latak thoughts for the day

obvious bang tumatakas ako sa mga serious brain work today? kasi naman, halos wala rin akong holiday na tinamo pala. been working. ni hindi ko nagampanan ang panonood ng first 5 episodes ng THE L WORD season 2 aarrrrgghh! will do that this week, promise. waaaaah. i miss these gurls na. wanna see na da latina, too, hehehe.

at least yung isa kong balak e ginawa ko. pinanood ko yung isang ellen degeneres stand-up act. hahaha kakatawa ang lola. kapag sumasadsad na pala ko sa kalungkutan eh si ellen lang ang solusyon. ayan, hapi na ulit ako. daig pa ang kumain ng tatlong gonuts donuts choco-filled donuts hehehe. uy, speaking of... di pala ko nakakain kanina. bought some yesterday when i went to the DIY hardware store in cubao. got me some light bulbs after manong the all-around electrician and repair guy nina ate mameng fixed the two defective sockets here. kaya oks na ulit. nagpalit-palit ako ng bumbilya at inayos ko na ang itsura. mom and pop passed by kasi kagabi to deliver an office desk and a side table drawer. alam mo naman haus namin sa marikina, repository ng old office furnitures, at lahat ng hindi gamitin doon na sa tingin nila ay puwede ko gamitin ay dinadala na nila rito. so ako naman, sige lang, accept lang ng accept. now i don't have to buy a computer table na. oks na ang set-up ko dito somehow. kinda like the old one actually.

nanood din pala ko ng tail ng isang CSI ep on cable after taking a bath. i also tried that movies dvd game ni drew, pang-party crowd nga siya. maganda siyang laruin ng concon hehe. speaking of, dumaan sina drew and rosa yesterday to pick up a couple of dvds they forgot to borrow the night before. i overcooked (portions, not the taste ha) some giniling and gulay dish thing kasi the other night, and tamang-tama nag-text sila na nagdo-dogsit pala sila sa haus ni maita nearby lang, so i asked them to come on over and eat dinner here. happy naman sila sa luto ko hehe. good to have catlovers as guests din pala, kasi aliw sila kay abi and vice versa. got tips from them too because abi's about to pop kitties na! ngyar! rosa wanted to have one pero ayaw ng nanay nya hehehe. oh, speaking of, that iranian lhasa dog thang nina mrs. tabanyong (?sp) na friend ni mommy e nanganak na pala yipeeeee so me have a doggie soon! yippie! i hope the kitties and the doggie would live harmoniously ever after... i'm excited! and just in time, too, when i am about to have more tambay time at home, yipeee! doggie!!!

quote of the night before: "that is one pregnant cat!"

it's been so long since i last had a pup. si drummer pa iyon. more than 4 years ago na yata iyon, a. now, it's an E na. kasi i name my dogs in alphabetical order mula kay archie na babae hehehe nung high school ako. and then there's books who lived for only 3 days with me kasi nag-xmas party sa bahay at pinakain ng mga hudas na pamangkin tots ng foodies at naimpatso at na-ded wah. cute pa naman yun. tapos the 2 dogs we got from cousin bebe yata, sina chaplin (after charlie) and kino (kino pravda, or film truth in russian, what we call as 'documentary'). obvious bang film student na ko nung dumating sila sa life ko? and then post college, there's drummer na kasama ko sa naranghita concon halfway house dati, hanggang sa mabait transfer. died of a virus caught in the streets of proj. 4. so now, it's an E. was thinking of ergo dati pa, pero echo sounds nice, too. greek mythology-ish rin. or maybe eros? hm, sino pa ba ang e sa myth? erin? brokovich? chaks. was thinking of emo but that's so american hahaha like yeah (insert arreneow accent here). ewok? in honor of star wars? hmmm... esep esep.

okay, after an hour of digby's donuts game play (yehei na-unlock ko sya! hackers of da world i lab yu!), maybe i'll get back to work. maybe. convince me. motivate me. inspire me. hm... what would inspire me...?

hmmm... does this remind you of something? *shuffle shuffle*

hmm, i dunno... can't get a clue...pace for the answer... *shuffle shuffle*

hehe. :P

esep esep.

10,000 manic depressives

that summer fields grew high, we had wild flower fever...
how i've learned to hide
how i've lost inside
you'll be surprised if shown...
but you'll never, you'll never know...

you'll never know.

sometimes, in a circus of thoughts, words could hit your heart like darts hitting balloons tacked in a board. either you say "ouch" or your eyes get blurred from the welling up of emotions which you're not so sure where they're coming from.

is welled a word?

call myself jezebel for wanting to leave...

before i say that the vows we made weigh like a stone in my heart...

i'm not saying i'm replacing love with some other word
to describe the sacred tie that bound me to you
i'm just saying we've mistaken one for thousands of words
and for that mistake i've cause you such pain that i damn that word...

i'm not saying i'm replacing love with some other word
to describe the sacred tie that bound me to you
i'm not saying love's a plaything, no, it's a powerful word
inspired by a strong desire to bind myself to you
oh how i wish we never have tried
to be man and his wife...to weave our lives...

'ika nga ni lola natalie, love is a banquet on which we feed.

andiamo mangiare. luto na adobo.

color of the sky as far as i can see is coal grey...

day of the awakened

eh?

ala lang, ala ako magawa. nabuburo pa rin ako dito sa bahay hanggang ngayong pasko ng pagkabuhay ni kristo. hay diyos na maawain, linggong-linggo nagtatrabaho ako. buti kung freelance na ako anoh??? pero di bale, malapit nang makamit ang mithiing iyon. hay.

back to normal na naman ang kapaligiran. i truly enjoyed the quietness of the past few days, at walang mausok na jeep na nagdaraan sa harap ng haybols. nyemas they are back, with a vengeance, kaya eto, uubo-ubo ang lola nyo. hay, need a bath...

sige luto muna ko ng adobo chicken. yipee i discovered na how! hehe gourmet nga lang, as usual. da experimental gourmet strikes again! :) na-defrost ko na rin pala yung ref after 20 years, kaya oks na ang ating cooleroo. puro manok ang naroon, ayos. ay, ayusin ko pala ang laundry pa. nyemas dami pa pala errands! :|

later.

thought-full

it's holy week. are we supposed to be holy? 'ika nga ng sosyal, "no naman."

but, we are supposed to reflect on things. sabi nga ng isang mabuting kaibigan sa akin, have a meaningful holy week. now let's see what kind of meaning will be revealed to me these next few days...

actually, nagsimula na kahapon, with that revelation i talked about in my earlier post. today was spent reflecting on yesterday's new-found knowledge. was it worth it? yes, worth knowing, because ignorance is not an option for me. like i always tell people, i would appreciate it if they tell me to my face straight up the brutal truth about things. better this way. i hate guessing. i am sensitive enough to feel certain things, but i'm not built to be a psychic. plus, i love learning about new things about anything and everything. sophist ba ang tawag doon? basta, i like learning lots of stuff, yun na. kaya i hate ignorance e. ayun.

as i continue my reflection today, in the wee hours of the day when christ supposedly dies on the cross, i think about selfishness and selflessness. i have been guilty of the former, i know, several times last year and even this year. maybe i should change that, but the trick is, how to change that without sacrificing who you are or what you need and want. it's hard. i'm still struggling with that thought this very minute. now this is a real challenge.

as for selflessness... there have been times that i gave up a lot of things for the good of someone else's wishes and dreams. i've had my fair share of these thrown my way, too, and i appreciate those who do that for me -- those who take care of me, look out for me, care for me, are concerned--genuinely--about my welfare and all, those things. i am amazed that despite the yabang and the brattinella personas taking over sometimes, they can still stand me. now that's their challenge. and i thank the heavens for their presence.

i guess it's also time to cleanse the mind of extra thoughts. trim the fat, as nvm used to say to me. not only does that apply in literature, but in life as well. kaya ako, with all these new knowledge combined with the old ones, i should say i need a reboot of system and i definitely need to defrag. a trip to the beach could do wonders for me. maybe during the summer's peak. we'll see. i need to leave and disappear again. i have to save up for that first.

share muna ko photos.

A MISHA MORNING

ang bata sa bintana sa tabing bahay... my nephew.

yan ang aking 5am alarm clock, falsetto pitch mode

he loves to be photographed and has warmed up 2 me

kagwapo hane? he's half french kasi.

cutesome!

separated at birth kami. baby pic ko kamukha nya!



LAMAN TYAN LATELY

i love photographing food. kaya hapi noong time na kinarir ko ang pagre-review ng restos and bars all over. dami ko nice shots of foodies pero nasa negatibo sila lahat. man, thank goodness for this new technology talaga. it's truly a digital revolution.

popcorn cave!

galing yun dito.


luuuuv those cherry tomatoes in salad man. gawa ko yan. pero may pasaway na gonuts donuts naman dun sa tabi hihi pa-healthy kunwari.


i didn't eat this (i hate cakes, i'm a pie/mousse person) but it looked good enough to shoot (and i dig those fruity thingies all around); raij's, she turned, er, how old na nga? just this week.


pansit na namaaaaaaaaaaaaan??? hehe in fairness, msarap sha. handa ambag namin.

chicks n swirls

yung mga foodie na naririnig ko lang sa laro kong mga city-bulding computer games dati, nakakain ko na sila lately! this is chickpeas, and some bread cracker thingies made of chickpea flour, dala ni susanna. dati naman i was able to eat figs na from iran. hehe. oh, that drink there is my recipe naman. with a carrot stick as swirl stick. eh, wala kasing celery eh, so carrot na lang hehe. vodka with something. can't remember the combi.

axe: because latest impressions last

it's still true that i belong to the twilight zone generation.

for those of you younger ones who don't remember, the twilight zone is an excellent show about mind-boggling things about seemingly ordinary, everyday things and occurrences. and correction, our generation, the one that the original generation x label applies (applied?), is a cross between the twilight zone and mtv, when the music station was at its adolescent stage (teen years?).

anyway, that's how i feel right now. i am in the twilight zone, but some kind of angry music is blaring at the background (marilyn manson or metallica, take your pick), the soundtrack of my life at this time or something. i dunno, but sometimes, i just don't know why the people who surround me surround me at this time. configuration of the stars, conscription of fates, what have you. i don't really give a fuck. it's just a fucker that sometimes, the ones you pegged as friends and confidantes turn out to be the ones who will leave daggers on your back. and alas, such is mine woe. to carry on with these daggers or not. whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous blabber...or to remove them one by one and throw them back one by one, a la circus style where you try not to hit the girl on the revolving wheel. i guess you can say that today, i realized one very important thing in this lifetime: i am not born to carry daggers for long, especially those people place behind my back. it's actually like that revelation scene in THE MATRIX, where the bullets were about to hit neo, but then, he suddenly got it, he suddenly felt that things within the matrix are in his control and not in the agents' hands, and then he stops the bullets in mid-air and puts them down without using his hands, and then he looks at the agents with fresh new eyes...ready to pounce and attack, and fight back.

it ain't inevitable after all, agent smith. it ain't inevitable.

am i ready to pounce? am i ready to fight back? i think i wasn't built like that. if some people are built to mess with other people's lives just because their own lives SUCK TO HIGH HEAVEN, then i have to just tolerate that, but i won't tolerate that if the life they're messing with is mine or my loved ones' lives. so i guess, word to the (un)wise: if your life sucks, don't go around looking at others' lives and waiting for their lives to become as miserable as yours. because in the end, all is fair in love and war, and the fabulous people get noticed even if they sit quietly in one corner...

so i remain as such: fabulous. bakla ako e, bakit ba? tse! :P

sometimes i wonder how much of an activist we really, truly are. i wonder why some people who work in social justice movements do not practice much justice in their social lives. they only want to move. sadly, their move is a lateral one. not much progress if you don't strive harder to push that level-up button. you lose one turn, and you might lose the chance to play in the bigger games of life, not to mention you lose access to cooler weapons. i wonder why there are people like these in these spaces... you sometimes wonder if they really are after promoting an advocacy or getting the money or the résumé entry. god, never mind living the advocacy! the way they stab others' backs, you would think they are so progressive. (my god, with friends like that, who needs enemies, diba?) sadly, i discovered that they are regressing. and regressing. and regressing. which made me think: maybe that's why they try to wound me. it's like that scene in that film where joaquim phoenix is the emperor and russell crowe was like.. ah, THE GLADIATOR, where he stabbed russell first before suiting him up with armour, so when they go out to the coliseum and fight, the emperor would have an unfair advantage. they all want an unfair advantage. or maybe they just want to see other people miserable, too. parang yung album ng gin blossoms, NEW MISERABLE EXPERIENCE. maybe they're looking for that in me right now. well, news flash. it's not that i am going to make it last because i am challenged. the thing is, it is lasting as it is because there is a certain bond that got formed, a beautiful bond, that they thought wasn't possible. ionic, covalent, whatever kind, i don't know. all i know is that us atoms try to exist in this sphere and we're happy and non-destructive. harmonious co-existence, chemically balanced. that's why i don't understand why other atoms around us explode and jitter and all, to the point of almost exploding big time, a la big bang theory. sadly, they don't create new universes with their bangs, only black holes that suck the marrow out of life, their lives as well as the ones that they guard with or without permission. so it's really up to me if i want to belong to this kind of orbital flow or just jump to the nearest galaxy and orbit there peacefully with more beautiful planets and heavenly bodies. like neo said, there is no spoon.

thus, that was the decision formed tonight. jump to another galaxy, a more accepting galaxy, a galaxy where the term social justice movement truly applies, where advocates need not label themselves as advocates because everyone can see their advocacy in their actions, not in their concept papers and org memberships, where when people say in solidarity, they really mean it.


the silver galaxy never failed me. this is still the reliable sphere. sibling scribes are also reliable. i didn't really realize that the worlds i left are the ones that are more real than the one i chose to embark on. how disappointing. how sad. i never learn. people disappoint me all the time. why am i so surprised with these new ones? maybe because they packaged themselves as saints when what they truly are is a bunch of liliths and succubus(es) (succubi?). i guess this is what happens to me whenever i decide to erase people in my life. 'ika nga ng aking good friend, guhitan na ito. bihira akong mangguhit ng tao at mangbura, lalo na't naging kaibigan ko sila. tatlo pa lang yata sa earth and ginuhitan kong nilalang, pero with the way they conduct their behaviour, i think madadagdagan pa ito ng ilan pa.

bring out the chalk, man. bring out the chalk.

or the labrys... >:P



life's too short to be preoccupied with others' mediocrity. (what was that again: smart people talk about ideas. mediocre people talk about other people. hmm, may gitna pa yun e...)



walk around and breathe, look at the way the light plays with the shadows.



stop and smell or admire odorless flowers.



enjoy laugh times with children.

and before you know it, la vita e bella again. es verdad.

vertical thoughts

what does "lateral mass" mean? ewan... abangan.

i'm in between episodes. queer as folk episodes, that is. i feel like the beginning of season 4 and then vacillating towards the middle of season 2. yeah, i think that's it.

this was the time when brian kinney, my favorite no-nonsense guy, finds out he is not so perfectly young and beautiful anymore. well, he is, but like any other human being, he is not Rage the gay supehero all the time. so there. and then this is also the time when emmet our favorite nelly gay dude waits over the weekend to find out if he is HIV-positive or not. lucky for him, he isn't. too many poz characters in it already, actually, kaya buti na lang spared siya.

heniwey, dis wos a crezy week. nag-ritual ritual kami a few days ago sa opis kasi board meeting ended and it was time to let go of a few people who let go of us na. ayun. ritual served in orocan or gladwrap, take your pick. it depends on the motivation at hand at that time.

and GUESS who was chosen (read: pinilit!!!!!!!!) to be the ritual master...

'nyemas. i was trying to channel grace nono [enter bkk2004 flashback: "mic test, mic test, tok tok tok" reaction shot ni indi: "!#@%*"] but for the life of me, i don't know why the contestants of Ms. Gay Philippines were the ones i channeled! bading!

in sisterhood! manash! hahahahahahahahahaha. you have to be there to believe all this. it was so fucking funny at that time. fuck-ing fun-ny.


cirque du libay teeheeheeheehee men ang laki ng wepaks ko! potah.



a bading! zizteeer! ayan kalat nyo, walisin nyo!

special thanks to my isis sisters for holding their giggles and laughs in, in order for me to concentrate on the ritual chuva and appear to be solemn about it.

'ika nga ni manay lolit solis "solemn daw, o!"

tapos kahapon, funder meet. wow dude, hippie si german funder hahaha. ayos. and i thought i should channel brian kinney the savvy advertising account manager at that time. i was overdressed!!! pero ayos na rin. at least mukhang shinampoo ang hair koh hahahaahaha. hindi yan rebond!





anyway, was fooling around with the coolpix... and google... and entertainment choices teeheehee. wala talaga magawa hane? nah, i'm just happy kasi may natapos akong trabaho today.

results are in!

separated by d'sport:


million dollar baby meets...



million dollar debt op da pilipins to imf/worldbank baby


separated at birth:

sarah mclachlan: surfacing

zarah naglaklak: sopas-ing

BILLBOARD TAGLINE: leaflens, the new spokesmodel for beleaf, one of body shop's newest scent.

RADIO AD: "Try it. Hindi siya amoy dahon or bagong putol na damo."

hahahahahaa tangina naloloka na ko. lateral kasi e. shall i go to mass tomorrow? palm sunday nga pala. should we get one of 'em palaspases? wala lang... mga mariang palad ba magsisimba bukas? palm eh. hahahahaah. poonyetah gutom na 'ata ito.

inaaliw ko lang mga kaibigan kong nasa malayo. hello sa inyo!!!
*waves*
kia, glad you liked zsa zsa heheheheh. para di mamatay ang kinang ng iyong inner vakla. hihihihi.

sya, gonuts donuts muna ko.

child of coolpix

naiwan yung kanta sa tenga ko.

child of a love so free
the world is all yours to see

tama ba?

paulit-ulit yan sa tenga ko today. i dunno why.

ayaw mag-upload ng coolpix debut shots ko sa photobucket! baket!!!

ay teka ayan na pala... so here they are.., at least some. ambisyon kong ilagay ang first 100 dito pero baka bumagsak ang site. wa na.


luv dat osram light



look up up and awaaay my beautiful my beautiful balloooooonnnnn...



'meng da men hehe yu da men!



a black and white morning



yipeee may macro siya!

more next time.

IWD 2005

today is international women's day.




HAPPY WOMEN'S DAY!!!!



take charge, ladies! don't let them deny us our world.