EROTICA: an LGBT pre-pride party in QC Nov30

pssst! punta tayo dito! masaya 'to. think of this as an erotic and wittier version of those programs at Zirkoh minus the videoke singing of audience members. may kakanta rin, pero at least singers talaga sila! at saka sasayaw. at saka tutula. at of course magsasayawan tayong lahat!

you don't have to be one of us just to attend. if you like having fun with us,then come! (take note of the correct prepositions ha).

o di ba walang pasok at holiday sa friday? e di dito na gumimik! tamang-tama, malapit lang ito kahit saan, at madaling kumuha ng taxi kahit madaling araw hehe.

see you there. yes, i'll be there. pag sinabi kong see you there, ibig sabihin, andun ako. ang kulit ng mga nagtatanong e.

osya, see u there!

DARE TO BE BOLD!

BE SEEN! BE BOLD! DARE TO BARE!

E R O T I C A
the sexy party for the 2007 LGBT Pride March

WHEN: Fri., Nov 30, 2007 / 9pm - 12mn
WHERE: Palawan2 Bar, Yale St. near corner
Aurora Boulevard, Cubao QC
(across Gateway area, where the jeeps pass by)
HOW MUCH? P170 for this erotic show.

TASK FORCE PRIDE PHILIPPINES invites everybody/everybooty
to attend this event.   

Entrance fee is Php170.
(But if you buy tickets from me in
advance, you get it for Php150).  

This is a fundraiser party so please
feel free to spread the word around.

LGBTs and straights who care about
the cause are all invited!  

Tara!

There will be singing, poetry reading,
video teaser showing, and of course dancing
(because it's not an LGBT thing
if there's no dancing!)

See you there! 

Task Force Pride Philippines (TFP) is the official organizer of the
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Pride March and other Pride-related
activities in Metro Manila.

It is a network of LGBT and LGBT-friendly organizations committed to
promoting respect for the diverse expressions of responsible sexuality,
and the recognition of the right of LGBTs to a dignified life without
discrimination and prejudice.

Visit our blog for more details: www.pridemanila.wordpress.com

working the work, talking the talk

and yet once again we find ourselves in the middle of things that did not concern us in the beginning but we find ourselves now at the center of things. but that's okay. i am quite used to that. as long as the end product/goal/vision is something creative and will help people, then it's a go for me. so go lang ng go.

so after a haggard-o versoza day, i'm glad the night had answers to burning questions.

that's why i like the night. better than days. moonshine's always better than sunshine, i say. sunshine sometimes sucks.

*

so many activities are nearing na pero parang eto ko't nakatengga pa rin. pero at least nakaka-attend na ko ng meeting-meeting lately at nakaka-contribute kahit papaano sa pagsulong ng mga bagay-bagay. oh well...

ang dami! ang dami lang. sa lahat ng engagements ko at arts -- mula sa cinema/film, sa literary at sa lgbt advocacy, day sabay sabay silah! nahihilo na akesh.

so if you see me walking and talking to myself and in a nonending pensive mode/mood, eto na yun kasi. yun na.

*

mukhang magiging happy ako sa second sem classes ko. usually kasi, the student composition i get sa second sem ay parang latoy-latoy lang, na parang they'd rather be somewhere else than in my classroom. dami rin kasing istorbo sa second sem. nariyan ang yakkers na pasko, ang valentine's sa pebrero, UP fair sa pebrero pa rin, at kung anik-anik pang kaistorbohan. kaya siguro lutang din ang utak ng mga bata dahil sa ganito... hm, pero hindi rin ati.

pero promising ang sem na ito. better than the previous second sems. kasi okay ang student composition. and not surprisingly, mga shiftees sila.

minsan talaga makikita mo sa shiftees ang more drive, more passion to be filmmakers. kasi nga nakapag-decide na sila to become future filmmakers and they incorporate the life lessons they learned from their previous courses sa current course nila. most of the people in film who have excelled are shiftees. well, di rin maiaalis na some of the yabang excelling people in film are shiftees, no. well, walang tulak kabigin.

*

may isa lang akong naalala sa student talk na ito. ito yung lagi kong nakikitang vandal art sa AS chairs na "push button to eject teacher." how i wished gumagana yung ganun sa mga buwisit kong teachers dati. and now, how i wish that also works sa mga buwisit na teachers na colleagues ko na.

saklap ng buhay. nakakatawa lang--at actually, nakakaawa--na may mga guro akong nakakasalamuha na naging guro ko before na ngayon ay wala pa rin katorya-torya sa life. sabi nga ng isa kong friend, noong undergrad kami e ganun ang repu ng isang tao, hanggang ngayon bakit ganoon pa rin?

ewan ko ba. sometimes people refuse to change or refuse to grow up. and sometimes, they also refuse to change their ways in order to adapt to the real world out there. nakakalungkot.

kaya minsan naiiwan sa power tripping yung ganitong mga tao. sad talaga. sana may iba silang compensation sa life, like a good sex life for example, pero minsan wala talaga e. kaya kathy bates mode ang drama at project nila sa life ever -- kumbaga, misery loves company. sad naman.

san nga ba yun na narinig ko, yung walang kamatayang quote about teachers na "those who can, do. those who can't, teach." ang sad na totoo ang line na ito, pero of course hindi sa lahat ng guro ay applicable ito. like hello, ako ang unang mag-o-object dito, kasi ako -- and the rest of us who actually have real-life experience outside of the academe -- iba ang motto ko. "those who can do, teach, to warn others about what's needed and what's not." i guess yun ang sa akin.

nakachika ko nga once si ms chit, my colleague now na teacher sa journ dept, na once upon a time e bossing ko sa dyaryo. sabi nga niya, how will she teach ba that balance of supplying real-world facts without being/appearing cynical in the first place. i agreed with her na mahirap, dahil sa kaming natuto rin sa labas ng akademya ay nagbabalanse ng mga natutunan namin sa eksena sa loob ng akademya. kasi kadalasan kasi, hindi rin kaaya-aya ang eksena sa loob ng akademya.

dami ring di maganda sa systema. meng iba diyan na hindi tutulong sa iyo at mananadya pa sa mga gawaing facultad. meron diyang kaibigan mo sa harap pero pagtalikod mo sabay saksak. nakakatawa. akala ko e hindi showbiz ang akademya. this is actually the newest rant of all: showbiz din ang akademya. and worse.

oh well...

minsan nakaka-tempt iwanan. puwede ka namang gumawa na lang ng sarili mong kana sa buhay sa labas ng akademya. di ba't kadalasan naman e kapag nadi-disillusion ka e umaalis ka at naghahanap ng bagong environment?

ako kasi, hindi pa naman ako ganun ka-disillusioned. i guess my decade of being exposed in mainstream showbiz/media prepared me for this, for this work and these days. strange lang kasi to face people whom you think are here to offer their service, pero kabaliktaran pala ang gusto. gusto nila e sila ang sineserbisyuhan ng mundo. baligtad. e di dapat naging boss na lang sila ng kumpanya sa labas. nawawala na kasi ang konsepto ng serbisyo sa kanilang utak e. nauuna ang yabang, ang tatlong letrang nakatatak sa noo nila, particulary p-h-d, at kung anu-ano pang titulong pag binigkas mo three times e hindi ka magta-transform intoa superhero with a cape and superpowers to save the world, like "professor emeritus," "full professor" or our favorite "PhD."

bading, ang bato...

the challenge of being an educator is keeping it real. how do you teach kids to strive for the best when you know that the world they will explore one day will rip them apart and tear them to pieces? sometimes you tend to be overprotective and shield them from the realities of the outside world, but you can't do that all the time. in fact, you shouldn't even do that. you owe it to them to show them what;s out there and what they might face, and help them to discover their own superpowers to cope with the biggest obstacles and antagonists.

such is the challenge for us educators.

but for me, one thing's clear: i keep it simple. keep it simple. and keep it real. i tell them enough of the real world to have an idea of what's out there, and i also encourage them to do their best.

now it's another thing if their best is neglected for other reasons.

being the academic coordinator, i have the unfortunate job of analyzing if a student deserves to remain with the film institute or not, after being under probationary periods or similar disciplinary actions. i always tell these kids that finishing the degree is also important, but they also have to choose their priorities in life.

it breaks my heart to see the most talented students get waylaid by other things -- rakets, org duties, tibak engagements, outside exposures, etc. take your pick, this is UP after all. and like i told a promising student on the red earlier, it's not about balancing activities like org stuff and acads, but it's more of showing what their priorities are. responsibility, and commitment. important things that they apply to engagements somewhere else are not applied to their academic engagements. and that is sad. sometimes, the school is the one demonized if they don't get what they want or if they don't succeed. there are also those who not only demonize the institution but do not really help it back just a bit after the help that it gave him or her in the past to achieve his or her own personal goals. sometimes this level of selfishness and arrogance amazes me, that it thrives in their young minds and hearts. now that is a real tragedy.

sometimes it's a delicate matter to show them or tell them that they are gems, these really gifted students, because there have been some that we or i treated that way, and they ended up as arrogant as your country's president. or worse. this level of arrogance surprises us to no end, as we always wonder what well they are pulling this arrogance off of. strange indeed.

well, there will always be people who will think that they are god's gift to ____ (take your pick) but to see this kind of mentality in these young minds...sad.

*

balance. is it really all about balance? sometimes i doubt it. it's more of priorities for me. my favorite author once mused: what you risk reveals what you value. and this holds true every single time. it applies to me, too.

sometimes i feel that i've taken so many risks that i question myself why i don't just go with the flow. sometimes i look at the happy and contented faces of people working the round the clock hour thing, the 9to5ers, and think, now why can't i have that kind of satisfaction? i don't know what kind of artistry and temperament the universe injected in me, but it just keeps on looking for more challenging and satisfying avenues for myself to wade in. mahirap... especially if you need to earn money.

sabi nga nila, fair si lord. kung ano ang sobrang biniyayaan ka, kulang sa iba. well, i guess okay na ako sa konseptong kulang ako sa pera o yaman, pero huwag lang sa utak at artistry at skill. salamat naman at, yabang aside, meron pa rin nitong mga ito, intact.

kaya may ganun minsan. such is life, di ba nga...

oh well. sabi nga ng colleague ko kanina, kanya kanya na yang chenelyn boomboom.


o basta, kitakits dito ha. more pre-march events to come. stay tuned here.

when its rain, it's four

kainiz! just when i was happy and semi-contented and semi-ready to embrace the life i have right now, here comes another one, beckoning and all that. opportunity knocks only once daw, sabi ng cliche, pero sa dami na ng binuksan kong katok, hala, ewan at dito ang ending natin....

kelangan ko na ba kumanta ng "bakit ngayon ka lang dumating sa buhay ko..." chos. no, i ain't talking about love life ha. baka madale ako ng jowa (yes kia, as in present tense ito). i'm tlaking about... haaaay, anu fi? career choices. kainiz.

nagpa-reading kasi ako last saturday sa party ng friends ko (happy aniv ulit bunnies!) at talagang...ang ganda ng insights na nakuha ko about the career chenes. and lo and behold, eto na nga't meron na namang katok mga misis mode...huwaaaah.

bahala na si batman. haynakuh.

la lang. i need to just let this out. before i dive into the next two weeks of workstuff, official and unofficial. huwaaaaaaaaah.

komikon na!

oh, i'm definitely going this saturday. see you there!

i'm a komiks enthusiast. no, not comics da sosi version (although yeah, may gusto din akong ganun), but komiks, as in yung mabaho ang papel at madumi ang ink na binebenta sa palengke dati na binabasa ng lola ko at nanay ko at ng buong pamilya ko noong bata ako, with titles like WAKASAN, HIWAGA, ALIWAN and all that.

bilang bibong bata, ako naman ay avid subscriber ng FUNNY KOMIKS na lumalabas tuwing friday. kaya panalo nang last year sa komikon, may nakita akong tisyert na planet op di eyps. siyempre binili ko siya! sana naman this year, may niknok...kasi siya ang peyborit ko sa funny komiks, dahil kaedad ko siya noong panahong binabasa ko iyon at tulad niya, mahilig ako sa fried chicken.

kahuntahan ko some months back si ateneo titser and malikhaing manunulat egay samar about this. i was actually asking for help to remember a series na favorite ko noon sa komiks, sa hiwaga to be exact, if i remember it right.

there's this wonderful series na sinubaybayan ko noon about these male twins, cain and abel plot pattern, na pinaglihi sila ng nanay nila sa statue ni lucifer at gabriel arkanghel sa simbahan, yung naglalaban sila na parang logo ng ginebra gin bilog na designed by fernando amorsolo. so syempre, isa sa twin ay may bat-like black wings with black sungay sa noo. yung isa, super blondie kulot cherubim hair at may angel feathery white wings. ang catch: si angelic ang demonyito ang ugali, at si demonic looking ang sobrang bait sa kanila. o di ba ang ganda lang ng pitch! i actually want to make this into a film, kung ma-trace ko lang ang gumawa. pero kung maunahan (na naman) ako e okay lang din as long as they do justice to the story. grabe lang sa ganda ng kwentong ito!

heniway, kaya ako nasa komikon ay dahil bahagi na naman ako ng anthology ng trio ng KOMIKERA (lea lim, teta tulay, vivian limpin) tulad last year. pero di tulad last year, kuwento lang ang binahagi ko, at ang aking online friend ang gumawa ng guhit. last year, gumawa ako ng new series entitled "muni-muni ni lumi" at kuwento at guhit ang akin. pero dahil sa lost ang powers ko last october, hindi ako nakahabol sa deadline para madugtungan si lumi sa part 2 ng kanyang munimuni. sayang. buti na lang at ang friend ko e naisipang gawing komiks yung ilan kong blog entries sa multiply hehe. thanks arlene!

o basta punta kayo at daan kayo sa table kung nasan ang mga indie komiks makers. andun ang komikera. bili kayo, mura lang. :)

congressional chever

it's past ten pm in the metro as i type this, and by now, i'm sure you've heard of the latest news that literally rocked part of the city.

an explosion at the congress just happened, around 8pm or so. yes, the house of representatives kung saan dapat represented ang sangka-lgbt-han kung officially recognized ang ANGLADLAD as a political party, with gays and lesbians representing us in congress sana...still a pipe dream...

kaya pala ang lakas ng naririnig kong sirens blaring along commonwealth when i stepped out of the office at peyups around 830ish. grabe. i just hope nobody i know was injured in any way...

*

flashback:

nakapasok ka na ba sa kongreso? ito yung sa batasan area, diyan sa may commonwealth ave, pero off commonwealth kasi the gate is somewhere in a street adjacent to the highway e. strict nga sila diyan, lalo na sa cars, even way back in the mid-90s. noon ako nakapasok diyan, pero hindi pa praning ang earth ng mga panahong iyon kasi, kaya walang masyadong hassle na naipasok ko yung kotse ko noon diyan.

may interbyu kami sa isang congresswoman dahil gumagawa kami ng isang docu-tv special dati. wala pa yatang isang taon mula nang gumradweyt ako noon sa film nang napasama ako sa staff ng docu na ito. ENG ang trabaho ko as usual, dahil ako nga si miss cinematography/miss camerawoman-human tripod noon sa iskul. kung di ako nagkakamali, ang title ng docu na iyon ay "the role of the filipina in national development" at isa siyang kawomanan docu na nai-ere ng prodyuser naming opus dei sa channel4. ewan ko bakit doon na-ere gayung di naman pro-gov't yung docu, pero di rin naman anti. whatever.

pinayagan kaming mag-shoot sa loob lang ng opis ng congresswoman na di ko na maalala kung sino (meaning she didn't make an impression on moi, therefore). so habang naghihintay, umupo kami doon sa may audience seats na parang balcony/loge area kung saan kita mo ang buong floor and all that, kung saan sila nagse-session. wala yatang session noon pero may mga tao-taong nagdadaan and whatnot sa floor.

bilang active participant ng 1986 people power revolt ang aming prodyuser (nag-publish pa nga siya ng book about it), siyempre biglang kumulo ang dugo niya sa every artery, clavicle and vein nang magdaan sa may harapan namin (sa floor, sa baba namin technically, since nasa taas nga ang loge/balcony) bigla ang isang kinamumuhian niyang pigura -- si imelda marcos, na surprisingly hindi naka-butterfly dress noon. congresswoman siya noon, newly elected yata, at puta gusto kong magtago sa ilalim ng silya nang bigla na lang nag-rant yung prodyuser naming malaking bulas na babae na opus dei na fil-canadian ng "what nerve! she should be hanged! what's she doing here! i can't believe this country, voting for criminals for politicans" blah blah blah. noong mga panahong iyon, kakaunti pa lang ng pilipinas ang nasisilayan ko so pinagdasal kong sana makalabas kami ng buhay na walang sniper na susunod sa amin sa kongreso dahil sa rant niya para naman makita ko pa ang cebu, bacolod, dumaguete, davao, vigan...at bangkok.

grabe yun. may point ang lola, oo, pero naman! gawin ba naman sa home turf ng kalaban! sus. obviously hindi niya binasa ang kasalukuyan naming bibliya ng mga panahong iyon ng aking co-film batchmates, ang ART OF WAR ni sun tzu. of course one rule is terrain ng kalaban e wag kang papalag. dapat lure them in neutral ground or trick them into going into your terrain. e ang lola mo nga, ewan ko kung ano ang binabasa noon at wala lang, nagbabablahblah lang siya diretso, within earshot of imelda! pero mukhang bingi yata ang imeldific at di siya/kami narinig... baka may naiwang takong ng shoes sa tenga? o nasobrahan ng spraynet ang hair at affected ang hearing? ewan. oh well...

lesson learned: huwag makipagtrabaho sa opus dei. char! chika lang.

um, choose your battlefields? parang love, love is a battlefield. char! joke.

ewan ko. i guess the lesson here is...hay, vote wisely pa rin, i guess... la lang.

*

natatangahan lang ako kay tenga. sabi ba naman niya sa anc "i thank madame president for sending immediately the pnp chief (or something big like that) ___ (something something) to help with the situation." e gago ba siya, siyempre trabaho ng pnp chief, heneral at ninumang mataas na opisyal militar na pumunta doon sa mga crisis spots asap! hindi na kelangan ng presidente na UTUSAN SILA! punyetang ngekngok quote yun o! talagang sipseeeeeeeeeep...

hay...

in fairness, masarap ang lechon na regalo nila ni madam gina tuwing pasko sa press... (natikman ko noon when ms chit of journ dept and i worked sa pinoy times dati, columnist namin si manay kasi). other than that, we still think he's a putz. a major one.

hay. now you see why i don't like this government?

ewan.

*

man, if congress can't protect themselves...

my poor country. :(

*

EDIT: aaaah, depressing! turns out that i do indeed know a casualty. yung driver ng gabriela rep na namatay...is the husband of my former dear workmate sa women's ngo... hay...

his name was marcial taldo. husband of mayang.

former isis peeps, send your love to ate mayang. she so badly needs it. not after her son died two years ago, too, and in a violent way, too, at that...

hay putangina. bakit mga di dapat namamatay ang namamatay? samantalang araw-araw na ginawa ng puntanginang gumawa ng araw e naglalakad sa harap ko ang mga sana mamatay nang nilalang sa lupa...

tangina. il n'est pas juste.

in loving memory of

oh my. just saw the bad news about rene saguisag's wife passing due to a vehicular accident. that means lara's mom...is dead. oh man.

lara, if you're reading this, my deepest condolences...

geezus...

i don't think i can handle it if my own mom died. oh man. no, never. i have the right to go nuts if that happens. that's how much i love my mom, even if it's not too obvious most times. but she knows.

*

this piece of news got me thinking more of the thoughts i started thinking of back during the undas holidays.

as i made my way through the tombstones and mausoleums in cemeteries, i always see a common wording there: "in loving memory of." it was also so unfortunate that i attended the funeral of a 7-month old infant during undas, the child of my girlfriend's kabarkada. man, i tell you, there's nothing like seeing a small, small coffin like that... makes me think of life in retrospect talaga...

*

things like this always get me talking to my friends and acquaintances of our own time, should our time be up already, meaning time for wakes and mourning and all. like me, i've always said that i don't want an open casket during my wake. i don't want anybody peeking at my dead and lifeless mortician-beautified body and face during my wake. i want a closed casket, much like what journalist and cmc journ prof luis beltran had before when he died (and his favorite white cowboy hat was placed atop his closed casket). yun ang gusto ko. if people wanna see me, i'll make a video of myself talking about myself and addressing the wake audience, kinda like an avp running all throughout my wake. and then my girlfriend tells me that there's this company that already has that idea of a "package funeral service" where an avp of the deceased is thrown in. wokey, naunahan na naman ako sa ideya...pero okay lang. ang ideya ko lang naman ay sarili ko ang nagsasalita sa avp.

and then of course i don't want to be buried underground. i want to be cremated, and i want my ashes sent to NASA so a space shuttle mission could take it in space and throw out my ashes deep into outer space. and no, i am not kidding on this one. sabi ng girlfriend ko, magkakalat pa ko sa space niyan. sabi ko naman, not exactly, kasi baka ang ashes ko ang maging core ng isang future planet, nakatulong pa ako sa cosmos niyan at sa universe in whole. malay mo, maging new earth ang ashes ko, makatulong pa sa future human beings. and she agreed.

although now, i am rethinking that NASA concept. sabi kasi niya, she wants something naman daw as a marker for the loved ones she left to grieve for her, so kahit type din niyang ma-cremate like me, she prefers being in a mausoleum or something para may dadalawin ang loved ones niya, something to remember her by, a marker of her and all that. now i'm thinking of the same thing, na baka kelangan nga ng some kind of marker na puwedeng puntahan ng mga taong nais akong dalawin at alalahanin kahit isang araw lang sa isang taon. puwede na...

strange lang to put those words "in loving memory of." medyo hindi ko bet. i guess by that time, makakaisip na ko ng better wording which i will myself have inscribed in my lapida or whatnot. in loving memory...sigurado kaya yung namatay na he or she is thought of with love? e kung hate, contempt, disgust? ang labo nun di ba? kaya lang napakabait natin bilang catholic nation at by default nilalagay natin yung ganun sa mga lapida ng mga tao, kahit hindi nila deserving. e di ba nga turo sa atin ng simbahan ay mag-repent ka lang right before malagutan ka na ng hininga para ma-guarantee ka na sa heaven ka pupunta, kahit gaano pa kasama ang naging life mo sa earth.

hay... i don't believe in that one dahil naaasar ako sa repentance mode ng katolisismo, dahil by default nabubura lahat ng nagawa mo pag humingi ka ng tawad??? nakakainis. kaya i subscribe more to the hinduist concept of repaying in the next life regarding this one. meaning kung punyeta kang tae ka sa life na ito, next life mo ay putanginang ipis ka na tatapak-tapakan makailang ulit bilang retribution. at least in that belief, there is justice. and, like the buddhists, kung mag-try kang mag-meditate to achieve inner peace and a higher form of existence, mas bet. ibig sabihin, pinaghihirapan mo ang sarili mong salvation, unlike sa catholicism na hingi ka lang patawad sa diyos, walang kahirap-hirap, granted agad ang wish mo lang. hindi kabaitan ito e. spoiled bratisismo ito no. ibig sabihin, kahit makailang ulit kang magkasala, walang harm kung hihingi ka lang ng tawad sa diyos tapos ulit-ulitin mo yung kahayupan mo...where's the justice in that??? napakatamad na relihiyon talaga ng katolisismo...

but back to my query. sino ba dapat ang nasusunod, yung namatay, yung namatayan o yung mga kilala ng namatay na alam nila kung ano ang gusto ng namatay? i remember reading ms joanne maglipon's column way back when ishmael bernal died (teka, or was that lino brocka?). basta the one whose mother survived her son's death. she mentioned kasi na either ishma or lino...wait, now i remember, it was ishma, kasi the idea sounds so ishma-ish, na gusto daw niya, pag namatay siya, isuot sa kanya ang isang pink na underwater swimsuit /dive suit or something like that, basta para daw di siya magmukhang deds. tapos she and other ishma's friends were out choosing for a casket, tapos sabi nung isa "eto na lang o, kamukha nung kay lino" or something like that. basta, that column piece was so wonderful that it made me smile and sad at the same time. ms joanne narrated it so well.

before ishma died kasi, we were able to hang out with him at his old kanto bar in kalayaan called kasalo, kami ng ilan kong film major batchmates na naging housemates ko. it was just an open bar back in the mid-90s, parang bukas na pares eatery ang bar, at laging pula ang ilaw doon, na parang 70s pubhaus atmosphere. lokasyon nito doon sa kanto ng kalayaan at ng korean school na blue ngayon, pasok ka sa kalyeng iyon at nasa kanto iyon ng kalyeng iyon at ng first street parallel to kalayaan, which is maginoo yata.

bilang young film majors, nahihiya pa kaming lapitan siya minsan pag mag-isa siyang umiinom sa mesa at tulala siya o nakatingin sa kawalan na para bang nag-iisip ng bagong conflict sa film concept niya. minsan bubuyuin ko ang friends kong mas makapal ang fez at sasabihing "bilis! itanong mo na sa kanya kung ano ba talaga ang major conflict sa nunal sa tubig!" minsan naman nakaka-chika namin siya pero di lang ako sigurado kung naaalala niya kami kapag umaga, may flourescent light o daylight, bilang creatures of the night din kami tulad niya na nagha-hangout doon sa bar. mura kasi ang beer doon. siguro alam niyang taghirap at dugyot ang mga tunay na artist-filmmaker tulad namin kaya nagbukas siya ng ganung lugar para may matambayan ang mga tulad namin...at tulad niya.

kaya natuwa ako noong bumalik na ako sa peyups para magturo sa aking alma mater at makitang ang isang bahagi ng lumang film center ay binansagang "bernal gallery" in memory of him. as in, truly loving cinematic memory of him. noong una, naisip ko, bakit hindi kay lino brocka? pero sa kalaunan, naisip kong tama rin na kay ishma, dahil mas na-embody niya ang pagiging pasaway at nakiki-ride na may ere na humble na artist na filmmaker na tahimik at maingay na nagtataguyod ng mga naaapi at nasa marginalized sectors ng society, at di siya nahihiyang i-admit din ang mga kahinaan niya bilang nilalang na paminsan-minsa'y nalululong sa tawag ng laman o droga o natural high of artistry. yan ang ishmang naabutan ko. idol, sobra.

*

i have this ex naman who used to ask me na kung mamatay kaya siya, may pupunta kaya sa wake niya. hindi ko alam kung out of vanity ang tanong na ito o self-validation of one's worth, pero i guess it's both. hindi ko rin alam kung maiinis o maaawa ako sa kanya tuwing itatanong niya ito. sinabi ko na lang, sa pagkakakilala sa kanya ng mga tao, may pupunta sa wake niya, i'm sure. so na-pacify na siya ng sagot na ito.

ako, hindi ko na iniisip yan. i don't really care if people come to my wake or not. i'm just concerned if people will remember the works i did or the minute contribution i donated to this earth in whatever endeavor i am involved in. iniisip ko lang na sana may isang nilalang man lang na natulungan ako sa kanyang buhay o art sakaling mamatay ako. at sana, yung maiwan kong body of works ay makatulong din sa mga tao in a positive way. i guess yun lang ang iniiisip ko. happy na ako if i was able to affect a life in a positive way somewhere out there.

oh well. so on to life...

sexual survey + teatro tuliro tangents

some feedbacking first.

thanks for the comments y'all, especially bles, fire and kia. appreciate it highly. :) fire check out the same entry sa downelink ko, matatawa ka sa feedback ng mga tao hahaha. bles, glad to hear you're happy girl. gender doesn't matter as long as the soul is pacified, girl. keep it up! (where's my copy of your poetry book? hehe) ey kia, san ka na? coffee and beer's waiting. and sisig. :)

*

tagal ko rin pala nawala dito. medyo nahihimasmasan pa ko galing sa nirapidong bakasyon sa natira kong sembreak (na wala pang two weeks potah) kaya offline ang byuti ko noong undas.

ngayon naman, resting lang sa kakatapos na ikalawang araw ng enrollment sa peyups using the new online system chenes. medyo mas mapayapa so far ang life ngayon, pero ewan ko na lang bukas at sa mga susunod na araw. hay... at potah pasukan na naman next week! aaaah.

well, so far so good here. bukas ako naman mag-e-enroll ng residency ko for my MA. lapit na tapos thesis! kaya happy mode na ulit ako hehe :)

*

i-repost ko lang itong survey ko na ito na originally sa multiply blog ko pinost. masaya kasi magpost doon kasi kita agad ang replies saka maayos ang tracking. heniwey, sana sagot din kayo dito.

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A SEXUAL CURIOSITY SURVEY

curious lang ako. not to be offensive or politically incorrect or insensitive or discriminatory or whatnot, pero may naisip lang akong alamin:

MAKIKIPAG-SEX KA BA SA PANGIT?

i mean, depende se definition mo ng pangit. whatever is pangit for you is pangit for you. i won't debate you on that. so the q is, willing ka bang makipag-sex sa isang taong pangit? either one night stand or fubu (fuck buddy).

dedma na sa iba niyang kuwalipikasyones (eg etits nya kasing-laki ng eiffel tower, boobs niya parang chocolate hills, kaya mag-split in mid-air while doing a cartwheel etc). isa lang gusto ko malaman.

this is a social experiment in jest.

hm... sorry ha, pero ako kasi, hindi siguro... kahit im uber-drunk... ewan ko. i'm lookist most times. i know that's bad but what can i do? i like my women sexy and pretty and witty, in that order. chos!

okay go! sagot ka!

ps ito nga rin pala ay para sa isang maikling kuwentong kasalukuyan kong sinusulat. :) ayudame.

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hihi riot ang mga answers ng mga utaw diyan sa multiply ko (leaflens.multiply.com). sana sagot pa sila.

sagot ka rin! hehehe.

natanong ko yan kasi lately, tuwing mag-o-online ako sa downelink, some girl pms me and asks to be my fubu or ons. e kaya lang...potah naman eh. da fez man, da fez. hay... haha saka di lang yun. i have 2 erotica stories brewing on my pot (or to steal ian casocot's term "percolating") kaya swak ito. nakakatawa nga e kasi yung pm sumakto sa time na may sinusulat akong ganito. kaya materyal na naman hahahaha! user! hahaha! chos.

saka of course hindi lang din yun ang dahilan sa pagtanggi, of course. siyempre may relasyon na akong inaalagaan e. yes my dearies, hindi na (naman) ako eligible bachelorette. for now. :) ching! joke lang. (baka mabasa, lagot ako hahaha!) nah, she's nice. and i'm happy. so i guess that's what's important.

anyway... on to non-censored things hehe.

*

umiikot pwet ko dahil sa excitement sa mga future theater releases here. no, hindi cinema kundi stage theater, and musical. exciting kasi e! potah sana may pera ako to watch them all, in front row pa.

una ito:

potcha exciting! INTO THE WOODS tapos andun pa si lynn sherman! idol! likes na likes ko ang aleng ito kumanta ever since i first saw her live sa UP writer's night nung kumanta siya sa program, some 9 or 8 years ago yata, doon pa sa filipinas heritage library. don ko rin unang nakilala si barbie almalbis and si cynthia alexander. hmm tagal na pala nun ano. who woulda thought? hehe. ang writing group ko pa na ka-hangout noon ay ang pre-jologz of dumaguete batch namin nina indi, pero sina indi pa rin nga pala ka-hangout ko before noon, yung uplb workshop batch niya together with...sino nga ba? ah sina claire agbayani (the pr of that writers night, hence the musicians konek), and si baryon tensor, si mister sub-atomic particle hehe. saka si pash nga pala, paolo herras, na sobrang totoy pa noon hahaha (remember pash?). ay oo slaves nga pala kami ni kris lacaba sa workshop na iyon, first time to be slaves. si mama sandra gonzales pa ang mother hen namin, all under ms jing hidalgo the workshop director. ayuz. those were the days.

next i saw lynn sa tv-tv na, then she sings around town with some jazz band alam ko, pero ang napapanood ko lang noon e mga retrospect at parliament syndicate kasi tumulong ako kay claire to do pr. hm, tagal na pala nun ano...

next time i encountered her was sa RENT na, yung original staging nila ng atlantis productions with of course the mooning monique wilson heheeh (yeah i made sure i sat on the perfect row for that! hahaha tunggril!). lynn played the role of joanne the lawyer, at bet ko ang portrayal niya unlike bituin's (bituin nga ba?) portrayal sa second run (yes ganon ako kaadik sa RENT, pinanood ko twice. pero mas maganda yung unang run, esp the cast. nothing beats monique's mooning, among other things hahaahah!). yun kasi masyadong stone butch stiff interpretation ang ginawa niya sa lawyer, e hindi ko bet. oh well...

then i kinda lost touch with theater and musicals until i was working early 2000s sa diyaryo and i got invited sa press preview ng LITTLE MERMAID ba yun? yung si kc concepcion ang bida (tama ba? potah nalimutan ko na) tapos si lynn nandun bilang...crustacea yata yung character niya. ay hindi ata si kc, si karylle ata, basta yung anak ni zsazsa or someone like that, nag-debut chenes sa stage. or sila yatang dalawa, si karylle at si kc both? well i guess they didn't make an impression kasi hindi ko maalala hehe. but lynn sherman rocked!

and now, eto na nga. hm kainis naman kasi ang new voice mag-stage, weekends lang, fri and sat pa. ayan na-miss ko tuloy dati yung THE GOOD BODY na dinala nila sa dumaguete pala lately. sana ibalik nila dito.

tapos eto pa!


actually, dito umiikot ang pwet ko sa excitement:




homaygaaaaad DOGEATERS! shet shet shet! based ito sa great great novel ni fil-am ny-based writer jessica hagedorn, na super ganda lang talaga ang pagkakasulat at pagkaka-develop at relevant sobra ang nilalaman at super okay siya sa akin kaya one of my favorite novels of all time ko ito. and then years ago, i heard from the fil-am circuit na they made this into a stage play sa new york, starring no less than ching valdez pa. she's such a great fil-am actress. napanood ko siya nang pumunta siya dito nung late 90s ba yun at nag-stage sila sa ccp ng isang obie-winning play about fil-am identity, kung saan lola siyang ulyanin na sa US na nagre-reminisce ng kabataan niya sa ilocos. kewl! aaaaaah mamamatay ako pag di ko napanood itooooo! hehe. :P from atlantis din ito, kaya keri ko ito. check out the cast, man.





at eto pa! isa na lang! actually, ito ang christmas gift ko sa sarili ko:



aynakooooo rerun na ito ha kaya kelangan ko na siyang mapanood this time! type ko ang music nitong AVENUE Q. natisod ko lang ito online and i downloaded the songs. ang kukulet! pasaway! in the tradition of jim henson's muppets ang casting pero pasaway lahat ng lyrics. imagine songs like "the internet is for porn" being sung by puppets. hahaha basta gusto ko to! can't wait!

wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! tabi ka dyan pong pagong. pang r-rated ito! heheh.














daming cool things to watch onstage. sayang lang at hindi napa-publicize ng husto minsan. hay, mga panahong ito nami-miss ko ang trabaho ko sa dyaryo bilang entertainment editor kasi free access ako sa mga shows na ito e hehehe. oh well, such is life... hm kelan ba darating ang yearend bonus? hehe :P

hmm nakakatawa naman ang coincidence ng mga theater chenes sa life ngayon. like eto, kaka-kontak lang din sa akin ng isang theater director, si josé estrella (latest works: AS YOU LIKE IT sa peyups, WOMEN OF MALOLOS ni lolo nic tiongson), to do some writing thingie. haha nakakatawa kasi nung nagmi-miting kami, di niya maalala na in-email niya ko thanking me for a positive review of her play staged sa ccp before (back when i was freelancing as a reviewer for an online zine). at pareho naming di maalala ang title ng play na yon hahaha. ang tagal na kasi e... early 2000s rin.

nakakatawa lang ang mga tangents sa life ko lately... hahaha.