tapos naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

or rather, i edited it na!!!!!

hay natapos din sa wakas ang looooong-delayed music video. eternal thanks goes to wanda and paolo and the rest of praxi inc. heaven sent kayo!

tapos kasabay din nun this week, lumabas na! bili kayo ng ICON magazine. glossy siya, parang sosyal at manipis na cosmo pero better paper. kasama ako dun sa outstanding special feature headlined by boy abunda. tarush photo ko ha. haha. hindi niyo ko makikilala mga bakla... bet.

bait naman ng icon. binigay pa nila yung cd copy ng photoshoot kay raymund isaac. ano na nga yon? "yay! may friendster photo na ko!"

hay... la vita e bella. truli.

to answer your question bjelland, hindi gaano kagandahan ang pink filmfest. for one, puro gay. sa katiting na lesbian sa mga short film lump categories, eh, leaves more room to desire more. baka mas may hope pa yung pride filmfest, the aids-related one. doon ko last year napanood at nalamang ang madreng si singing nun na sumikat nung '60s with the song 'dominique' na kinanta ni winona ryder sa early '90s film niyang MERMAIDS during the phase where her character was feeling christian ay tibash pala. (whew ang haba ng pagitan nun a!) saka yung GOLDFISH MEMORY maganda. yun ang truli na LGB film. T na lang ang kulang. maganda siya.

cinema one... originals nga ba? abangan. cinemalaya, malaya nga ba ang sinehan? abangan sa arp!arp!

pinanood ko yung season ender ng csi vegas days ago. much hyped kasi directed by quentin tarantado--este tarantino. panget. unnecessary epilogue. what da hell was that prison scene all about? chaka. saka parang nakatanga lang sila most of the time instead of looking for nick. hay naku ilabas ba ang csi angst dito. kasi naman e, had to stay up til 1a (finished by 3a) to friggin' catch the replay (was out having a few bbqs and drinks with writer friends and acquaintances kasi -- after winning a kodak watch! and accusing an ad agency person of perpetrating negative lgbt stereotypes hehe. sweet.).

how non-sequitur is this ha?

eto pa. natapos na rin last weekend yung video prod shoot ng poetry reading cum visual production chuvaness para kay aida. i just pray to goddess that...that... that the dudes won't fuck up editing my piece. baka maghalo ang alam mo na sa yun na yun. hehe. got a millionwords to say but i chose to say it.. to someone else hehe. oh well. hope for the best! yet expect the worst. ganyan nga yata talaga kapag fez mo ang nakasalalay sa harap ng kamera. obscura ang drama ko e nabalandra bigla sa harap. well, we'll see. buti na lang may bitbit akong all in one make-up artist-wardrobe consultant-back-up musician-feminist conscience-taray temper tamperer hehe. salamats.

napaka-eventful pala ng week na ito hane? kahit na hindi ako nagklase halos dahil sa mga scheduled chuvanesses. bawi-bawi lang pala.

punta kayo 70s bistro bukas ng 9pm (ay mamaya na pala, sabado na!). baka sa gig ng pinikpikan ay ipasilip namin yung music video nilang ginawa ko. text text.

islip na me. guwaaaaaaaaark.

state of *my* nation

mierda the nawasa drillers are back at nasa tapat ng haybols ang drilling!!!!!!!!!!! nyetaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. kala ko ba tapos na to last sat!!!!!!!!!!! kainis!!! napurnada nga ang balak kong magtrabaho peacefully sa harap ng kompyuter nung sabado tutal di na ko tumuloy dun sa seminar on docu filmmaking by isabel kenny and anvil kasi nga nagka-sinusitis ako nung umaga (what else?). hay nakuh. kung kelan naman ako naka-sked to work here... aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhh!

the tv has been on since this morning, monitoring news eklat. walang pasok ang metro manila today yehei! kaya andito sa haus arrest ang byuti ko. inayos ko na finally yung corridor/hallyway kalats ko at na-unearth ko na rin ang mga hinahanap ko sa life. tama si earnest, may maiiwan ka pa talagang kahong di nabubuksan ever tuwing lilipat ka. pagbaba ko sa basement, ayun, true enough, meron pa pala dun. hay...

*

it's the SONA today. kakatapos lang. babaguhin daw ang form of government to federalist. kala ko ba parliamentary? may namigay ng peach and calamansi plants sa congress. hindi halos nag-tagalog si gloria sa state of the nation address niya so malamang hindi gaano na-gets ng some of the 70+percent ng people living below the poverty line sa 'pinas ang shpluk nya. sa mga pulis na naka-tokang bantayan ang sandamakmak na anti-gloria rallyists sa congressional road as we speak, ang ibig sabihin pala sa kanila ng "anti-riot" ay offensive attack!!!! (afraid!) maikli ang shpluk at naka-filipiniana pati mga reporters. a congressman filed a bill to make the calamansi juice our national juice daw. what the hell kind of government do i have????????

hay, i have long ceased to fathom its existence...


photothoughts...

fete fatale

a great location from the second floor of sidebar café. kinda too late coming there kasi they closed the venue early. had to rely on "musician connections" to get in. sayang kasi this set was the one i wanted to listen to, yung blues line-up. i've always liked the blues. fusion with r&b or soul or just plain old school. sayang.

this year's fete was a disaster in terms of crowd control. bakit walang crowd traffic? grabeh. afraid dun sa mga punk kids in black. jologs to the max. well, the one in el pueblo, at least. may mini-fete dun sa greenbelt din, yun keri dun. sosi. pero pangit daw sound system.


si define love

spotted this guy wearing pointy ears and carrying a sign that said "define love." when pinikpikan played the closing gig at the main stage that night, he started interpretative dancing in front of the stage! kaya binato siya ng mineral water bottles para bumaba hehe.

i really hope they choose a different venue next time, yung hindi dikit-dikit at yung papapasukin ka sa venue dahil gusto mo makinig ng certain type of music.

*

a friend talked about being chased. she posted questions that i will try to answer:

1. have you ever chased anybody for anything?

yes, when i was no more than 10 years old. i was living in my lola's house in proj. 4 and we had a guava tree sa harap sa labas. may isang malaking bunga siya na super laki than the usual (guapol 'ata). binabantayan ko siya at ina-admire from the inside when may biglang pumitas na passerby. labas ng gate ang lola nyo at hinabol ko. to no avail. mabilis sha tumakbo.

2. have you ever been chased by anybody?

i cannot remember.

quiz ka jan+some thoughts on...art?

and it had to be the piktyur of a perfect pwet...sans saddlebags. wish ko lang. paging dr. bello...

Your Sexy Brazilian Name Is

Taís Peixe

What's Your Sexy Brazilian Name?

but i love da name ha. when i go to rio de janeiro or porto alegre, yan na pangalan ko. and i won't tell the taxi driver "abrazos" tulad ng isa dyan hehehehehehe. baka bigla akong yakapin.


eto naman kakaiba... i don't know what to make of it.

- You Are The Key Character
"It's what I was meant to do."

You are the true enigma. No one knows much about you, you do not understand much of yourself,
and your life seems to carry no purpose. Yet regardless of everything around you - everyone
knows that you are here for some reason, even if no one yet knows what that is. Things seem
to simply fall into place for you. Almost as though some force is working either through you, for you,
or around you. No matter your troubles, you have been sent here to unlock something. This is your destiny.

Which Classic Story Role Do You Play



and then there's this one. i just had to take this because i just finished writing a full-length screenplay with a goth feel and an actual goth character. feel ko na ba ang goth-goth na yan?

Fairly Goth You scored 50!

You know some stuff. Chances are you're one of those counter-culture hybrids like goth-punk,electro-goth,or nature-goth.You like the gothic counter-culture and you seek out the bits you like most.I bet you love Tim Burton movies.Chances are you've never seen Switchblade Symphony live before they broke up but you may own a CD.Hey-Tapping the Vein still tours!Your dream profession is probably something where you have total control like owning your own buisness or freelance artist.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 5% on gothies

Link: The GOTH Test written by myriad_entity on Ok Cupid

o-kayyyyy.....

obvious bang wala na naman akong magawa? meron naman. i actually began the outline of that novel i was planning to write. yehey! it's kinda exciting. and like i said, i just finished that darned screenplay after two thousand years! nakakumpleto ulit ako ng isang script! super. da best. this called for a celebration. kaya nag-crispy pata ako kahapon hehe. saraf. yummy fried cholesterol. hehe i love that line my fellow scriptwriter friend cenon invented: fried cholesterol and baked calories. or was that the other way around? nabasa ko sa script nya dati. love it.

was browsing through bino's calzoncillo (er, that didn't sound quite right yata...) and found myself nodding endlessly about what he was saying about writers and cliques. to wit,

"there are so many cliques in these circles. organizations that purport to support the arts are being treated like sororities, with cheerleading squads and diatribe as pompoms. many opinionated writers voice out their concerns in manners that are high with hurt. email backchannels are thick with egoes and misdirected angst. for some writers, publishing equals entitlement. people are a bit too special. "

and this is where i relate to what he's saying the most:

"i have been inside these circles. i have circumnavigated them. i have avoided them. i have gotten pulled back in, time and again. each time i'm inside, i have this eerie feeling of retreating to where i find it safest, my own world. for many years, i have chosen to sit still and observe. there are times i speak out. i have earned my right to critique these spaces. i consider myself as one of those writers who "have been around" the movements and back."

totoo yan pati sa ibang art circles anyway. substitute that with the film industry, alternative man -- excuse me, indie -- o mainstream, it's the same banana. here. in manila, at least. i wonder how things are in cebu or bacolod. i hear it's blossoming there because of peque and da ilonggo boys. hm. maybe i should move.

wala lang. kasi after being in a film mode, back na naman ako sa aking literary mode. at least i'm luckier than some kasi i have these different modes. i know that now, thanks to a certain someone who pointed that out. again, it all boils down to choices. and having them. which makes me lucky nga. and, from a certain angle, privileged. kaya walang K mag-angst angst chuvaness. angst is so twentysomething. i have to go beyond that now. i have to act. and be. devah?

why am i mulling these things? wala lang. sometimes, kelangang isinga ng utak ko ang mga plemang bumabagabag sa kanya. kaya eto yun, i am sneezing them out. expectorant? dahak? take your pick. gross ba? okay lang. at least walang VISUAL AID yun mga pinagsasasabi ko ano. ma-guwaaark ka kung meron noh.

hay nakuh brain overworking again. ganyan yan kapag nasa zone... and boy, was i in the zone these past weeks, no. grabe e natapos ko kaya yung script, and now this novel's story arc is just flowing from every hole and orifice in my body, pramis (err, okay, that sounded weird pero dedma na). hindi ko na siya ma-contain. kaya kelangan nang isinga.

excuse me while i get my paper napkin. and tech pen. phfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft.

ps. hm. i wonder who won in the cinemalaya. abangan bukas.

brain off brain off brain off pleeeeeeeaaasseee

i just checked my old blog and was surprised to see that it got 1000+ visits! the last time, i mean. wow. andami palang nakaabang sa blog ko???? o baka di pa nila nahahanap itog redirected blog na ito. strange. and yet, this site counter says since feb, mga 2000+ ang hits nya. hm... asan na yung mga tao sa old blog? strange...

anyway, just trying to get my mind tired. my body and spirit is sooooooooooo exhausted. super exhausted today. the mind is still as active as ever. i really hate that. what can i take or do for this???? i hate it. sana may off switch ang brain or autopilot na puwedeng pindutin para huminto sa paggana tapos tutulog ka muna, parang nire-recharge na cellphone or something, o kaya pinapatay mo cellphone para ma-conserve battlife or something. basta, you know what i mean. i want my mind to rest, for once in this lifetime. since i started puring stuff out in journals back in college, i noticed hindi na siya humihinto sa paggana. hay... is that good or bad? some people reading this surely babatukan ako kasi i'm talking nonsense. but then again, yan na ang proof na gumagana endlessly and brain ko. hay. hm. booze? yah. will check the pantry and make a mix muna. nuninuninu...

well, just to make me sleepy, i check my emails and yahoogroups discussions plus browse through my friends' and acquaintances' blogs. syempre polluted full of neil gaiman stories ang blogista manila ever. a friend got neil to hug her. awwww. another friend was hugged by neil (initiative from him). that's really nice. another friend had a friend who gave him calamansi juice. a friend of a friend interviewed him in a radio station that their family owns while a handful of friends took advantage of that and went to the station to take pictures and be fangeeks. ayuz.

interesting ano? i wonder if ever there will be a filipino writer who will have that kind of response sa local audience. i mean, when jessica hagedorn was here, hindi ganyan. same with the other fil-am writers who have ben making us proud, but most haven't heard of them yet. tsk. bino who? they'll ask. it's true yata yung theory ko dati. kami-kami lang writers ang magkakakilala and read each other's work. ngyar. totoo ba yun guys? no, not really naman. marami rin akong nabasang noypi na di ko kilala at oks naman. kaya lang delinquent literary person ako lately at wala pa ko masyado binabasa ulit lately. o sinusulat ng husto. may manaka-nakang tula tula at nagugulat ako doon kasi i am by nature a fictionist... but it's a nice surprise nonetheless.

that's the difference with being a filmmaker. make a docu and you share it with a strange bunch of people and they interact with it in a way they can. i remember nung sinalo ko yung isang docu project dati about farmers protesting, pinalabas sa farmers iyon and it was a big hit. syempre kasi they saw themselves in it. pero nonetheless, alam moyun, someone unkown to you watching your film. just like a singer friend who performs and then pagbaba sa stage, people come up and tell that masaya sila sa musical experience and thankful naman ang performer sa ganun. parang may ganung feeling ang pagpapalabas ng film or video work. parang nung pinalabas namin yung short avp about UP Sappho during a lesbian pride month party years ago, many dykes came up to me and said "ganda! igawa mo rin kami ng ganyan!" what a very satistying validation of my art-craft. truli bakla, touched lola nyo. ever.

i guess that's why despite of fucking up dvd folio compilations-harassed looking for door to door deliver for sunday-photocopy and ringbind sa other part of this town-skipping lunch-tensed-up breakfast-nearly fighting with jowa adventures to hope that a bigger project of yours gets realized big-time, keri na rin ang earth for now because the thing is, you get to get a chance. and that's what i did today. i hope it pays off. super.

kaya i need to make way for this. now or never? hindi naman. now at now na! is more like it. minsan aakalain mo imposible. pero minsa, ang sarap ng pay-off. delicious man. delicious.

anyway, a friend at the other side of the world is going ballistic as we speak because the latest harry potter book is coming out. as in mega-nuts ang lola kay harry and preyns. almost 1.5k sa national kanina. will wait to borrow na lang ulit. hm. magka-libog na kaya sila this time? inaantay ko lang magka-libog yung mga bata. nagkaka-angst na eh. libog is next. hehe.




be sorted @ nimbo.net

this is where the intelligent people reside. gryffindor? pshew! atapang atao nga sila, di naman nag-iisip minsan. nadumihan na bago maisip ang solusyon hahahahaha. ang taray ng lola.

pero pucha panoorin niyo itong spoof ng snl starring lindsay lohan as hermione hahahahaa grabeh worth the wait, kakatawa. tangina tawa ko ng tawa. tangina talaga yung snl nakakatawa ever hahaha.

hay nakuh. turn this brain off na nga munah! nyeta. need to sleep.

woe begone sleep be gone

it's half an hour to midnight and i know i should be sleeping, like, two hours earlier, as in kanina pa. i just can't sleep, that's all. i don't know why.

let me rephrase that. i know why. too many things going on in my mind right now that my mind is on overdrive even if my body says slow down na! anu-ano ba ang iniisip ko? madami. saan kukuha ng extra income. may pilipinas pa ba bukas. papabakunahan ko ang tuta. tapusin ko na dapat yung script na isu-submit ko as compet this week. bakit pinaplano na ng mga tao sa masscomm ang aking future faculty life. matatapos kaya ng mga kaibigan ko yung dapat naming i-edit na trabaho. ipapadala ko ba sa anti-gma rally ang klase ko o magkaklase ba ko. gusto kong kumain ulit ng crispy pata pero hindi dapat. kailangan kong mag-workout na ulit. wala na akong matinong damit. mag-a-apply ba ako ng trabaho abroad o dito na lang. manonood ba ko ng cinemalaya sa ccp e ang layo. malapit na pala yung shoot ni aida na babasahin ko ang tula niya on cam. baka bumalik ang sakit ko kasi umiinom ulit ako ng malamig na inumin e weakness ko iyon e paano na yun. buti na lang bumili ako ng bagong computer monitor kesa magtiis sa sira o hindi akin. hindi pa ako nakikipag-inuman muli sa mga kaibigang di ko masyadong nakikita na ngayon. ang chaka ng pinili ng national geographic sa contest nila e mas masaya naman yung entry ko no. dapat nagbabawas na ako ng kanin pero nadededma ko naman ang mga tinapay dito as bahay. parang gusto ko lang dito sa bahay muna at ayokong lumabas. ang tagal ko nang di nakakabasa ng fiction work of any kind. kelangang mag-submit ng letter of appeal sa dean ng arts and letters para sa masters ko. kailangang i-review ko ang french ko para sa language exam para makapag-thesis na ako. nasaan na yung mp3 compilation ko ng forrest gump soundtrack. masyado nang mahal ang public transportation. kelangan kong bumili ng dvd sa quiapo ulit. puwede na kaya akong uminom ng mga frappuccino eklat nami-miss ko na e. mangraratrat kaya talaga sila sa rally pag nagpumilit pa ang mga mapipilit na mag-rally. ayoko na yatang maging pilipino lalo na pag nanonood ako ng balita sa gabi. gusto kong magsayaw sa exclusives kaya lang nagtitipid ako kaya di muna ko pumupunta sa ganun pero miss na miss ko na ang magsayaw. sana suwertehin naman ako sa ncca ngayong taon. magmamaganda na naman ba ako sa mga writing gigs o sa network gigs. ano na kaya ang mangyayari sa maynila bukas. gusto kong uminom ng gulaman na tig-5 pesos o 10 lang. nakakain na kaya si giovanni pico ng taho niya. bakit masyadong mabigat ang chuva ng mga artists at art ek sa art scene ngayon. kaya kaya ng memory ko kung lagyan ko ng adobe premiere ang computer ko. dapat simulan ko na yung novel project na naisip ko months ago.

ayan. di talaga ko makakatulog nyan. HELP!!!!!!!!!!

defrag my mind blah

magaling na ako.

dati na naman akong magaling ah. ano'ng pinagsasasabi mo?

dialogue with myself at a quarter before midnight.

wala lang...

oo magaling na ako. ayoko sanang pumasok kundangan lang kasi si ate vi e. yah, da star for all seasons (star OF all seasons? grammar police, help!) e na-award-an literal ng masscomm kanina. syempre kelangan umapir byuti namin dahil film dept/film institute kami eh. ayun. i'm not too keen to see her but i just wanted to check out the event and how it went down. so there. i've interviewed her na kasi before eh for PINOY TIMES at talagang dinayo pa namin siya sa city of lipa dati noh. sus. pero syempre ang pay-off nun, masarap na bulalo side trip hehe. but i digress. the interview was about her hubby running for senator. we were doing a double ek on shawie and ate vi with kiko pangilinan and ralph. my editors were more interested in the ta-artits syempre so since i was the entertainment editor, i had to do the interviews myself at sabit na lang ang mga sharonian at vilmanian editor sa opis. anyway, that was that. okay naman siya. gusto ko siya kausap, lively. si sharon, well, showbiz. what did you expect? si ate vi, medyo may humane aspect pa e. i guess that makes her feet still on the ground pa rin or something.

anyway, on to me again.

wala lang. umuulan kasi at nag-iisa ako sa bahay kaya napa-blog ako bigla. saka natutuwa ako dahil more than an hour na ko sa harap ng kompyuter at di pa sumasakit ulo ko. ibig sabihin wala na talaga akong sakit! yehei! balak ko sana magsulat-sulat noong may sakit ako (5 days ba naman akong nakakulong dito sa bahay noh kaloka) pero pagkatapos ng isang oras na email check, nyeta sakit na ulo ko. purnada. kaya nuod dvd na lang ako o tulog. pero oks na ko ngayon kaya eto na ulit, nilalasap ko na naman ang radiation ng kompyuter ko. na-miss ko e, bakit ba?

pero sa totoo lang, ayoko na ng feeling na may fever. never never never ever.


photothoughts...

konti lang for tonight.

ewok

somebody wanted to see how my new pup looks like, so here he is. ewok. E was up on my alphabet pup list. my first dog was archie. second was books na namatay agad dahil sa impatso. next was the two brothers kino pravda and chaplin. and then there was drummer. i loved that dog. and now, ewok.

but i'm thinking of giving him to mom. mom obviously wants one. inaabangan nya ulit yung nanay nito na manganak e. so i'm thinking of giving him to her na lang kaya.

i dunno. he's cute and all kaya lang parang wala ako sa pag-aalaga ng tuta lately e. not in that mode. it's not that we haven't warmed up to each other. super warm na 'day. it's just that i feel i am in such a disorganized state of mind right now and i have to untangle my brain first before i face another being that needs attention. i mean, i think I need attention now, you know what i mean? lots of stuff lang going on, things to think about, all that jazz, all that crap, basta. yun na yun.

ewan. bahala na. defeats the purpose of having him, which is to keep me company and to guard me. eh, gaano ba makakapag-guard ang isang terrier? okay, afraid siyang kumahol, pero that's about it...

oh well. bahala na.

magkamukha pa naman kami...

sleepyyyy

oh hey nga pala na-dyaryo for real ang lola niyo.

the longer artik on being out and proud chu and a shorter thing about art eklat.

it's already july. belated happy pride to all!