the first place, since I still have to remind myself not to create new ghosts out of happy spirits roaming around. Of course I can't help it, still, since we are still trying to regenerate the charred soul from the burning of the heart a few months back.

But the good this is, we try. And we still try. And we will never stop trying. D'accord? Oui. So yes, universe, please, send more positive vibes, interactions, support, and best of all -- self-confidence.

But first, this exhalation:


SHED

I am crying over things
that maybe don't exist
I am crying over moments
that may not be happening
I am crying over levels
that could not be explored
I am crying over feelings
that should not be felt, at all

Oh why am I sobbing
over fences gladly torn down?
Why am I crying
over shackles already broken?
Why am I grieving
over endings that haven't begun?
Why am I shedding
tears over smiles etched in my being?

Maybe it's because of you
and the way you interacted with me
Maybe it's because of us
and the way we connect with each other
Maybe it's because of them
and the way they try to still box us in
Or maybe it's because of me
and the way I am falling--have fallen--for you.

(19jan2011wed)


It's actually unfinished, but I think I'll just leave it like that for now. It's the product of an emotionally defective being anyways. Will repair some other time.

Soon.

a quest to find beautiful souls

When I am not publicly blogging in this space, I am pouring my heart out in a space called DL, which offers some (form of) positive and (sort of) safe space for women like me.

But this particular rumination I think I could share here.

This is for all of you who are, like me, also in the process of challenging (homo)normative notions and structures of desire.

May our tribe increase.

------

a quest to find beautiful souls

Sometimes I look around this space and I look at my spaces offline. And it seems that I see the similar people around. If ever I wanted to engage with some girl, I don't think it would work well for me, simply because I lack this thing called anonymity. Hence the slim pickings when it comes to scanning for possible engagements.

Anonymity doesn't work well for me in this country, perhaps because of the career choices and artistic engagements I have chosen to pursue. Plus there's this thing called the age gap, which people find a negative thing here most times. Plus there's this thing called homonormativity, which basically means the only alternative to being single is being coupled. No chance of entertaining gray areas of engagements. Most people are afraid to reconstruct their notions of desire in this country, it seems. And that makes me sad. And frustrated.

Which gets me thinking. What about the girls, the attractions, the flirtations? In a city with a population of 11 million (and rising), Metro Manila feels so ridiculously small for me now, like what a friend in the US echoed before. Another friend in the US also mentioned the anonymity she has been enjoying over the years since she chose to be a New Yorker instead of a Manilenya. I am getting cues from them now.

This girl I have been seeing recently asked me once why I never got it on with someone here in Manila ever since I became single again, since I could practically have anyone I choose, she says, because of who I am and how I look or maybe how I am (yes, she flatters me so). And I said one simple thing: I don't see anyone who interests me that much or in that way here, recently, lately. Or maybe that's a harsh judgment to make. Maybe I haven't been circulating much is more proper to say, since everywhere you look, there are a lot of women-loving-women you could actually hook up with if you are not so damn choosy.

Ah yes, but that's my problem. Perhaps I am too choosy. Or am I?

Well, depends. I think I have to be attracted to someone that intensely before I could make any move. And what attracts me these days? Open-mindedness for one, or the capacity of lacking judgmental traits on one's being, perhaps. Light persona is another, meaning one should not feel burdened by another's drama queen modes and emotional baggage of their pasts, carrying it on in the present. A third one is a challenging intellect, eliminating those beauty without brains people I see scattered all around in this space. And fourth, someone who is open to having sexual encounters without the patriarchal religious baggage we were all born with. Yes, I have shed mine a long long long time ago, and it's sad to note that there are not enough sex-positive women out there in Manila to engage with in this level.

Yes, I am picky like that. Or am I?

I am not one to fall in love this time. Like what I have blogged before, I am curiously mortified to be in love again these days, even if I feel like I am beginning to feel it again at the fringes of my being. Yes, I still am upholding a moratorium on relationships (thank you Alanis for the term) and would like to challenge the homonormative ways of engaging with like-minded and like-bodied people. But sadly, I still think I am in the wrong city/country to be queer, if these are my objectives and intentions.

So it all boils down to having slim pickings. Here, offline, or anywhere else.

And you know what? It sucks. Big time.

Same can, same content? Sometimes.
So help me Warhol. Andy ko kinakaya ito.
(at the Museum of Modern Art, New York /
March 2010 photo by X)

But why am I saying this, even if I am happily seeing someone and engaging with her in all of the ways I wanted to. Well, maybe I am just dreading the time when our engagement will eventually end. As with all other things on earth, happiness also has an expiration date for me with this being, this beautiful soul.

And thus, I wonder when the next beautiful soul would arrive, or from where the next beautiful soul would emerge.

But that's just me. I wonder endlessly. About life, about love, about lust, about satisfaction, about excitement, about contentment.

Yes, I do think a lot. Not that it's a bad thing. On the contrary, it helps me so. To process things and situations objectively. It helps.

So thus, I continue to wonder. And perhaps wander. Out there. But maybe I should expand my horizons more. And hope that more women find more courage to be in this same wavelength that I have been broadcasting from.

But still, it doesn't actually hurt to be alone sometimes. I also need my personal space. And I'd like to retain that, still. And I'm actually happy with that state, to tell you the truth. But of course, sometimes, it pays to be a bit happier.

But that's just me.

Seq. 12. Int./Ext. Bayli's universe circa 2010 (montage). Sunrise to sunset to sunrise.

Goodbye 2010. You have been such an interesting year for me. But I am soooooo ready to let you go and sooooo ready to embrace the new year that ushers the next decade.

Next decade na?????? Where'd time go, man! Hayyy... Well, whatever. Bring it on, universe.

But first, a quick flashback. In images. To let me remember what I need to (still) flush out of my system, what I still need to hold on to, what I have to adjust, what I have to conquer, what I could (still) permit/let inside my being, and what I have to just accept without prejudice -- if that is possible at all. You know me. :)

All photos, unless otherwise indicated, were taken by me. Some swiped or shared by others.

As ABBA sang, thank you for the music. Thank you for the images as well. And to you folks who have been reading my stuff here all these years/times, thanks very much.

Roll cam.
My high school friends and I decided to see each other more often, at least once a month, and pig out or as we called it "payday dinners" at the end of each month. Some months were successful; some were not. As always. This is us at Banapple in Katipunan Ave. sometime in January.

Continuing the so-called "domesticated bliss" and discovering good finds in longstanding places, as exemplified by this masala-flavored noodles we discovered in Assad Indian store in Manila.

Continued my TV scriptwriting duties and sometimes directorial duties in Happy Land, awarded the best children's show program last November at the PMPC Star Awards for TV or something, before the show got revamped. Hamming it up with one of the lead kid actors JP sometime in February.

As always, discovered new foodie stuff and, um people stuff with superfriends, as exemplified by this gelato discovery of me and superfriend X while waiting for a potential work client in Trinoma mall. How come I always pick the fancier ones? Just a thought...

And then, everything seemed to be up in the air come February's tail end.

And um, Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore. Chos. Me at Ihop somewhere in San Francisco. Yes, California. Yes yooesopey. Hay, after ingesting all the ninja training modules on US visa application and stuff, I finally made it. Ten year multiple entry, baby! Sankapa!

We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of... My California-based sister picking me up at SF International Airport.

Taking a sneak peek of San Francisco. I'd like to come back here and fully explore...

...since we got lost looking for the Castro District that night. Darn GPS. Hm next time na ang pilgrimage sa store ni Harvey Milk.
Because I needed to don my gear for my next ninja training module, environment edition...

...called New York During The Tail of Winter, A Week After A Blizzard Hit The City. Putangina I hate winter. Good luck to me!!! Whoever invented winter should die! Sorry tropics girl angst mode. Oh yeah, that's Liberty at the background, and me at the foreground freezing my butt off. [photo by K early March]




Good thing I have my superfriend K, my New York sensei, to teach me the finer things in NY life, like surviving the subway. Among other things...

I miss you teh!!! As our American "savior" Gen. McArthur said, I shall return. Chos.





K showing me the concrete jungle where dreams are made of, as Alicia Keys sang. Yeah that's Times Square. And that's the dork in New York. [photo by K]






Central Park fail! Snow I hate you. Must.come.back.during.spring/summer/autumn.
[photo by K]






Went there for this. Presented a paper on lesbian depictions in independent digital Pinoy cinema ek. Happened in CUNY Graduate Center ek along Fifth Avenue in Manhattan.






Went there with the usual suspects, of course. Superfriend X presented a paper on homosexual digital films and superfriend A presented gay spaces in digital cinema. All our papers were under the panel of Articulations of Homosexual Desire in Philippine Independent Cinema. Needless to say, we were a hit hehe. Op kors! Third world thinkers rock! Hahaha chos!




Us listening to first world (outdated) knowledge. Chos! Hahaha. Nah, these are the cool CUNY conference organizers.

But still, there were papers presented there that made us think "Uhh, so why the fuck are you guys studying that?" Hehe. Kami na, ang matalino! Hahaha!



And no New York trip is complete without the ultimate queer pilgrimage to Stonewall along the legendary Christopher Street in Greenwhich Village. Achieve!!!!! [photo by X]








Book sluts that we are, we have to visit Strand or as I want to call it, the money blackhole hehe (thanks to Jovan for the term).

A former college friend used to work there. Used to barter books with him hehe.





Visited places that also made me go hmmmmmm...

Ano, puwede? Bagay? Keri? Lemmesee... :P







And I was like, "Uhh yeah, I can live here in this neighborhood..."

Loitering around Greenwich Village.










And I had to visit the American Museum of Natural History, specifically the Rose Center for Earth and Space area where we saw a new stars show. Astronomy geek is it!







And yes, we had to see MOMA. And see my favorite Picasso painting of all time. I heart cubism. [Photo by X]






Of course I had to see other NY-based great friends who toured me on foot in other places of interest :) That's my good friend from the film industry before, Ly with Liz, at Cubbyhole.






But this particular legendary area of interest failed!!! St. Patrick's Day fail. Like what are buffed gay guys doing in a lesbian pick-up joint???? Beats me.

So thus, we ended up hanging out at Stonewall. Good enough. No pick-ups, though. Ah, woe is me hehe :P



Hooked up with great NY-based writer friends as well. Mini-jologz reunion here, with the Jojoes, my Dumaguete workshop co-writing fellows. We're a long way from the boulevard now, eh dudes?

That's us hanging out at this cool vegetarian Indian resto Vatan in Manhattan. Thanks for the treat, guys! [photo by Jojo]



Other good-natured souls also treated me and superfriend X to other things, like this Phantom of the Opera show. Yuh, that's the famed chandelier. In fairness, winner ang production design.


And yes omg Birdland!!!! Tumbling lola mo when I saw the venue for our dinner that night, with the open mic jam session thing. I am a big old school jazz fan and if you are, you'd know how legendary this place is. Man I almost died!


My, my, how can I resist ya, New York?

Loitering around the theater district. [photo by X]


It is useless to resist.

At the Brooklyn Bridge. [photo by K]




While in NY, the good-natured souls invited us to visit them in New Jersey. But when I reached Jersey, hm, the universe wanted me to go home! And sent this cab for me! Kaloka hahaha. [photo by X]






Jersey-based Ate M of superfriend X, as we inhaled the fresh air of Liberty Park with a nice view of the Manhattan skyline.


And yeah, while in Jersey, we also got a glimpse of Pennsylvania for one whole afternoon. Four states in one visit, dude. That might be a record.




Yes, I got the ninja training module on subway riding down pat. That's me during my last day in Brooklyn. And New York. Yes, I miss it. Especially superfriends.




Back in Cali. And guess where we decided to eat. Ganda lang, teh. It's like I never left Manila hehe. Well, when you got a craving for crispy pata, it has to be enacted upon!


Doctor Dre is in da hauz!!! Word up! Hanging out at Norm's for steaks.

Easter holiday, I got picked up by my superfriend D who's now based in Los Angeles. So SoCal it is.

Yes I have a lot of great friends living abroad. Hm makes me think... Yes it does, with their prodding, of course. Lemmesee...



So we made it a more memorable Easter. Other old friends from UP flew in, drove down and hung out! It was a blast!

Having pizza and beer somewhere in WeHo early April.





And um, yeah, watched the Truckstop ladies perform in LA! Too chicken to get a lapdance though hahaha!

Man I sooooo miss West Hollywood right now. [photo by C]





And of course, Hollywood, baby!









And a brief moment of silence in front of Johnny Depp's club where River Phoenix died years ago.

Along Sunset Boulevard. [photo by Hazel]


And leave me for 3 hours in Hollywood and this is what I do: photo ops. Along everywhere, like the Walk of Fame.

No, we're not related.



Back at my sister's in central California, where one should not get a $9 haircut, if one doesn't want to look like Justin Bieber after 3 weeks.






Central Cali goodness is discovering the John Steinbeck museum at Salinas just near Monterey!!! Woot! Film and lit geek mode on!




And pigging out in different places like Panda Express. Man I love this joint pramis. Orange chicken heaven!






And driving around and checking out the beaches, like Pismo. But it was too darn cold to jump in. So photo ops would suffice.





And then it's me and my sister's turn to loiter around LA. So of course, theme parks are the main destinations. Especially this one. Super-film geek mode on!



Ladies with an attitude. Ganda ng Marilyn Monroe raket ng lola, aney?







And of course Disneyland!!! Gotta check out pop culture imperalism at its finest in its orginal location. Yeh? :P






But this is more fun -- Disney California Adventure. That's me redefining the concept of "motion sickness" after riding that fucker at my back. It involves riding a seated elevator that opens up near the top and you can see the whole park from the side. No, I didn't hurl but I almost did! Frak. There goes my ambition of being an astronaut...




And yey a quick side trip to Griffith Observatory! Where they shot Rebel Without A Cause! And um Charlie's Angels Full Throttle.




But back to reality after summer, just in time to see the Philippines undergo its first automated elections. And voila, we have a new president and senators. Hm.



And trying to enjoy the calm before the storm that is first semester in my serene Diliman campus... serene if without the kids.



Thank goddess for good friends who never run out of appetite to discover food thingies as we enjoy each other's company while bashing people who bash us hahaha!

Fumo-fundue at Cabalen Trinoma.




Also bidding farewell to some more friends who want to go abroad either to work or to be with their partners in countries where it's cooler to be queer. Haaay envy is me.

Miss you, Chet. Watch out for the kangaroos. :)




But we gain new friends along the way, like X's newest mistress, Ruby. :)



As we engage in TV work for the last time. Me directing an episode of Sunnyville, the show that revamped Happy Land.



And trying out new things in old environs, like not being a sideline rapporteur at the yearly Cinemalaya Film Congress but this time, being one of the on-stage moderators for a panel. Keri na rin. [photo by Maya sometime in July]




Also doing some newspaper columnist duties at the side, a gig I actually let go before the year ended. Sans regret, I should add.

Me being hi-tech as I jot down notes using my smartphone at the International Silent Film Festival coverage.





But ending old engagements also brought along starting new ones, like this current favorite of mine, our radio talk show over DZUP, my brainchild Cine Chichirya, where the usual suspects talk about the one thing we all love -- cinema. With this gig, I can now honestly say that I've made all the rounds of tri-media. Bow.


Also found myself networking with new like-minded people, like that strange impromptu media presentation I gave at the regional meeting of the International Association of Women in Radio and TV sometime in August. Weird, but good nonetheless. Met the courageous former Mayor Grace Padaca who wanted to add me on Facebook, but her account's already full. Oh well. :)

And then it had to happen. Domestic bliss shattered. September was the month when I developed a strange allergic reaction to sunsets especially those viewed from my picture windows. Imagine that. But thank goddess that didn't take so long. After a month of friendly rehab, I'm back in business. Silhouettes are in again. And I was good to go. Raring.


Friendly rehab consisted of drifting towards like-minded beer-drinking people, friends of superfriends and old acquaintances turned present friends. At Vina's kubo in Bulacan. [photo by X]




Thank goddess for the presence of the usual suspects during these tumultuous times as well. And yes, food helped heal one's soul. And pigging out. Like at Xocolat.






As well as engaging in familiar spaces, like literary conventions. Here, meeting up with Indian author Vikas Swarup whose novel Q&A was the basis for Danny Boyle's super-hit film Slumdog Millionaire. This was sometime in November during the Lit Out Loud NBDB conference.





Or engaging in media in different ways with old people. Like when X and I were invited to see the film premiere of the Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Gahoole at Imax theater (my first time in Imax. Don't like.) and then being interviewed on TV for a morning show segment. Well, needless to say, it was a hooooooot. Hehe.



And yes, engaging with a new life partner. Meet my girlfriend Dahon. We are in an open relationship so she doesn't mind me doing other things with other, er, equipment. Like at the gym, where I have a regular morning orgy with Treadmill, Lat Machine and Dumbbells. We're good. :)



Crashing back into the scene also helps. A lot! That's me redefining "pamorningan" after ditching a boring exclusive dance party and being invited to crash in a more interesting cougars vs. cubs party somewhere in Mandaluyong. Needless to say, liquor + conversations with witty queer women keep me awake 'til sunrise. [photo by Jaja]




Another good thing is starting new things with the usual suspects of old friends. Unofficially, we three have been doing media/arts stuff all around. But thanks to an official engagement, we made it official this time. Hence, the birth of Pedxing Media Group.



Also reconnected with my old office, Isis International, to facilitate a media workshop for their Activist School. My kind of thing. The second round of this engagement I brought with me Pedxing. [photo from Isis]





Teaching non-film people to do film production work for advocacy is something I think I'd like to do more. Hm let's see...

Here we are engaging the Asia-Pacific participants at Subic's White Rock resort. [photo by Teta]



And that's me trying to take a glimpse of a Philippine beach, my first for the year. That was X's angst actually ever since we came back from the US -- we haven't spent decent time relaxing in a local beach due to work stuff, unlike in past years. Ah, we'll try to change that this 2011, my friend. [photo by Teta]



Also dragging along old friends in the gig, like long-lost superfriend T and new friends or students-turned-co-workers like Nessa. [photo by Avie]



So it was also good that Isis adopted us "orphans" for this year's Pride March held in QC.

And of course, I came prepared. As always. Since I also decided after 12 years, this will be my last.


So better go out with a bang. With a new look. And an improved body. Lavet!

[photo by my student barbie]




After ten years, this is the first time I wore a tank top in public, again. Yes, I am so loving this new old persona hehe. [photo by richie]




Also enjoying pizza and the new persona as I hang out with new people in my universe. Pigging out at Sicilian's after pride with Kat and Leah of Isis.




Continuing old traditions of yearly get-togethers with writer friends at Writer's Night. Free wine is a lure. With UP Writers Workshop Baguio batchmates Butch and Marnie and foremost gay writer Neil Garcia. [photo by Neil]






Also rediscovering an old love with old and new colleagues, namely my co-faculty and lecturers at the UP College of Mass Communication, in this crazy year-end gig called Hagikhikan: Faculty Follies. Where we danced. Yes, in public. Twice! last December 15 at UP Theater no less. [photo by Melissa]





Channeling Michael Jackson was a hoot. Here's me leading the Beat It dance number. Can you beat that??? This gave me such a natural high. [photo by our student allie]






Me and Data of broadcomm doing the Shakira song thang. Oh no wait, Ketchup song pala. Regardless, that was one great gig man! Let's do it again next year! Woot!!![photo by allie]









And the year ends with more parties and hanging out with friends. At X's birthday bash in Conspiracy with film majors of yore. You know what, we age well, you guys. I'm just saying hehe.

[photo by Raf]




Old friends meeting new friends. [photo by Raf]









Hanging out with the latest family members of the Linsangan clan during the yearly yuletide reunion. At cousin Liza's in Valle Verde, with cousin Hugo's youngest Magi and cousin James' only child Bella.







Our high school barkada Chielo, in town from Saudi, as we hung out at Cho-Cho's place. Videoke drives us crazy. Thank goodness for wine. [photo by Kuya Brucie]

***

Overall, that was a good year, despite some setbacks. But at least now, the coast is clearer, the view is more straightforward, and there are still so many things to do and accomplish.

As always we take it one day at a time.



[photo swiped from Kakay]